Just a few years ago she donned pink rubber boots, an Ariel the Mermaid bathing suit, and a Montreal Canadians toque on the hottest day of summer.
Today she dons the cap and gown of high school graduation.
My baby girl graduates tonight, completing a year of ‘last times’ with her peers.
As other moms and dads, I am feeling immense pride.
I have worked in her grade off and on since she and they were in grade 7. I heard the same rumours she did, I laughed at the same practical jokes as she, I understood the weight of mourning, as peers experienced divorce, moving away and death. When I attended concerts, plays, field trips, etc., I did so as a mom and as a staff.
I awoke the other day and wondered if she ever felt forgotten, as I have played two parts, worn two hats through her later school years. I’ve been a mom and a school staff member, working alongside of a couple of her peers.
She never seemed to mind, and even agreed to my attending her grad trip this year, as a staff. She has learned, over the years, the art of sharing me … a great accomplishment of kindergarten!
Even tonight I will be a staff, sitting with the staff, adjusting caps and gowns, taking pictures for friends, reminding them all to stand tall, telling them how proud I am of them all.
How does one turn one passion off, and another on?
The thing is, though, my passion for my daughter, has never been turned off, and she has never appeared to be bothered by my split attentions.
And that says more about her than of me, than how I raised her.
She is, and always has been, a fiercely independent one. Just this year, as she seemed to face roadblock after roadblock in her application to the one school, for the one program that she desired to attend, and she met each one with steel-willed determination, sending emails, making calls, jumping through hoops (sometimes the same one over and over again), and asking questions. Then it seemed forever to finally get notice that she got accepted. I am so proud of her!
In the fall she will begin her number one program, in her number one school, along with about thirty-three other students (out of ? applicants). I am so proud of her!
She drove, the other night to visit a close friend, and ask if he would like to attend her graduation. He and she have been friends throughout almost all of her school years. It never seemed to matter to her that there is over sixty years between them. I am so proud of how there is no barrier (age, religion, culture, gender, etc.) to friendship for her!
When she resigned, recently, from her first job, she did so with tears, as she felt so bad to leave them down one staff as their busy season had begun. I am so proud of how strongly she approaches her work responsibilities!
I am proud of her, so very proud of her.
Though my momma guilt is real, I don’t think I damaged her completely, as she is about to study to do the same work I do. So, someday in the future (in the very distant future), she too might be working in the same school as her kids, with split attentions.
When she first got serious about studying towards her SETA (special education learning assistant) certification, I worked hard to dissuade her, for I know what the financial remuneration is for this work. I know that, it is nearly impossible to support oneself on what is paid, and I was scared for her.
But here’s the thing, she is so gifted to work with people with special needs, and I have never met another who is so obviously called to do this job. She will be so much better at this job than I ever imagined to be.
I could not discourage a passion that was conceived in the mind of God, with a purpose far greater than I could ever dream.
And so I will cheer her on tonight, with all the mom pride within me.
*Though written three years ago, Momma Guilt continues for this Momma … I bet it does for us all … and continues to the end of our Earthly lives.
dreams, aspirations, hopes and goals for her future. She dreamed of one day getting married, having babies, and doing it all just like she has seen on TV.
hubby, who did most of the cleaning and cooking!
The other day, I found myself deep in the mires of MOMMA GUILT … ever been there, ladies?
And this is where momma guilt began … Not really, of course, because that is with me ALL the time! You see, I have this dream in my mind of getting the ‘Mom of the Year’ award … and I have had that annual award … on January 1, until 12:01am, when I blow it. But, I digress … again.
Wow! Can I wallow, or what? Suffice it to say, that on this particular day, EVERY violation, every failure, every fault I have ever made, in the life of my son, I remembered and felt. Also, suffice it to say, I threw my own pity party, lasting most of the entire day! And, my To Do list … not so much got done.
itsawonderfilledlife 