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Posts Tagged ‘Life’

“… a Writer …”

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Life, Oprah, Passon, Writer, Writing on July 20, 2011| 1 Comment »

“I didn’t know you were a writer.”

Those six words were the sweetest I had heard all day …

For those of you out there in blog-readerville, I realize that compared with the the writings of C.S. Lewis, Lucy Maud Montgomery, and Charles Dickens, I am a pre-beginner in the school of writing. I also realize (and my high school English teacher would agree) that I have the grammar skills of a pygmy! But who gives a rip … someone called me a … writer … (I think I hear violins!).

I don’t think that there is a new title I more desire, at this stage of my life, than that of writer. I am already a child of God. I get to be called ‘mom’. Hubby calls me many things (ditto ‘sweetie’ 😉 ), and with that came daughter-in-law, sister-in-law and aunt. I was born a daughter, soon after was followed by sister. I was always my grandmother’s favorite (only) granddaughter, and with that came niece and cousin. I am also Special Ed. Assistant, employee, friend and slave to the beasty.

But, to be called ‘writer’ … oh, how that does my heart good (I said that with a African American, Southern drawl in case you couldn’t hear it 😉 ).

I have this secret (okay, not so secret … my hubby and kids would tell you that I just do not shut up about this) goal of being ‘discovered’ by Oprah … now, don’t you all … y’all go and snicker when you read this! This is my dream, people! And I figure if anyone knows anything about seeking out an impossible dream, with passion, it is Oprah Winfrey … besides, she’s also got a staff, and the connections to put me on the New York Times Best-Seller List. And that is my, now not so secret, goal. I have, if not the gift of writing, the gift of dreaming. Dreaming and writing … they go hand in hand.

When I awake each morning, I cannot wait to sit and write. When I go to bed at night, I close my eyes and force myself to not think about what I might write about in the morning, for fear it will keep me up ’til the wee hours of the morning planning and plotting my words. Since I started daily writing, four months ago, it has become my daily activity that symbolizes the wind beneath my wings. It gets me up in the morning, it gets me through my day (no matter how butt-ugly it might be), it helps me persevere, it helps me keep my sanity close to intact …

… i t b r e a t h e s l i f e i n t o m e.

Through daily writing I have felt the presence of my Creator more acutely than just reading the Bible and praying. It is as though He is writing with me (maybe not all the time … my cheeky, Devil’s advocate, pushing the limits type of personality are certainly not always very Godly), and, often I start writing with one direction in mind, and it is as though someone else moves my thoughts and words in a very different, very much better direction.

I feel like when I write, it is therapy, it is passion, it is my voice, and I feel as though it is a team effort. The team being all those who cross my path each day, from my loves to my students, to my friends, to strangers who pass my way, to the God who taps out on the keyboard through my eager fingertips.

And, if Oprah never does ‘discover’ me, if she never reads a word I write, if I never pick up my ringing phone to hear “Carole, this is Oprah Winfrey,” that is okay too. Because I write, not FOR Oprah, not for my friends and family, not even for me …

I write, because, once I got started nothing within me would allow me to stop. And, if that, more than my pygmy grammar and pre-beginner writing skills makes me a writer, than I am free to be called a writer 🙂

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Treasures in Heaven

Posted in FAMILY, GOD, life, The Kids, tagged Life, Memories, Miscarriage, Pregnancy Loss, Treasures in Heaven on July 4, 2011| 1 Comment »

I have written a number of times about our pregnancy losses. The responses I have received to them, have indicated how very common, how very painful and how very life-changing they are on those who share such experiences.

Truly, to have experienced the loss of a yet to be born child can leave a permanent imprint on the hearts of those who loved that child even before he or she took it’s first breath.

Today, July 4, is the 20th anniversary, of the due date of our first child. One who died, in utero, around sixteen to eighteen weeks gestation. I admit that this date has rarely, except on the actual due date, had any significance for me. The date that I have more commonly remembered is January 21. And this past years anniversary was particularly significant.

For those who have experienced loss, any loss, the anniversary of that loss can be felt in many different degrees. Some years the date passes, and it is not until the day later, or even weeks later, that the significance of that date is remembered. Other years you remember it every moment of that day, and the days, and even weeks, surrounding the date.

This year was a little of both.

It was Thursday, January 20, and my family was having a jovial, sarcastic, humorous dinner together (in other words … a ‘normal’ dinnertime). As we were laughing, eating, re-creating the events of the day and sharing plans for the day to come, I stated “I can’t wait for tomorrow, I get to go to chapel!” You see I work in a Christian high school, and every Friday morning our school has ‘chapel’. I enjoy chapel, but I have not ever said that I was eager to go, so it was a rather odd statement for me to make.

The next day, Friday, January 21, I filed into the gym, with about five hundred other staff and students, as well as parents. I was feeling pretty good that day. Eager for a good work day, and for a time of school community worship.

The music began, and it was okay … nothing ‘wow’ish’, but it was good.

Following the worship time, and a few announcements, the speaker for the morning was introduced, a local pastor. I didn’t know him, had no connection to him. He started with prayer, and then addressed the scriptural reference point that he would be focusing on as he spoke … Matthew 6:19-24

… and my heart stopped

… and my palms became wet

… and my throat became so dry

… and my mind raced … what is today’s date?

… and I remembered …

… and tears fell against my will.

The reason for the emotional and physical reactions to the mention, and then reading of that scripture is that one night, as I slept, after the loss of our first child, I had a dream. The dream was of a man, I do not remember what he looked like, but I knew, with everything within me, that it was Jesus. And, in the dream, I handed a baby to Him … our baby. And Jesus looked into the wrapped up child, and His eyes were riveted to the tiny babe, and He smiled … that wonder-filled smile that we all smile, when we gaze into the face of creation. And then He looked at me, with such love, such compassion, such comfort, and He said “I will take care of your treasure for you, until you return. While you have this treasure, with me, in heaven, your heart will be here too.”

And, the dream was over.

And I opened my Bible, and found the passage, Matthew 6:19-21. And I knew that God had given me the confidence of His care for our child, and the promise that we would one day meet, and the comfort of knowing that our child was in even better hands, in heaven, than he or she would ever have on earth (even though we loved that child so much).

And that, for all of my days, I would live my life with my heart focused on the treasures that await me in heaven. And that our three earthly children would grow up knowing that as much as we, their parents, love them … God, in heaven loves them even more.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth,

where moths and vermin destroy,

and where thieves break in and steal.

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven,

where moths and vermin do not destroy,

and where thieves do not break in and steal.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Matthew 6:19-21

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Hanging on …

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Control, Life, Storms, Struggles on June 28, 2011| 1 Comment »

Yesterday I wrote a post about dealing with struggles, and when it was finished I realized that I was pretty good at speaking truth, and not so good at living it (aka. I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching). So, not wanting to be a hypocrite, I decided to take my own advice.

I knew I needed to get out, and have some undisturbed time … what mother of kids who live at home doesn’t desire that? Fortunately, one kid was out, and the other two were preoccupied with video games and the telephone … and kid number four (aka. hubby) was deeply engaged in a movie. So, I took a notebook, a pencil, a cup of tea and a towel (to dry off the outdoor chair I was heading for, as it had rained … (again).

I sat facing the bright, even warm, sun. This was fantastic, as last week was the first day of summer, and I am still very convinced that we have barely had spring! But, I digress!

The sun was beautiful, and the sky, although dotted with big white cotton ball clouds, was a spectacular bright blue. So I dried my chair, and snuggled in with my tea. I laid my head back and smiled … eyes closed. When I do something like this, I am reminded how infrequently I take the time to do … nothing, and how immediately responsive my body and mind are when I do. Hum, maybe our bodies and minds are created with a need for rest … not just sleep (which I am a big fan of) but rest … being still.

So, there I sat, the sun shining down on my, my body and mind becoming still. Then my eyes opened as I realized I did have a purpose in going out … I had my notebook and pencil. So, I stood, and turned my chair so that I was facing away from the sun (deep down, I was probably looking for a rainbow … it had rained earlier). Then I got my notebook out, and started writing praises.

Now, if you didn’t read my post yesterday, it was about those life moments when you feel like your life is hanging by a thread, when your ship comes in, but you are at the airport, when you’ve got just one nerve left and someone (heavy) is standing on it …

… when you are in the midst of struggle.

And I spoke of how when we are in the midst of struggle, we need to give up control and look to the only one who is in control for answers.

And, as I sat outside, the sun on my back, I did just that. But I went one step further … I cannot look on the God of my life, and not praise Him (hum, maybe that is what we were designed to do). So, I began to write down my praise to my God.

I started with His reminder to me … “Be still and know that I am God (I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10).” And then, in no order (ha! ha! ha! … in my mind order is absent anyway) I wrote about what I was seeing … the bright blue sky, the brilliant green trees, plants and grass. I wrote about what I was hearing … the melody of a chorus of many kinds of birds, insects and squirrels.

Then I wrote of how hard it was to sit, and be still … I could weed, I could trim that grapevine, I could dead head my rose bush. No! I am here to worship, and be still! Then I wrote (page two) ‘I will praise you,’ and, for the next half hour I sat, and I wrote my hearts praises to God.

And I didn’t stop until, after over three pages of writing, I had a cramp in my right hand, from scribbling down on the paper. Over and over, what came to my mind, and I wrote on the paper were praises to God for what I know, in my head, He is. And, as I read my list over, I realized that I was praising Him for the things that were my struggle …

Over and over, what came to my mind were words of how God is my protector, my safety, my comforter. The very areas I was feeling needy. Obviously, what my mind knows (that God will protect me), I easily forget when I am trying to stay in control of the struggle of the moment.

But, I didn’t only learn that the cries of my heart are already being comforted by the Great Comforter … I also learned that the struggle cannot be hurried, and that to find comfort in struggle is even better that knowing the struggle is over.

You see, when I turned my chair from the sun, I was looking for a rainbow …

I wrote the following on my paper …

“My grapevine is reaching up, reaching out towards the sun, the light … it is beautiful! BUT I turn my chair so my back is to the sun, the warmth, the light, because I want to see the rainbow … the sign of the end of the struggle and the hope prayed for … I want to RUSH the reward …”

You know what? After about an hour of praising God, I got my reward … without the struggle being over yet. To have followed the leading to praise in the midst of the storm was far more rewarding than to know that the storm is over. One day, the storm WILL be over, but to have received God’s peace, and comfort in the midst of it is even better … because that is a miracle that could not have been achieved if I had been in control.

And from now on, no more searching for rainbows … like my grapevine, I’m looking towards the light.

God is in control, and I will praise Him in the storm.

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Hanging on by a Thread

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Control, Frustrations, Life, Storms, Struggles on June 27, 2011| 2 Comments »

Do you ever feel like you are hanging on by a thread? Or maybe you live with, or know someone else who seems to be just barely surviving … but rather precariously. They are desperate, they are exhausted, they are hopeless.

When I am having a hanging by a thread moment a vivid picture forms in my mind. It is a picture of me, in a small boat, in the midst of a growing, growling powerful tropical storm. I am alone, I have no supplies to help me get through it. I have no protection from the elements. And I have no idea how much longer it will go on before the storm passes (or I pass).

Life has ‘hanging by a thread’ moments (that seem to last years, even if they only last a few days). And when these inevitable times come, we just want them to hurry up and go. Unfortunately, they have a mind of their own, and their coming and going seems to have little to do with our efforts.

I having been trying (as a person who struggles with the lack of a gift of patience) to learn to appreciate process, rather than just wish that the struggle were over. This has not been an easy thing for me to learn. And, with every step forward, I slide backwards even farther.

Although my attempt at appreciating process sounds honorable, I have to admit that my rational for this self-learning is not completely honorable. You see, I am trying to ‘work the system’ (how it is that I think I can ‘work the system’ of something untouchable, invisible, is ridiculous … even to me).

My thinking is that we usually can only appreciate the process of struggle AFTER it is over (oh, hindsight, how I love thee). So, what I am really trying to do, by appreciating the process, is seeking the benefit of hindsight in the midst of the process 😉 … But, I am also hoping that by appreciating the process … the struggle might get over sooner! I do realize that my theory is not only confusing, but it is also very flawed, and very … wrong.

There is simply no way to rush the process of struggle. There is no ‘working the system’ to try to expedite the end of struggle. I cannot sit contentedly in my little boat, in the midst of ocean swells, all alone, and just enjoy the ride. Struggle is not something to appreciate, it is something that brings us back to the reality that we cannot do it alone. Struggle is something that should cause us to say, “I give up.”

Now don’t go getting your skin tight theological knickers in a fisherman’s knot! What I mean when I say that struggle should cause us to give up, is that we need to give up our control on the situation, and give that control back into the hand of the man who stilled the water, and calmed the sea. You see, if I am in the midst of struggle, I am going to suffer it’s effects …

I’m going to get wet,

maybe even bruised from being thrashed around,

I might even get sick,

or even tossed out into the sea …

Because bad things do happen to good people … everyday! That … is life … But, God’s hand, and His plan is to see me, to see us, through it.

He knows how long the storm will last.

He knows how the storm will end.

And He knows we need to rely on Him, and not on ourselves, in the midst of it.

And, it is not until we take our eyes off the struggle, that we can see who it is that is in control, and that He is bigger than anything we could ever face.

Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said: “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge?”

Job 38:1-2

“Then Job replied to the Lord, I know that you can do all things;
no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.

“You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’
My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.

Job 42:2-5

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Lessons on Public Transit

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Lessons Learned, Life, Riding the Bus, Wonder on June 23, 2011| 2 Comments »

The other day my job took me into the city via public transit.

I had just taught a unit on public transportation, and wanted to wind up that unit, and the year, with a fun day.

For me, public transit is a blast! It is rare for me, or the rest of my suburban family, to actually need to take public transit. But it is such a fantastic place to people watch! And, let me tell you, this part of the day provided vast amounts of people to watch.

First off, was the bus …

There most people looked like they were walking zombies. I tried, very unsuccessfully, to make eye contact with many … to no avail. To be honest, I am not sure they were really there, maybe their presence on the bus was a figment of my imagination.

But there were two guys get on the bus, probably in their mid-twenties (so, compared to my aged-ness … they were young’uns). They were a little … scary looking (what can I say, I am a middle-aged, female suburbanite). Maybe gang members, maybe homeless … definitely rough and tough (and even a little gruff). So, I kept watching them … when they weren’t looking my way. The bus was filling … fast! Then a woman gets on with a boy who is about four years old. And there is no available seat (and I am too pre-occupied people watching to get off my lazy butt). And one of the rough and tough guys gets up … and looks at the woman … and kindly offers his seat to she and the boy … Be still my heart! Kind, genteel, gentlemen do still exist … even if they look too scary to make eye contact with.

Later in the day I was on the bus, and saw someone that, lets face it, we have all encountered. It is the he/she. I glanced in his/her way off and on for about ten minutes, trying to ascertain whether he was a he, or if she was a she (this is not an easy feat, as there seems to be an unwritten rule about public transit, that one must not make eye contact with … anyone else). Clothing gave no indication, hairstyle gave no indication, and I wasn’t close enough to decide based on voice. I couldn’t see any indicators of shaving, or … female upper body development … I was left with the mystery of never knowing …

Lesson #1 … you can’t read a book by it’s cover …

Then there was my faux pas (okay, so it wasn’t my one and only faux pas, as I already was trying to make eye contact like a timeshare salesman in Mexico, with anyone and everyone … which reminds me of the time hubby and I were in Mexico, walking along a busy tourist street. The timeshare salespeople are yelling and beckoning and flattering everyone who doesn’t look Mexican. And this one is yelling, obviously to hubby, “hey Meestir”, but MY hubby is a smart one … and he just pretends to not hear him. Then, same guys yells, “hey Meestir, your shoelace is untied” and MY hubby looks down, and then we hear, “I knew you could hear me.” … but, I digress).

As the bus lunged forward and then back, at a stop, I absentmindedly reached for the pole in front of me, and my hand brushed the behind of the guy in front of me … let me tell you, I know how to go from pale to crimson in milliseconds! Fortunately, he just turned towards me, and smiled graciously … probably more like, he thought it was hilarious that someone so old could still blush!

Lesson #2 … look before you reach …

There was this adorable little baby. He looked like he had just awakened from a nap. He and his mom/nanny appeared to be Chinese, and he had the most delightful cheeks! As his eyes scanned the other occupants of the bus, his face was without emotion, without expression. His stare was met with equally tired eyes, smiles, and grown adults making faces at him, (that made them look like a side show at the circus). The only expression close to a smile from him was to his ugly, well worn teddy bear.

Lesson #3 … beauty is in the EYE of the beholder …

Then there was the cute Korean couple. They looked to be early twenties, and so very eager to touch hands, to talk, to make eye contact … with each other. I really do not think they were at all aware that there was anyone else on the planet, let alone on the bus. Now I don’t mean they were clinging to each other, and to look at them was to watch saliva being shared from one to the other. I mean they were simply in the bubble of ‘each other’, simply so delighted just to be … together.

Lesson #4 … few things can make one smile like love in the other persons eyes …

except maybe … a little girl?

And finally, the best moment of my day of public transit …

A VERY pregnant woman (I kept my cell phone in my hand, in case she went into labor right then and there), with a cute little girl, wearing a dress, white tights, and her curly blond hair up in a ponytail. The moment they boarded the bus is so memorable, because something about them drew the attention of almost everyone else on the bus.

People whose eyes had barely left their shoes, were watching. People who had been muttering to themselves, hushed, and just watched. The lady in her perfect figure and expensive yoga wear, looked up from her meditation, and smiled. The really good (I mean REALLY good) smelling guy, with the expensive-looking suit, moved well out of the way as they moved down the aisle, to their seat, as though he was making room for royalty. The older lady who had spent a full two and a half minutes (I admit, I timed her …) searching her change purse for her bus transfer, looked up at the pair and stared, as though their appearance into her day took her to another time, another place. Then there was me … and my first moment of watching them, I was taken back, to years past when sleep was rare, but life was wonder-filled, simple and innocent.

I do not know what it was, exactly, that caught the attention of so many on the bus that day. Maybe it was the beauty of new life, maybe it was how clean, how fresh they looked in the dirty, metal bus. Maybe everyone else on that bus was waiting for the ladies water to break. Or, maybe it was something ‘out of this world’. Maybe there is universal kindness, universal instinct to protect those who might be vulnerable.

Whatever it was, it was a wonderfilled moment for me. And it encouraged me to spend more time people watching.

Lesson #5 … the best of all that is created, is probably the best way to see the beauty of the Creator …

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I’m an Addict!

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Addiction, Health, Hubby, Life, walk on June 21, 2011| 2 Comments »

I never thought it was possible, but I have become addicted to walking my favorite trail!

Not that anyone who has walked my favorite trail would blame me, because it is a spectacular trail. But the part about … me … addicted … to walking … that is what is hard to believe.

Now, my beast … she has always been addicted to walking! When she doesn’t go for a walk, she looks depressed, and gives us guilt-laden looks that no human can duplicate! And when she does go for a walk, she is the picture of contentment!

Life has become simply too busy this week to walk my trail … the trail I have been walking at least three times a week … for months! It has now been six days since I last walked it, and there is no available time in the foreseeable three days! And I think I am gonna lose it!

Tonight hubby and I were supposed to be removing sod on a piece of land that we planned to build our brick patio (hubby got an amazing deal on landscape bricks, from a neighbor … weeks … months … hum, years ago. So, we decided that indeed we could do this task … ourselves. And the time was now. But, I digress). But, the sod remover was very heavy, and we live on top of a hill, so getting it to the upper backyard … not so easy peasie. Then the sod remover was not too easy to figure out how to get it to actually cut the sod.

All that to say, words were said, (under our breath), looks were exchanged, frustrations were elevated, declarations of wanting to sell this massive property (in exchange for a brand new, comes with a property management company, condo) by me were made, tears burned in my eyes … and a quiet evening was had by all! And really, all because I haven’t (WE haven’t) been going for regular walks.

All I really had wanted to do was walk my favorite trail … (and it probably would have been better for all around me!).

This walk on the trail has become my leavening agent … like yeast or baking powder. If I mix it into my week in a well-proportioned way, the rest of my week rises and falls in balance. If, on the other hand, I do not take the time to add the leavening power of my walks to my week, the week ends up with the qualities of a hockey puck … hard, flat, and dangerous.

Truly, it could be said that I have turned a corner in my philosophy of life and living. For me, on this voyage of attaining better health, better living is finally becoming part of my daily fiber. Now, I miss my walks, like I once would have missed chocolate (oh, chocolate, I remember you. Dark, creamy, mouth-watering, satisfying, chocolate … chocolate bars, chocolate cake, chocolate ice cream, and oh, my personal favorite, homemade chocolate sauce … I a m s o w e a k …, and, I digress … again).

Walking now feels, not just good, but right. And that is a core change in how I think. I now recognize that going for those walks is not so much about how burning all those calories enables me to then eat more (a girl has to have her ‘rewards’ 🙂 ), but that going for those walks makes me feel better, think better, choose better, LIVE better (and squeeze into some of those clothes that have been gather dust in my closet for years).

So, today, I think something else is just gonna have to go. Now, what could go? Dusting, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms … hum, if I don’t do those three things, I would have enough time to walk! AND, I have three kids … so if they each ‘get’ to do one of those jobs, I can walk, AND come home to a clean house! And they get a more mentally stable mother (they have no idea just how this could benefit them).

Seriously, just thinking about walking makes my thinking so much more clear!

Now, where are those walking shoes? And my beast? And yes, even my hubby (who I am talking to, and is talking to me again … thanks to a couple of great guys who came over to the rescue of our sod, our marriage, and our sanity).

Time for a walk … it does a body, mind and soul good!

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Moms that I Admire

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Disabilities, Life, Mom, Perseverence, Special Needs on June 20, 2011| 3 Comments »

I am a mom, and I am a special education assistant … but it was becoming a mom was what gave me a better understanding of the people I would be called upon to assist … the students and their families.

In my job I am very aware that God has entrusted ‘my’ students:

first, to their parents …

and w a y down the line, to me.

I am also aware, because I am a mom, that I do not know what is best for them … God didn’t entrust the students to me first.

I am not always right … ask MY kids!

I work with ‘my’ students about six and one half hours a day, for a year, maybe two or three … their moms are with them for life.

To be a mom of a child with special needs means living with public scrutiny, public embarrassment and public shame.

To be a mom of a child with special needs means living with a large host of professionals who ‘are better educated’ about your child’s ‘needs’, than you.

To be a mom of a child with special needs means constantly having to hear what is ‘wrong’ with your child.

“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle.

I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.”

Mother Teresa

But …

To be a mom of a child with special needs also means …

being a mom to a son or daughter

who you have dreams for

(what good mother doesn’t?)

who you have fears for

(what good mother doesn’t?)

who you love, with that unconditional love that is called ‘Momma Love’

(what good mother doesn’t?)

PERIOD!

I remember well the day I realized how heavy the weight can be to be a mom of a child with special needs. The mom was bringing her daughter to school, and I asked how the new ‘special’ air mattress for her child was working. The mom’s reply was that she had just had her first full night’s sleep in YEARS. Now I do not mean one or two years … this ‘child’ was about sixteen years old …

Then there is the mom with a child who, as a toddler, would sit still on a blanket when out at the park. And the other moms of toddlers would tell her how ‘lucky’ she was that she didn’t have to run around after him … when, inside, she so wished that her son would need her to run after him.

Then there is the mom whose son is mostly non-verbal, and can be violent and aggressive. She spends most waking hours ensuring that she knows where he is, as he is a flight risk. When her son does express affection, adoration and love it is never to or for her, because her son only has eyes for other males.

Then there is the mom who spent many years doing homework with / for her son, so that he would not be embarrassed that his work was obviously ‘inferior’ to that of his classmates.

Then there is the mom who has taken on the task of raising the special needs child of another woman. And that child’s special needs are the direct result of the actions of the child’s birth mother.

Then there is the mom, whose child has been so discouraged by teachers, leaders and other adults that don’t ‘believe’ his diagnosis, preferring to think that this student is simply ‘lazy’. And this child, so beaten down by the bad attitudes of some teachers, leaders and adults in his life that he has chosen to be viewed as bad over being seen as stupid. And his mom has picked up the phone far too many times to hear the school principal’s voice to tell her of another antic causing harm to people or property.

And then the mom of the child with Down’s Syndrome (Trisomy 21) who NEVER goes out in public, with her child, without facing strangers staring at her child …

“Hey, keep staring at me and you just might cure my disability.

Then we can work on YOUR social skills.”

Anonymous

How many of us, as parents, as moms, have said, ‘I wish my son, my daughter could stay a baby forever’? To the mom of many special needs children, that wish of yours can be like a curse to them. As they might have a child who will never live independently, or have a job, or learn to drive, or learn to count, or be toilet trained.

I like to think that I have thick skin, but I know that mine is nothing compared to the mom of a child with special needs.

For anyone out there who is the mom of a child/children with special needs, may you know that …

I don’t know more than you, about your child

I don’t look at your child as a disability to our society

I don’t look down at you

I don’t know how you feel

… and there are many more, who feel the same way.

All that to say, I just wanted to give you some positive ‘air time’. And to tell you, that if I have worked with your son or daughter, I have respected, appreciated and prayed for you …and may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

“Perseverance is not a long race.

It is many short races one after another.”

W. Elliot

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Graduation

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Graduation, High School, Life, Memories on June 16, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Graduation happens tonight for two of my three students (boy, do I know how to work myself out of a job). And, as with many ‘formalities’ in our lives, it takes me back … way back!

It has been twenty-four years since I graduated from high school, and twenty-two since I graduated from college with a certificate/diploma in drafting (that I have only used for ten months professionally, and for twenty-two years, designing my dream house).

I vividly remember the excitement of shopping for a dress for prom, our grad song (“Lean on Me”), planning what to do after our graduation ceremony, and looking forward to gifts of money …

In my small town of 1600’ish (at that time), high school graduation was HUGE! People from the community would come to watch the grads enter the school for prom (it was there because, in such a small town, the school had the largest facilities), to ohh and awe at the gowns, the spiffed up guys, and now they come to see what they will arrive in (apparently combine harvesters are not unusual now in that rural village). People from the community would come to the ceremony, like it was a community event … because it was!

University was not the goal of most of my fellow grads, although many did go … for a year (or, in my case, a few months) and a number even graduated. Many did go to college. But getting a job was the main goal for most … in a day and time when ‘you need to have a university degree to succeed’ was preached regularly preached at us. I am still, twenty-four years later, amazed that educated people can think that any one path works for all … obviously they forget that the people who fix their broken cars, unplug their septic systems, and wire that new outlet all do so without an undergrad! But, I digress …

Last nights graduation also took me back a year, to my oldest daughter’s graduation from high school. I still get ‘mamma guilted’ for not shedding a tear at that event (so she thinks 😉 ). To be honest, there weren’t many tears shed around her graduation. Not because I was not proud, but because graduation from high school is so … common today.

And that is a good thing.

But also, for my first born (who works her butt off), school (the academics of it) is not a huge struggle. Now she does well, because she works so hard, but she is an academic. So, for her, graduation was more of a celebration because it marked the beginnings of more study, just in an area she is more interested in … psychology (and it marked the beginnings of her study of us … her family).

For many, though, having society-imposed academic hoops to jump through is the greatest struggle of their life! And for those students, high school graduation (whatever ‘title’ their diploma has … dogwood or evergreen) is their finest moment … so far …

Thankfully, graduation from high school is just a step on the ladder of life … IT IS NOT LIFE itself! High school is just a very small microcosm of of life itself. It is not a predictor of future success (Winston Churchill failed grade 6), it is not the finest moment of life (there are so many that do not come until after high school graduation … like, following your passion, whatever it might be), it is not necessarily the place where people know you best (and I mean classmates, as well as teachers … give it about two to four years, and the light of who really knows you best will be ignited).

For the students I was paid to assist, as well as all others, congratulations … but don’t stop climbing … the peak of the mountain is just barely in view … and it’s all up from here.

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Wonder … Lost :(

Posted in Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged Hubby, Life, NHL Playoffs, walk, Wonder Lost on June 7, 2011| 2 Comments »

A beautiful, sunny and warm Saturday … life just couldn’t get much better! Except maybe, if it included a long walk on my favorite trail …

So, before 9am, while fully enjoying my morning brew, I did a life-on the edge thing … I attempted to engage hubby in morning conversation (I am a morning person … Hubby … not so much). And, it went something like this …

“It’s a great day for a walk.”

“Um, hum.” (still staring at laptop screen) “When do you want to go?”

“Well, I’ll give you two options, and you choose the one that works best for you. We could go, say in an hour (I was pretty certain this would not be his choice … but it would have been mine). Or, if we went at four, we could do the two hour walk, and you would only miss the first hour of the game (okay, I did make this suggestion hoping his love of hockey would triumph over his not being a morning person, and he would choose door number one. After all it was game two of the NHL finals! What self-respecting Canadian would CHOOSE to miss the first half of that game? And, I digress …).

“Well, I honestly don’t want to go in an hour, so 4:00 sounds good for me.”

… there just are no words …

So, I spent the morning working 😦 in my PJ’s (wondering what I was thinking when I said I’d be willing to work on a big project with another lady … ), and hubby spent the morning doing odd jobs (did I mention that the sun was shining, as though it was summer, while we were working?). As the afternoon was wearing on, I was seeing that hubby was not happy with his progress on his ‘to do’ list. This caused me to fear that our walk was in danger of cancellation. So, I kindly, gently, pleasantly reminded hubby that it was 2:00. Then I asked, “are you still in for a walk?” His response was affirmative … I was doubtful.

His disappointingly slow progress continued … as the minutes ticked by.

Until almost 4:00, when I was sure that my highlight of the day, was doomed. This time I sat hubby down, and assured him that I would not be offended if he chose to not go for a walk with me, but that I wasn’t so keen on waiting much longer to go. And he said, he just needed fifteen minutes more …

So we drove, with our beast, to hit the trail! We walked for about 38 minutes, then turned around to head back. Just after turning back, (definitely after the hockey game began), my hubby did the unspeakable …

He turned the game on …on his phone … so he could hear it!

I love our walks …

I love the peacefulness of them …

I love the escape they provide from noises …

I love the wonder they bring to my day …

And he was playing the game … loudly …

… there just are no words …

Wonder …. LOST!

As the volcano within me was building to a near-cataclysmic point, I decided to just be forthright and tell it like I saw it …

“Um, how about you walk ahead … way ahead.”

“Are you in pain?” Says ‘sensitive, new age hubby.’

“Only my ears … ”

Silence …

(PS: I made him aware that he would pay for his faux pas, publicly … debt now paid, hubby )

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Just the way You Are

Posted in life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged Bruno Mars, Concert, Daughters, Just the Way You Are, Life on June 6, 2011| 2 Comments »

Tonight my daughters and I had a ‘girl date’ with Bruno Mars. This is the concert that has altered the schedule of the NHL playoffs 😀 Kind of increased our giggly enjoyment!

The tickets were purchased as birthday gifts to my now fourteen year old, and my ‘to be’ nineteen year old. The three of us have never gone to a concert … just us, so it was fun and exciting.

So to the concert we went.

The sun was shining (and, considering our wet and cold spring … that was a near miracle), and the traffic insane (but that is ALWAYS the case in the Lower Mainland of BC). We made a stop at Ikea for a cheap dinner 😀 (it always tastes better when it is cheap!), and for a bit of window shopping (something only a girl can understand … hubby writes a list, goes where he will find what he wants, pick it out, pays for it, and goes home … b o r i n g !).

We parked, walked along the shining waters of False Creek, laughing and giggling … mostly about ourselves and about boys … any boys … their brothers, their dad, boys at school, boys doing bike and skateboard ‘tricks’ in front of us as we walked.

We arrived as the first musician was performing … he was great! He sang mostly 80’s music … I loved it … the girls rolled their eyes.

The second opening act was Janelle Monae … you might have heard her song Tightrope on the Chevrolet Cruze advertisements. During her entire performance I felt as though I was at a Mardi Gras party in New Orleans! She is an amazing performer!

Then, Mr. BM (my daughters just DID NOT find my calling him a BM … bowel movement … funny at all) hit the stage! WOW! He was great! He wooed the crowd of many … not sold out, but many loud, fun-loving people. The age range of attendees was, from my vantage point, from about three years old to over seventy.

Bruno had a great stage performance, with fantastic and energetic musicians along with him.

The girls and I danced and sang along with Bruno … we clapped, we swayed they swooned (because he was, of course, singing only to them). We had a super evening of girl-time.

Mr. Mars (and, of course, we are Ms. Venus) had a great concert (which started at 7:30, and didn’t end until 11pm). That doesn’t mean I give him a thumbs up when it comes to all that he produces … but I also don’t choose to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Although his ‘Grenade’ song seems self sacrificial, it also seems he needs to get a grip on the reality that ‘his’ girl just isn’t his! And, although it might be quite tame (and nothing like some songs lyrics of terrible violations of others), ‘Our First Time’, is not the message I want my girls to fall for, in real life.

What these questionable messages do provide is ample opportunity to discuss how we each hear those lyrics, what we each believe about the messages, and the good, bad and the ugly of what many in our society believe to be ‘normal’, ‘common’ and ‘real.’ Those conversations can be worth the cost of admission!

So, today as I don’t feel like doing anything (I just want to lay in my bed) … I am just thankful that my two daughters, even at fourteen and eighteen, are willing to go have an evening with their out-of-date momma. It was more like a gift TO me.
“When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl(s) you’re amazing
Just the way you are”