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A Girl Can Dream, Right?

Posted in life, The Beast, The Hubby, The Kids, WONDER, tagged Alone, as you wish, desire, dream, Gift, Home Alone, Princess Bride, Risky Business, solitary, Tom Cruise on August 23, 2012| 2 Comments »

I have this desire that rarely gets fulfilled, but I dream of often. I awaken, later than normal (meaning pretty much any time after seven in the morning), only to the sound of my Beasty scratching under her ears. There is no hubby snoring away beside me, no teenagers needing a drive anywhere, or help to open the pool. I stretch, and sit on the side of my bed to find a note with my name on my bed table. As I reach to enfold it, the following is written:

We have gone out for the day, the whole day.
We will not call, or text or contact you.
Enjoy this gift of a day to enjoy the quiet of our home,
as you wish,
hubby and the kids

And with the reading of the final line, a realization hits me,

I am home alone …

Hallelujah!

(oh, and did you catch the reference to the Princess Bride? “as you wish” … a little romantic reference always makes me happier).

What happens next is a bit of the Tom Cruise dance from the movie Risky Business, and Kevin from Home Alone eating way too much ice cream.

After the initial euphoria is spent on dancing in my underwear (T. M. I … too much information!) and eating ice cream for breakfast I would spread myself across the sofa and smile my biggest Cheshire Cat smile … and smile a contented sigh.

Hey, it is not that I do not love my family, or that I would wish them away. They are four of the best pieces of my life! It is just that once in a while, the thought of being home alone is simply so very delectable to me. The thought of having every waking hour, all to myself, with no expectations of anyone else, just about makes me want to burst with excitement.

And what would I do with all of those hours alone to myself? Well, after the dancing and eating of ice cream … I would probably write a blog post or two (because I love it) … make my bed (because it is my habit) … clean the bathroom (because it needs to be done) … make cookies (because hubby and the kids would love to come home to them) … finish a project or two (because there is always a project or two that is undone in our home) … and weed the garden (because there is just never any desire to do it when others are home).

Hum, other than the dancing and ice cream eating, it really looks like a pretty normal day … but, I desire it so much!

Hey, a girl can dream, right?!

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Encourage a Teacher

Posted in life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged Back to School, Encouragement, end of summer, failure, Kids, relationships, School, teacher on August 21, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Two weeks from today summer will really be over. There will be great mourning and gnashing of teeth in our home. It will be with great regret that our alarms will be set, lunches will be made, and the trek to school will be taken.

As I contemplate all that this day means, I also think back … w a y back … to when I was school student. I remember the new clothes (brand new fall/winter sweaters when the temperatures are often still reflecting the summer season), the new shoes (which always came home not so white, and feet requiring bandages for the new shoe blisters), the crisp clean lined Hilroy notebooks, the line-up at the pencil sharpener (because we all had new pencils), and the revelation of who would be our classroom teacher for the school year.

Just one month ago I was driving down a highway in Oregon, listening to a radio station, and they started talking about back to school. I just about drove into a light standard! Back to school was not something that I wanted to hear about in late July. But what they were saying about returning to school stopped me from doing anything too radical. They were encouraging people, parents, to print off a teacher appreciation certificate and take it to the school on the first day, as an act of supporting and encouraging the teachers of their children.

Now that I could get into!

I have tried over the years to be supportive to the classroom teachers of my kids. Working within the school system gives me an even more intimate understanding of just how appreciated (and, for those teaching high school, rare) words, acts and gifts of encouragement are to these teachers who spend more time with our kids each day than we do.

I think all of us can think back to at least one teacher who inspired us to live better, think differently, and who encouraged us in who we are.

Immediately I think back to my grade four teacher, Mrs. Kavanaugh, who was so kind … to everyone in the class. The thing I remember most about her is how she treated the ‘underdogs’ of the classroom. She was more patient with them than any other teacher. She gave them extra words of encouragement. She did not favor the smartest, the prettiest, the richest. You know, I do not remember one academic thing she taught us, but I think I took away something better, because she gave me the tools to be a better person.

She was not the only teacher that I think of, but she is the one who comes to my mind first.

How about you? Do you remember a special teacher? How about taking the challenge to encourage a teacher as your children return to classrooms, gymnasiums, and libraries? How about starting the parent-teacher relationship off with an act of encouragement, of love?

It just might set the stage for a great year for your son or daughter, for their teacher, and for you.

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Childplay Makes us Better

Posted in life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged acceptance, Childhood, Children, cousins, eyes of a child, Friendship, laughter, play, privilege, relationship on August 16, 2012| Leave a Comment »

As I write this post I am sitting outside, in the shade of the trees behind our house, as the sun is crawling up into the late morning sky.

I am also being entertained by the four individuals in our pool. Their ages are five, eight, almost thirteen 🙂 and fifteen.

Our youngest daughter and son are playing with abandon, with their younger friends. There is no biology shared between them, but their relationship is akin to cousins. The younger pair trailing behind the older, keeping up because they so want to be together, because they so want to do what their older friends do.

They have a relationship that means every greeting and farewell includes a hug. They each get an instant smile on their faces when they see each other. There is total and complete confidence in the love and affection that they have for each other. Together they are like one unit, with no divisions.

The littler ones presence also seems to bring the older ones together in a manner normally unseen in these two VERY normal siblings (aka. fighting, disagreeing, arguing). For all the hours they were together there was none of that ‘normal’ behavior, and I relaxed in my temporary utopia.

The littler girl loves to be paired with the older one, and the littler boy (aka Little Ben) loves to be with the older (Big Ben). That said, they all play together, and when one is missing, their twosome or threesome continue on.

What refreshment they bring to our home and to our day. They provide instant smiles and laughter.

When we see them, I am immediately reminded that the stage of childhood that they are now at (elementary school aged) is completed in our home, and I am immediately satisfied with the return of the joy that their presence brings.

They remind me that washing faces and hands is a must after eating (especially enormous waffles with whipped cream and blueberries). They remind me that half an hour is enough time for any one activity, and don’t try stretching it our too long. They remind me that fights erupt quickly, and are settled and forgotten about just as quickly. They remind me that please and thank you are the most used words in a day. And that when they are with someone they love, their little eyes and hearts and minds are fully attentive to the object of that affection.

This is a privilege, and an honor. To spend time looking at the world through the eyes of children. How much more beautiful, more large, more wonderfilled it is.

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A Neighbour Just Like You

Posted in life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged Carl and Ellie, Fred Rogers, good neighbors, Love, magic, Mr. Rogers, neighborhood, neighbors, neighbours, Up on August 14, 2012| 2 Comments »

“I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you, I always wanted to live in a neighborhood, with you …” so sang Fred Rogers.

I can’t say that I ever wanted to live with the particular neighbors that we have, but I am so thankful that they are my neighbors just the same.

Often I have written from the negative perspective in regards to our house. How it is too big, takes too much of our time, too much of our income, too much of our life.

But all is not negative when it comes to our neighbors. As a matter of fact, our neighbors (on all sides) are the best part of where we live.

On one side there is a professional couple who are rather newish to the world of grand-parenting, and are well on their way to great and joyous success in this area of life and living.

On the other side there is a lovely dutch family with … maybe a dozen kids (inside Dutch family joke) and even more grandchildren between here and the province of Alberta.

A few houses up the street is the family of our kid’s friends. Their son being a year older than our daughter, and their daughter being a year older than our son. They all play on the streets, walk their dogs, play video games and swim in the pool. That one family’s presence in our daily life makes me guilty every time I speak of wanting to move, and they are the main reason we stay right where we are.

There are many more neighbors who we are so very thankful to live near to.

And then there are the neighbors across the street. She retired from the local school district, and he semi-retired 😉 (if you knew either you would know that they are the most active ‘retired’ couple around).

When we moved in, they were grandparents of one granddaughter, who was barely beyond toddler-hood. Each day her mom would drop she and her dog off for Gramma and Gampa to care for her while she was at work. And then the games would begin.

They have the best kept yard and home in the whole neighborhood of seventy-plus houses. And they amaze me at how they are able to work in their yard and stay clean themselves (for me yard work requires ‘work clothes’, and a hose down before entering the house).

Our eldest and I have watched them from our yard, as they played with, cared for and loved their granddaughter … both of us with a longing for that physical closeness for she and her siblings.

Our second daughter, although five years older, has spent hours playing with their granddaughter, walking dogs, and sharing their imaginations.

For hubby and I, they are such a sweet pause from yard work, fountains of information, and trustworthy mail picker-uppers. They have kept us informed when the coyotes were being seen too frequently, when someone was robbing vehicles in neighbors yards, and when our dear neighbor died far too young.

They were also the most gracious of victims about a year ago when our car ‘mysteriously’ decided to drive out of our garage down our steep driveway and smack dab right into the middle of their planter. When they came home to see their new garden decor, they laughed with us, and were thankful with us that there were no children on the street when it occurred.

But, our son … I cannot say I have ever heard of him speaking of them in all of the eight years we have lived here, other than the neutral, “they are nice.” Then, one day this summer, as we drove toward home, he pointed to the lawn mowing couple, who we love, and said, “Mom, they are just like that couple from the movie “Up”.”

And I smiled, and realized that their lives are so filled with such a magical love for others, for all living things and for each other that it is even visibly obvious to an adolescent boy.

“I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you, I always wanted to live in a neighborhood, with you …”

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Extravagant Expectations

Posted in life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged Blessing, desires, expectations, extravagance, extravagant, fortune cookie, Freedom, Gift on August 9, 2012| 2 Comments »

It all started with a fortune cookie …

What followed were days of deep contemplation.

As I read it now, I hold back from placing the big ‘L’ for loser sign on my forehead. Of course desires that are not extravagant will be granted! The reality of every fortune cookie (or fortune itself) is that there is enough truth in what it says to make a person believe it as their own special, hand-picked message.

How do we define ‘extravagant’ desires?

For me an extravagant desire might be a pedicure, but for another person, living in another context, three meals a day might be an extravagant desire (and I would suppose that a fortune cookie would not be part of their life).

It is easy to sit in our cozy latte drinking, computer-owning, name brand life, and talk about our non-extravagant desires being granted. But, what is it that makes us think that we should receive what much of our fellow human beings do not?

While away on vacation the two of our three kids, who were with us, had great freedom. We allowed them the freedom to go to the beach, hang out with friends, and be out much later than if we were home. The curfew had been set at 10pm, for a couple of nights. Then, one evening our son requested that he be allowed to stay out later. So, after considering why he made his request, we allowed him another half hour. And, we were thrilled that he honored us, by being back by the time we requested.

The next evening when our son came to check in, telling us of the plans for the evening, he requested 10:30 as a time to return to our room. When we said no to his request he was irate!

“But you let me stay out that late last night!” Was his rebuttal.

With the blessing of one ‘extravagant’ desire granted, it became a ‘not extravagant desire’ for our son. To put it another way, once the gift was given once, it became ‘normal’ and expected.

That was NOT our intent, as parents! We simply intended to provide an evening of exception, whereas he interpreted it as a new expectation.

Our son is no different from ourselves as parents, as adults. Like our son, the blessing of one extravagant desire can become for us a new expectation.

Once we have the exception of a tropical vacation, it becomes an expectation. Once we eat at the high end restaurant, it becomes expectation. Once we get that pedicure as a gift, it becomes the expectation. Once we get a summer off from work, it becomes the expectation of summers to come. Once we experience the blessing of full health coverage, it becomes the expectation in our next job. Once we experience the gift of good health, it becomes the expectation.

These ‘non-extravagant’ desires can go on and on and on.

The problem comes when we stop seeing that which is extravagant, as expectation … when we stop seeing each blessing as the gift it is.

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The Olympic Relationship

Posted in FAMILY, life, Love, WONDER, tagged Cerebral Palsy, communication, Disabilities, father / mother, I Can Only Imagine, Marathon, Mercy Me, Olympics, Rick and Dick Hoyt, Son, Team hoyt, unconditional love, You Can on July 27, 2012| 2 Comments »

Today marks the beginning of the 2012 Summer Olympic Games, in London, England.

There will be the lighting of the flame, the entrance of the athletes into the stadium, the speeches, the music, the spectacle that is the opening event.

Of course the Olympic Games are about the games themselves, about the competition among athletes and countries, about about winning medals, but, what are the values of the Olympic Games?

According to the International Olympic Committee, it takes more than being an exceptional sportsman or woman to become part of the Olympics or Paralympics. “This is why both games come with a set of core values which encompass what these competitions are all about proving that sport even at this level, is not just about your ability.”

The seven official values, which aim to embody the spirit of the events are :
Respect
Excellence
Friendship
Courage
Determination
Inspiration
Equality

There is a story that is behind the picture to the right. It is a story of a father son relationship that exemplifies all of the values of the Olympics. Beyond that, their relationship is one of love … unconditional, sacrificial love.

To me, they, father and son, epitomize the Olympic spirit, not just in regard to athletics, but also in regards to life … lived full and complete, not because of their circumstances, but in spite of them.

“You can!”

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Learn to Swim

Posted in life, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged child drowned, drowned, drowning, fear of water, floating, how to swim, learn to swim, learning to swim, sink, swim, swim lessons, Swimming on July 20, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Swimming has always been a big part of my life. I remember biking every day of the summer to the local swimming pool, to meet with friends and cool off from the summer heat. The public pool was a place of memories and fun.

It was also, for a short time, a place of total and utter humiliation.

I was about thirteen when my parents signed me up for swimming lessons the first time. Imagine a five foot giant surrounded by half a dozen preschoolers and you will get the full image of my experience.

Thankfully, within a week of lessons, I had progressed to a group where I was not the tallest in the pool (other than the instructor). I had never become an exceptional swimmer, but I loved the water.

When our children were born, swimming was a skill that they learned about the same time that they could walk. I never wanted them to be in water and not be able to stay afloat.

When we bought our current home, complete with a swimming pool, I went out and bought a life jacket for our youngest, who was not yet a swimmer. The nightmares that I experienced over purchasing a house with a pool, kept me sleep-deprived for weeks.

Within a week of being in our pool, our son with swimming like a fish.

My eldest daughter teaches swim lessons, at our pool, as well as at the swimming pools of her clients. She also coaches for a swim club. Swimming has been a huge part of her life.

She often speaks of how young children (toddlers and younger) are eager to enter the water, but it is the non-swimming adults who experience and express fear of water the most.

I was recently speaking with someone who is fearful of the water, and showing them how to float (ah the starfish float, my first swimming lesson). The person (adult) responded, “I have tried, but it is impossible for me to float.”

It is true that this person cannot float, but it is not her physical body that cannot float, it is the fear within her mind, because she has not committed to learning to swim that makes her sink. And there is no reason for this fear to continue, as adult-based swim lessons can be very appropriate and beneficial.

Recently, near our home community, two people died due to non-swimming. One was a young child (under the age of two), who jumped or fell into a swimming pool. The child’s grandmother jumped in to save her grandchild, but, as a non-swimmer, she herself also drowned.

Now a family mourns not one, but two people.

Do yourself, and those around you, who you love, a favor, learn to swim.

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The Brave Husband

Posted in life, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged $5 fund, brave, bravery, closet, confident, D.I.Y., do-it-yourself, Hubby, husbands, nook, renovations, Summer on July 19, 2012| 2 Comments »

What makes a husband brave?

Is it his imposing stature? His choosing to step into a situation that could get ugly to protect his love, or others? His willingness to be the head spider killer of the house?

In my house, and in my marriage, what makes my hubby brave is his willingness to let me ‘experiment’ with our house and garden. And when I say experiment, there are no guarantees that my attempts will turn out as I expect them to.

I love the acronym D.I.Y. (Do It Yourself), and I truly believe that I can. I love home decorating magazines, and buy many (now I buy them at thrift shops), home maintenance books, home renovation TV shows, and Pinterest (oh, how I love Pinterest). I love hardware stores that do not ask me what I am picking up for my husband (and yes, I have had that … three times in one store in one day, by the same guy, who I corrected the first two times … and no, I have not returned there).

Working, extra kids, and extracurricular activities of the kids, have put the kibosh to much of my experimental processes in recent years. I find I do not even have time to ‘dream’ about what I could do, let alone do it! But, this summer was to be different.

I started dreaming the last day before summer break, and have enough ideas to keep me busy until the New Year. The picture at the right was my fist inspiration. I loved how it could provide a place for me ~~to hide~~ to sit and read, or write, or for any of us to tie our shoes.

So, a week and a half into the summer break, I went where no wife should go so without their husband’s agreement … I took our hallway closet totally and completely apart. I’m talking all of the built-in shelves and rod, and the carpet too. By the time poor hubby came home from work, the closet that once housed our coats, shoes, school snacks, water bottles, insulated coffee cups, dog food, boxes of tissues, and poo bags, was as naked as a jay bird (what a weird simile … is a jay bird naked?).

My hubby did not faint, he did not frown, he did not even walk away trying to pretend that what he saw, he didn’t. My hubby said, “I am guessing you have decided on your first project.” To which I smiled, and he smiled, both of us knowing that I was a happy as a pig in … (another simile, but this one I get, because I have seen a pig in mud).

I then shared with him the picture, and reminded him of my five dollar fund that would be paying for this newest of experiments (I always feel self-conscious about the costs of my little experiments, not that hubby has ever made me feel that way, it’s just me). He smiled and said, “looks good.”

Once the project is completed (completed is NOT my specialty, but I am trying to overcome that weak point in my life) I will write a post about it, complete with pictures. So far I am amazed by how wonderfully it is going.

I really do think my hubby is brave. In a world where men still seem to feel the need to control much of life around them, my hubby is confident in who he is … confident enough that he lets me also be who I am, and for that I am immensely thankful.

Note: To see the ‘continuing story’ check out The Closet Reno Part 1

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The Road Trip and The Chartreuse Moose

Posted in The Hubby, WONDER, tagged bored, cafe, desert, disgusting bathrooms, driving, gluten-free, pee break, road trip, The Chartreuse Moose Cafe, undiagnosed ADD, valley, Wedding on July 17, 2012| Leave a Comment »

A road trip was the goal for hubby and I.

Well … not really. The goal was for hubby to officiate the marriage of a wonderful lady, and her knight in shining armor.

This lady has been through quite a life so far. Her marriage being over forty years after her birth, and just over eleven years after her life was almost ended in a tragic accident.

But, enough of THEIR story, let me tell you about the road trip of hubby and I.

First you have to know how very much hubby loves road trips. There are days that we will be driving to a destination near our home when he will say, “it would be so great to just keep going.” He lives with a strong sense of wanderlust when it comes to road trips.

He also has a bit of a need for speed, and that is all I will say on that subject (or my laptop might get taken away 😉 ).

The drive included a ‘pee break’ at one of the very few places to stop (okay, there were a number, but there were few that I would choose to sit my derriere down at). It was … interesting. Okay, wretched might be more the accurate description. It was interesting though, as reading the wall of the bathroom provided for me a biography of someone named Pam, and her yearly loves encapsulated by a heart.

Our driving from the Lower Mainland towards 100 Mile House provided for us sites like the amazing canyon of the Fraser Valley, then desert, then enough conifers to make ‘environmentally responsible’ artificial Christmas trees, seem ridiculous. We did get to see a group of Mountain Goats, but, much to my disappointment there were no bears or moose to see. After a couple of hours of driving with no wildlife to gawk at, my undiagnosed ADD was running rampant.

We stopped at a tourist booth that provided a map of the area, including advertisements of local businesses. This occupied my pea-sized brain for a good … five minutes (I did try to drag my interest out longer, to no avail).

The business that made me giggle, and gave me something to focus on for the remainder of the drive (about one more hour … minus the five minutes I had spent reading those advertisements), was called the Chartreuse Moose Cafe.

I thought it was simply such a funny name for a cafe, that I just had to go there.

Chartreuse is a color where a bit of yellow is added to green, or a bit of green added to yellow. But, Chartreuse is also a French made liqueur, of that same color, so I will stick with the color being the background to the cafe’s name. And a moose, of course is an enormous, wild animal, that you do not want to meet while on foot or while speeding along the highway (unless, of course, you are like me and desire some visual stimulation).

Whatever unexplainable reason for my interest, I could not wait to get there!

We did finally get there, and what a diamond in the rough it was! In a town with more Ski-Doo and boat selling businesses than grocery stores, this place was a real find.

It’s mango smoothie was delightfully refreshing, and it’s menu included a vast assortment of gluten-free eats and treats for those with more tender tummies. They also had amish oatmeal bars that were a meal in themselves, and delicious London Fogs (yes, we returned the next day).

The couple did get married, completed by a roosters crowing, and it was a spectacular day for them, their family and friends (plus they had a very hot pastor officiate 😉 ).

Our drive back home through the canyon was quick and, thankfully, mostly by the light of day. And if we ever get back to 100 Mile House, we will definitely be stopping by the Chartreuse Moose Cafe again.

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Going Home

Posted in FAMILY, GOD, life, WONDER, tagged adieu, care, Children, good-bye, Homestay, Mother, name, Struggle on June 28, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Today our ‘kids,’ who are not, will go home to their parents, who are, for the summer.

It has been just over ten months since the brother and sister pair moved into our home, our family, our hearts. Even after all that time, I struggle to ‘name’ our relationship.

Hubby and I house them, feed them, drive them here and there. We assist them with homework, with filling out forms, and with understanding life. We sign permission forms and make appointments. We assign chores to them, and speak to them in our firm parent voices. We applaud their successes, we hug them and hear their tales of woe. We attend their school events and sports games. We host their friends, and take them shopping.

But, we are not their parents.

We are a homestay family.

I really struggle to know what our relationship should be called. I really struggle to know how to be a parenting, non-parent.

As a woman who is a mom, I believe they need a daily mom to care for them. I do not just mean to care for their basic physical needs, like food, and shelter. I mean to care for their hearts, their souls and their minds. I believe they need a middle aged woman to say good morning to them, to drive them to school, to scold them when they take too long to get ready in the morning, to ask how their English test was, to watch them play basketball, and drive them to the mall (and shake in my boots as they enter the mall without an adult with them). I believe they need someone to sit on the sofa and watch a movie with, and one to applaud their piano playing, and their math award, and their homemade sushi, and someone to tell them to clean their room. I believe they need a pat on the back, that unimpressed mother ‘look’, and someone to pray with when life just sucks.

Today, as my two children, who are not, head across the world to their mother, who is, I will bid them adieu. In french, a dieu, meaning ‘to God’, commonly translated, I command you to God.

It is in that word, adieu, that I get an understanding of parenting that goes far beyond just my role as a homestay mom. In that one word, I am reminded that whoever God places in our care, whether they be our biological, adopted or ‘borrowed’ children, we are required, and our children benefit most from our giving them back to God.

And, whatever I am to them, and they to me, today my mother heart will bid them a dieu.

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