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Jumping in Puddles

Posted in FAMILY, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged #everydayisthebestday, #jumpinginpuddles, #puddlejumping, #rememberingchildhood, #wonder, Childhood, Puddles on November 15, 2018| 2 Comments »

Recently one of my daughters and I went for a walk with the beast, on my favorite trail. It was not a bright sun-shiny day, but it was not raining, and in monsoon season here, that is great weather!

As we were coming to the end of our walk, there was a woman with a girl, who looked to be about four, coming towards us. As they were getting closer, I experienced a strong case of deja vu. The little girl, clad in a pink raincoat, and matching rain boots, was puddle jumping.

Immediately, I was carried back to the days when my own kids were preschoolers, out for a walk with the sole intend of puddle jumping after the rain stopped. I remembered the various rain boots and coats, the childish umbrellas, and … the smiles of delight as they approached a fresh, undisturbed puddle, as they plotted and planned how to move as much water as they could in one leap.

I remembered their wonder-filled smiles, and I felt that tug on my mama heart, that tug that said ‘I miss that’, ‘I long for that look, that feeling, again.’

Then I realized that my daughter, at my side, was taking the same wonder-filled delight in the experience that we were both observing. She is almost fifteen, and is all teenage girl. But she is not above the delightful moments of life. She is still filled with awe at the sight of a puddle and a pair of rubber boots. She is still filled with wonder.

Sometimes, as a mom of teens, it is easy to allow my thoughts of when they were young, linger in my mind. Sometimes, as a mom of teens, I forget that the inquisitive, wide-eyed, wonder-filled person I knew in them a dozen or so years ago, is still there. What has changed is that I need to readjust my expectations of how that wonder is expressed.

In my nineteen year old, the wonder might be the way she described the group interview for a position at a camp for kids with cancer. In my twelve year old son, it might be the “advanced graphic for it’s time” in an old N64 James Bond Movie. For my fifteen year old, it might be sharing a moment of delight as we watch a little one jump into a puddle, without a care in the world.

Maybe, like how I delight in a day without rain, even though it is still cloudy, I need to look actively for the moments of wonder in my teens days. Maybe then, when I am a grandma, watching my grandchild jumping in puddles, I will see a mom and her teen walking towards us. I will see them delighting in the joy my grandchild is having. I will see the wonder on that teens face, and I will remember the shared wonder I had with my teen, and it will make me long for those days too.

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What Happens When the Vision Fades?

Posted in WONDER, tagged #Habbakuk2:3, #impatience, #oswaldchambers, #proverbs29:18, #sarahandabraham, #whathappenswhenthevisionfades, #withoutavision on November 13, 2018| 2 Comments »

So, what happens when the vision fades? Or changes? Or dies?

What happens when the vision perishes?

Proverbs 29:18 reminds us that

“without a vision, the people perish.”

Those are frightening words to the ears of those who believe that the vision has faded. And when the horizon is no longer in view, it can seem as though the future plan is no longer attainable, in reach.

Whether we are talking about the vision of one person, a family, a school, a church, a business, or a nation, there can be times when unexpected events, failures, tragedies and sins that hide our ability to imagine and see the vision fulfilled. This can be devastating, heartbreaking and hopelessness can ensue.

There can be times when we think that only our human intervention can allow the vision to be fulfilled.

Humanly we might even say:

it is impossible
God must have changed the vision
God gave me the ability, so I will fix this

Those excuses sound very familiar. They remind me of the story of the promise, or vision, that God had given to Sarah and Abraham. When Sarah believed that it was impossible (physically) for her to conceived the child that God had promised, she took matters into her own hands, perhaps thinking that God had changed the manner of delivery of his promise (Genesis 16). The result was that Abraham slept with Sarah’s maid, and a baby was indeed conceived, but Sarah knew, as soon as she saw the growing belly of her maid, that she had done wrong (reminiscent of Adam and Eve, and their fruit tasting in the Garden).

Oswald Chambers, in his devotional My Utmost for His Highest, spoke of faded visions beautifully …

“God gives us a vision, and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of that vision. It is in the valley that so many of us give up and faint. Every God-given vision will become real if we will only have patience. Just think of the enormous amount of free time God has! He is never in a hurry. Yet we are always in such a frantic hurry. While still in the light of the glory of the vision, we go right out to do things, but the vision is not yet real in us. God has to take us into the valley and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the point where He can trust us with the reality of the vision. Ever since God gave us the vision, He has been at work. He is getting us into the shape of the goal He has for us, and yet over and over again we try to escape from the Sculptor’s hand in an effort to batter ourselves into the shape of our own goal.”

I am not a patient person … I expect that most of us are not. And when we have a vision of what God is going to do in our lives, the lives of those we love, our work, our church, our community … the lack of patience in us makes us desperate, hurried, and impatient to allow God to work the details out in his perfect timing.

The visions that God gives do not change! They just do not take place in the time frame that we anticipate … God is not in a hurry … ever!

“This vision is for a future time.
It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming,
wait patiently,
for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed.”
Habakkuk 2:3

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How Do We Earn What We Have? (repost)

Posted in WONDER, tagged armistice day, Greater Love, how do we earn what we earn, how to earn a desk, john 15:13, martha cothren, remember them, Remembrance Day, veterans day on November 11, 2018| 2 Comments »

lest-we-forget

As I read the story of high school teacher, Martha Cothren, I kept thinking …

‘I’m gonna ‘snopes’ this, because it’s too good to be true’

So, when I finished, I did snopes it, and I truthorfiction’ed it and, guess what? It is REAL!

Although some accounts get the details not quite right (that is what happens when real stories are told, over and over), the core of the story is solid, true and such a great illustrative lesson. Rather than copy and paste the stories told by others, I’ll just give you my re-telling of the various accounts that I have read.

Martha Cothren is the daughter of a man who was a WW2 prisoner of war.

She taught high school History, in Little Rock, Arkansas at Robinson High School (she still teaches History there, according to the school website). On the first day of school, he students arrived to a classroom empty of desks.

As someone who works in a school, that could be a first day of school nightmare!

Ah, but Ms. Cothren had a lesson plan in mind … one that, I bet, that her students will not forget.

According to legend, Ms. Cothren told her students that they would need to guess what they could do to earn their desks.

The students offered responses such as:

– good grades
– good behavior

They did not find the answer to unlocking the key to earning their desks.

At some point, later in the day, presumably as the students were doing their school work on the floor of the classroom, their classroom door opened.

In came their desks, each carried by a veteran.

Then, with a classroom full of desks, high school students and veterans, Ms. Cothren told her class that they did not have to earn their desks, but that they were earned for them, by men and women such as those who carried them into their classroom.

Though this is not a Canadian story, it’s truth is as applicable here as the country from which it came.

What a great lesson! What a thoughtful teacher to make the sacrifice of others real for those who benefit from that sacrifice.

It is the story of John 15:13 :

friendship-bible-verse

It’s the story of true sacrifice, of true bravery, of true love. Giving so that others might have what you, yourself might not ever benefit from. It is what Christ did for all, and our acceptance of the sacrifice is not necessary for us to receive the benefits earned for us.

We cannot earn what we have, it has been bought with a greater price than anything we could ever do in this life.

Martha,

as you read this today, on my Remembrance Day, and your Veterans Day, please know how very thankful I was to receive your email response. We will not forget!

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If I Wrote a Fairy Tale (repost)

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #alllivedhappilyeverafter, #dreamsdocometrue, #futuredreaming, #happilyeverafter, #ifiwroteafairytale, #onceuponatime, #reallife, #reallifefairytale, #welldone on November 8, 2018| 2 Comments »

Fairy tales are to girls what big truck shows are to boys … they grab their attention from beginning to end, they amaze the viewer and make them think that what they see and hear is actually attainable reality … it is not.

Fairy tales are just that, they are the tales, or stories, that include imaginary characters such as fairies, or dwarfs, or talking mice, or flying carpets. They are, from their very name, made up stories, full of made up characters, and made up endings.

If I were to write a fairy tale it would be different, and probably not as widely read, or made into a major motion picture. Little girls would not wear t-shirts of the princess, or have her coloring book, night lights and video games. No, the ‘fairy’ parts would be absent. But, the ending would, in all honesty, be better than any starry-eyed little girl could ever imagine.

Here is my version (we will call it the Carole’s Notes Version):

Once upon a time …

In a land not too far away, lived a young woman with many dreams in her head. She dreamed of her future every day, and went to the King daily to ask him to lead her in the direction he had for her, and for the strength to do all that she needed to do in order to fulfill those dreams. She knew that the fulfillment of her dreams was reliant on her, and her trust in the wisdom of the King. She knew that she would have to work hard, stay focused and not expect for her dreams to just fall into her lap.

She knew that her goals could only be obtained by first getting a good education, so she studied her best and worked at her school work as if it were her job.

This princess was one who worked hard at all that she did, but she also played hard, knew how to have fun and how to relax.

She also knew that her goals could not be obtained without the support of good friends … girl friends and boy friends. These relationships would be chosen ones, ones that encouraged her to be a better person, as well as relationships of sharing the experiences of growing up. Romance was not in the cards for her at this point in her life, because she knew that it would only serve to divert her attention from the goals set out for her by her own mind, and by the King.

The princess made efforts to be helpful and kind to those around her. She tried to treat others fairly and with mercy. She acknowledged that she was given much in her life, and she needed to share what she had with others.

Throughout her life, the princess pursued her dreams, and relied on the King, but doing good and living right did not always prevent bad, disappointing and sad things from happening in her life. When she was just a young woman her mother died. She did eventually meet a Prince of a man, and marry him, and they shared a deep love, but marriage, she found was not an easy thing, and there were times when she wished she had not married him (and times when she could tell her prince wished the same of his marriage to her). There were times when the pressures of paying the bills for their ~~castle~~ small house just about smothered the princess. The couple had children who they loved, but who did not always look, act or smell nice.

Life was not happily ever after for the princess, despite her best efforts at living well, but she did live a life of joy, always thanking the king for all that she had.

When she reached her later years, she was still seeking the wisdom of the King every day. He was the focus of her days, He was the anchor that kept her where she was, and heading in the same direction. He was her focus …

And when she was breathing her last, she heard the voice of the King whisper into her soul, “well done, good and faithful servant, come and share your King’s happiness” (Matthew 25:23) … and there, in that kingdom, she lived, happily ever after.

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No Babies to Need Me (repost)

Posted in The Kids, WONDER, tagged #beingneeded, #changesinlife, #emptynest, #growingup, #missingchildhood, #nobabiestoneedme on November 6, 2018| Leave a Comment »

He walked through my bedroom door,
my once little boy.
But as I watched him just brush his hair,
in my bathroom mirror,
it hit me,
my youngest child
is no longer a baby.
And my heart sunk,
As I realized, that part of my life, so far, is past.

There is a sense of longing that comes as I realize that I am no longer a mom to ‘babies’ or even ‘children’. Oh, I am still a mom to minors, but my minors have all reached the edge of the abyss known as adolescence. And this edge is where I say farewell to a part of my life, that has been all-consumingly present for over eighteen years. My adolescent kids have all reached the stage of not needing me.

There are times (many) over the past eighteen years, when I would have given anything for them to need me less. I can so easily remember those ‘touched out’ days, those sleepless nights (they do still happen, but just when they get ready for bed, and they slam the bathroom door), those stomach virus weeks, when ‘the bucket’ would be transported from one sick kid to the next, and then around again, and again, and again.

I do love the parent-pre-teen/teen relationships. Truly that is what I was looking for when hubby and I decided that we wanted to have children. I feel so bad for our kids … as neither hubby or I are ‘baby people’. One would think that our kids would have had one baby-addict-parent. Honestly, when I see someone holding a newborn I just feel sorry for them (did I just say that out loud?), I mean, I am happy for them, but I know they are in the midst of a stressful time of life … and man, I’m glad it’s not me! To me, going through all of the stresses of babies and toddlers is worth it, if I get to, finally, live in a house with pre-teens and teens (and really, they are just like toddlers … they are just too heavy to pick up, place in their bed, and shut the door … same ‘hissy fits’, same growth spurts, same level of curiosity, and a beautiful sense of wonder … you just need to look harder for it). But, I digress …

Our youngest is almost twelve, and, although in private he will still hug me, and give and receive ‘I love you’s’, he is ‘moving on’ through the doorway to his teens, to be followed by adulthood. And, I have to say, it makes me feel a little sad, a little lonely, a lot … unneeded (and I need to feel needed).

For in this regard, his moving through that doorway signals the end of that, very defining, very demanding, very all-consuming part of MY life (and really, it is all about me). And I think I am needing to get my head wrapped around it!

The process of this ‘end’, of course began when mothering began … but it seemed so very f a r away. Then last summer, about half of our dinners together consisted of only hubby, the boy and me (as our daughters both have ‘gotten a life’). This was shocking to me! And, much of the time, one or two, or three of the kids were gone away overnight! My goodness … my nest is beginning to empty!

But, there is a flip side to all of this. This past year our family ‘adopted’ a local university student, who we fed, watched hockey games with and fed again (it is so gratifying to feed a ‘starving’ university student … they eat anything! And talk like you can cook like Jamie Oliver). And then we rented our suite to a delightful young lady, who we encouraged to join us for many mealtimes, for rides to church, for laughter and chats. And, last summer, our pool was frequently filled with the laughter of not just our kids, but many of our neighbors and friends. And dinners, well … truly it is feast or famine for numbers sitting at the table. Sometimes three, sometimes thirteen.

So, the dynamics of our life are changing. And, so I too need to learn to change … my expectations (and, frequently, my meal plans … at the last minute). I now have the privilege of ‘mothering’ others … who need a hug, a home-cooked meal … a house with a pool, on a hot day. It’s a new kind of being needed.

And, one day, that too will cause change, and adjustment, and introspection. And, if I am ever going to be wise, I will lean to accept the change, and seek within it a new kind of being needed … a new kind of wonder.

“Cause babies don’t keep, we’ve learned to our sorrow.”

*I wrote this seven and a half years ago. Now my babies are 19, 21 and 26 … no longer babies, children, adolescents … barely a teen in the house! I think there will always be that momma longing to be sought out, to be needed … that said, they do still need me, it’s just different. They need me to help them move, sew their leggings, find a good used shelf, to see if there is parking out front … and no one else can give them a momma hug.

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Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Posted in life, women, WONDER, tagged #beautifulwomen, #beautyisintheeyeofthebeholder, #innerbeauty, #whatmakesabeautifulwoman, #wonder, #youthfulbeauty, Aging on November 5, 2018| 2 Comments »

I am getting old. I know this because when I look at magazine cover, I see youthful actresses in movies, I see lovely ladies advertise (usually their online ‘chat’ business) on television, and I turn away. And I turn away because I am past the ability to look as they do (and I do not have access to the air brushing that they do). I have come to the conclusion that even if I lost fifty (or eighty) pounds, even if my body was worked into a state of rock hard, even if I did everything possible (short of plastic surgery) I am beyond the ability to be the definition of what the world says is beautiful. Because I do not have the most important defining feature of beauty … youth.

As I am starting to get cozy with being in my forties, I am starting to see the world so differently. I am starting to see, and expand the definition of beauty differently.

Oh, I can walk down the street and have my eyes drawn to a beautiful young woman. Often though it is not her outward beauty that is what draws my eye. A physically beautiful woman can not even catch more than a passing glance if she does not walk confidently, shoulders back with her head high. There has to be something in that woman that says, ‘I am approachable’. There has to be something in her appearance that communicates to all around, that she is comfortable in her own skin, for those around to look at her and say, ‘she is beautiful’.

Or is it better put another way? Is it in her inner beauty coming out that her outer beauty can shine? When we pass a beautiful woman on the street, in the mall, at the market, do we see her outer beauty first, or do we see her confident head held high, that she is approachable, and that she is comfortable in her skin and something within us says ‘she is a beauty?’

I love to look on beauty … I love the eye candy that is pleasing to my visual senses. I love to see a beautifully decorated home (but I love more to know that it is indeed a home, and not just a house), I love to see the awesomeness of nature (but it is in the Creator that I am most impressed), I love to see family photos taken by a talented photographer (but it is in knowing that the family share the beauty of love that makes their eyes sparkle brightly). I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and what the discriminating beholder sees most clearly is not the passing glance beauty, but the inner qualities of grace and confidence and openness.

It is also in a life lived fully that beauty emerges from the frame, from the pores, from the eyes and from the lips of a woman of real, genuine beauty. When a woman comes to the end of her years on planet Earth, when she has used up every day given to her, when she loves others beyond her own capacity to love … it is then that her beauty comes to surface.

I am no longer a youthful woman, with flawless physical beauty on my side (I do not think I ever had that). And yet, I feel more determined now than ever to live fully, to live passionately, to love beautifully. And my goal is that in forty or fifty years from now, my face is littered with the beauty marks of of something beautiful emerging from within … then I will be truly beautiful.

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Ubuntu

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #codependency, #desmondtutu, #iambecauseyouare, #livingincommunity, #weneedeachother, Ubuntu on November 4, 2018| Leave a Comment »

A few years ago I wrote a blog post about swimming. And, more specifically, about the beautiful spirit that accompanies participation in swim club, and in swim meets. I revealed a particular true story of a swimmer, performing with everything within him (despite lack of experience, and a diagnosed disability), and the awe inspiring response of encouragement of everyone who witnessed his race (https://itsawonderfilledlife.net/2011/05/31/why-i-love-swim-meets/).

A delightful reader left a delightful comment. Within her comment she identified what I had written about as defined in the South African word, ‘Ubuntu’.

This word, previously unknown to me, means “I am because you are.” It is a word of mutual reliance, and of healthy co-dependency … it is a concept that our independent, individualistic, self-sufficient world would not only frown at, but also discourage.

But, humanly speaking, it is a word of depth … a word of truth.

For we ARE dependent on each other …

An unborn child is dependent on it’s mother … to survive

A newborn child is dependent on it’s parents/caregivers … to survive

A school aged child is dependent on it’s parents/caregivers/teachers … to survive

A teenager is dependent on their parents/caregivers/teachers/friends … to survive

An adult is dependent on their family/friends/employer … to thrive

A newlywed is dependent on their family/friends/employer/spouse/self-help book authors … to thrive

A new parent is dependent on their family/friends/employer/spouse/self-help book authors/doctor … to thrive (and survive)

A parent of a pre-teen/teen is dependent on their family/friends/employer/spouse/doctor/self-help book authors … to thrive (and survive)

A middle aged adult is dependent on their family/friends/employer/spouse/doctor/self-help book authors/doctor (plastic surgeon?) … to thrive (and survive)

An aging adult is dependent on their family/friends/spouse (if still alive)/doctorS/children and … Depends … to thrive (and survive … in public)

We need each other to survive. And the more we acknowledge our need for each other, the more we change how we treat each other. Because ‘others’ are no longer ‘competition’, but teammates. And ‘others’ are not longer just ‘a person’, but they become a someone.

We will look at everyone we come into contact with as a valid, integral part of our life.

We will notice the name tag of the cashier, and call them by their name. We will hold that door for the person a few feet behind us. We will help the stranger whose arms are burdened with papers or parcels. We will say hello to a passerby, and smile to tell them it was our pleasure to cross paths with them. We will remove our fingers from the computer, and give our attention fully to our spouse, or child. We will think before we speak …

I wonder, what a day with a heart of ubuntu would look like?

To live any other way, is to live a narcissistic (ode to Narcissus who fell in love with his reflection in the water … kind of like my beast) existence.

I encourage you,

I encourage me,

to live today with ubuntu in every step!

“Ubuntu speaks of the very essence of being human.

We say “Hey, so-and-so has ubuntu.”

Then you are generous, you are hospitable, you are friendly and caring and compassionate.

You share what you have.

It is to say, “My humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in yours.”

We belong in a bundle of life.

We say, “A person is a person through other persons.”

Desmond Tutu

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Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Posted in life, women, WONDER, tagged #beautifulwomen, #beautyisintheeyeofthebeholder, #innerbeauty, #whatmakesabeautifulwoman, #wonder, #youthfulbeauty, Aging, Beauty on November 2, 2018| 1 Comment »

As I am starting to get cozy with being in my forties, I am starting to see the world so differently. I am starting to see, and expand the definition of beauty differently.

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Ubuntu

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #codependency, #desmondtutu, #iambecauseyouare, #livingincommunity, #weneedeachother, Ubuntu on November 1, 2018| 1 Comment »