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Now What?

Posted in life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #afterthehardestclimbs, #nowwhat, #peaceafterthestorm, #whenlifeisnttough on January 16, 2020| 2 Comments »

The best view comes after the hardest climb …

I was sitting recently, reflecting on the hills, the mountains of the recent years. Of having stumbled in the valley. Now, having reached the end of those valleys, having reached the summit of the mountain climb I have seen the most beautiful views … the sweat and tears still not yet completely wiped away.

For a moment there was a lull … an awkward silence …

So, I filled the void with whispered thanks … thanks for the companionship, thanks for the peace that passed all of my human understanding, thanks for reaching down a hand to lift me up, for pushing me further when I cried that I couldn’t do it anymore.

God saw me through the steep climb up the mountain, through the wandering in the valley, through the hot, dry desert.

I, most sincerely, was thankful, filled to the brim with gratefulness, gratitude.

But …

it was back … the lull, the pause …

and fear crept into the corners and crevices, whispering

now what?

For a moment the beauty of my mountaintop experience was shadowed by the absence of a goal, a destination … a struggle that comes with a rush of adrenalin that makes blood pump through our veins, dilates our pupils … reminding us how much we need help … God.

So …

now what?

That’s my question, the one that I am wrestling … wrestling like Jacob wrestled with God … with himself.

For the next while, I am going to process my now what question, my wrestling match, and I am going to share here what I am learning, the process that God would seem to be leading me through.

But I have to be really, really honest … I don’t read the last page, the last chapter of a book … nor do I know where this process is going to end up.

But, I know this … I am trusting God to reveal his will, his plan … I also know that God goes before, behind and alongside of me, of us.

So, in this lull in the storms of life, I am looking up, with wide-eyed anticipation and trust.

If you’d like to come along, let’s start by reading Deuteronomy 8 … maybe there is an even better view up ahead.

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I Am Sure of This

Posted in life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #godlovesyou, #godofprocess, #iamsureofthis, #orderinourworld on January 14, 2020| 2 Comments »

I remember a time, many years ago, when the rent was due and no money in the bank with two days before payday. We prayed. The paycheque arrived in the mail and was predated … for the day that the rent was due.

I remember a time when hubby had to have a biopsy. He was scared, I was scared. We prayed. When the results came back and there was nothing to be concerned about.

I remember a time when our daughter was heading to university and we had little with which to help her financially. We prayed. Then she received a very unexpected bursary.

We prayed. God answered.
and our expectation that this is the norm was created.

Unfortunately the immediate is not the norm, but the abnormal, the unique … honestly, it’s the rarity.

Much of the time we pray and wait … and wait some more. Sometimes the answer isn’t what we want. Sometimes the answer never seems to come at all.

Shawn Bolz has said,

“A lot of times we really want to bypass process. We just want instantaneous, we want immediate gratification, we want God to meet our needs, we want God to meet our desires. But He’s the God who loves process, He’s in the process.”

In this time of instant everything, from gratification to credit to all that Amazon Prime delivers, we are unpractised in process. Yet, from Genesis to Revelation process or order is a common thread … process is God’s norm.

God operates in the order of process. We only have to open Genesis and read the creation account to see that his ways are detailed, methodical, scientific, logical … in short, he generally moves through a process.

And the process he works through is his process. His perspective is grand, limitless … more vast than we can even imagine. He is all-knowing … aware of the past, present and future. It is his process, there is purpose in the process and we can trust it!

The other thing to remember, while wading through whatever process you are in the midst of is that he cares for you immeasurably more than we can imagine, more than anyone else in our lives. He loves to the point of allowing the blood of his own son to spill for you … If he loves you that much, he won’t leave you in the midst of the process you are currently going through.

“And I am sure of this,
that he who began a good work in you
will bring it to completion
at the day of Jesus Christ.”
Philippians 1:6

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Sunday Surprise

Posted in life, Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged #dayofrest, #sabbathsnowfall, #sundaysurprise on January 12, 2020| 1 Comment »

It was a most wonderful … wonder-filled way to awaken on a Sunday morning, a number of years back.

SNOW

The winter wonderland outside my windows brightened the sky, every tree touched by it’s blanket.

Though I still struggle referring to a foot of snow as a snowstorm, I have adapted fully to how so little snow can change the plans of a day (thought it is always more wonder-filled when that day is a school day).

Our plans for this Sabbath were unique to begin with.

A 4am hockey game lured me from my bed … at 6am (obviously I am not a true Canadian hockey fan).

Hubby had this Sunday off, and our plans had been to attend the church our eldest attends.

But …

the snow …

it was so …

so …

alluring …altering.

As fully adjusted Easterners who have become Westerners, we thought it might be best to not leave the safety of our warm home, and warm pajamas.

It drew us to our cozy chairs, with steaming drinks, big quilts, and highlights of the game. A lazy, Sabbath … a day of rest.

Amen

“All day our eyes could find no resting place.
Over a flood of snow sight came back
Empty to the mind. The sun
In a shutter of clouds, light
Staggered down the fall of snow.
All circling surfaces of earth were white.
No shape or shadow moved the flight
Of winter birds. Snow held earth in silence.
We could pick no birdsong from the wind.”
Wendell Berry

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Well Watered Souls

Posted in life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #sustenanceandrefreshment, #thelordwillguideyou, #wellwateredsouls on January 9, 2020| 1 Comment »

“It’s humid as …”

That was the note to let us know that our son had arrived in Thailand … the country where he and his mission school group will serve for the next couple of months.

It is good to know that he arrived, that he is safe. As the team will be travelling into a more remote area, he has pre-warned us that we might not have contact for much of his time there.

I (the mom) am both at ease and feeling the loss that disconnect can mean (I mean, mom and control freak do go hand in hand).

Then I read this, from Isaiah 58:11:

“The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”

The LORD will guide you always …

Not one of his angels, not a really spiritual or physically strong Samson-esque person … the LORD, himself.

ahhhh … I can rest.

I read it again … when I read verses like this, I always need to read them a second time. You see, when I read it the first time, I read it like a momma. What my momma heart read is “God is gonna strengthen your frame. He will keep you (your son) safe … from sickness, injury, hunger, humidity … from harm.” I read it that way because that is how a momma, a parent thinks. We think that if we can keep our kids safe from harm, then all will be well. Then we lay that, our expectation, on God the father.

But, on second read, I don’t think that is what this entire verse means (when I read it with my head, with my soul). What I think, instead, that is being communicated by Isaiah (said with a North American or New Zealand accent) is:

not that the LORD will keep us, (my son) from physical harm, but that He will sustain his body and meet the needs of the soul for refreshment.

This can be humbling, even tough to pray, because we like to know that the physical part of our lives and the lives of those we love are secured, safe. The soul … it’s just so … invisible, untouchable.

Yet, to think that there will be strength for your frame (that means that the physical body will be nourished enough for the task at hand … no promises of health or lack of injury or all-you-can-eat-buffets!). That refreshment in a sun-scorched land will be never-ending … that one’s soul is being guided by the God who created our soul …

that means our soul is in the care, the hands of it’s creator, who knows the soul best.

The LORD will guide you always …

and this is the greatest comfort, the greatest encouragement. That the Lord, himself, is our guide. He is leading all of us (my son included) … that means he goes before us, ahead of us. He’s keeping watch over the path ahead and he is our personal guide, leading us … our souls, through the (stressful, sorrowful, fearful … even humid) journey.

This verse is not just a promise, but a prayer.

“The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs
in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring
whose waters never fail.”

amen

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A Virgin Forest in Us All

Posted in life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #asnowfield, #delightandcelebration, #menuha, #virginiawoolfe, sabbath on January 7, 2020| Leave a Comment »

Recently I read a quote by Virginia Woolfe:

“There is a virgin forest in each; a snowfield where even the print of birds’ feet is unknown.” Virginia Woolfe

I think it might be the introvert’s version of heaven. A solitary place within us, where no one has even left footprints. A place of personal seclusion, rest from all noise, interruption from our quiet, but deep thoughts. In a sense,

it is Sabbath.

Sabbath, the day to remember and keep holy. The day orchestrated by God, for us, which he, himself participated in, after the creation of the world and all in it.

In Hebrew (the language of the Genesis Sabbath) the word used for rest is menuha, but it does not refer to the rest that is a nap … menuha refers to celebration, delight.

In my mind, what God meant when he included Sabbath into our lives, was like a snow day. A day when you wake up, ready to do the routines of life and work, but it’s snowing wildly and all the regular plans of the day get cancelled and a sense of freedom and delight fill your soul.

It is a snowfield where even the print of birds’ feet is unknown

Sabbath is not just a snow day, but a mindset. It is taking delight in the midst of work of the snow … shovelling, scraping, bundling up with a heart celebrating in the creation, the Creator, while taking pleasure in the work that we have to do.

Sabbath is a mindset of celebration and delight, in the midst of the work as well as in the rare afternoon nap … snow not mandatory … but sooooo lovely.

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Want to go to Church?

Posted in Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #corporateworship, #sabbath, #thelordbewithyou, #wanttogotochurch, #worshipisrelationship on January 5, 2020| 1 Comment »

Sunday. Sabbath. Lord’s day. Day of rest.

Many words to indicate the traditional day of going to church, for the Christ-follower (of course not all participate in corporate worship on Sunday).

Each week the calendar rolls around to this day, this time to gather with others to pray, sing, share, give and receive the message that will encourage, challenge us, gird our loins, as it were, for the week to come. It is opportunity, freedom that is not available to all in our world. We are blessed to gather together to worship our Savior, our Redeemer.

“Do you feel like going to church tomorrow? today?”

We ask this of each other, of our loved ones and friends, of ourselves as we lay our heads down to sleep the eve of the Sabbath. The question can roll off our tongues like oil, not pausing in our cranial space for consideration, before shrugging and deciding, no, not this week … I’m too … tired, busy … peopled-out.

“Do you feel like going to church tomorrow? Peterson suggests that is the wrong question. “If Christians worshipped only when they felt like it, there would be precious little worship … Worship is an act that develops feelings for God, not a feeling for God that is expressed in an act of worship.” Eugene Peterson

Yes … yes I am going to church today … I am working on my side of my relationship with God … that is what I have control of today.

The Lord be with you …

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Left Behind

Posted in Grief, life, WONDER, tagged #grief, #leftbehind, #movingthroughgrief, #newyearwithoutyou, #sayinggoodbyeforever, #theroadtolife on January 2, 2020| Leave a Comment »

As this new year approached, my heart grew heavy.

The close of 2019 reminded me that it is the final year my family and I will have lived with our dad, husband, grandfather, friend. 2020 (and the years to come) will not be shared with him … his story ended in 2019, last year.

For some reason this turn of the calendar made the finality of his passing more real than those last moments at his hospital bed, the wake and funeral, even more real than the committal service at the graveside.

It leaves me and us lonely for his presence, his life. It makes a new year, without him, unimaginable. The life that he brought to our lives has left an empty space … a silent pause in a song, an ellipsis (…) at the end of a sentence.

Happy New Year …

We can struggle to say those words, but their message is lost on those trying to imagine a new year, a new day, without one they loved … love. To move into this new year, to own and accept it, to write it on paper or speak it from our lips … well it’s another acknowledgement that it’s really real … that he is gone … and he isn’t coming back.

It is as if accepting the arrival of this new year relegates our loved one into history. As if, while we move forward into the new year, into the future,

his life, he has been left behind, in the past … by us.

It is interesting to me how little comfort faith can be when such grief weighs one down. It is not that I question the existence of God, or heaven or eternity … it is that the loneliness is such that none of that matters, for the selfishness of loss and grief is temporal … now.

It is not, I want the best for you, dearly departed … it is purely that I want you back … selfishly, for me.

For, you see, in reality, my grief is not that my father has been left behind in the years past, but that I, we have been left behind, by him. He, who has always been there for me, for us … he, who had never abandoned us, who would never abandon us … he has gone on, and left us behind … to move forward without him, without the security and direction and unconditional love that he always represented.

We walk forward into this new year, this new future, knowing that we are leaving him behind, that we have been left behind, by him.

Forward is the only way through grief, but lifting ones feet over the starting line is agony.

“Recovery can seem like a betrayal. Passionately, you desire a way back to the lost object (person), but the only possible road, the road to life, leads away.” Hilary Mantel

“He heals the broken hearts and binds up their sorrows.”
Psalm 147:3

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2020 Reflection

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #2020, #2020reflection, #lookingback, #movingforward, #newyear on December 31, 2019| Leave a Comment »

It is the eve of the New Year …

2020 … just like perfect vision.

It is interesting that it is as we look back we see the year that has been lived with clarity, perfectly.

When we look back a year ago, we had no idea what was in store in our lives, in the lives of those who we love. We did not know what changes would occur, what friends we would make (or lose), what lives would be lost (or born), what celebrations would be had, what struggles we would stand, shaking in our boots, and face … or hide from.

As I look back at one year ago, I wonder how I might have done things differently … if I knew then what I know now. What would I change? What would I do the same?

But, we cannot live life backwards. The hours and the days move only one way, forward. The learning is done in the moments that we live, and the wisdom that we gain … well it is gathered over time.

“Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn”

We cannot look forward to 2020 with clarity. Oh, we can make plans, fill our calendars and have good intentions, but the reality, the clarity of this new year will only provide 2020 vision as we peer back at it, one year from now.

The shadows on the days to come will be illuminated by being able to look back. To know what is ahead of us, can only be seen fully when looking at it, in reverse. What we see is only clear in it’s reflection.

“For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:12

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Quiet Waters

Posted in life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #christmasfatigue, #findrestinjesus, #psalm23, #quietwaters, #wearytothebone on December 29, 2019| Leave a Comment »

Weary to the bone would describe most of us at this time of year. Many of us have worked to ensure that Christmas is perfect, filled with presents and an appreciation of the available peace through the birth of the babe in a manger.

We go to bed at night weary, we wake in the morning weary …

“He leads me
beside the still waters.”

The Pulpit Commentary, for Psalm 23:2b, describes this particular verse as referring to waters of refreshment. Remember, it is from the 23rd Psalm … the part of scripture that is greatly intended as comfort, encouragement and hope in times of darkness, sorrow, pain … weariness.

The 23rd Psalm is a perfect Psalm of the advent season. It is a reminder that we have at our disposal a reset button when life is a struggle. It is as if David, the shepherd, understood that the Messiah, who we anticipate each advent, would be the good shepherd, who offers direction, comfort, redemption … rest.

Timothy Keller, a theologian, author and speaker said,

“After creation God said, “It is finished”—and he rested. After redemption Jesus said, “It is finished”—and we can rest.”

Jesus is our source of rest. He is the antidote to bone tired weariness. It is in him that we can find rest, refreshment. What a great start to the new year ahead, to let him lead us to still waters.

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Not the Baby … Only the Man

Posted in christmas, WONDER, tagged #christmasismorethanababy, #christthelord, #notthebabyonlytheman on December 24, 2019| Leave a Comment »

It is as if infancy were the whole of incarnation by Luci Shaw

The waiting of advent is coming to an end, as we celebrate the new born king.

Tonight the stories of a manger, and angels, and shepherds, of a stable, and virgin mom and a donkey come to the part where the birth of the babe seems to be the culmination, the end of the story …

yet, the birth of the baby Jesus is only the beginning of the greatest story ever told.

I love this poem, by Luci Shaw, how she reminds us

It is as if infancy were the whole of incarnation …
(by Luci Shaw)

One time of the year
the new-born child
is everywhere,
planted in madonnas’ arms
hay mows, stables,
in palaces or farms,
or quaintly, under snowed gables,
gothic angular or baroque plump,
naked or elaborately swathed,
encircled by Della Robbia wreaths,
garnished with whimsical
partridges and pears,
drummers and drums,
lit by oversize stars,
partnered with lambs,
peace doves, sugar plums,
bells, plastic camels in sets of three
as if these were what we needed
for eternity.

But Jesus the Man is not to be seen.
There are some who are wary, these days,
of beards and sandalled feet.

Yet if we celebrate, let it be
that He
has invaded our lives with purpose,
striding over our picturesque traditions,
our shallow sentiment,
overturning our cash registers,
wielding His peace like a sword,
rescuing us into reality,
demanding much more
than the milk and the softness
and the mother warmth
of the baby in the storefront crèche,
(only the Man would ask
all, of each of us)
reaching out
always, urgently, with strong
effective love
(only the Man would give
His life and live
again for love of us).