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Purpose

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #whenigrowup, Purpose on February 2, 2017| Leave a Comment »

With our youngest graduating from high school in five months, I have been perseverating about my own purpose or calling.

I remember well, as a teenager, being asked what I wanted to do when I graduated. I also remember my immediate thoughts to be of being a wife and mom, followed by lying and giving more ‘driven’ responses of professional goals.

Years later I discovered that I was pregnant … my life’s dreams were coming true … until, at about seventeen weeks, it’s heart stopped beating.

Twenty-one months later our ten and a half pound daughter was born. I was happy and challenged more than I ever imagined mothering to be.

The next seven years were filled with four more pregnancy losses, the birth of a daughter (who cried for two years) and the birth of our son.

My pursuit to hold the professional title of mom, was earned through PhD-like blood, sweat and tears. I awoke each day ready to go to work at my practise of mothering and homemaking.

As they headed off to school in succession, I realized it was time for a new, or more specifically, another vocation. What to do, when one grows up? became a regular question for me to ask.

So, I went back to school … to work as an Educational Assistant. I have had the privilege of going to work, with a contented heart, for almost fourteen years, learning daily from the students I have the honour of working with.

Now … now, as my favourite three are moving into their adult lives, I see an opportunity for me to, once again, ask “what will I do when I grow up?”

So I have looked at different jobs, courses and schools. I am still looking.

To this point, the only thing that keeps resurfacing, the only message I keep encountering that resonates with me is that relationships matter.

I am not sure that this message is for me, in terms of my vocational pursuits in the years to come, or in terms of me as an individual, in my life.

When I came across the words of Mother Teresa,

“we have been created in order
to love and to be loved”

I realized that, in considering what I want to do, I must first start with who I am.

Still no answers, yet all the answers are wrapped up in that core awareness that we are to love and to be loved. From that statement a stewardship of and to humanity is known.

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In the Waiting Room

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged #inthewaitingroom, #waitongod, Waiting on January 31, 2017| Leave a Comment »

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Waiting is not something that many of us enjoy.

There is little that we have to actually wait for anymore in our daily lives.

Thanks to computer technology alone, we can read a book, bank at all hours, order dinner, purchase items, make contact with people in our lives, and complete a degree … all wearing our pjs, from our sofa, while watching an entire season of our favourite TV show, from our computers!

Waiting is not something expected in our lives today.

Yet, waiting is still part of the human experience.

We still have to wait nine months for a baby to be fully developed, we still have to wait for the vegetables in our gardens to grow before we reap a harvest, we still have to wait until we are a certain age to drive a vehicle and we still have to wait for our prayers to be answered.

The later is often the longest wait.

Just this past weekend, a woman in our church shared of a dreadfully long wait for her hubby to see a health care specialist. It seemed that each day was too long leading up to the awaited appointment. Each ‘what if’ that could be dreamed was considered. They were certain that if hubby’s health didn’t kill him, waiting to see the specialist would.

Then they finally got to the appointed day. And appointed it was! She shared of how there was connection with this doctor, right down to his office decor. To top it all off, her hubby was given a clean bill of health … the best news they could have imagined.

She shared that, though they felt the waiting would cause further deterioration of his health, in reality the time waiting allowed healing and restoration of his body that only time can heal.

Waiting is hard, and not a chosen venue for any of us, yet there can be blessing in the process of waiting.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, “for everything there is an appointed time, and an appropriate time for every activity on earth.”

Though the time spent in the waiting room of yet to be answered prayers can be tiring, frustrating and difficult, it may just be that this waiting has purpose. God’s answers are always on time.

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
Psalm 27:14

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Dog Tired

Posted in GOD, life, tagged #dogtired, #wearytothebone, Fatigue on January 26, 2017| 1 Comment »

Ever been dog tired? Bone weary?

I cannot even find a reason, other than a couple of poorer nights rest, for this fatigue that can creep into me.

It begins as a tired day, and gradually increases each day, like the movement of a virus that is ignoring your attempts to head it off before it takes over your body.

I awake tired, I yawn throughout the day, then I fall, lifeless, into bed at night, willing tomorrow to be filled with pep.

There was a time when I would fight it, now, like the flu season virus, I just let it run its course, while making efforts to pamper myself with nutritious foods, herbal teas, and a reasonable amount of sleep.

I whisper, over and over (Matthew 11:28), “come to me all of you who are weary and I will give you rest.”

Then, I recently rediscovered Isaiah 40:28,

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.”
My/our creator does not grow weary … EVER!

The is what I will meditate on. Not that he will give me rest, but that he, who never grows weary, is in control, of everything.

That reminder, all alone, gives me hope that this virus-like fatigue is known and understood by the greatest of physicians.

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Give it to God

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged #armorofgod, #giveittogod, #interruptionstoprayer, #surrendertogod, Prayer on January 22, 2017| Leave a Comment »

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“casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:7

It was a day … a day of thinking, and worrying … a day of anxiety over something I had no control.

We all have those days.

Sometimes we share our worry with people around us, sometimes we lock it inside, as though it is precious to us (though, if anxiety is precious, we would hear it said from the lips of Gollum in Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings).

We all know that the Bible tells us over, and over, and over again to not be anxious, not worry. We are reminded again, and again to pray, to give our concerns to God.

Yet, we worry and fret.

I found it interesting that, though I prayed frequently, that day, each time there was an interruption, or some sort of diversion away from my attempts to lay my worries at the feet of God. It was as though there were a force keeping me away from my intended act of prayer and submission.

I believe there was a force keeping me away from offering up my cares, my worries, to God. I believe it was (and always is) Satan.

James 4:7 has a powerful reminder:

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

I read the Matthew Henry Commentary for this verse and found great context … for the verse, but also for my interruptions to prayer:

“Submit to God (ver. 7). Submit your understanding to the truth of God; submit your wills to the will of his precept, the will of his providence. Submit yourselves to God, for he is ready to do you good. If we yield to temptations, the devil will continually follow us; but if we put on the whole armour of God, and stand out against him, he will leave us. Let sinners then submit to God, and seek his grace and favour; resisting the devil. All sin must be wept over; here, in godly sorrow, or, hereafter, in eternal misery. And the Lord will not refuse to comfort one who really mourns for sin, or to exalt one who humbles himself before him.

I love that this commentary reminds us of the empathy and comfort God provides (italics). For we are in great need of that when we are anxious. But he does not just offer us comfort and a warm embrace, he offers a solution.

The amor of God (Ephesians 6:14-17) includes the belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, the shield of faith, the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace, helmet of salvation, and sword of the Spirit (word of God).

For me, the ah-ha moment came when I read verses 10-18 (Ephesians) from the Message. I pray that you, too, will hold to this as a reminder of what to do when worry has got you like a weight on your shoulders.

“10-12 And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

13-18 Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

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Little Picture and the Big Picture

Posted in FAMILY, GOD, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged #familyalbums, #godisfaithful, #growingup, #littlepictureandthebigpicture, #sharedstories on January 19, 2017| Leave a Comment »

As my son and I were going through his photos from childhood, this week, I became keenly aware that those pictures illicit different responses from each of us.

With each picture viewed, I smiled, or laughed or sighed.

With each picture that my son viewed, he asked questions, to fill in the void of memory of the people, the place or the situation depicted in the image.

It surprised me when he didn’t recognize the house we lived in up until he was four … until I realized he was only four when we moved.

Or the dear friends who threw a baby shower when he was born … until I remembered that he was not even one when his dad started working at another church, and the regular connection to those friends slowly diminished.

Or photo after photo with his sister, just two year his senior, and he commented that he didn’t remember that they had been such good friends.

Or the comment, “mom, you looked (past tense) so young” 😳

As we flipped through picture after picture, he asked questions, and I shared story after story. These were shared stories, yet he held only a snapshot, I held the mental recollections of of the past times and places and people.

In essence, though we shared the same history of his lifetime, I had a view of a bigger picture than what he could see. I could see the whole, whereas he could only recall the most recent parts.

Psalm 139:13-16 is probably one of the most known Psalms:

“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.“

I looked up this scripture in various translations, and love how The Message words verse 16 (underlined, above):

“Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you”

It is a reminder of who our Creator is, how very intimately he knows us and that he has always known us.

God holds the photo album of our life. He can see all that is past, and all that is to come.

We only hold a snapshot of our life. Maybe we need to get out the album of our lives, and ask God to remind us of the past, so that we can walk into the future on the foundation of his faithfulness to us in the past.

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Perfect Life

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged #bluemonday, #perfectlife, #perfectsatisfaction, #whatisperfect on January 16, 2017| Leave a Comment »

Yesterday, the third Monday in January, has come to be known as Blue Monday.

It is this day that is reportedly the saddest of the year. The holidays are over, credit card bills are in the mail, daylight is reduced and winter’s rains or snow in full force.

Though struggles with depression and SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) are very real and legitimate reasons for feeling blue, perhaps we humans also suffer because of our expectations of perfection from ourselves and our lives.

Over the Christmas break, hubby and I started watching the TV show “Call the Midwife”. Probably my favourite part of each episode are the narrations, at the end of each episode, by Vanessa Redgrave.

One such narration struck me :

“Perfection is not a polished thing.
It is often simply something that is sincerely meant.

Perfection is a job complete, praise given, a prayer heard, it can be kindness shown, thanks offered up.

Perfection is what we discover in each other- what we see reflected back …

And if perfection alludes us -that doesn’t matter for what we have within the moment is enough.”

Often, our view of, and desire for perfection, is the letter-of-the-law perfection … everything, always perfect.

Yet, human perfection is more grand, more personal, more subjective.

For most of us perfection can be a steaming hot cup of our favorite beverage, awakening to puppy licks or toddler babble or a soft kiss on your forehead. Perfection can be snowflakes falling softly, or the sound of rain outside your window, or a moon shining big and bright. It can be completing a report, leaving work exhausted but satisfied, cleaning a cluttered closet. Perfection is best seen in others when they whisper our name in prayer, or meet our eyes and smile.

We are our perfect best when we are real, when we duplicate kindnesses we see in others, when we work, pray, praise and are thankful. We are our perfect best when we breath in, and out, and recognize the perfection in each breath.

May we ponder, today, that which is truly perfect in our lives.

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The Responsibility of Choice

Posted in community, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged #choiceandduty, #theresponsibilityofchoice, community, itsawonderfilledlife on January 15, 2017| Leave a Comment »

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I love the debates I have with my son, for we both share our opinions with conviction and passion, yet, because we are not of the same gender, we are able to walk away from such discussions with no bruises.

That said, we had such a debate recently, and after thoughtful consideration, he was wrong.

I was watching the movie, Young Victoria, and specifically her coronation. It was this scene which birthed a debate.

My son said, “she looks scared to death”

To which I replied, “she probably was, as this event diminished her human rights and replaced them with duty to her country, and all that went with that.”

Then he said, “it was a choice. All of life is about choice. Choice is what God gave us all.”

And I pondered (but kept quiet because I really wanted to watch the movie) his words for days after.

I have come to the conclusion that he is right, and wrong. And it is because of my mother-child relationship to and with him that I have found his words to be such.

For I am the woman who loved him from before he was born. I am that one who believes in him, who pushes him, who would die for him. I am bound to him through the experience and responsibility of motherhood. I am duty-bound, for though our relationship was born from love, I must often choose to put my care of him, above myself. That is my duty.

Though individual choice is a common-heard mantra, duty is bound to choice … every choice.

Though it may not be popular, our opinions and our expressions through our appearance are not our own in the workplace. While we are ‘on the clock’ we do not represent ourselves alone, we also represent the organization or business that is paying us. During work hours we are duty-bound to represent our employer. We can wear what we like, but we always need to keep our duty to our position in mind.

We have choice to accept the love of God. Though he pursues us for all of our lives, he does not force his love on us. Once we do receive what God offers to all, we are then duty-bound to him, and to his teachings. In Matthew 4:19, Jesus said, “come follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” There are two steps to this commitment, following (accepting) him and then doing the task (duty) that goes with the commitment.

In keeping our duty to our workplace, our family, our God and community we become leaders … maybe not leaders by position or rank, but leaders in the hearts of the men and women around us.

Duty is part of choice,

“Leadership is not a rank.
Leadership is not a position.
Leadership is a decision.
Leadership is a choice.
It has nothing to do with your position in the organization.

If you decide to look after the person to the left of you, and to look after the person to the right of you, you have become a leader.”
Simon Sinek

It is not just our employers, our government and our family members who are duty-bound to work for the good of all. We are all bound, by duty, to diminish so that others might thrive alongside of us.

To do this may lessen stress and anxiety in our family members and co-workers, by giving them a safe and caring community.

To do this may decrease our focus on differences (race, religion, etc.) and bring people together to share in common human experiences.

To do this may result in senior citizens and those with special needs feeling part of the community that they live in, rather than feeling like (or being treated as) burdens on society.

To do this may result in less homelessness, abuse and substance abuse.

I realize, even reading my own words, that this sounds so pie-in-the-sky, Mr. Rodgers esque. And to do that, to look after those around us, is our duty as members of a workplace, a family, a community.

“The price of greatness is responsibility.”
Winston Churchill

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Why Do I Write this Blog?

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Bartender, blog, Blogging, Hairdresser, Purpose, Reason, Shrink, Why, Why do I Write this Blog, Writing on January 8, 2017| 4 Comments »

I just realized that I had not written a post for today, so today’s post is a repost from 2012. As I re-read this one, I agree with ii’s words still …

Last weekend someone asked me “why do you blog?” It was such an easy question to answer, because the one reason I blog is complete and utter selfishness, I blog for me.

After about ten months of writing everything from the insane to the serious, averaging about five posts a week, writing has become something that I rely on, that I need to do, that helps me to keep in balance.

Although there is great jesting in my house about my desire for Oprah to discover me, really, I write for me. This little corner of the cyber world is where I connect with God, where I process my hurts, where I share my celebrations, and where I just get it all out. For me, itsawonderfilledlife is my hairdresser, my bartender, my shrink. And, you who read are the flies on the wall.

Writing has allowed me to have a voice, my voice. In this venue I am still daughter, and mother, and wife, and friend, and pastor’s wife and special ed. assistant, but I am mostly just me. I am just a woman, speeding down the superhighway of aging, who loves her God, her kids and her hubby, trying to make ends meet, experiencing great successes, and dark failures. And this is the forum that I have used to help myself find reason for it all.

When I chose itsawonderfilledlife as my blog title, I did so with pshychology in my mind. I am one who looks for a reason for every event that occurs. I look for wonder, like others might look for chocolate (okay, I look for that on a daily basis too), or luck, or a break. For me, when I can see wonder in my day, I can see purpose for living. For me, a little bit of wonder can make my experiences of living purpose-filled, and in focusing on wonder, I do not spiral down into the dank world of negative thinking.

Recently I was feeling a bit bummed that my stats were lower for a particular week. I pondered different ways that I could bolster them, but that takes time. Then I re-read a couple from that week, and felt good with what I had written, and felt good as I remembered the pleasure that writing them provided. It was then that I remembered, I am doing this for me. So, I forgot about feeling bummed, and felt the pleasure of communing with my God, my thoughts and the computer keyboard. That is why I write this blog, and it’s good enough reason for me 😉 .

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They Don’t Know if They Believe

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #loveoneanother, #mumfordandsons, #teensandfaith, #teenstoday, #thisdontknowiftheybelieve, Believe on December 1, 2016| 1 Comment »

I LOVE working in the environment of teens. This is my fourteenth year working with teens in Christian schools. This is also the first year (after about a twenty-five year hiatus) that I have been assisting in a church youth group. Did I mention that I LOVE working in the environment of teens?

Teens are teens, though there are trends that come and go, teens themselves are, at their core, very similar throughout the years. They are exploratory, curious, questioning, idealistic, fun-loving, confused, stressed with thoughts of the future, and more.

In recent years I have been noticing something about teens, who have grown up in Christian homes, that has me scratching my head.

They don’t want to identify as Christians.

They may say that they believe in God, and even in Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They may believe in the value of prayer, and even go to church every week. They may go to youth group and help in Sunday School.

But, they aren’t sure what, or if, they believe.

Teens today are different from generations in the past in that anxiety, depression, social media pressures and bullying, along with the constant exposure to unreal reality (in TV shows and on the covers of magazines) create instability in their present to the point that they cannot fathom the future.

In a sense they have had their feet knocked out from underneath of them, and they do not have the confidence of where it safe to stand.

This has had me on my knees frequently, for the teens that surround me in my life.

Then, coming home from work this week I heard the words to the song Believe by Mumford and Sons:

“I don’t even know if I believe
Everything you’re trying to say to me

So open up my eyes
Tell me I’m alive
This is never gonna go our way
If I’m gonna have to guess what’s on your mind

Say something, say something,
Something like you love me”

As I heard the lyrics (above) I started to see teens I know say those words to me. It was as if they were telling me, themselves, what they need (foundationaly) for their own belief.

“So open up my eyes
Tell me I’m alive”

Maybe, instead of telling them what to believe, they need us to show them who to believe, and why. God is not a wishy washy possibility, he is a good father who loves his children, who he created. Teens need to be reminded that they are fully alive, with full possibility and promise.They need to be reminded that that the breath of life is in them, just as tides come in and go out from shore, life is about rhythms, and they are part of the rhythm of the created world.

This is never gonna go our way
If I’m gonna have to guess what’s on your mind

We need to speak to them. We need to tell them of the stories of love, of justice, of redemption. We need to give them hope. Sometime hope can come from a smile, but it is even stronger when it comes from a conversation.

Say something, say something,
Something like you love me

Teens need to hear

I love you.

I like you.

I heard someone say once, if you want to change a teenager’s behaviour, you have to convince them that you like (love) them.

Maybe what teens today need most is for people who proclaim love for Christ to proclaim love for them … in words, in deeds.

believe

“My commandment is this–to love one another just as I have loved you.”
John 15:12

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Broken Beauty

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #beautyinthebroken, #brokenbeauty, #kintsukuroi on November 15, 2016| Leave a Comment »

I remember so well the beautifully hand made pottery bowl, filled with hot, homemade pasta Alfredo. My family was seated, waiting, at the table, for a favourite meal. As I turned the corner from the kitchen to the dining room, something out odd happened and the bowl left my hands, dropping quickly from my hands, to smash into dozens of pieces of pottery, dozens of pieces of pasta.

Our dining table surrounded by people whose eager and hungry hopes came crashing down to the floor.

To this day, I do not remember what we ended up eating for dinner that night.

I only remember feeling like a loser for dropping the bowl that we had received as a wedding gift.

At the time, I did not know of the Japanese art of using (usually) gold to repair broken pottery, called kintsugi (to patch with gold), otherwise I might have made a D.I.Y. attempt.

This art is borne out of an appreciation for the broken parts of a piece of pottery, and not only aims to mend it, but to feature the brokenness with the purity and preciousness of gold.

If only we could show such honour for broken people.

The difference in pottery and people is that all people have brokenness in their lives. We live in a broken world, alongside other broken people.

Our lives are infused with brokenness, with sin.

We all have dark areas of our lives. Areas where death, sin, hurt, betrayal, failure and disappointment have left indelible marks on our lives.

It is not that we should celebrate the broken in our lives, but, instead, acknowledge that we are where we are, who we are, as much (if not more) because of the brokenness in our lives. We have, in a sense, been refined by the potters fire, made solid (in our faith) by our experience of recovery from the brokenness in our lives.

“The purpose of these troubles is to test your faith as fire tests how genuine gold is. Your faith is more precious than gold, and by passing the test, it gives praise, glory, and honor to God. This will happen when Jesus Christ appears again.”
1 Peter 1:7

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