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Posts Tagged ‘Life’

Pursued

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged being caught, chasing, Life, Love, phases of love, pursued, young love on May 23, 2012| Leave a Comment »

To be pursued is to be followed, chased, sought after.

When a villain is being pursued by the police, it is for capture, incarceration. The police are determined to do whatever it takes to get their man/woman. It is of great importance, great need. They seek to know all they can about the one they want in order to make that villain theirs.

When a lover is being pursued, it too is for capture. The person pursuing is determined to do whatever it takes to get their man/woman. It too is of great importance, great need, and the one seeking will do all that they can to know the person they pursue in order to make him or her theirs.

When we know that we are pursued we either ramp up our pace … or slow it down.

In the phases of life and love, our nature often overtakes our brain in matters of being pursued, and in the pursuing.

In the phase of young or new love, one person is often a pursuer, followed by the other. Often the male is the pursuer, which is probably due to his ‘hunter gatherer’ nature, and we females are often the pursued, naturally ready for the chase. They strive to know how to get together, how to be together. Their energies are focused on this end goal.

Once the pursuit has achieved it’s goal, naturally the pursuing wanes. The euphoria of being pursued also wanes.

But, the need to be pursued continues.

There is nothing more sad to see than such a recipe for disaster. The ingredients of disaster in relation to committed love involve a discontinuing of pursuit of each other.

You can see it in the people you work with, the people you have coffee with, in the mirror. It is the look of stagnancy, of going nowhere, because there is no one who is moving them forward in the pursuit of them. Once this stagnancy begins the risk of responding to the pursuits of others increases … for we were made to run.

Our human need to be pursued continues, even when jobs are demanding, even when kids schedules equal those in the leadership of nations, even when we feel there is nothing and no one left to pursue, because we have caught, been caught, already. And if we, who once pursued so voraciously, cease to continue the chase, there is always someone else willing to lap us in our easy chairs … it’s our nature.

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Chalk is Cheap

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Blessing, chalk, chalk boards, Dust, Genesis 3:19, impact, interconnected, irritation, Life on May 17, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Chalk is cheap … I put those words together just knowing that there would someday be a message emerge from my clever creation of alliteration. Finally, months after creating the title in my “drafts” folder, I have figured out how to use it.

Back in the caveman days of my youth, we did not have dust free white boards, or clever ‘Smart Boards’, we had chalk boards. They were usually green or black, and the teacher wrote on them with chalk (or, if the class got out of hand, the teacher would scratch his or her fingernails on it, sending shivers down our back that would last until bedtime). Chalk … dry, dusty, chalk.

As a young student, I LOVED chalk boards! I loved how the chalk moved across the board, and I loved how easy it was to get rid of mistakes, because the eraser eliminated any trace of what I had written … except for the mound of chalk that would fall as things were erased, like a pretty pile of snow in winter.

That mound of chalk dust would lie on the shelf, at the bottom of the chalkboard, until a teacher cleaned it off into the garbage, or a classmate with a mischievous look in their eye, would sweep it into his (lets face it, it was almost always a male) hand, then he would blow it into the faces of whoever he wanted to make sneeze, and coat their faces with the white stuff.

I imagine that many of us still have that fine chalk dust coursing through our lungs, creating who knows what sort of health hazards.

To me, that chalk dust is like the impact of how we live our days, on the lives of others.

Like chalk on a chalk board, we write our messages, we teach our lessons, and we make our mistakes.

Like chalk on a chalk board, we write and write, we work and work, and the dust is all that remains in the end.

Like chalk on a chalk board, the dust of our day falls haphazardly through the air, through our community, through our circles, and we have little control over where it might land.

Like chalk on a chalk board, the impact of the dust of our days living lands, and it can be swept away to the trash, or it can get into the fabric of what it touches.

The dust of our days living, lands and sticks to the fabric of another person’s life. Our lives are not untouched by the lives of others. We are interwoven into the fabric of each others lives. We are a part of a bigger picture in the world, and the dust of our days impacts those around us.

For some, the dust of our days is like the beautiful vision of pure, white snow, feeling soft and gentle. For others it is like a dust cloud being forcefully blown into our faces, making us cough and gag.

Although we “are dust, and to dust we will return” (Genesis 3:19), the impact of our days lands or blows into the lives of others. We need to live knowing that we can either be an irritation or a blessing.

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A Letter on Being Mom

Posted in life, Love, The Kids, WONDER, tagged baby, Being Mom, Children, Dreams, Kids, Life, Mom, Mommy, Sleep, sleeping child on May 10, 2012| 4 Comments »

Since my first memories being a wife and mother were the two constant goals of my life. By the age of twenty-three (and a half) I had been married for three years, and was holding our baby daughter. Now, at age forty-three, I have three earthly, and five heavenly children … be careful what you wish for!

As a girl I wanted to be a mommy. I wanted to dress my babies in pretty clothes (I guess they were always girl babies), I wanted to feed them, I wanted to take them for a walk and lay them gently in their bed at night …

As a teenager, I had two personalities. The one wanted a good job, and independence. The other wanted to have babies, who I imagined rocking to sleep, and teaching to walk, and sharing giggles, and lay them gently in their bed at night …

… and watch them sleep.

When each of my children were babies, there was no sweeter thing than to hold their sleeping body in my arms and just … watch them sleep (well except for daughter number two, who never slept).

When they were each toddlers, who spent every second that they were awake in motion, there was nothing better than to sneak into their rooms at night, and watch how that child of terrible two (or blood thirsty three) suddenly became a little angel.

When they were each starting kindergarten, all so eager for this step towards independence, I would sneak into their room the night before the big day, and try to remember every last memory of that moment, for it was the last time that they would be mommy’s little girl or boy.

When they had their first fight with a friend, at school or home, with words or fists, I would sit beside their beds at night and wish that I could take the inevitable hurts from their lives.

When I would yell or make a big mistake, and have to apologize that day to them for my error, that night I would kneel by their beds and pray that God would teach me to forgive, as they always forgave me.

When their dreams were coming true, and life was going splendid for them, I would come into their rooms, bend over and whisper, “I always knew you could do it.”

When I cannot sleep at night,
When my heart is aching from a fight,
When I just need to hold you with all my might,
I will watch you when you sleep,
To a mom, it is the sweetest sight.

Thanks to my kids, for making my dream of being Mom a reality.
May your dreams come true too … I’ve always known you could do it!

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The Day I wanted to Run Away

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged flee, John 14, Life, Lincoln Brewster, new, running away, seek, seeking, status quo, Struggles on April 12, 2012| 7 Comments »

I remember the day I wanted to run away. The temptation was so great, I was almost certain that I should just do it. Everything within me wanted to run. It had seemed as though nothing was going right, and I saw no other way out. The horizon looked to be so appealing to me, and I so wanted to turn around and head that way. I had nothing packed, but really didn’t care, I was ready to go.

That was just the other day.

I had just bought groceries, and was heading home. It had been a beautiful warm spring afternoon. The sun was setting, and the air was clean with the fragrance of spring. There was something in the sky, in the air, that just made me want to turn my vehicle around and drive from the direction of my home.

It is not that I was particularly frustrated with my life. I love my family. I enjoy my job. I have good friends, and a good life. It was more a matter of seeking adventure, of seeking something new, of seeking …

I think my inclination to run away is not something that only I have experienced. I have a feeling that we all have days (weeks, months, even years) when we simply feel that our life is missing something, that we are missing something.

Some give in to the temptation to seek. We see that in the person who is regularly changing jobs, changing cars, changing houses, changing spouses. We see their frustration with the status quo, then we see them make a change. They are in a state of delight and excitement. Then, the novelty of the new ‘toy’ starts to wear off, and, gradually, they are back in a new state of status quo … and it usually does not look too different from the original one.

So, if new changes and adventures and people do not end our seeking, then they are not what we are really seeking.

What we seek does not get found in leaving the life we have. What we seek is not available to us here and now. What we seek is beyond, not just the front door of our homes, but beyond our earthly life. We seek and strive for the Eden existence we were created for.

This life we live is not what we were created for. We were created to spend our lives walking in the garden with our Creator.

There will still be days when we just want to run away, because we do live in a flawed world, full of struggles. But we need to keep in mind that there is a place awaiting us, and one day we will be be taken there, by the one who is already preparing a place for us.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled.
You believe in God; believe also in me.
My Father’s house has many rooms;
if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?
And if I go and prepare a place for you,
I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
You know the way to the place where I am going.”
John 14:1-4

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A Titanic Week

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged 1912, April 10, died, Life, loss, marketing, one hundred years, perished, sinking, Southampton, sunk, Titanic, tragedy, voyage on April 10, 2012| 1 Comment »

One hundred years ago today, the RMS Titanic set off from Southampton, England. It was to be the cruising experience of a lifetime on the most luxurious vessel of it’s time. For most on that ship, it was the final experience of their lifetime.

One hundred years after it’s first and final voyage, we are still fascinated by it’s dramatic demise and mysterious grave.

Last week James Cameron’s epic Titanic was re-released in 3D. If you enter a book store, books on the Titanic are featured in almost every reading age and genre of the store. Television specials will be on for at least a week. T-shirts are in stores with pictures and references to the ship. For those who are really intrigued, you can even book a trip on a luxury cruise ship to commemorate the titanic voyage, by sailing the same route as the Titanic, with a stop above it’s watery grave for a memorial service.

Truly, the Titanic has been, and will continue to be, a titanic money maker for those marketing it’s memory.

There are times in my life, when I have had a decision to make, that is a difficult one, and I do not know which way to go. Or times when I am in the midst of a stressful struggle in some part of my life, and I feel overwhelmed with my circumstances. During these times, I try to ask myself, “in one hundred years, will this situation, this decision, matter?”

I find it sad to think that those who perished on that voyage, will be mostly remembered for their deaths, rather than for their lives. For them, their decision to take a cruise on the Titanic, was a decision that matters still, one hundred years later. For those who were directly connected to the passengers or the crew of the Titanic, the people on that ship lived a life before their death.

In the deaths of those over fifteen hundred men, women and children, died people who were more intimately known for how they lived. There were mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, sons and daughters. There were breadwinners and homemakers, debutantes and male bachelors, there were dock workers and billionaires.

These people were people, just like us, who awoke each day desiring a cup of coffee or tea, who had worries in their hearts and to do lists in their heads. And they, like we will, died with the name of a loved one on their lips.

Those who were lost in the cold waters of the Atlantic, were not just passengers of a ship, they were people who left holes in the lives of those who felt the very real loss of that tragedy. But, it is their lives, not their loss that left the legacy that matters one hundred years later.

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What Would you Do?

Posted in life, women, WONDER, tagged Abuse, Choices, Life, Pregnancy, Pregnant, Psalm 139, single and pregnant, Unwed and Pregnant, What would you do? on March 22, 2012| Leave a Comment »

What would you advise? What would you suggest? What would you do?

A young woman discovers she is pregnant.

She works an office job. She makes little money. She does not have a car … or her drivers license.

She still lives at home with her parents. A household where she has witnessed, and experienced, emotional, physical and sexual abuse.

Her boyfriend, of a few years, asks whose baby it is. He is not planning to stick around!

She is pregnant.

What would you advise her? What would you suggest she do? What would you do, if you were that girl?

Really, what would you advise? What would you do?

The girl has options:
1. abort the pregnancy
2. go to term, and allow the baby to be adopted
3. keep the baby

What would you do? Seriously!

This is not a new, or uncommon situation. It is one that has directly affected the lives of many women, through all generations. It is not an easy situation. It is not a comfortable one.

Now, seriously, what would you advise? What would you do?

I will tell you what this young woman did …

She continued the pregnancy, and delivered a healthy baby girl. She kept the child. She, and her child, continued to live in her parents home until she met and married a man who proposed to her, and asked to adopt her child simultaneously. The child grew, and was joined by two brothers (who were royal pains in the … neck). She grew up, married, had three children, had friends, and hobbies, and a job she loves. She found her Creator through the faith and life of her grandmother. She has not had a flawless, perfect life, but she has had … life.

Today, forty-three years later, I celebrate my birthday. In real terms, I celebrate my meaningful life, because my mother made a tough decision, without any knowledge of how this decision was going to play out.

Even as I contemplate the circumstances through which she made her decision, and even though I am thankful for the life she chose to give me, I do not know that I would advise or counsel another woman to do the same. Her circumstances would make the decision to continue the pregnancy and to keep her child so … unwise.

Whether or not my mother acknowledged this at the time or not, we do not know the future, and we do not know the purpose in pain, or the value in struggle. Only our Creator knows why the DNA of two people came together to form a new being, a new life.

My life has not been flawless, or perfect. It has not been without pain, or struggle, or heartache. I have not lived a life without regrets, or sins. I have felt hurt, and pain, and not understood why bad things have happened in my life.

But, I have had … life.

And I have my mother and the strength that she possessed when she decided to continue her pregnancy to term, give birth to and raise me.

Thanks mom, for giving me a happy birthday.

Now, what would you have done?

^“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts,God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you. ”
Psalm 139:13-18

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A Year of Blogging

Posted in WONDER, tagged Blogging, Chariots of Fire, Eric Liddell, Life, My Loves, Passion, Posts, Pregnancy Loss on March 12, 2012| 4 Comments »

I have now been blogging for one year.

My first blog was published on March 10 (Regular Day), but it took my until the twenty-third to really get going, on a more daily basis.

I have shared my life, in writing, with whoever wished to read (to listen) … thanks mom 😉 . I always feel as though I AM writing what my mom will read, and it haunts me a bit. I need to be careful about how much I tell about her (Re-boiled Tea), and about my memories of my growing up years. I fear that if I go too far, I will get a nasty “now Carole” email or phone call! So, I have to watch what I say! She does need to realize, though, that with the (what she might perceive as) bad, also comes the good (Pussy Willows).

I have shared my loves as well. It is funny to me that the first of ‘My Loves’ that I shared was my beast. In no way does the order that I shared them indicate their place in my heart (although … some days … 😉 … ). My Loves are all located at the top right of this page, if you want to check them out. They are the nearest and dearest to me, and to my heart.

Hubby and I have had numerous (five) pregnancy losses, and those I have shared (Treasures in Heaven), (Entertaining an Angel) with the hope that my sharing of them gives support to others going through something similar, and gives knowledge and understanding to those who have not (The Club you don’t want to Join).

I have shared about the most frightening night of my life (Do You Love Me?), the evil thoughts I have (Evil Thoughts), and the people I admire most (Moms that I Admire).

I have shared a series about women (What Women Want), and (due to the insistence of my daughter), a continuing story that is fiction (Unfading ), as well as many, many, many about truth (Hanging On), (It Wasn’t the Nails).

I have also shared how poor I really am at grammar (as if you hadn’t figured that out in pretty much any paragraph preceding this one) (Oh, I ain’t no Good at Grammar ALOT).

Mainly though, I write this blog for me. One year later I know that it has been my place of therapy and theology, and the sublime to the ridiculous. It is here, sitting at my keyboard that I can pursue my passion (Passion), and that this one place in the word, is all mine. And it is here that I sit, and feel God working on me, and He’s not done yet.

“I believe God made me for a purpose …
and when I run
(write, dance, sing, teach, preach, build, etc., etc., etc.,)
I feel His pleasure.”
Eric Liddell

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A Walk with a Wise Girl

Posted in life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged a walk with a wise girl, Choices, decisions, future planning, Life, Parenting, reaising kids on March 7, 2012| Leave a Comment »

On Saturday I was heading out with the beast on a walk, along with my almost fifteen year old daughter. My daughter was telling me of her opinions and decisions on various topics, opinions and decisions that were far more wise than I would have had at her age.

I came home almost giddy! It is not often that, as a parent, you feel any sort of success. Usually, as parents, we feel only failure. This time I was doing my happy dance (now that is quite a mental picture).

Way back when our oldest daughter was a preschooler I heard someone speaking about parenting. This person said it is important to guide your kids towards thinking about, and making decisions BEFORE they are in a position of having to make them. So, when our kids were preschoolers, I would ask them BEFORE we went to purchase a Slurpie what flavor they hoped to get, and why. Doing this alleviated the frustratingly long time it would take them to make a decision, while there were dozens of people waiting in line behind us. Sure they sometimes changed their mind, but, overall, thinking ahead helped their anticipation of what they chose to grow. As they got older we would talk about drug and alcohol use in teens, and they would talk about the possibility of using those substances, and how that might hinder their future goals (another discussion that happens W A Y before grade 12 … more like since they could talk). So, as their peers started experimenting they have known, before peer pressure was involved, what they would choose, and why (this is not a guarantee, but if they have a goal they have chosen, and a reason for choosing it, they then have the intrinsic motivation to make choices, not in the moment, but that help them achieve their goals).

The why is important, because it gives them their own reasons for making decisions. I have always feared that my kids would make important decisions BECAUSE I told them, and so teaching them to think for themselves, set goals for themselves helps to ensure that I am not raising robotic clones.

Now don’t go thinking that I spent my Saturday patting my back. Raising kids is like playing mad scientist with a lab rat. We never know if what we are doing, and teaching, and praying for will actually produce a productive member of society. I am fully aware that even if there was a manual for successful parenting (don’t we wish) our kids still have to make their choices all by themselves.

Don’t get me wrong, she is not perfect, and can still make ridiculous decisions, as any teen (or adult) can. What I do see is that she is pulling through this time of adolescence with wisdom and an end goal as her guides.

And that gives me great hope for her future.

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Beautiful Disorder

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged A Child Will Lead Them, Amen, Disorder, Interruptions, Life, Order, Sermon, Special Needs on March 6, 2012| 1 Comment »

I love order!

I could be the most anally ordered person on the planet, if I let myself. I innately love it when things are done well, when plans go smoothly, when all the pieces fit perfectly together. It is satisfying, it is comforting, and it is NOT real life.

Our alarm clocks don’t go off, our job gets eliminated, our kids make choices that we see will have dire consequences, our significant other doesn’t bring us flowers anymore (or he/she doesn’t love us anymore), we get sick … really sick, people we love die. Real life is not always ordered, not always smooth, and the pieces do not always fit together.

Real life is messy. A normal, real, everyday life is full of mistakes, blunders, interruptions and disorder. That is the reality that we should open our eyes to each and every day.

I was at church recently, when the order of the service was … altered. Something unscripted, unpredicted, un-orderly happened.

As the pastor (have I ever mentioned how cute my pastor is? AND I get to sleep with him! … but, I digress) was preaching about how we are not condemned for our sins, because God provided the way to be redeemed (saved). After making a statement about that, there way an immediate, joy-filled “amen” that came from the congregation. The “amen” did not come from someone in church leadership, it did not come from one of the wonderful church foodies or worship leaders, it was not uttered by one of our more charismatic members, it did not even come from a pastor’s wife.

The “amen” came from a little boy. A little boy of about six years old. A little boy who has special needs.

Now this little boy is, as my grandmother would say, “cute as a button.” He is full of love, and energy, and is not inhibited in any way, or at any time. As cute and as joyful as he is, he has special needs. And, as one who gets paid to work with students with special needs, parenting him is more stressful, more demanding, more un-orderly. His parents awaken, every day, knowing that their human desire for order will be obliterated as soon as the day begins.

And, despite the fact that he is a walking, talking, chaos-causing conduit of disorder, he was able to hear the good news that God gives through the redemption available to us. He blessed the entire congregation by his impulsive, disorderly, “amen”.

And, he humbled at least one, silent, pastor’s wife, who was sitting there, content in her orderly state.

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Wedding Day Memories

Posted in life, Marriage, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged Anniversary, Life, Marriage, Memories, Wedding, Wedding Day Memories, Wonder on September 30, 2011| 3 Comments »

Memories are funny things. There are some details of the past that we remember, and other details are forgotten forever.

Twenty-two years ago today I went to a high school football game. My brother was playing on one of the teams, and my fiance was coaching that same team. It was a perfect autumn day … the sun shining brightly, the air crisp, the leaves on the trees in the early stages of turning from bright green to hues of gold and red. It is a day I remember so well, because it was the day of the biggest argument of our dating relationship … the day before our wedding.

I have no idea what we were arguing about, I can only remember the intensity of the emotions I felt. Obviously, whatever it was that had vexed us was resolved, and the following day I met him at the end of the aisle, where we traded in our individual lives for a future together.

The memories of our wedding day decrease with each passing year. If there are this many fewer memories after twenty-two years, will I even remember that I am married in twenty-two more?

But, what I do remember are the vivid broad strokes of our day.

I remember that our wedding started late, and it wasn’t because I was trying to be fashionably late … our soloist was flying into New Brunswick from Toronto, and his flight was late.

I remember that the pastor we had to marry us thought he was at a preach-a-thon … he spoke for about an hour after the processional, before actually marrying us.

I remember that my mother in law wore gray … much cheerier than the black that her mother wore at her wedding.

I remember that, as I looked at my groom awaiting me at the end of the aisle, he was gray (like his mother’s dress), and looked as though he might pass out … so much for the groom’s look of awe at the brides glowing beauty …

So, not all memories are so sweet 😉 but, alas, my memories of our wedding day were also not all so depressing.

I remember a twinge of regret as my dad ‘gave me away’ to my groom.

I remember how confident I felt as I repeated my vows, and said ‘I do.’

I remember that when my groom slipped his ring (a most simple band) on my finger I could not imagine a more wonderful, a more exquisite piece of jewelery in the world.

I remember gladly signing my name on the marriage license.

I remember driving off to our honeymoon (a trip, by car, of over 3000 miles … one way … and hubby wonders why I have little interest in road trips), reliving the details of the day, together.

The memories of that day fill my mind and my heart at times like this, when we remember and celebrate our corporate survival, and our hope of many years to come.

Happy Anniversary Hubby