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Posts Tagged ‘Life’

This Summer in Review

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged A Different Summer, Life, Summer, Summer is Over, Vacation, Work on September 6, 2011| 2 Comments »

This summer was different than most. And it was certainly not the summer I had planned or hoped for.

I worked for half of it, and the other half was spent with two Korean student house guests, and two Chinese student guests / new family members (they will be living with us for the school year). It was also different, because the warm summer weather was delayed, slow, and at times non-existent.

There are things that have been staples in our home and family, that just didn’t happen this summer. Things like daily swims in the pool (we have become wimps … and just do not go in the pool on cool or overcast days), nightly ‘tribal councils’ (we sit out under the stars to the light of the tiki torches, laughing and talking … and texting each other … while only a couple of feet apart), summer school work (I usually give my kids summer school work, to keep their brains engaged over the summer, but working made it hard to find the time … this is something that my kids have NOT missed 🙂 … I have never seen them so happy about me working. But, I digress), and a time away for all five of us 😦

The following is a wrap up of my summer:

Days when I did not have to leave the house … ZERO 😦

Days I had morning coffee on the deck … THREE

Days of temperature over thirty degrees … TWO

School lessons taught … ZERO (Mom 😦 … TWEEN kids 😀 )

Nights of ‘tribal council’ … THREE

Books read … ONE HALF (thanks to my flights to and from New Brunswick)

Pool parties … ZERO

Toes dipped into Pacific … ten

Toes dipped into Atlantic … ten

Korean students our family got to host … TWO

Chinese students who have become part of our family (for the whole school year) … TWO

Camps our two youngest attended … THREE

Summer debt accumulated … ZERO (thanks to my summer job). And every minute and hour of it were worth it! I got to work with fantastic people, learned much new information, and got a paycheck.

Was I loving working in the summer all the time? NO! I did have a ‘poor me’ day, where I griped and complained to hubby that I was working my tushie off and would have nothing tangible to show for it. Last week, as we were admiring the brick patio (bricks that we had, largely bought used … transported here, then carried up our mountain of a property) that our friend (who we had hired when it became obvious that we would not have time this summer to complete on our own) laid for us. And hubby instructed me to look at it, and see that my extra working did have something tangible to show for it.

And, it was good.

So, it was a different summer. It was not the one I had planned on having. Working was not what I had wanted to do. But different is not bad, it’s just … different.

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Football!

Posted in FAMILY, WONDER, tagged Boys, Change, Father and Son, Football, Future, Hero, Hope, Life, Model of Manhood on September 5, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Today I will go to see my son play football for the first time!

Way back in April, hubby was telling me how much our boy wanted to play football this year. I had my doubts … doubts that our son was the one who wanted to play football. You see hubby loves football! He played in high school. When we met, and were first married, he coached high school football for about seven years. And, he loved it, and he was good!

But, our son … although he physically looks like a clone of hubby, and his mannerisms endorse that cloning possibility, his interests tend to be different from his dads. And, I was really not feeling confident that it was our son who was understanding of the level of commitment and physical exertion that would be required to play on a football team.

I was pretty sure that dad was hoping to live vicariously through son.

But, I was so wrong!

Although he is not yet twelve, and one of the youngest players on his team. He has been practicing three hours a week, since later June. And now that the game season has begun, practice hours are at four and a half, plus games. And he cannot wait to get to a single practice! And he watches the clock, so that he can be ready to go. And he comes home, totally exhausted, saying it was great (even when he gets knocked onto his behind regularly). And he loves his coach. And he loves playing with the guys.

And … he loves that it is just he and his dad :), because his dad, is also one of the coaches on the team.

His dad, more than genetic material, and disciplinarian, and caregiver … is his greatest hero. It is his dad whose opinion matters most to him, It is his dad whose every word, every step he watches, and tries to emulate. Even though their personalities are so different, he knows that it is in his dads heart and life, that he can see his own future.

In the past couple of years, as adolescence has been rearing it’s head, I have been silently mourning the loss of MY little boy. But, this summer, as I see the bond of father and son developing more strongly, more tightly, I am mourning less and celebrating more.

I can love my son tenderly and I can be the first to receive hugs from him (and wonderful bear hugs they are), but I cannot give to him the one thing he needs most … a model of what it is to be a man, and a model of what it is to be a man after God’s heart. It is in the model of who my hubby is, and wants to be, that our son can see hope for his own future, as he grows into manhood.

I am so thankful for the dad my son (and daughters) has. I know he will have the courage and wisdom to coach our son from the experiences (positive and negative) that he has had so far. And, he will also have the wisdom to tackle him into a bear hug, through the years to come.

And I will willingly sit in the bleaches, cheering them on, as he and our son grow and learn together.

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The Long and Winding Road to Public Restrooms

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged dark corridors., East Coast, gotta pee, Life, the long and winding road, Women on August 25, 2011| Leave a Comment »

It was a dark and stormy night … well, actually it was a humid and sunny afternoon … but it doesn’t really matter, because the foreboding inner feeling was the same.

I was in a shopping mall, doing a little shopping for a few little trinkets to bring home to my kids (okay, trinkets might be the wrong word … it just has connotations of a grandmother who is obsessive compulsive about little ornaments and ‘do-dads’, and her house is littered with them … providing ample opportunity to spend hours each week dusting, polishing and moving from place to place … but, I digress), when, all of a sudden I got an urge to pee (and, anyone who has given birth knows that an urge like that only means one thing … making it to the bathroom on time is like living with a ticking time bomb … never knowing just when, or how cataclysmic the explosion might be).

As I visually sought out those classic symbols of the restroom … the next step up from stick people, one wearing pants, and the other a dress, I fought to not allow my fear of the unknown get to me. I needed to maintain my composure and dignity, and not go off running through the mall like a maniac, yelling ‘I gotta pee, where do I go to go?’

And there they were, the mr. and the ms. (I wanted to say mrs., but thought that might not be politically correct … although I am not sure that singling out women by a dress or skirt is very politically correct), hanging from a sign on the ceiling, like a beacon from a lighthouse, as the waves of … well as the waves were quickly surrounding me. But, my agony would not be relieved as soon as one might think.

Sure enough, finding the sought-after sign was not the end of my urgent problem, but the beginning of a new one.

As with many times in the past, I was in a public place and had to walk past the mens washroom, down a maze-like corridor with twists and turns (and often burnt out light bulbs) just to relieve my post-pregnancy bladder. As I make the turns I am sure that I will leave more that just a carbon footprint. I am also sure that there will be some pervert lurking around the next dark corner.

Have you ever noticed the locations of men’s restrooms and women’s rest rooms in public places? It has been my finding (after a lifetime of active, full-bladdered research) that, almost exclusively, womens restrooms are a further walk than the mens rest rooms.

What exactly are the designers and builders of these fine establishments thinking? There is a part of me that whispers every time this happens … ‘probably designed by a man.’ Whoever it is that is doing the designing and creating of public restrooms, needs to start doing the designs while their bladder is full … so that they can design from a position of need.

And speaking of sitting down on the job, really is there anything on this Earth that can provide as much instant pleasure and relief, like emptying your bladder? And really, this is why bathrooms are poorly designed … because the act of emptying ones bladder is so wonderful that, when it is over, the trail that led there is forgotten, until the next time that it strikes again.

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As Far as the East is from the West …

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged canada, East Coast, Flying Home, How Far the East is from the West, Life, Saying Goodbyes, Vacation on August 24, 2011| 2 Comments »

The day began as most have, while visiting my parents. I awake at least a half hour before my alarm goes off … despite not feeling rested, and having awakened numerous times in the night. As soon as my mind awakens, so does my bladder … and it’s an urgent awakening (how does that happen? You are sleeping comfortably, but as soon as your mind awakens to the day, your bladder is doing a 911 call).

After a shower, tea and homemade biscuits (tomorrow I will start the day with coffee and a ten mile hike, to try to work off these biscuits), we were off to the airport.

Gone are the days of ‘super packing’ your suitcase with whatever would fit … now they weigh your bags, and not just to save the backs of the luggage handlers … but also as money-making scam (I am sure the airlines public logic is in keeping with being more environmentally responsible … but I still see it as an airline money-maker, otherwise more conservative packers would be offered a rebate from the airlines). All of that to say, I was required to do a bit of re-packing of my goods, and was sad to not be able to bring back the entire case of Simply Crispie (www.topfundraisers.ca/chocbars.htm) chocolate bars … sorry kids!

After tears filled our eyes (but, we are far too … mature to let them fall …), I entered airport security. A friendly security gentleman asked, before I was even able to breath yet, how I was doing today … all I could respond was ‘tormented’.

I passed through security, boarded my flight to Montreal. There I waited for over two hours … texting hubby, emailing, writing, people watching. And then on to my final destination … Vancouver, BC.

Anyone with loved ones who live away from where you live understands my ‘tormented’ response to the security personnel. Each farewell you are tormented with two realities. One is that your life is not where their life is, and the other is that each farewell could be a final one.

It is then that I am acutely aware how far the east is from the west. It is not like we can drive there in a day, or fly there in a couple of hours … we cannot even fly directly there from where we live. It takes planning, and effort to get together.

This day was really heavy for me … leaving always is. And I am not expecting it to get easier or lighter anytime soon. Because we live in such a large, such a vast country … and as the plane touched down on the west coast … nine and a half hours after taking flight from the east coast I was so very aware of how far the east is from the west.

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In the East – Day 3 & 4 –

Posted in FAMILY, WONDER, tagged Abuse, East Coast, Exodus 20:12, FAMILY, Future, Honor, Honor your mother and your father, Honor your parents, Life, Memories, Wonder on August 23, 2011| 2 Comments »

Day three on the east coast, again meant spending some time at a certain coffee shop, for their brew and their wi-fi. Now wouldn’t it just be hilarious if I come to the east coast, home to a total of eight locations (province wide), and I get hooked on Starbucks coffee? I live in an area with a population of only about 94,000, and there are eleven locations (at one intersection there is one on three of the four corners).

On these two days I have had lunch with another sister in law, helped my mom learn how to order digital photos from an in-store do-it-yourself kiosk, had a wonderful walk and dinner with a friend that goes back to elementary school (and really, I did come all this way to see her 😉 ), and taken many pictures of houses and scenery that will be used in a future post.

Since I am at my ‘growing up’ home, spending time with my parents and extended family, I have been doing a significant amount of ponderdering family dynamics, and extended family relationships. I can and have griped about my family (and I am confident that similar griping goes on, in my absence, by them about me … after all “I took their grandkids away from them … ” GAG!).

But, a few years back a bit of reality hit me. How I treat my parents, how I talk about my parents, how I show love (or not love) to them and for them … is seen and heard by my kids. It is the example of how to love your elders that my kids will learn the most from. I can tell them how to love their elders, I can show them how to love their elders by how I love other people, but what they will learn from (and parrot) most keenly, most naturally, is what they have seen and heard from me, about my own parents.

Yikes, that is pressure (after all, it is my kids who will choose my care home for me when I am old).

And not only is it pressure, but, sometimes it is forced (kind of like when our own kids say and do things that truly give us understanding of why some living creatures eat their young, and we have to love them anyway … I think you hear what I am saying). It is forced, almost … a command, like a commandment (similar to the one about parents not exasperating (Ephes. 6:4) or embitter (Col. 3:21) their children … just sayin’).

All joking aside, it is a commandment … the fifth (Exodus 20:12), as a matter of fact it says, “to honor your mother and your father, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” Now I don’t know what land God is giving to me … I have moved a few times, and I expect there are a few more moves to come. But I am not sure that ‘land’ in this context necessarily means land. I think that maybe it means place, location, culture, context … family.

” So that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you” … Personally, I have days where I really do not care if I live ‘long’, but knowing that those days are given to ME by GOD … well that just makes me not want to waste a single one. Each day is a gift, and tomorrow … well we do not know if that one is being ‘gifted’ to us, until we get there. So, each day, I feel I need to remind myself that the the land or family I have been given (by God) is temporary, and I do not know how long it has been given to me for. And so, I need to be sure I am utilizing and making good use of each gifted day I get with my family. I cannot waste a gifted day holding a grudge (not that I haven’t done that, and won’t do it again, and again … especially with hubby … in the future). How my family feels about, or treats me, is immaterial … I am responsible only for me, and how I honor and respect the gift given to me by God.

Now, some people have, lets be honest, terrible families, terrible parents. Maybe there were abuses, neglect, abandonment. Maybe your parents were only a good example of what NOT to become. Honoring such a parent seems to be impossible, even cruel. But the command is not to honor your parents IF they didn’t embitter or exasperate you. There is no if (it also wasn’t to exasperate and embitter IF your kids don’t honor you … just sayin’) in the commandment.

I am not saying that ANY person, of any age should subject themselves to harm in any way, to obey this command. What I am saying is that sometimes, honoring that sort of parent is to not follow their example … parent differently, love differently, live differently … and don’t do to them that they have done to you (in case you didn’t notice, that is the ‘golden rule’ worded differently).

If your parents were mean-spirited … don’t follow their example

If your parents were abusive … don’t follow their example

If your parents neglected you … don’t follow their example

If your parents abandoned you … don’t follow their example

Sometimes being a different adult, being a different parent, being a different son or daughter (to them) than they were to everyone around them, is the best way to honor them (along with yourself and everyone around you).

All that said … I want to ensure that each of my ‘gifted’ days is utilized honoring, not abusing, abandoning, neglecting or abusing. Because that is the model I want my kids to grow up seeing as, not just good, but normal.

I have a feeling it might have more benefit than just teaching my kids something good. I think, I hope, that the greatest benefit will be that I come to the end of my days with no what ifs, no regrets (or at least fewer). And maybe even a better understanding that my parents were once MY caregivers …

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I’m Leaving on a Jet Plane

Posted in WONDER, tagged East Coast, Leaving on a Jet Plane, Life, New Brunswick, Vacation on August 15, 2011| Leave a Comment »

“All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go …” Listening to this song just makes the excitement bubble up inside of me 😀

Off, on my own to the East coast (aka my home of origin) to spend a few days (no doubt too few) with family and friends. And to celebrate my parents anniversary. And to watch the sun rise in the east. And to eat my dad’s biscuits, and drink my mom’s reboiled tea (https://itsawonderfilledlife.net/2011/04/14/re-boiled-tea/ ). And enjoy many, many, many steamed mussels. And maybe lobster! And a great donair at Greco Donair (oh my goodness … another ‘eating’ vacation … it will take me forever to shed these vacation pounds). And take my nieces to the beach. And enjoy the rolling hills. And be in awe of the big, big sky. And, and, and …

There is simply not going to be enough time to do it all!

I have to admit, I am secretly (or not so secretly, now) thrilled to be going alone. This means that I get to be where I want when I want (thank you rental car), and I get to do what I want when I want, and I get to be center of attention 🙂 … I think I might like this! Hum, I am sounding just a bit narcissistic … and I do not feel bad about it, not one bit 😉

At this point (as I am doing the last minute preparations before heading to board my jet plane) I truly want it to be one way. It is not that I want to leave my family, friends, job, life, etc. here … it is that where I am going just looks (through my pre-vacation rose-colored glasses) so darn great.

And really what a thrill to have that perspective, as I get ready to board a jet plane (I LOVE saying that) to head to my parents home, to spend time with them, and the rest of family, and friends. I know it is not always a joy for everyone to be taking vacation away from the things one wants to do to visit family, but I am thrilled to be going, and I am really thrilled to be going alone.

I really am so fortunate to have a great family to visit. They will drive me buggy, at points when I am there, but … I have my rental car 😉 and I plan to use it!

Anyway, I gotta go … I have packing to finish! And then the drive there, and then the hugs and kisses at the airport (this is where I have to pretend to really be regretting leaving them all home … NOT … and they are gonna love having no one in the house to remind them to eat their veggies, and get to bed at a good time … I know they will have a blast without me), and then … boarding MY plane … just me! Just … me … oh, how those two words are music to my ears …

So, off I go, to the land of lobster, Tidal Boar (or is it B O R E ?), and people I have to love … we are related! And maybe a sneak trip to visit Anne … with an ‘e’ (at Green Gables …).

I’ll keep you all posted as to how wonderful the week on my own is … cause … I’m leaving on a jet plane, I don’t know when I’ll be back again …

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Laughing at Myself

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged embarrassment, Facepalm, humor, Laugh at myself, Life, Wonder on August 8, 2011| 2 Comments »

Oh my goodness … my roots are blond (I mean before they were gray)! And today was a day to prove just that.

I awoke a few minutes before my alarm this morning, so I was able to be out of the shower by 5:45am … a great success, and a positive omen of the day to come. I had to have daughter number two at the local swimming pool at 6:20am, for warm ups for the swim meet she was to compete at.

As I was getting myself ready, I took all the essentials out of my bathroom cupboard, to ensure that I hit all body parts that needed morning attention. You know: toothbrush and toothpaste for the teeth (and for everyone around me), antiperspirant for the pits (and for everyone around me), brush for the mop of unmanageable hair, body spray for a pleasant scent, and hairspray to keep every hair in place.

So, I was preening and primping when I realized that I was about to spray my body spray on my hair … but … I had just sprayed my body, and it was with a different container … Oh crap! I had just sprayed hairspray all over my body (does this mean that my body would hold it’s shape all day long?)!

And, of course, I posted this on Facebook …

So, I knew my day was sure to have no place to go but up!

Until … at the swim meet. I was spending the day in concession, selling foods and snacks to the hungry swimmers and their families and friends. But, my sweet older daughter, was good enough to let me know when her sister was to compete, by sending me a text message when the time was soon. So, I received a message “1 more heat” followed by ” I’m hoping you’re watching” … Well I moved faster than you can say ‘you’ve got egg on your face.’ As I raced closer to the pool I could hear people cheering and yelling “go Christiana!”

Yikes, I was going to miss it, if I didn’t hussle my butt.

I turned the corner, and spotted her head bobbing in and out of the water, as she swam butterfly. I stood at the corner of the pool, feeling proud that I hadn’t missed her race, and cheering loudly for her … along with others cheering her on. And as I looked around I realized that the others who were cheering her on … I didn’t know them! And they were not from our team! And, as the race was finishing, my daughter, Christiana, was walking towards me with a look that said, ‘you are so pathetic, Mom.’ And yes, it is true, I was cheering like a banshee … for someone who was not my daughter. In the texted words of my older daughter, just moments later, “face palm.”

And, of course, I posted this on Facebook …

And this day of mine, the comedy of errors that it was, became the topic of dinner conversation tonight. And my kids couldn’t believe that I would post my stupidity for all my ‘friends’ on facebook to see … ‘why would you tell people stuff like that … how humiliating’ was their most common response.

And all I could say in response was, I’m okay with laughing at myself. And, I am.

There was a time when I would NEVER have admitted to such faux pas! I would have been mortally embarrassed, publicly humiliated and feeling a need to move to another country, to avoid being found out. But those days are over … in my ‘maturing’ (out of my natural blond for my well-hidden gray), I have been learning to enjoy the immature. I have come to the conclusion that the stupid things I do, and the ridiculous mistakes that I make … well, most people experience similar … and that the embarrassment actually dissipates faster when you give it light, and … a hardy laugh.

So, I expect that the weird and wonderful will continue to come my way, and you can expect that …

I will probably post it on facebook,

And maybe even write a post about it 😉

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My Garden is Wonder-filled

Posted in life, Nature/Creation, tagged Creation, Garden, Life, Wonder-filled on July 26, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Finally, after ten months of school, and then spending June and July working at a second job, I am able to really enjoy my garden!

Yesterday I spent the day in the garden. I was pruning, and mowing, and trimming, and watering, and weeding, and feeding. It was glorious! I got filthy dirty (I do not even seem to be able to water my flowers without getting dirty), and used muscles that ached the next day (heck, they ached as they were being used), and not one minute of it seemed like work.

Truly my day was all about recreation.

As I was out in the fresh air, and sunshine (oh, and how we have waited for sunshine in this area … unlike most of North America which has been hot and dry), I enjoyed only the noises of the birds, the squirrels and my neighbors little grandchildren. I attained great satisfaction, for jobs finally caught up on, and great head space at just being quiet for the better part of a day.

It is so thrilling to see the evidence of my blood, sweat and tears in the garden. I love to watch the contents of bulbs and tuber emerge from the soil. I love to watch a rose bud open slowly, day by day, and then produce it’s visual beauty and delightful scent, that can reduce stress in one whiff. I love to see each year the new growth of the boxwoods I had planted, simply by slicing off a branch of a larger one, and sticking it into the earth. I love to watch the lilies grow taller and taller each day, trying to guess which color they are, until finally they open up to reveal the beauty within. And oh, how I love to see the springtime buds on the grapevine, emerge into tendrils that reach far from where they began, to be followed by the minute clusters of ‘baby grapes’ that, like a newborn baby, grow bigger every day of summer, until they are finally mature, and ready to be tasted.

I love my garden!

But, I don’t love everything about my garden. There are irritants and pests there too. Like dandelions! I have been on a mission for two summers now, to rid my back garden of the weed. When I have the time, and have my trusty week puller thingy in hand, I am like a can of raid on ants! And, my persistence is working (if you ever drive by, you will know that I have not transferred this persistence to my front garden).

Then there is the slug … evil personified! Not only do they love to eat the lovely green leaves on my flowers, but if I come in contact with their slime, it is like some kind of gel crazy glue. It won’t come off easily, and sticks to everything in it’s path … even my ever-curious beast won’t go near them. Of course they do provide great entertainment when i get out my salt shaker!

And then there are aphids … who are on a constant mission to ruin my deeply loved rose plants. Every spring I will be marveling at how beautiful the fresh new leaves on my roses look, and then, there they are. Those tiny little green buggers … nibbling away at my fresh leaves like a teenage boy at an all you can eat buffet. Truly they give me reason after reason to love ladybugs … who think aphids are just the most marvelous treat … hum, note to self : go purchase ladybugs today.

My garden is where I am Mother Nature, and my goal is to protect everything I love within my garden … it is truly a place where I am a mother hen figure. But, I am sadly not able to protect my green ‘babies’ all of the time.

It is really my place in this world of understanding the beauty of our creation, of understanding the complexities of surviving and thriving, of understanding how evil and destruction can come our way due to no action of our own, and understanding how very much we the created are loved by the Creator.

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Visitors in Multiples

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Friends, GOD, I Will Follow You, Life, Remembering, Reminiscing, Sovereignty, Struggles, The Past on July 25, 2011| Leave a Comment »

We have been fortunate to have lived in four different towns and cities across Canada, since our wedding in 1989. And with each place we have lived, we have picked up friends. Some we have stayed in close and constant contact, and others we lost connection to as soon as we, or they, moved on to the next step of life.

Recently we had the ‘perfect storm’ of visitors. Three separate, uncoordinated, but all linked ‘visits’ came together at the same time, and in the same place … our place.

All three visits were connections from our six years in Ottawa, Ontario.

All three visits were connections from our church there.

All three visits were connections from the youth group, where my hubby was Youth Pastor for six years.

One of the visits was planned months ago! A young woman, her hubby and two little girls … surreal! When we met her, she was about nine or ten. By the time we left Ottawa, she was babysitting our baby! She and her family were spending time seeing and visiting various places in western Canada, and attending a wedding in Oregon. We loved being able to love her little girls, giving them attention as she once gave our daughter.

Another of our visits was planned weeks ago. Another young woman, here for work-related meetings. When we met her, she had just entered the ‘junior’ youth group. She would have been about thirteen at the time. Now, she lives in France … moving to Paris from Nice, when she returns there in August. She was only with us for a night, but reconnecting and catching up with her was a delight!

The third of our visits was planned … days before 😉 ! A couple who, when we met them, were dating. They had led the youth program at the church prior to hubby’s arrival, and continued on for the years that followed. They eventually got married, had a daughter, and then another. Then they moved to the San Jose area of California, and had two more daughters. Their girls span the ages of our kids, and it was so fun to blend our families together.

All three of these visits came together at our home, on a Sunday evening.

We caught up with each others lives.

All of our kids, after about an hour of awkwardness, hung out, played games, played with toys, and were shot by our son with his nerf gun (what can I say … he was the only boy in a house with eight girls).

The rest of us were reminiscing, remembering, and laughing … alot! It was so wonderful!

It took us back to times when we were all younger. It took us back to the times of beautiful memories, and times of deep, shared sorrows. It took us back to people and places that hold such significant places in our hearts and memories. It took us back to the blessings of that time, and made me think about the ‘what ifs’ …

What if we had not moved west?

What if we had stayed in the same denomination of church?

What if we had brought our children up with these kids?

And, as I contemplated these ‘what ifs’ I didn’t feel very content in my current life. I didn’t feel very confident in our choices. I didn’t feel as though I was experiencing that delightful hindsight that confirms that decisions were made for a greater, and better purpose.

Then today, three days after out perfect storm of visitors, as the last of them left to continue their journey, I was struck with thoughts of the past and the present (hum, this is soooooo ‘middle aged’ of me!). And those thoughts didn’t leave me feeling very content.

But, as I drove down the highway, a song came on the radio, that reminded me that the ‘big picture’ of life is not within my view, it is not visible to my human eyes. Sure, we make decisions about our lives, and there are consequences (good and bad) to each of those decisions. But how the story of our lives ends, is not within our understanding.

As I look back over my life so far, I can see how some of my ‘good’ decisions turned out great, and other ‘good’ decisions turned out awful. I can also see how some of my ‘bad’ decisions turned out (as predicted), awful, and other ‘bad’ decisions (surprisingly) resulted in good (hope I haven’t lost you yet).

In all of my decisions, in all of my life, I am certain only that God is sovereign, that He is in control, and that He, and only He, knows how my story will end, because He wrote the story. And, in His sovereignty, I can look to the future and “know that He WILL work together, for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:28)

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Halfway …

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Habits, Life, Struggles, Weight Loss on July 21, 2011| 5 Comments »

As of last week, I am halfway!

Halfway to what, you ask?

It could be halfway to school starting … oh no, not the dreaded ‘s‘ word!

It could be halfway, as in middle aged … no way baby, this chick is going for 100!

It could be halfway to paying off our mortgage … in the immortal words of Cinderella, “a dream is a wish your heart makes …”

It could be halfway to vacation destination (Cannon Beach? New Brunswick?) … nope … sadly still slogging away!

It is none of these.

Last week I reached the halfway mark of my weight loss goal … thirty pounds down, and thirty more to go. Hurray, all that hard work, saying ‘no’ when I really wanted to say ‘yes’ to my favorite treats. All those miles of walking. All those celery sticks and salad. All those times I had nothing, when what I desired most was cheesecake.

Hey, it’s time for cheesecake, to celebrate! Actually, even though it is only 8am, as I am writing this, I could really go for a slice of cheesecake right now … the variety really doesn’t matter. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water (and my pants feel tighter … sigh, I have reached the point of weight loss that my own brain becomes my enemy … aka, my accountability conscience).

This weight loss stuff is quite the journey … really more like a slow motion video than a journey. Back in January I began this process (no, this was not a New Years Resolution, it was more of a response to the fact that my hubby was dropping pounds like my beast drops poo! So I figured I better keep up with his fine example … it might have also been in response to that ‘sweety’ at church who said, “so have you been finding all that weight your husband has been losing?” … deep breaths … deep breaths … deep breaths! But, I digress).

Somehow, unlike other weight loss phases of my life (oh yes, I’ve been this size before … heck I have been anywhere from a size eight to a size twenty-four over the past twenty years), this time I have not gotten all depressed when I go through those ‘plateau’ phases. And I don’t even feel tempted to stop eating well … I guess it is because, this time I have finally got it through my thick skull that it took all these years to pack on the pounds and ounces, and it will probably take years to take them all off again … and then it will take the rest of my life (decades) to keep it off.

And really that is the biggest battle in this exercise (pun intended) of weight loss, but really in battling any bad habit. The need to realize that, although we live in a ‘microwave’ society, where we can access what we want, and when we want it (from hamburgers to movies to education to money from a cash machine) there are some things that take time to access, to achieve.

In this time that we are living, cash is quick and easy to access … and debt, along with that!

Sex is quick and easy to access … and loving, meaningful relationships are not.

Food is quick and easy to access … and our belts constantly need readjusting.

The things that are truly good for us, are not quickly accessed, and the habits that are bad for us, take immense strategy, commitment and determination to overcome.

And so I will continue plodding along on this quest to, not just a smaller pant size, but to a healthier me. I also know that although it only took six and a half months to loose the first thirty, it will probably take another year (or more) to take off the next thirty. And that’s okay, because I have learned that things that are good, are worth taking the time to achieve.

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