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Archive for November, 2013

The Best of November 11-15

Posted in WONDER, tagged congratulations, how do we earn what we hav, nighty night, peace on earth, something beautiful and real, the best of november 11-15, the best of the week on November 16, 2013| Leave a Comment »

The best of this week is about experiencing the benefits of living in community … in the good days, and in the long dark winter nights of our lives.

Whether it is dealing with physical, emotional, relational or spiritual pain, sharing that pain with those around us (just like we share the joys and successes) can mean we are escorted from mourning into dancing.

So, this week, it was the post titled Congratulations that was the top viewed post.

How Do We Earn What We Have
(an important question one teacher asked of her high school students)

Peace On Earth
(what is perfect peace?)

Something Beautiful And Real
(beauty that comes from our broken humanity)

Nighty Night
(a little combination of a lullaby and a bedtime prayer)

Blessings to you this day,
Carole

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Nighty Night

Posted in WONDER, tagged blessings, GOD, night time prayers, nighty night, pressure, Stress on November 15, 2013| Leave a Comment »

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It may seem a rather odd thing to awaken to a message titled, “Nighty Night” … and yet, here it is.

I am not a lover of form prayers (although I do love the Lord’s Prayer), but when I saw the one, below, I felt as though I heard the heart of the one who wrote it … no, I felt the soothing words being whispered into my heart, like a child being lovingly tucked into their bed at night by one who represents love and security.

Sometimes, when the day is long, when the pressures are mounting, when the ‘to do’ list for tomorrow is longer than the hours in the day, when relationships are not right, and money is tight and your car’s in the shop, and your head won’t stop spinning sleep may seem elusive and rest a waste of pressure hours.

But today … tonight, at the end of this week of

work and schedules
blessings and disappointments
dirty toilets and cleaned out refrigerators
taxiing kids and sitting through boring lectures
paying the bills and not being able to pay them

whatever you have been dealing with this week …

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Don’t let the weariness steal from you a night time blessing of assurance that you are not alone.

Nighty night!

Carole

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Something Beautiful and Real

Posted in WONDER, tagged bonnie gray, Creation, faithbarista, something beautiful and real, something more, we are worth it on November 14, 2013| 1 Comment »

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Last week I wrote about wanting to be really me … who I really am, and who God made me to be.

As I opened my emails the other day, one written by Bonnie Gray (faithbarista), jumped off the screen and into my heart. What captured me were the words :

“something beautiful and real”

Bonnie wrote that as she reminded her readers of the formless earth, before Creation. She wrote that, on the cusp of God creating all that was to come, when there was … no form … God was still moving in it.

And then He Created … making something new, and it was :

“something beautiful and real”

I am one who struggles at times with yearning for something more (The Day I Wanted To Run Away), and I know that all of us do, because we were created to live in a place of perfect peace (Peace-on-Earth), a place of perfect peace. And so, since leaving the perfect garden, we have been yearning for more …

It is a dichotomy that our yearning for the future, for the perfection that is to come, can keep us from seeing the very real beauty of today.

Although the personal reflections that Bonnie shares (below) may not be your experience, there is a very tangible lesson from the walk she is taking through her past, so as to see light and life in her future …

“both sadness and joy can co-exist”

and I would say that when they do co-exist we are living something beautiful and real!

Just like Jesus did not want to experience torture on a cross … separation from his Father … he chose to endure the pain, the rejection and the loss because …

WE were worth it …
WE are worth it …

“Comes a time, on the journey, you wonder how you will survive,
There comes a time, when you’re thirsty and so alone…
There is a pool in the desert, where water flows from fountains unseen,
Saving water, healing water flowing over me.” The Choir, Flowing Over Me

You don’t have to die, in order to feel like you’re not really living.

You can even be loved by the man of your dreams whose arms as husband gently encircle your waist every night in bed — you can love the world’s most beautiful two boys, the ones you’ll always remember resting warm and soft in the cradle of your neck as newborns — and yet feel something missing inside.

It’s hard to talk to other people about what you find difficult to face yourself.

They might think you’re being ungrateful.

They might think you’re not counting your blessings.

They might think your faith is broken.

But, it’s not that way at all.

There is something deeper going on inside.

The Place Inside

I know what this is like.

To make it on my own. To be okay.

It’s a numbness. In places no one can see.

It’s me from my childhood. Still alone. Holding everything together.

It doesn’t show up at work, when I used to stand up making presentations in conference rooms.

It doesn’t show up when I’m hanging out with my friends, or even at church, where all is as it should be.

And if you saw me at the grocery store, or driving my kids to soccer, running errands, you would think all is fine.

This place inside me where I pull myself together is where I go whenever I’m feeling down, confused or stressed.

In the privacy of my soul — where my memories lay — lies the wounded me.

Greater Faith

You know, the month of November is the time of the year when we talk about being thankful.

But for someone like me, who is going through the journey of healing — having to remember all the people, places and stories that have wounded me — what I’m thankful for may not be what everyone else has on their list.

Before my journey through debilitating anxiety, I was able to ignore the undercurrent feeling of shame I’ve hidden growing up in a dysfunctional home.

I wanted to be strong and courageous — by being competent.

I didn’t understand God could make me strong and courageous — by being broken.

I was still young in my journey of faith.

It wasn’t time for me back then, as a little girl, to understand it takes greater faith to be broken than being competent.

Even Though

It’s what Jesus chose in the Garden of Gethsamane, the night everyone was remembering Passover and giving thanks for God’s protection from passing death.

It was the night Jesus chose not to pass death.

It was the night Jesus felt like dying –

even though He had just celebrated the Passover meal with His closest friends,

even though Jesus had given thanks, for the bread,

and even though Jesus had given thanks, for the cup.

Jesus confided –

“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.
Stay here… With me.
I’m very sad. It feel as if I’m dying…”
Matthew 26:37-38 (NIV, CEB)

Jesus didn’t want pain, but He wanted us more.

So, Jesus chose to be broken.

This Thanksgiving, my heart is opening up.

My soul is awakening with each painful memory coming alive.

I’m stepping out — even in my numbness — to give thanks.

Not because I’m strong.

Not because everything is picture perfect.

I have something this year I’ve never had before.

I have a heart that is becoming real.

My Real Thanksgiving List

This year, I’m opening my heart to My Real Thanksgiving List.

I’m thankful –

I can be in need, so I can go on a new journey to find comfort.

I can feel sadness, so I don’t have to live separated from my heart. I can cry and feel afraid because it means I’m real.

I don’t have to want suffering, but I can choose to embrace it. Because God doesn’t see it as shameful. He is going to stay with me. As long as it takes.

I can fall apart. Because Jesus is holding me tenderly and His tears are dropping onto the hands that have gone limp from praying too long and too hard in silence.

I’m thankful I can hear Him whispering –

I haven’t forgotten you.

I’m not going to leave you.

over and again, even as I choke out in sobs to Him in return, “I don’t want this. I don’t want this.”

I’m thankful I can finally stop to look at my wounds and investigate how they got there.

I’m learning to say no in ways I’ve never dared — to say yes to me and yes to God.

I’m thankful I can smell the rain and remember the dreams I’ve given up — so I can ask God if I can taste them again.

I can ask God, “Is it too late?” and still doubt, because God is faithful even when I’m not.

I’m thankful for beautiful things I’m finding among the devastation of letting go.

I’m thankful I can be broken and real. Because Jesus still chooses me.

Something Beautiful

I am finding new friends who understand that both sadness and joy can co-exist. Who aren’t trying to fix me.

Friends who trust that love is greater than any resolution.

Friends who understand the journey of faith takes us off script.

Who share their own stories of struggle and dreams.

Who can touch the deep places.

Friends who remember the earth was once formless.

Empty.

Yet, God was still moving in it, making something new and deep.

Something beautiful and real.

It was so real, that when God looked at what He was holding — after placing His lips and breathing into the dirt — He saw something come alive.

Something He never, ever made before.

It’s what God sees looking into your heart and mine today.

He is making something beautiful out of you.

Remember

As we walk into the heart of the Thanksgiving season, and all those picture perfect images and stories start flashing onto our screens, remember The Real Thanksgiving List taking shape in God’s heart — inside of yours.

This list is coming alive in the real stories He’s walking out with you in the current chapters you are living. Today.

We can be thankful.

Jesus is going to keep loving us — the same way He calls the stars out on the darkest nights every day.

He whispers your name. And mine.

Tenderly.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
He counts the number of the stars;
He gives names to all of them.“
~ Psalm 147:3-5

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Congratulations

Posted in WONDER, tagged celebrations, community, congratulations, green eyed monster, Psalm 30:11, rejoice, romans 12:15, weep on November 13, 2013| 1 Comment »

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It is delightful to be able to celebrate with someone for whom celebration is deserved or due.

To share in the pouring out of blessing into the life of another is contagious and the warmth of the blessed person’s joy radiates to all near them.

I remember years ago, our neighbors daughter and her hubby winning a very large amount of lottery money. When she came over to tell us, I was out hanging Christmas lights (or was us taking them down?), and her face was brighter than anything I was hanging. I also remember feeling a visit from the green-eyed monster.

That green-eyed monster raises it’s head in the ugliest ways, at the most beautiful, celebratory times.

As the blessings pour into the lives and hands of those around us, they can sometimes be reminders of the blessings we have missed, lost, or are out of our reach. When this happens it can feel as though we need to plaster onto our face a plastic smile, when you may just want to shout out:

“it’s my turn …”
“I have needs too …”
“I want to celebrate with you, but … my heart is breaking.”

For the woman desiring to meet and marry her prince, news of another’s engagement …
For the couple secretly mourning a miscarriage, the announcement of the pregnancy of another …
For the woman whose husband is in palliative care, news of another in remission …
For the student denied acceptance into their desired university, news of a peer getting into theirs …

can all have mixed effects on the hearts of those who are not living in the land of milk and honey.

But people, Romans 12:15 reminds us to :

“Rejoice with those who are rejoicing.
Cry with those who are crying”

It is good to rejoice for those who are ready to celebrate! It is also good to cry with those who are crying … but, to cry with those who are crying means that we need to share our sorrows with others, we need to share our sorrows, as we share our rejoicing.

God wants us to have community, to share our lives with others.

I love to share good news … but, oh, how I hate to bleed emotionally, in public.

Yet, when I have been strong enough to show my weakness to others, I am always amazed at how faithful God is to bless that sharing, and how blessed I feel by the supportive shoulders others provide. Actually, the freedom to share my sorrow almost makes me want to … celebrate!

God’s people, loving each other through rejoicing or tears, is the fulfillment of our purpose in living in community with each other, and “he turns our wailing into dancing” (Psalm 30:11).

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Peace on Earth

Posted in WONDER, tagged john 14:25-27, laura story, my peace I leave, peace, peace on earth, peace that surpasses understanding, perfect peace, philippians 4:7 on November 12, 2013| 2 Comments »

With the calendar rolling past Remembrance Day (or, for retailers it happened after Halloween … or was it Thanksgiving? or Labor Day? or the first day if summer?), the Christmas season is starting to raise its head. From now on we will be encountering the countdowns, the markdowns, and the rundowns.

f3de55abcc80150ed770a2ba1ea778ac It seems appropriate that we would consider the ‘Christmas’ theme of peace on Earth the day after we remember those who have fought and died in the pursuit of peace.

But, what is perfect peace?

Is peace simply the absence of war? the absence of battle? the absence of conflict? of struggle?

Or, is peace something else? something more?

In the the last days that Jesus was with the disciples, his messages became more and more defining about who he was, that he was leaving them, and, as a man on his deathbed, intensely personal. Jesus was reassuring them, preparing them for life on Earth without having him at their side.

In the account in the book of John (14:25-27), Jesus defines this perfect peace :

“All this I have spoken while still with you.
But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit,
whom the Father will send in my name,
will teach you all things
and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
Peace I leave with you;
my peace I give you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Maybe the most important part of this passage is the reminder “I do not give to you as the world gives.” The peace we teach, and march and boycott for is not the peace that Jesus is speaking of

… not an Earthly peace

… not a peace that comes from a lack of war, a lack of conflict, a lack of disorder, a lack of struggle

But a peace that comes from the triune God … Father, son and Holy Spirit. It is the peace that passes (surpasses) understanding.

It is the peace that comes, not from world peace, or fulfilling relationships, or the perfect job, or well behaved kids, or a big bank account, or happiness, but from the joy-filled peace that having Christ in us gives.

It is the peace that Christ came to deliver.

Jesus tells us that with this peace our hearts need not be troubled, and we do not have to be afraid!

This peace can be present on the battlefields, in the hospital rooms, in the courtrooms, in the exam rooms, and any other places where peace may be unexpected.

In a sense, the peace the Christ brings rubs God’s victory, over death and sin, in the face of Satan, because no matter what plan of destruction Satan has for us in our lives, if we take hold of the peace that Christ gives, his plans have no power over us.

And that is peace on Earth … perfect peace!

Philippians4_7

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God’s Real Masterpiece

Posted in WONDER, tagged be real, ephesians 2:10, god's chisel, god's real masterpiece, the skit guys on November 10, 2013| Leave a Comment »

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Last week I shared about desiring to be real … the real me, with no facade.

Today I just want to share a video that deals well with the process of God chiseling away the stuff that does not matter, in order to make us fully into the people He always intended for us to be.

This purifying, refining, redeeming process hurts, but …

“For we are God’s masterpiece.“

Ephesians 2:10

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The Best of November 4 – 8

Posted in WONDER, tagged celebrating 70, itsawonderfilledlife, really me, the best of itsawonderfilledlife, the best of november 4-8, the best of the week, the homeschool question, this is not mother's day but, why we struggle to love her on November 9, 2013| Leave a Comment »

The most viewed post this week did not surprise me.

We have all been hurt by the church, in the church, in the name of the church, by people who invest in the church. It is a common thread for many, most … maybe all.

Partly our struggle comes from our expectations of the church.

Partly our struggle comes from the expectations within the church.

But, Why We Struggle To Love Her is bigger that expectations, and my goal in this post was to unravel some of the tangled mess of knots that make us struggle, to see what the real struggle is with our communities of worship.

This Is Not Mothers Day But …
(my humble story, and a video to encourage us as moms)

Celebrating 70
(a celebration of my dad)

Really Me
(me … the good, the bad, the ugly … the REAL me)

The Homeschool Question
(my annual offer to homeschool my kids)

As it is Remembrance Day, in Canada, this coming Monday ( on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month), as well as Veterans Day, Poppy Day and Armistice Day in other countries around the world, I wanted to share a short video in honor of veterans, of any war or conflict, from anywhere around the world.

Most veteran live their lives, but some are living in poverty and desperation … possibly partially due to attempts to keep living with the nightmares of what they have seen in battle. When I have heard the stories of the man my grandfather was to his wife and children, due to his addiction to alcohol, I know that war has horrific and life-long scars that can become ancestral curses for generations.

As I watched this transformation video, I found myself hearing the words of the Jason Gray song, Remind Me Who I Am. May God work, through the hands and feet of those who love Him, to transform those whose lives were transformed by the sacrifice of giving their lives for others.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a6VVncgHcY

Blessings to you this day,

Carole

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The Homeschool Question

Posted in WONDER, tagged group projects, learning in relationship, progress at own pace, sibling relationships, social networking, the homeschool question on November 8, 2013| 1 Comment »

Every year, in late August, I ask my kids the same question, “how would you feel about homeschooling?” And, every year I get the same, non-verbal, response of rolled eyes, followed by a return to whatever they were doing … as though my voice never touched their ears.

Now to some (such as hubby who simply smiles at me, in that manner that could be taken as communicating, ‘I love you, even though you might just be losing all of your marbles’) my annual question to my kids might be viewed as me looking for a way ‘out’ of the return to school for my kids, and work for myself, to which I would reply, “you got it!”

Let me explain:

Every summer break starts the same way. In the beginning week of summer break, my kids are in a semi-comatose state of fatigue and they simply enjoy sleeping in, hanging with the neighborhood kids, and eating 24-7. After that first week I start to see it … my kids start to … like each other! They laugh together, they hang out in each others bedrooms, they make lunch for each other, they play games together and watch movies together. This continues throughout the summer.

Fast forward to the first day back to school, every year …

“mom, he is looking at me”
“mom, she touched me”

… and so much more!

Family unity has been dissolved, and they barely even have any homework yet!

Of course my interest in homeschooling is not just about the siblings relationship with each other.

The unit tests start all seem to happen within about the same week, and my kids either go into stress mode, or they do the ostrich and just pretend it will never happen.

Then there are the group projects that happen throughout the school year, requiring students, within a fifty mile range, to fit group work in between soccer, football, dance, jobs, church, volunteer activities, and birthday parties.

Then there is the appeal of the flexibility to move through the curriculum at a pace that is tailored to our individual children. Meaning that more time can be taken for that which they are struggling with, and If they mastered something early, we would be free to move on to new learning.

Then there is the ability to teach from a more holistic, individualized perspective. If one of my kids learns better while moving, physically, they could do that. If they were not a morning person, school could start at noon. If they needed a quiet space to concentrate, or one with background music, it could be arranged.

We have all had teachers who we connect with, and those who we do not. Our human response is often that we work harder, contribute more fluidly, and take more enjoyment from the learning when the learning is happening in relationship.

The one thing that always held me back from homeschooling was the social networking. As an introvert, I am very content to be at home all day, every day. I am never bored, and always starting new projects. For me to have to make concerted efforts to network with other home school families was something I feared I would fail miserably at doing.

I love the friends, the field trips, the band trips, the service projects, and more that our kids have been able to be part of, over the past sixteen plus years of schooling. These large and small group memories are what have had me praying with thanksgiving.

And so, we do not home school, and probably never will … but I will still ask each and every August, when school is just around the corner.

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Really Me

Posted in WONDER, tagged facades, i can just be me, laura story, people pleasing, really me, the real me on November 6, 2013| 2 Comments »

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So, I volunteered to share my story at a young adults small group tonight (what was I thinking?), and now I feel like there is something fluttering in my tummy!

The reason I volunteered is that I did it once, about two and a half years ago, and wanted a ‘redo’ because I had blown it so badly the first time around.

I had gotten discouraging news the day before, and I was an emotional, tear-leaking mess. My thoughts strayed from my desired message of how God has worked in my life, to how would God make beauty from the ashes sitting in my heart this time. My shell … the facade that I had always worked so hard to put forward, was cracked and I was unsure if all the king’s horses and all the king’s men could ever put it back together again.

And … I am so glad that they couldn’t.

Since that time I started to wear a new face … my own.

The people-pleasing person I had worked hard to be all of my life was being replaced by a woman who decided to give a good hand at being real.

This new face, the real me, is not finished. I am SO very still in process. God seems to be continually molding and shaping my heart and mind and soul into something new.

It sounds exciting, right?!

Not so much.

This refining process hurts. Pieces of my facade are still be chiseled away. Purifying sometimes leaves one feeling as though they cannot catch their breath. Refining is often done with fire, and the burns are painful. And then there is the scar tissue … oh, how long it takes for the scar tissue to fade away … and some scars never disappear.

As much as the refining process hurts, it is exciting too. Pain often reminds us that we are still alive (even if it hurts so much we might despair of life itself 2 Corinthians 1:8).

Being real takes less energy, makes your face to glow, and is far easier than playing the part of someone who you are not.

And that is what I am hoping to share with the young adults tonight.

Wow! Imagine if they were able to start living now as the real people that God has created them to be! What a meaningful, purpose-filled, God-inspired life they would live.

“Is written about having a realization that the majority of the problems in my life come from me trying to play a role that i was never intended to play. Whether it’s trying to control a situation in my life, or control a person or manipulate something, and realizing how freeing it is to just sit back and allow God to be the one who writes the story, allow god to be the healer in the relationships … His place is God and my place just as his child, it’s been a really freeing thing for me.” Laura Story – On Writing the Song I Can Just Be Me

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Celebrating 70

Posted in WONDER, tagged Adoption, Birthday, celebrating 70, Dad, father, honesty, numbers 6, Passion, unconditional love on November 5, 2013| 5 Comments »

Although he is over 4000 kilometers away, I want to honor the man who has taught me some of the most important things in my life.

As he celebrates, and is celebrated on this 70th birthday, I feel the distance of the miles between us, profoundly.

I come from a birthday, anniversary, holiday, visitor, graduation, etc. celebrating family. Any event that exists, or can be created, is a good excuse to get together for a meal. A seventieth birthday is a huge reason for celebration, for food, for cake, for presents … presence.

Rather than dwell on that which cannot be accomplished, I will share that which has already been accomplished thanks to the man who chose to take me as his own … daughter.

The best gift my dad has given to me starts with his name. When I was two years old. When he was asking my mother to marry him. He had one condition … that he would not just give his name to my mother, but that he would give his name to me. And so, the wedding preparations and the adoption process began. Thank-you for giving me your name.

My dad also gave me the unconditional love of a father. There has never been a day or experience when I have ever felt that I am not fully his daughter. He was naturally able to hug and discipline me … as though it was our shared blood that got under his skin … and into his heart.

He showed me what passion was, and wasn’t. He worked more jobs that paid the bills than fed his soul, but when he was doing something with passion, he did it with every fiber within him. I remember him counting down the years until he could retire, when working at one passionless job, and now he is seventy, and showing no signs of fully giving up the job that he loves.

He was always honest with me … whether I wanted to hear it or not. He told me when our cat died, when our dog needed to be put down, when I was wrong, when I wasn’t doing my best at school, when I didn’t call often enough. He told me when he was angry at my mom, my brothers … me. He told me … with not a word, of how lost he felt when his mom, my grandmother died. He told me he loved me.

My dad is who he is … and if you don’t like him, that is not something he will lose sleep over. He does not exist for the purpose of impressing others or becoming who he is not. He is who he is … like it or lump it!

My dad is a good man, and I have many fond childhood memories centered around him …

clams in the pasta meal
dancing with me before heading out to a dance with my mom
buying blue satin shorts for me because I said that everyone would have them walking where you grew up while you told childhood stories
warm from the oven biscuits
keeping score for your minor softball teams
Christmas shopping for mom
allowing me to help install a Gyproc ceiling for my bedroom
teaching me how to make snow angels
Chinese buffets

and so many more lasting memories!

Dad, I wish you a happy birthday. I wish you a day of feeling loved, appreciated, cared for and of thanksgiving.

There is not much more I can say, that goes beyond the words of Moses :

“The Lord bless you
    and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine on you
    and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you
    and give you peace.”