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Posts Tagged ‘Life’

A Rose By Any Other Name

Posted in A Rose by any other Name, WONDER, tagged A Rose by any other Name, Bench, Death, Future, Hope, Life, Past, Present, Rose on June 7, 2012| 1 Comment »

This is a series about a woman, roses on a park bench, and an amazing set of circumstances that bring her into a new future … one she never could have dreamed, would take her from sorrow to hope.
Each week there will be a new installment.

Prelude

Walking to the bench, the bench I had passed so many times, was like that magical experience of walking the flower lined aisle at my wedding, with my eyes filled with contained tears. I was walking deliberately, intentionally, from the past, and into a new future, full of dreams and hopes like a bride, eager to sign the marriage covenant with the one she loves.

As I lay the bouquet on the bench, and the tears spilled onto my cheeks, a sense of beginning and of completion took over. All of the pieces of my life were flashing before me. I could see how interwoven each and every step of my life was.

I felt as though by laying these roses on the bench, I was saying goodbye and hello. I felt as though my action, although small, tied me to the past and to the future at the same time.

My future … it was not long ago that I felt I had no future. It was just days before when death looked more hopeful than life itself. It was just days before when a death brought me back to life. No, not back to life, it was as if I was introduced to life for the first time.

Days ago, I had not dreamed that I would, that I could find such value and satisfaction from such a simple act. Days ago death was all I could see.

There is just no way that anyone could ever have constructed the details of so many things of the past number of years, of my whole life, to bring me to this point. In the most perfect of timing, revelations of my past were placed into my hands, and they allowed me to open the door to my future. It was all such impossibility that these circumstances were laid out in front of my, in a way that would bring me full circle.

The questions that I had stopped asking, but were always with me, were answered. The pieces of my life had come together in the most beautiful bouquet of completion. My life, my whole life, had come together, like seeds and plants of a variety of species, planted together in a garden designed by a master

There is only one way for all of these pieces to come together in the way they had, and that way was so out of my control, and yet in complete control of my entire life, all this time.

I took a deep breath, stood back to look at those roses on the bench, tears flowing steadily.

From somewhere deep inside of me, a song emerged on my tongue;

“I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses …”

Rose Part 2

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Grumpy Older Men

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Aging, Dreams, experience, grumpy, John Barrymore, Life, negative, Old, Oscar the Grouch, Psalm 92:14, Regrets, T. S. Eliot on June 6, 2012| 7 Comments »

I am archaic, but I am thankful that I am an archaic, aging woman, and not an archaic, aging man.

Recently I have encountered a number of men, who are of the age of fifty’ish, who are … negative, opinionated, stubborn and … grumpy! There have been enough of them that I have started to view every man who appears to be about that age, with the belief that he needs to be avoided at all costs.

In each of the situations of grumpy men, there would appear to be no outward reason for their poor attitudes.

They all have jobs, and solid, secure jobs at that. They would all appear to have healthy, intact, families. They would all appear to have, what most of us would deem, a good life.

I am not sure that they are recognizing their ‘good life’ as good.

Every time that I have encountered one of these ‘gentlemen’ I walk (quickly) away thinking, is there something horrible going on in their life that I know nothing of, or are they simply focusing so much on what they are missing out on that they cannot see what they have?

Now these guys who I am thinking of are not simply guys who are having an ‘off’ day. They are grumpy on a consistent, regular basis. If they were a Sesame Street character they would all be Oscar the Grouch.

John Barrymore said that “a man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.” Maybe this is what has happened to these men, and the women of equal grumpiness. Maybe they are entering the second half of life burdened with the regrets of things they did, or did not do, in the first half.

Or maybe, T.S. Eliot’s belief is true, “I don’t believe one grows older. I think that what happens early on in life is that at a certain age one stands still and stagnates.” If this is the reality for the grumpy, unhappy, negative, hopeless men and women in our lives, that is a most heartbreaking thing. To have the gift of life in our hands (our feet, our brain, our heart).

It makes me want to live differently. It makes me want to live with hope, continue to dream, and greet each day as the gift that it is, with all of the opportunities and possibilities that were there twenty years ago. The blessing of being ‘middle aged’ is that I can awaken each day with the same possibilities as when I was younger, but now I do so with the added benefit of experience and wisdom (well, experience at least 😉 ).

“They will bear fruit even when old and gray;
they will remain lush and fresh”
Psalm 92:14

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Before I Die

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged bucket list, bucket list publications, buried life, Death, die, Life, Matthew Arnold, mtv, Poem on June 4, 2012| 2 Comments »

Until I watched the 2002 movie, “A Walk to Remember”, I had no knowledge of people making lists of what they hoped to do before they die. Until the 2007 movie, “The Bucket List”, I had no understanding of what a bucket list was.

Since seeing those hilarious, sorrow filled, thought provoking movies, thoughts of what do I want to do before I die have ebbed and flowed in my mind.

Pondering what we want to do before we die first requires that we admit that we will, one day, leave this life that we know. That can, in itself, be a sobering thought. I believe it was pastor and sociologist Tony Campolo who said, “I don’t want to die, I like it here.”

Last year I happened to have gotten a ‘like’ from a woman who is also a blogger. When I checked out her blog I discovered that Ms. Lesley Carter had taught high school in Riverview, New Brunswick … just a hop, skip and a jump up the mighty Petitcodiac River from where I grew up. This meant that we are almost related. She has a brilliant blog called Bucket List Publications which accepts donations to a fund, as well as applications to ‘win’ the means to fulfill a bucket list dream. Lesley works along with her hubby, Darren, to choose at least one lucky winner each month. Her blog writing has inspired me, from my first reads, and the dream fulfilling that they are doing is spectacular.

Bucket List Publications says that this quote, by Eleanor Roosevelt, describes their goals perfectly, “the purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.”

Just this weekend, my eldest daughter introduced me to “the Buried Life” television program. Four blogger guys (Ben, Dave, Duncan and Jonnie … Canadians and Americans) who all attended university together in Victoria, B.C. In 2006 they set off across North America to fulfill their list of one hundred things to do before you die. Then, as each item was crossed off, they would then, in turn, assist a total stranger fulfill one thing that they have always wished they could one day do.

(If you wanna check out this show go to mtv and watch the episode where they help deliver a baby … so worth the watch)

They make the ridiculous fit like a glove with the series, the meaningful the somber. They leave you with the question, “what do you want to do before you die.”

I wonder, what do I want to do before I die?

In so many ways, I have done all that I ever wanted to do, already. But, I might only be half way through this life I have been given, and I feel a need to seek out more from this life than I have already done, and tasted, and seen, and experienced … and given.

The Buried Life guys got their name from a poem written over one hundred and fifty years ago, by Matthew Arnold. Just a small sampling follows :

“But often, in the world’s most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;
A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course;
A longing to inquire
Into the mystery of this heart which beats
So wild, so deep in us–to know
Whence our lives come and where they go …
… And there arrives a lull in the hot race
Wherein he doth for ever chase
That flying and elusive shadow, rest.
An air of coolness plays upon his face,
And an unwonted calm pervades his breast.
And then he thinks he knows
The hills where his life rose,
And the sea where it goes. ”

What do you want to do, before you die?

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Becoming Mom

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Becoming Mom, changes, differently, expecting, first child, Heart, Life, never the same, Pregnancy, veteran mom on May 29, 2012| 8 Comments »

It was an exciting day in church when, one after another, three couple announced that they were each to have their first baby. The cheers rang out throughout the sanctuary. Smiles were wide and bright. A fresh sense of joy and elation surrounded the cloud of witnesses.

Each of the couples are healthy, educated adults, who will be fantastic moms.

It seems as though there is a baby boom of sorts in the circles of my daily life. There are baby bumps everywhere! It is as though pregnancy has reached epidemic proportions!

For so many of these pregnant women in and around my life, this is their first child.

When I speak with other ‘veteran’ moms about those who are expecting their first child, we share the same thought that “they have no idea how their lives are about to change.” This is the common response of those of us who are ‘veteran moms’, when we hear of a woman expecting her first child. There is such a sense of joy for those expectant moms, mixed a bit with sorrow. Not sorrow, because they are having a baby, but sorrow because they are losing an innocence that they will never have back again.

When ‘veteran’ moms hear of a first-time expecting mom, we try to flash back to the point of life that they are at. We try to remember what our book educated, dreamy-pictured, idealistic thoughts were of pregnancy, childbirth and parenting. We try to recall how little we thought that our life, our marriage, out BODY would change.

But, once we pass through the veil to motherhood … there is no going back! The door is shut, locked and sealed. There is no ‘before’ life, as a mom.

Whenever I hear of a woman expecting her first child, I think how beautifully naive she is (no matter the books she reads, or the people she talks to). I think of how she is living in a state of the calm before the storm (although, for some, pregnancy is a storm in and of itself). I think about how, when she gives birth (or brings that adopted child home), she is not just laboring for the birth of her child, but she is also laboring for the birth of her new self, for she is about to be re-born, as a new creation … she is about to be … mom.

She is new because she will be different from the inside out.

She will think differently, spend her time differently, shop differently and prioritize every part of her life differently.

No longer will she be able to hear a child cry, and ignore it.

No longer will she be able to watch news stories about lost, or abused, or sick children and be able to forget it.

No longer will she hear of a lost child in a public place, and not help to find them.

No longer will she be able to not glance at a baby in a stroller, when passing by.

No longer will she see a woman will an agitated child, and not have her heart go out to the woman.

She will be changed, a new creation, like the one she holds in her womb, or her arms, a new life is about to begin.

And what an adventure-filled life it is!

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Pursued

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged being caught, chasing, Life, Love, phases of love, pursued, young love on May 23, 2012| Leave a Comment »

To be pursued is to be followed, chased, sought after.

When a villain is being pursued by the police, it is for capture, incarceration. The police are determined to do whatever it takes to get their man/woman. It is of great importance, great need. They seek to know all they can about the one they want in order to make that villain theirs.

When a lover is being pursued, it too is for capture. The person pursuing is determined to do whatever it takes to get their man/woman. It too is of great importance, great need, and the one seeking will do all that they can to know the person they pursue in order to make him or her theirs.

When we know that we are pursued we either ramp up our pace … or slow it down.

In the phases of life and love, our nature often overtakes our brain in matters of being pursued, and in the pursuing.

In the phase of young or new love, one person is often a pursuer, followed by the other. Often the male is the pursuer, which is probably due to his ‘hunter gatherer’ nature, and we females are often the pursued, naturally ready for the chase. They strive to know how to get together, how to be together. Their energies are focused on this end goal.

Once the pursuit has achieved it’s goal, naturally the pursuing wanes. The euphoria of being pursued also wanes.

But, the need to be pursued continues.

There is nothing more sad to see than such a recipe for disaster. The ingredients of disaster in relation to committed love involve a discontinuing of pursuit of each other.

You can see it in the people you work with, the people you have coffee with, in the mirror. It is the look of stagnancy, of going nowhere, because there is no one who is moving them forward in the pursuit of them. Once this stagnancy begins the risk of responding to the pursuits of others increases … for we were made to run.

Our human need to be pursued continues, even when jobs are demanding, even when kids schedules equal those in the leadership of nations, even when we feel there is nothing and no one left to pursue, because we have caught, been caught, already. And if we, who once pursued so voraciously, cease to continue the chase, there is always someone else willing to lap us in our easy chairs … it’s our nature.

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Chalk is Cheap

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Blessing, chalk, chalk boards, Dust, Genesis 3:19, impact, interconnected, irritation, Life on May 17, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Chalk is cheap … I put those words together just knowing that there would someday be a message emerge from my clever creation of alliteration. Finally, months after creating the title in my “drafts” folder, I have figured out how to use it.

Back in the caveman days of my youth, we did not have dust free white boards, or clever ‘Smart Boards’, we had chalk boards. They were usually green or black, and the teacher wrote on them with chalk (or, if the class got out of hand, the teacher would scratch his or her fingernails on it, sending shivers down our back that would last until bedtime). Chalk … dry, dusty, chalk.

As a young student, I LOVED chalk boards! I loved how the chalk moved across the board, and I loved how easy it was to get rid of mistakes, because the eraser eliminated any trace of what I had written … except for the mound of chalk that would fall as things were erased, like a pretty pile of snow in winter.

That mound of chalk dust would lie on the shelf, at the bottom of the chalkboard, until a teacher cleaned it off into the garbage, or a classmate with a mischievous look in their eye, would sweep it into his (lets face it, it was almost always a male) hand, then he would blow it into the faces of whoever he wanted to make sneeze, and coat their faces with the white stuff.

I imagine that many of us still have that fine chalk dust coursing through our lungs, creating who knows what sort of health hazards.

To me, that chalk dust is like the impact of how we live our days, on the lives of others.

Like chalk on a chalk board, we write our messages, we teach our lessons, and we make our mistakes.

Like chalk on a chalk board, we write and write, we work and work, and the dust is all that remains in the end.

Like chalk on a chalk board, the dust of our day falls haphazardly through the air, through our community, through our circles, and we have little control over where it might land.

Like chalk on a chalk board, the impact of the dust of our days living lands, and it can be swept away to the trash, or it can get into the fabric of what it touches.

The dust of our days living, lands and sticks to the fabric of another person’s life. Our lives are not untouched by the lives of others. We are interwoven into the fabric of each others lives. We are a part of a bigger picture in the world, and the dust of our days impacts those around us.

For some, the dust of our days is like the beautiful vision of pure, white snow, feeling soft and gentle. For others it is like a dust cloud being forcefully blown into our faces, making us cough and gag.

Although we “are dust, and to dust we will return” (Genesis 3:19), the impact of our days lands or blows into the lives of others. We need to live knowing that we can either be an irritation or a blessing.

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A Letter on Being Mom

Posted in life, Love, The Kids, WONDER, tagged baby, Being Mom, Children, Dreams, Kids, Life, Mom, Mommy, Sleep, sleeping child on May 10, 2012| 4 Comments »

Since my first memories being a wife and mother were the two constant goals of my life. By the age of twenty-three (and a half) I had been married for three years, and was holding our baby daughter. Now, at age forty-three, I have three earthly, and five heavenly children … be careful what you wish for!

As a girl I wanted to be a mommy. I wanted to dress my babies in pretty clothes (I guess they were always girl babies), I wanted to feed them, I wanted to take them for a walk and lay them gently in their bed at night …

As a teenager, I had two personalities. The one wanted a good job, and independence. The other wanted to have babies, who I imagined rocking to sleep, and teaching to walk, and sharing giggles, and lay them gently in their bed at night …

… and watch them sleep.

When each of my children were babies, there was no sweeter thing than to hold their sleeping body in my arms and just … watch them sleep (well except for daughter number two, who never slept).

When they were each toddlers, who spent every second that they were awake in motion, there was nothing better than to sneak into their rooms at night, and watch how that child of terrible two (or blood thirsty three) suddenly became a little angel.

When they were each starting kindergarten, all so eager for this step towards independence, I would sneak into their room the night before the big day, and try to remember every last memory of that moment, for it was the last time that they would be mommy’s little girl or boy.

When they had their first fight with a friend, at school or home, with words or fists, I would sit beside their beds at night and wish that I could take the inevitable hurts from their lives.

When I would yell or make a big mistake, and have to apologize that day to them for my error, that night I would kneel by their beds and pray that God would teach me to forgive, as they always forgave me.

When their dreams were coming true, and life was going splendid for them, I would come into their rooms, bend over and whisper, “I always knew you could do it.”

When I cannot sleep at night,
When my heart is aching from a fight,
When I just need to hold you with all my might,
I will watch you when you sleep,
To a mom, it is the sweetest sight.

Thanks to my kids, for making my dream of being Mom a reality.
May your dreams come true too … I’ve always known you could do it!

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The Day I wanted to Run Away

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged flee, John 14, Life, Lincoln Brewster, new, running away, seek, seeking, status quo, Struggles on April 12, 2012| 7 Comments »

I remember the day I wanted to run away. The temptation was so great, I was almost certain that I should just do it. Everything within me wanted to run. It had seemed as though nothing was going right, and I saw no other way out. The horizon looked to be so appealing to me, and I so wanted to turn around and head that way. I had nothing packed, but really didn’t care, I was ready to go.

That was just the other day.

I had just bought groceries, and was heading home. It had been a beautiful warm spring afternoon. The sun was setting, and the air was clean with the fragrance of spring. There was something in the sky, in the air, that just made me want to turn my vehicle around and drive from the direction of my home.

It is not that I was particularly frustrated with my life. I love my family. I enjoy my job. I have good friends, and a good life. It was more a matter of seeking adventure, of seeking something new, of seeking …

I think my inclination to run away is not something that only I have experienced. I have a feeling that we all have days (weeks, months, even years) when we simply feel that our life is missing something, that we are missing something.

Some give in to the temptation to seek. We see that in the person who is regularly changing jobs, changing cars, changing houses, changing spouses. We see their frustration with the status quo, then we see them make a change. They are in a state of delight and excitement. Then, the novelty of the new ‘toy’ starts to wear off, and, gradually, they are back in a new state of status quo … and it usually does not look too different from the original one.

So, if new changes and adventures and people do not end our seeking, then they are not what we are really seeking.

What we seek does not get found in leaving the life we have. What we seek is not available to us here and now. What we seek is beyond, not just the front door of our homes, but beyond our earthly life. We seek and strive for the Eden existence we were created for.

This life we live is not what we were created for. We were created to spend our lives walking in the garden with our Creator.

There will still be days when we just want to run away, because we do live in a flawed world, full of struggles. But we need to keep in mind that there is a place awaiting us, and one day we will be be taken there, by the one who is already preparing a place for us.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled.
You believe in God; believe also in me.
My Father’s house has many rooms;
if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?
And if I go and prepare a place for you,
I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
You know the way to the place where I am going.”
John 14:1-4

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A Titanic Week

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged 1912, April 10, died, Life, loss, marketing, one hundred years, perished, sinking, Southampton, sunk, Titanic, tragedy, voyage on April 10, 2012| 1 Comment »

One hundred years ago today, the RMS Titanic set off from Southampton, England. It was to be the cruising experience of a lifetime on the most luxurious vessel of it’s time. For most on that ship, it was the final experience of their lifetime.

One hundred years after it’s first and final voyage, we are still fascinated by it’s dramatic demise and mysterious grave.

Last week James Cameron’s epic Titanic was re-released in 3D. If you enter a book store, books on the Titanic are featured in almost every reading age and genre of the store. Television specials will be on for at least a week. T-shirts are in stores with pictures and references to the ship. For those who are really intrigued, you can even book a trip on a luxury cruise ship to commemorate the titanic voyage, by sailing the same route as the Titanic, with a stop above it’s watery grave for a memorial service.

Truly, the Titanic has been, and will continue to be, a titanic money maker for those marketing it’s memory.

There are times in my life, when I have had a decision to make, that is a difficult one, and I do not know which way to go. Or times when I am in the midst of a stressful struggle in some part of my life, and I feel overwhelmed with my circumstances. During these times, I try to ask myself, “in one hundred years, will this situation, this decision, matter?”

I find it sad to think that those who perished on that voyage, will be mostly remembered for their deaths, rather than for their lives. For them, their decision to take a cruise on the Titanic, was a decision that matters still, one hundred years later. For those who were directly connected to the passengers or the crew of the Titanic, the people on that ship lived a life before their death.

In the deaths of those over fifteen hundred men, women and children, died people who were more intimately known for how they lived. There were mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, sons and daughters. There were breadwinners and homemakers, debutantes and male bachelors, there were dock workers and billionaires.

These people were people, just like us, who awoke each day desiring a cup of coffee or tea, who had worries in their hearts and to do lists in their heads. And they, like we will, died with the name of a loved one on their lips.

Those who were lost in the cold waters of the Atlantic, were not just passengers of a ship, they were people who left holes in the lives of those who felt the very real loss of that tragedy. But, it is their lives, not their loss that left the legacy that matters one hundred years later.

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What Would you Do?

Posted in life, women, WONDER, tagged Abuse, Choices, Life, Pregnancy, Pregnant, Psalm 139, single and pregnant, Unwed and Pregnant, What would you do? on March 22, 2012| Leave a Comment »

What would you advise? What would you suggest? What would you do?

A young woman discovers she is pregnant.

She works an office job. She makes little money. She does not have a car … or her drivers license.

She still lives at home with her parents. A household where she has witnessed, and experienced, emotional, physical and sexual abuse.

Her boyfriend, of a few years, asks whose baby it is. He is not planning to stick around!

She is pregnant.

What would you advise her? What would you suggest she do? What would you do, if you were that girl?

Really, what would you advise? What would you do?

The girl has options:
1. abort the pregnancy
2. go to term, and allow the baby to be adopted
3. keep the baby

What would you do? Seriously!

This is not a new, or uncommon situation. It is one that has directly affected the lives of many women, through all generations. It is not an easy situation. It is not a comfortable one.

Now, seriously, what would you advise? What would you do?

I will tell you what this young woman did …

She continued the pregnancy, and delivered a healthy baby girl. She kept the child. She, and her child, continued to live in her parents home until she met and married a man who proposed to her, and asked to adopt her child simultaneously. The child grew, and was joined by two brothers (who were royal pains in the … neck). She grew up, married, had three children, had friends, and hobbies, and a job she loves. She found her Creator through the faith and life of her grandmother. She has not had a flawless, perfect life, but she has had … life.

Today, forty-three years later, I celebrate my birthday. In real terms, I celebrate my meaningful life, because my mother made a tough decision, without any knowledge of how this decision was going to play out.

Even as I contemplate the circumstances through which she made her decision, and even though I am thankful for the life she chose to give me, I do not know that I would advise or counsel another woman to do the same. Her circumstances would make the decision to continue the pregnancy and to keep her child so … unwise.

Whether or not my mother acknowledged this at the time or not, we do not know the future, and we do not know the purpose in pain, or the value in struggle. Only our Creator knows why the DNA of two people came together to form a new being, a new life.

My life has not been flawless, or perfect. It has not been without pain, or struggle, or heartache. I have not lived a life without regrets, or sins. I have felt hurt, and pain, and not understood why bad things have happened in my life.

But, I have had … life.

And I have my mother and the strength that she possessed when she decided to continue her pregnancy to term, give birth to and raise me.

Thanks mom, for giving me a happy birthday.

Now, what would you have done?

^“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts,God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you. ”
Psalm 139:13-18