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Posts Tagged ‘desire’

2bc3abe82665c398b6122684f92840b1As I was writing this post, I was reminded that I had written something similar about the way I was feeling once before, and when I searched through my posts what I found was a post called https://itsawonderfilledlife.net/2012/04/12/the-day-i-wanted-to-run-away/. What I thought that was interesting was that it was written almost exactly one year ago … to the day. Maybe this ‘feeling’ is a new form of Seasonal Affective Disorder?

Another spring day, and another restless heart.11bd7c4a29807b4148a15098f7b39665

This time, though, I was not so much desiring to run away as I was desiring something fresh, something new, something … more.

It is a restless heart that reminds me I am not easily satisfied, or content, with life as it is … a condition that makes being married to me, or living with me, no easy thing!

It is when I am restless that I most desire change on a big scale.

I desire to quit my job, change my job, change my career, go back to school …

I desire to renovate our home, or sell our home and move to a much cheaper condo, a fixer-upper, a rental …

I desire to diet, run, start an exercise program, eat more chocolate …758ba8d2ec6f00e890924954018323ee

I desire to spend more time with hubby, with friends, with my kids, alone …

I desire to move to a new house, a new city, a new life …

I desire … more.

It is when I am experiencing this restless heart that status quo is more boring, annoying, depressing …

I echo the words of Vivien Leigh, who said, “I cannot let well enough alone. I get restless. I have to be doing different things. I am a very impatient person and headstrong.” Especially headstrong …

Then I remember … this restlessness is not all bad.

Because I am restless I am not going to be content with things as they are, I am restless because I have been created for …

MORE than this!

And in this … more … my restless heart finds … rest.

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I have this desire that rarely gets fulfilled, but I dream of often. I awaken, later than normal (meaning pretty much any time after seven in the morning), only to the sound of my Beasty scratching under her ears. There is no hubby snoring away beside me, no teenagers needing a drive anywhere, or help to open the pool. I stretch, and sit on the side of my bed to find a note with my name on my bed table. As I reach to enfold it, the following is written:

We have gone out for the day, the whole day.
We will not call, or text or contact you.
Enjoy this gift of a day to enjoy the quiet of our home,
as you wish,
hubby and the kids

And with the reading of the final line, a realization hits me,

I am home alone …

Hallelujah!

(oh, and did you catch the reference to the Princess Bride? “as you wish” … a little romantic reference always makes me happier).

What happens next is a bit of the Tom Cruise dance from the movie Risky Business, and Kevin from Home Alone eating way too much ice cream.

After the initial euphoria is spent on dancing in my underwear (T. M. I … too much information!) and eating ice cream for breakfast I would spread myself across the sofa and smile my biggest Cheshire Cat smile … and smile a contented sigh.

Hey, it is not that I do not love my family, or that I would wish them away. They are four of the best pieces of my life! It is just that once in a while, the thought of being home alone is simply so very delectable to me. The thought of having every waking hour, all to myself, with no expectations of anyone else, just about makes me want to burst with excitement.

And what would I do with all of those hours alone to myself? Well, after the dancing and eating of ice cream … I would probably write a blog post or two (because I love it) … make my bed (because it is my habit) … clean the bathroom (because it needs to be done) … make cookies (because hubby and the kids would love to come home to them) … finish a project or two (because there is always a project or two that is undone in our home) … and weed the garden (because there is just never any desire to do it when others are home).

Hum, other than the dancing and ice cream eating, it really looks like a pretty normal day … but, I desire it so much!

Hey, a girl can dream, right?!

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