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Faux Perfection

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Adolescents, Beauty, Faux Perfection, Girls, Insecure, Isaiah 43, lies, Perfection, Teens on March 13, 2012| Leave a Comment »

“I am so fat.”

“I am ugly.”

“I hate my nose (substitute any other body part)”

“I am so flat.”

These are the “truths” that many, if not all teen girls believe about themselves. Most often these “truths” are not truths, but lies that have grown from a near microscopic-sized seed, planted by someone else, who had had no idea how immense the growth would be.

The growth of that seed results in the decay and destruction of the heart and soul of young and developing young woman. As it’s lies take root in the young lady, it pushes aside and alters the intended growth and development of that young lady. She becomes something that she was never intended to become. She increases in insecurity, she decreases in her understanding of her own abilities and value. She looses her own self in the lie.

Sometimes the far-reaching growth of these lies completely envelopes her heart, and changes the path of her life. Sometimes it hides deep within her, and the cracks it creates in her soul make it difficult for her to live with herself, even though the damage done is not seen by the eyes of anyone around her. Sometimes, it’s damaging overgrowth forces her to look for ways to escape who she thinks she is, and she does things to her body that can damage her and change her life forever.

Teen girls are the masters of comparison. They compare themselves with other girls. They compare themselves with celebrities on the covers of magazines. They compare themselves with girls who have a guys hand to hold.

As I walk the halls of the high school where I work, the church I attend, the malls where I shop, and the house where I live, I see the eyes of the girls who believe the lies. In those eyes I see the insecurities that have taken root from the lies that have been believed … hook, line and sinker.

It breaks my heart to see these broken vessels. Not because they are not beautiful, but because their ability to see and know their own beauty, their own abilities, has been suffocated by the lies.

If I could tell a teen girl anything, it would be that they are a one in a million gift. That the package that they contain, that they are, is of more value than any rare jewel. That, as they live their life as the precious gift that they are created to be, they are empowered to unwrap each layer of their gift, to reveal the purpose, and passion and beauty that only comes from within.

I would tell them : “Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. I have loved you with an everlasting love…I hold you in the palm of my hands. In my sight you are precious…do not be afraid I am with you.” Says the Lord God. (Isaiah 43:1-4)

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Insecure Source of Devotion

Posted in GOD, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged Daughter, Devotions, Ephesians 2, Grace, Insecure Source of Devotion, Insecurity, Peers, School, Sin, Teens on March 8, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Sometimes my mouth has a mind that is completely separated from my brain. This particular day was a good case in point.

I work in a Christian High School (as an Educational Assistant). I also work with students who are in the same grade as my younger daughter, so I get to work in classes with students who I have known (as a mom) since these young adults entered kindergarten. When they were in their grade seven year, I worked in their grade as well, while filling in for a co-worker. I know them better than any other grade I have worked in before, and I feel very privileged to walk through high school (I hope) with them.

Sometimes I feel like mom of the grade, because I know them, and their families quite well. I remember some of the ones who had to be pried from their mom on their first day of school. I remember when they had new siblings born to their families, and when loved ones died. I remember when new students joined the group, when they competed in sports, and when they kept me up until 3am the year my daughter insisted that I invite ALL of the girls in her class to her sleep over birthday party (face palm for me for agreeing to that one). I also remember who was nasty to my kid on the playground, and who wiped her tears. These students are all precious to me.

So, on a particular day, early in the work day, the teacher of the first class I was assigned to be in asked a colleague of mine and I if one of us would lead devotions to her grade nine math class. Before my ears had completed the process of hearing and processing her request, my mouth said, “yes.” When my brain heard my voice, I think it wanted to move out. My pulse started racing, my palms got clammy and I experienced what can only be likened to a hot flash.

But, once I sat in front of this class of students, all that mattered to me was sharing the message that has been on my heart for many years. The message of grace.

Over seven years ago, I was at a school event, talking with two men, one about my age and the other in his eighties. We were just chatting, when the subject of heaven came up. The older man got serious, “Heaven is not for me, I’ve been too bad.” His words took me back … he had grown up in a Christian family, gone to Christian school, gone to church all of his life, and he felt that his place in heaven was dependent on his behaviors. Had he not, in eighty plus years of life, not heard of God’s grace? How many Easter services had he sat in? Didn’t he hear, at least once, that Jesus blood is the atonement (payment) for our sins … ALL of our sins?

So, my impromptu devotion for the morning was about this older man. It was about the grace of God, and how HE covers all of our sins. I was able to tell them if there are pious Christian people who make them FEEL that they are not good enough (because of their clothes, or their hair, or the music they listen to, or what ever other ‘important’ outward expression), they are wrong. The reality is that none of us are “good enough” to pass through the gates of heaven, it is only our acceptance of the gift of forgiveness and grace that God offers through the sacrifice of His son, that we are made good enough. I told them that it was that one message that I want them to take through their lives, and into their eighties. That I do not want them to be at the natural end of their lives and think they are not good enough for heaven.

They were respectfully quiet, I just hope their hearts heard this humbly delivered message, from one who hopes deeply that they believe it. And, if they do, my mouth saying yes when my brain felt too insecure, to sharing a devotion with them will be all worth it.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—
and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—
not by works, so that no one can boast.
For we are God’s handiwork,
created in Christ Jesus to do good works,
which God prepared in advance for us to do.
But now in Christ Jesus
you who once were far away have been brought near
by the blood of Christ.
Ephesians 2:8-10, 13

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Beautiful Disorder

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged A Child Will Lead Them, Amen, Disorder, Interruptions, Life, Order, Sermon, Special Needs on March 6, 2012| 1 Comment »

I love order!

I could be the most anally ordered person on the planet, if I let myself. I innately love it when things are done well, when plans go smoothly, when all the pieces fit perfectly together. It is satisfying, it is comforting, and it is NOT real life.

Our alarm clocks don’t go off, our job gets eliminated, our kids make choices that we see will have dire consequences, our significant other doesn’t bring us flowers anymore (or he/she doesn’t love us anymore), we get sick … really sick, people we love die. Real life is not always ordered, not always smooth, and the pieces do not always fit together.

Real life is messy. A normal, real, everyday life is full of mistakes, blunders, interruptions and disorder. That is the reality that we should open our eyes to each and every day.

I was at church recently, when the order of the service was … altered. Something unscripted, unpredicted, un-orderly happened.

As the pastor (have I ever mentioned how cute my pastor is? AND I get to sleep with him! … but, I digress) was preaching about how we are not condemned for our sins, because God provided the way to be redeemed (saved). After making a statement about that, there way an immediate, joy-filled “amen” that came from the congregation. The “amen” did not come from someone in church leadership, it did not come from one of the wonderful church foodies or worship leaders, it was not uttered by one of our more charismatic members, it did not even come from a pastor’s wife.

The “amen” came from a little boy. A little boy of about six years old. A little boy who has special needs.

Now this little boy is, as my grandmother would say, “cute as a button.” He is full of love, and energy, and is not inhibited in any way, or at any time. As cute and as joyful as he is, he has special needs. And, as one who gets paid to work with students with special needs, parenting him is more stressful, more demanding, more un-orderly. His parents awaken, every day, knowing that their human desire for order will be obliterated as soon as the day begins.

And, despite the fact that he is a walking, talking, chaos-causing conduit of disorder, he was able to hear the good news that God gives through the redemption available to us. He blessed the entire congregation by his impulsive, disorderly, “amen”.

And, he humbled at least one, silent, pastor’s wife, who was sitting there, content in her orderly state.

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My Creed

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Apostles Creed, Beliefs, Creed, I Believe, Nicene Creed, Psalm 29:18, Without a vision, Worldview on March 5, 2012| 2 Comments »

From my searching, I have discovered that a creed is a statement (confession or opinion) of beliefs of an individual or group.

For me, a creed can only start one way … I believe. From those two words come the expression of the worldview of a person, a family and/or a group of people.

It is a good thing to consider what it is that you, that we, believe. And, it is good to write it down. Somehow in writing our beliefs down, what we believe becomes more clear, more intimate, and more of a challenge to fulfill in our lives.

I discovered the beauty of this practice a few years back when I was working on a Worldview course. After studying what a worldview is, after looking at the creeds of old, after many (many, many) hours of reading about the things to consider when uncovering ones worldview, I came to believe that this is a practice that all should do. The process was freeing, it was revealing, it was foundational for how I wanted to live my days.

Now my creed does not speak as eloquently as the much older Apostle’s or Nicene Creeds, which date back (it is believed) as far back as the middle of the second century and around 325AD, respectfully. It does though, speak to what I see as important in my life.

It is a challenge, and might even reawaken brain cells that have not been utilized for awhile, to sit down with paper and pen (I suggest pencil … you will make mistakes) or at your keyboard, and start writing what it is that you believe.

Start with how the world started.

How life begins.

What is important to you.

What motivates you.

What you hope to accomplish in your life or what you want said of you at your funeral.

What is worth dying for.

This is an exercise worth getting down on paper. It could change how we treat others, how what we do with our time, and could change how we live our lives.

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Regrets, I Have a Few

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Bullying, Change, Errors, Isaiah 43:18-19, Mistakes, Regrets, Renewed on February 28, 2012| 4 Comments »

Normally I do not think of my errors as regrets, but as mistakes that have taught me, and have caused me to grow. Lately, though, a regret from the past has been … haunting me. I awake, and think of it. I lay my head down at night, and think of it.

The regret I refer to is one that, if I were to speak of it when face to face with another, my eyes would tear up, my throat would swell, and my sorrow be felt throughout my body. My regret is for an error I made, when I did not speak up for someone who was being taken advantage of, someone who was being harassed, someone who was being bullied. I … regret my lack of action.

This regret is not one from my distant past. It is not one from my childhood or teen years. It is not from when my kids were little. It is a full blown adult regret. I could have stood up for another, I should have stood up for another, and I didn’t.

I expect that there is purpose in my remembering it lately. Maybe, the lesson for me is that I need to ensure that I never repeat my inaction. I need to ensure that I do not keep silent when I see or hear others being bullied. I need to be on the lookout for times when I might be able to speak up, for those who are being treated poorly.

When I think of my learning this lesson, I think of Isaiah 43:18-19 (to the right). Although I could never forget the regret I actively feel for my past mistake, I believe that God is doing something new in my heart, and in my life through the practice of not remaining silent. And with each action I take, I feel new, I feel renewed … as though by turning away from my past lack of action, I am being refreshed like a dried up river being watered in a dry wasteland.

Doing what is right … it can be hard to make the first step, but, once you do it, you (and, for me, the person you are speaking up for) will be energized by your right action.

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Ben and Ben

Posted in GOD, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged Ben and Ben, Friendship, Kindred Spirits, Little Ben and Big Ben, Matthew 3:17, Son, Tenderness, This is my son on February 27, 2012| Leave a Comment »

A few weeks past we had a group of friends over to watch the Superbowl. It was a fun day of eating (too much), talking, laughing and even a bit of watching the game. One of the families that we had over, has a son named Ben, who is six. We also have a son named Ben, who is twelve.

I love it when ‘Big Ben’ and ‘Little Ben’ (as we call them, and as they call each other) are together. I am not sure what it is about Little Ben that brings out a different side, a sweeter, more nurturing, more patient side of our Big Ben. It is as though there is an invisible force between these two boys that draws them together.

Our Ben wants to play with Little Ben, and is willing to play what Little Ben wants. He also loves to teach Little Ben new things, or show him cool videos. We do tell our older kids, when visitors with younger ones are coming over, to make sure that they feel comfortable and welcomed, but Big Ben’s responses to Little Ben are tender, kind and he is eager to be with him. There is just something ‘kindred’ in how they relate to each other.

Maybe it is that they share a name, or maybe it is that they are both youngest, or maybe it is because they are both the only sons in the family. Whatever it is that brings them together like opposite ends of magnets, I do not know, but I feel energized, encouraged and pleased to see them together.

Seeing Ben and Ben together reminds me that it is not always when we are with our ‘natural’ (similar aged) peers that we shine the brightest. They do not always tap the best in us. They do not always make us better.

As the mom of the bigger Ben, I am so proud of how he treats Little Ben. I am reminded of the good that he can share with others, and I see a glimpse of who he is in the eyes of God. And, in His words, Ben is my (beloved) son, and in him I am well pleased.

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Speck of Dust

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Blowing Dandelions, Dandelion, Dandelion Dust, Dandelion Seeds, Dust, Echoing Angels, Speck of Dust, Tough Day, You Alone on February 22, 2012| 4 Comments »

It’s been a day. A day when I felt like a speck of dust. A day when I wish I was a speck of dust.

The weight of this day has been heavy, but it is not just the weight of this day. It is the accumulation of many weighty days. Days when the weight of the world (self-imposed and otherwise) is great. Days when the needs of others are well beyond my own ability to meet them. Days when my own needs are laying on a shelf gathering dust. Days when the sun hides behind the dark clouds. Days when the past looks beautiful, days when the past looks gray, and days when the future looks … foggy … cloudy … dusty. Days when my cup is empty and my burden is heavy. It’s been a day.

Focusing on the good, the beautiful, the light did not lessen the weight on my shoulders and on my soul. Foot tapping, smile-inducing music did not remove the heaviness. Even filling the bathtub with warm tears did not move the scales in a downward direction. The heaviness was here, and it was digging in it’s feet.

I yearned for a long exhausting, reviving hike with my Beast, on our favorite trail, with the sun shining down on our faces. I yearned for a wordless embrace. I yearned for someone to whisper, “it’s alright.” I yearned for that childhood game of blowing dandelion seeds into the air. When you would close your eyes, and make a wish, and blow all of the air within you, to ensure that your wish would come true.

That is the kind of day it has been.

I wonder, if I were a speck of dust, if I were a speck of dandelion dust, would I fear the unknown? Would I wonder where the air was going to move me next? Would I feel the weight of the world upon my soft shoulders? Or, would I just lay back and move with the current beneath me, trusting that it’s warm embrace would take me to a new and exciting future?

Few answers today, mostly questions.

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How Long, Oh Lord?

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Answered Prayer, Brian Doerksen, David, Dirge, Fear., Hope, How Long, Lament, Lonely, Moaning, Morning, Oh Lord, Psalm 13, Psalmist on February 15, 2012| Leave a Comment »

“How much longer will you forget me, Lord? Forever?
How much longer will you hide yourself from me?
How long must I endure trouble?
How long will sorrow fill my heart day and night?
How long will my enemies triumph over me?”
Psalm 13:1-2

Well now, that is not a very cheery way to start a writing! Those words do not cause us to start the day on an optimistic point, and yet, this very day, those words give voice to the heart cries of many around us.

On this day after Valentine’s Day, not all are awakening with the glow of being loved. Some are rising with the weight of sorrow, of loss, of rejection, of loneliness, of brokenness. Some, like the psalmist, David, are awakening with lament in their hearts, and on their lips.

David, the psalmist, the shepherd, the king, reminds us that to lament is part of life in our broken world. He not only reminds us of it’s reality, but, because he laments, he gives us permission to lament as well. And what an example he gives.

“Look at me, O Lord my God, and answer me.
Restore my strength; don’t let me die.
Don’t let my enemies say,
We have defeated him.
Don’t let them gloat over my downfall.”
Psalm 13:3-4

This psalm not just a cry, but a demand! The scripture above indicates no gentle hinting, but demands, pleading for attention. He wants God’s full attention, “look”! like a child with an immediate need, he wants not just his father’s ear, but his eyes. He wants to know that he has the full attention of his Lord. And not just his attention, but a response!

Maybe you are different from me, but have you ever waved your fists into the air to God? Have you ever felt unheard? Weak? Dying (emotionally)? Defeated? And all you could do is wave your fists, or stretch out your arms to your Creator and say, “are you hearing me? I am desperate, and I don’t hear your voice.”

It is okay to be real with God. It is okay to be angry with God. He is our Father God, he knows we are angry, even if we smile and fake our way through life. Even when we pray only praises and thanks to Him, He knows the sorrow, the fear, the anger in our hearts. I believe His father shoulders are wide enough for us to tell Him the truth.

As we follow the example of David, we see that the lament is not without hope. David can lament openly and honestly to the living God, because although he cannot see a resolution to his current problem, he knows that the God he is lamenting to is one who loves him. David knows that, although he cannot see how his chains will be removed, God WILL rescue him. And not only that, but David goes from singing, no … moaning a dirge, to singing his praise to God, “because he (you) have been good to him (me).”

“I rely on your constant love;
I will be glad, because you will rescue me.
I will sing to you, O Lord,
because you have been good to me.”
Psalm 13:5-6

The following clip is of Psalm 13 put to music. It is one I have sung, no … moaned, in lament to my God, when I just could do nothing but raise my hands to the heavens, and let the tears fall. And in those times, I have felt the presence of a living God who has always been good to me.

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Learning to Learn

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Aging, Ephesians 4, Focus, Getting old, Learning to Learn on February 8, 2012| Leave a Comment »

You can’t teach an old dog a new trick.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.

I love these age related sayings! They make me smile at the truths tucked into their humor or irony. Ten years ago they would not have been as entertaining to me as they are now. Even five years ago they would not have held the same attraction for me. But now I am contemplating my twenty-fifth high school reunion, and am becoming more authentically archaic.

Getting older isn’t really so bad 😉 One of the best things about getting older is that I have been learning something that has been changing my life.

I am not sure what caused this change in my thinking, but it’s effects have been profound! In the past, when I would have a struggle, a disappointment or was hurt by something or someone, I would (sigh) feel sorry for myself. You know, singing the ‘poor me’ song?

What I have been learning over the past few years is that when those inevitably disappointing times and events come, I ask a simple question, ‘what am I to learn from this?’ Now the question is not magical, nor does it wipe the yuck from the situation I am experiencing, but what it does is better. The question moves me along from the eye of the storm I am in, to the calm at the end of the storm.

My focus changes!

This change of focus has meant that I feel less hopeless, I feel less anxiety. Ironically, I also feel less out of control, because I recognize, right form the beginning, that I am not in control anyway.

This reminds me that, in Ephesians 4:23, “you were taught to be made new in your thinking.”

I am thinking that another way to say that is, you CAN teach an old dog a new trick.

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Needing a Physician

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Burden, Burden Bearing, GOD, Healer, Ill, Kari Jobe, Matthew 11, Sick, Struggle, The Great Physician, Trust in God on February 6, 2012| 4 Comments »

I feel cruddy! My head is swirling, my body aches, my brain is not thinking straight, and there is a throbbing in my heart that just won’t rest. I think I need to see a physician.

Other than my body aches (from a super energetic walk with hubby, after going far too long without doing so), none of my symptoms are ones that a Medical Practitioner could help with. They are ones that come from disappointments that life sometimes brings our way.

My symptoms are ones of angst for the hurting of ones I love. Sometimes baring the burdens of others is more weighty, more heavy than bearing our own. And, on this particular day, my shoulders are sagging with the weight of the burden of another. My sleep, my appetite (oh, how I wish it affected me by my losing my appetite … then there could be some good come of this heaviness), my every thought is preoccupied with this smothering burden.

Then I heard a song on the radio, and it reminded me that the one who makes the world spin on it’s axis has everything under control. I still do not know how things will work out for this burdened on who I love, but I know who loves this person more than me, and I trust in You, the Great Physician, to carry this burden, and to carry us.