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Filling out Forms

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Allergies, Answering Questions, Bed Wetting, Filling in Blanks, Filling out Forms, humor, Mischevous on January 23, 2012| 2 Comments »

As I was preparing to leave for work the other day, I grabbed the papers in my mailbox, shoved them into my bag, and headed out the door. When I got home and dumped my belongings onto my bed I noticed there was a form there, a staff intention form for the next school year.

The staff intention form is just that, a form that allows my employer know what I hope to do next year; whether I plan to return to work at the school, whether I desire to switch campus (from High to Middle or Elementary), whether I desire a different job assignment or stay with the student(s), and if I have any questions. Now there is no magic fairy that waves it’s magic wand and can ensure that my wish is their command, but it does allow us, as staff, to wish upon a star.

But, I digress …

Because what I really wanted to write about today is my evil side … when it comes to filling out forms. There is nothing so amazingly exciting to me as a form, with all those boxes to check, and dates to fill in, and questions to answer. Believe me, it has nothing to do with a love of paperwork, but more the possible ways I might (not so accurately) fill in the blanks.

This is not a love that my children share with me, but that is understandable, since it is usually for them that I am filling out forms … although I have noticed that they are taking their forms to the dad more often. I should explain …

When my kids need a form filled out, often there is a question like:

Is your child allergic to anything?

And I respond … air

Or, for camp:

Are there any dietary restrictions for your child?

And I respond … foods made with animals, grains, and produce give her extreme case of flatulence (she gets it from her father’s side).

Does your child have a bed wetting problem?

And I respond … yes … hum, that might explain last summer when my daughter said she was the only one with a plastic mattress at camp …

Maybe I should have responded … only if she is sleeping in a bed?

Or, for immunization forms:

Please list the last Tetanus shot date

And I respond … who is tetanus and why is he shooting? or, you did it last time, why can’t you remember?

For some unknown reason, this sort of thing just makes my day! I love the thought of being cheeky or mischevous, and I especially love the thought of someone reading the form and getting a laugh, or smile from my insane nature.

Now to fill out my form …

What are your intentions for the next school year?

This is gonna be fun!

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Unfading – Part 3

Posted in Unfading, WONDER, tagged Aging, Alzheimers, Amara, Dymensia, Fear., Fiction, Forgetfulness, Loneliness, Story on January 20, 2012| 4 Comments »

This is another post in a series, about a woman named Amara. Every Friday I will post another segment in this story.

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting for her memory to tell her why she drove to this parking lot, Amara thought to herself, ‘maybe I should just go back home, since I cannot remember why I am here.’

She placed her right hand on her key, preparing to turn it to start the car’s motor, as she glanced around the parking lot one last time for an indicator of why she was there. “Is that … ?” Amara whispered as she looked at a woman coming through the front doors of the building in front of her.

The woman was perfectly coordinated from her clothes to her bag, to her jewelery, to her shoes to her make-up. It would be difficult for anyone to not notice this perfect looking woman. Although she looked perfectly put together, with the greatest of care, she did not look approachable, nor did she look happy. “Why it is! That is Joy.” Amara was excited, relieved to see her youngest child, her daughter.

With great excitement, Amara grabbed the handle of her door, swung it open, yelling “Joy”, as she almost levitated out of her automobile.

Joy heard her mother’s voice, and focused her eyes in search of her. As the two locked eyes on each other the stresses that they had each been experiencing that day disappeared. There was a relief, and even a oneness as they looked at the one that each of them needed most. This moment of oneness was rare for these two, so genetically close. As early as when Amara discovered her unplanned pregnancy, from which Joy emerged, there was tension between the two. From that was a colicy first year, a defiant childhood, and teen years of feeling disappointment in each other.

The two were a pair of contradictions. Amara the ‘get your hands dirty’ mother, and Joy the ‘I don’t like to get my hands dirty’ daughter. Amara, whose life was one surprise after another, and Joy, whose life appeared to have turned out just as she had planned.

“Oh there she is, finally! What is she wearing?” Joy muttered to herself, just under her breath.

“Mother, you finally made it!” She yelled back, while standing on the steps of the professional building.

Amara headed straight for Joy, not taking her eyes off of her adult child.

“Mother, you will need to shut your car door.” Joy shouted to Amara, while positioning one hand on her hip, still not moving a foot towards her mother.

Throwing her hands up in the air, Amara sighed and smiled self mockingly, as she jogged back to close the driver side door of her archaic Olds.

As she quickly swung the door shut, she had not moved her body out of the way in time, and slammed the door hard against the inside of her right knee. “Damn it!” she yelled, as she bent over wincing and reaching for her throbbing knee.

“Mother, come quickly, we are late for the appointment,” Joy yelled, not having seen the injury that had just occurred.

“I’m coming dear,” Amara responded through clenched teeth, as she straightened and hobbled to the steps where Joy was still standing, with one hand still on her hip.

“For goodness sakes, I just have to be the most clumsy person on the face of the earth,” Amara was muttering under her breath, as she reached the place where Joy stood. The look of relief gone from her daughter’s face was replaced with a more familiar look, one of disdain, one of disappointment. Amara’s heart sank. After a lifetime of looking into her daughter’s eyes and seeing that same look of disdain looking back at her still hurt her like nothing else on this earth. For Amara, the pain in her knee was healed by the daggers she was thrown by her first born. No bandage, no salve could heal that hurt.

Unfading – Part 4

Unfading – Part 1

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Life Flashing Before My Eyes

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Accident, Car Accident, Important Memories, Life Flashing before my Eyes, Memories, Remember, Trauma, Traumatic Events on January 19, 2012| 8 Comments »

I had an auto accident this past week, and am here to report that, although they say that when you are in the midst of a traumatic experience you can have your life flash before your eyes …there were no life flashing through my mind. I will say, though, that almost all of the details leading up to the collision that day are crystal clear.

So, I was driving down the road to pick up our daughter from work, then son and daughter from basketball. The road I was on was slick. Thankfully hubby had forewarned me of the condition of that road, and I was driving under the speed limit.

I noticed a vehicle up ahead, so I tried my brakes, but as I pushed my foot onto the brake, my wheels locked. I tried moving into the oncoming lane, hoping to get some traction … it didn’t work. I tried tapping my gas pedal, hoping the wheels would unlock … it didn’t work. I tried steering in the snow on the side of the road to unlock my wheels … it didn’t work.

I was now fully aware that I was not in control of my vehicle. I realized the vehicle ahead of me was an ambulance (a big sturdy, well-built ambulance), and that it was not moving. It was stopped, on the road, at the top of a gully. I continued to try to stop my vehicle, all the while saying out loud, “please move, please move, please move” … they didn’t hear me.

Now I knew that I was going to collide with the much bigger ambulance than my minivan.

I thought to myself, the airbag is going to open, so I need to keep my hands back from the center of the steering wheel. Then I thought, an ambulance is big, I need to move my feet off the pedals, so that if the impact is great, my feet will not be crushed. Then I thought, if I am fearful I will be tense and might get hurt more, so I started to breath slowly and deeply.

Isn’t it amazing how very much can go through your head in such a short period of time? It is as though the minute or two (probably not that long) I lived through were frozen in time and have been etched in my mind, indelibly.

The following hour or two after the impact has much less clarity for me. I know that all of the emergency attendees were amazing. I know I called my hubby, as I would not be able to pick up our kids. I know I kept warm in the ambulance and I gave and took information. I know my hubby picked me up. I know my kids were concerned for me (an unsolicited hug from any teenager speaks volumes).

The hour or two, after impact, have become foggier, less clear in my mind, in the hours and days since the accident. Somehow, my brain has filtered out what it has decided is not as important.

I do wonder, when my life is ending and my days are flashing before me, what will my brain deem were the most important moments in my life? Will these memories be ones that I would pick and choose, or would they be ones that my subconscious reveals as the moments that had the deepest penetration into my psyche?

I wish I could just choose them, because the memory of an accident’s prologue is not nearly as special to me as the people who I share my life with.

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In Good Company

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged christianity, Christians, In Good Company, Isaiah 17, Mark 5, Persecution, Social Media on January 18, 2012| 2 Comments »

I love how social networking has become a source of world news, kind of like how Youtube has become a venue for talented people to be discovered. When I see that someone I know has posted a video, or news story, or pictures, or announcement, I know that it is often worth investigating (depending on which friend has posted it). Social networking of news and entertainment provides for me what is consumer driven, and not media driven, and I think that makes sense.

Another social networking ‘share’ has gone viral. I read it, and I agreed with it … sort of.

I agreed that the ‘share’ was one that told a story of a lacking in integrity within the field of media. I also agreed that it would seem to be an incidence of persecution for beliefs that might be closely tied to Christian moral principles. Still, there was something about the story that just didn’t sit right for me, that is until I was reading a Bible passage the other day. As I read Matthew 5:11-12 I knew why it was not sitting well with me. This scripture says,

“Blessed are you when people insult you,
persecute you
and falsely say all kinds of evil against you
because of me.
Rejoice and be glad,
because great is your reward in heaven,
for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

When I read that passage, I understood partially why I was not able to read the article and say fully, I agree with this.

When Jesus was baptized in the Jordan River by his cousin John, that was his public statement to the world that his ministry had begun. Shortly after that he (the Son of God) was tempted by the devil, not once, not twice, but three times. The remainder of his earthly ministry was littered with persecution, to the point of death.

So my question, have we, as Christians, forgotten this reality? Have we grabbed on to the name of Christ in order to save us here in this lifetime, here on Earth? Do we think that we are to have it better than the Son of God? Has it been erased from our minds that insults, persecution, lies and other ‘evils’ are part and parcel of this life we live called Christianity?

Don’t get me wrong, I do not believe that we should lay back and just let injustice happen to ourselves or to others. I believe that as long as we have breath we need to help those in need. I believe that if the law has been broken resulting in a violation to ourselves or to someone else, we need to seek justice (Isaiah 1:17 : Seek justice, rescue the oppressed, defend the orphan, plead for the widow).

But, I also know that we are to expect these things to happen to us, because we are following one who was insulted, persecuted, lied about, to the point of death.

And great is our reward, not on Earth, but in heaven … where we will continue to be in good company.

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The Club You Don’t Want to Join

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Advice, Miscarriage, Pregnancy Loss, The Club, The Club you do not Want to Join on January 17, 2012| 1 Comment »

Women who have had the misfortune of pregnancy loss are part of a club that no one wants to be part of. It doesn’t matter how the loss has occurred, or how far along the pregnancy had gotten, you are in the club.

As I spoke with a friend who had recently re-joined (aka. she had just had ANOTHER pregnancy loss) this unfortunate club, the losses of my hubby and I came clearly to my mind. And that is what happens, as the sorrows and sadness are shared with you, your own memories come to the forefront of your mind, as fresh as they were when they first were formed. What is happening is that the trauma of your own loss has imprinted itself so firmly into your memory that, if recalled, it can be relived once again.

I do not like that resurfacing … it haunts me, and it hurts.

While talking with this lovely lady, whose heart is full of grief (again) I was struck by the uneducated responses that women (and men) sometimes hear at times like this.

-“You are still young, it will happen”
-“I understand how you feel”
-“It’s probably for the best, who knows what might have been wrong with it”
-“At least you were not that far along”
-“Just try again”
-“You can always adopt”
-“Is there something wrong with your reproductive system?”

Oh yes, those are actual quotes of what people have said to myself, or to others in the club. They are said by people who have had the blessing of not being in this club. That is why, for those who have had more than one loss, when it happens again, we club members contact someone else who is in the club, and keep multiple losses silent to the rest of you.

To talk with someone else, in the club, means to speak to someone who will not give advice, but who will give an ear, a hug, a well understood sigh, and will share in the common experience.

My purpose in writing this post is to give those of you who are not in this club some advice:

-Do not give advice!
-Do not say ‘hopeful’ and trite things.
-Do not avoid the couple … make eye contact; smile; send a note or email that just says ‘thinking of you’ or ‘you are in my prayers’ or ‘my heart aches for you’

And, if you are part of this club, let them know … because it is only those who are part of this club who have the closest understanding of what they might be going through … and they need you.

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Brand New Hormones

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Brand New Hormones, Growing Up, High School, Hormones, Puppy Love, School, Teen Love, Teenagers, Teens on January 16, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I get to work in a high school … yes, I said “get to”! I also get to work in a few of the classes that my daughter takes.

I have a motherly fondness for many of her friends. Many have been at our home, driven in our vehicles to various events, slept over, made cookies in our kitchen, been cheered on at basketball games by me, and attended countless birthday parties.

I struggle at school with the boys and the girls, and their brand new hormones. I find I watch and listen, and just want to … gag!

I do realize that they are just ‘test driving’ their new thoughts, feelings and awareness. I realize that what they are going through is so very normal and necessary in that age old process known as ‘growing up’. I just wish our society, our culture, did not encourage this process to become so all absorbing all at once.

The girls looking at the boys, and even the boys drooling over the girls can be cute or, as they might say, ‘adorbs’. It is a process of an awakening within them that is starting to burst out into their daily lives. Truly, it is a wonderfilled time in their lives. But, as they grow and mature, their hormones are NOT the best, or the only thing in their lives.

This is also a very important time in their lives for learning, in an academic sense. As important, if not more so at this phase of their lives, is the development and nurture of friendships. This is a great time of life for shooting hoops, all night chat sessions, playing games, dancing to music, and other activities that are surrounded by the peers who a teen calls friends.

My hubby is brilliant (yes, I said that in writing), and that was confirmed for me when he worked as a youth pastor. When a pair of teens in the youth group would start dating he would take them out to lunch, and his conversation with the couple would start with the same question every time, “you WILL break up, and when you do, how will it affect your relationships at youth?” And he was right, because about 98-99% of teen couples do not end up in a lifelong relationship. Should teens invest the majority of their teen years in relationships that are, at best, temporary?

Hubby was really brilliant a number of years ago, as well, when he told our preschool daughter that if she chose to not date in high school, he would buy her a car. This was her choice, not ours! We told her that our hope for her was that she spend her teen years focusing on friends and school, and we were willing to put wheels where our mouth was. But, we left the choice in her hands.

This fall when our eldest daughter got her car, her sister and brother realized that the deal (that we had offered them, as well) was good. All of a sudden, the story they had heard all of their lives, was in view with a happy ending.

And it is a happy ending, beyond the car, because if they take our challenge, they can look back on their high school years as ones of friendship and learning, and those are things that they can take, 100%, into adulthood with them.

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Unfading – Part 2

Posted in Unfading, WONDER, tagged Aging, Amara, Anxiety, Disappointment, Fear., Forgetfulness, Loneliness, Sighing, Story, Unfading, Widow on January 13, 2012| 5 Comments »

This is another post in a series, about a woman named Amara. Every Friday I will post another segment in this story.

“Are you sure she is able to come here on her own? You could meet with the doctor alone today, and bring your mother here for a second appointment?” Dr. Faw’s receptionist said with sincere concern, but laced with the urgency of a vulture. My mother’s delay was impeding the efficiency of this woman’s day. And was that sarcasm I heard when she specifically said “coming here on her own?” Was she insinuating that I should have brought her myself? Well, if only she knew the efforts I had made to try to convince my stubborn, highly independent mother that she should let me pick her up!

“No, I will wait just a couple more moments for her,” I replied to ‘vulture lady’ while smiling my sugary sweetest. She faked an accepting nod and smile to me.

Oh, what was keeping mother? Did she remember? Did she forget where she was to go? Did she misplace her car keys again? Did she go wandering on the trails again, and forget her way home? How can so many possible reasons for mother’s delay go through my head so quickly?

Today was just bound to not go as planned. Joe forgot to set the alarm, and the entire household started the day on the wrong foot by starting late. The kids were late to school, which seemed to be disastrous for both of them. Jilly was irate that we forgot to set our alarm, causing her to have less preparation time to beautify her sixteen year old self. And even five year old Jessica was upset that she did not have time to brush all of her teeth ten times, and refused to say goodbye to me when I dropped her off at school.

On my part, I was frustrated with Joe too. He knew how important today and this appointment were to me. He knew how stressed and uncertain I was feeling about what was going on with my mother and what might be the reason for the strange behaviors my mother had been exhibiting. He knew this was important, and he forgot to set the alarm.

Sigh.

That seems to be happening often … sighing. It is as though there is so much air in my lungs, from holding my breath, that it constantly needs to be forcefully emptied with a full, loud expression of sighing. It seems that I sigh so that my body feels it, and my ears hear it to remind my body that I am still alive. I wonder if I ran away to a tropical island would I still be sighing?

I reached into my purse to check the time on my cell phone, but where is it? Oh no, I left it in the car! Maybe mother had called me with an explanation of why she was not here. Maybe her car wouldn’t start, or she fell, or her alarm didn’t get set (no, that would not have delayed her. My mother has been awakening earlier all the time for the past few years. She even phoned me last week at three in the morning to tell me about her neighbor’s falling the night before. She had awakened, gotten dressed, and had breakfast without noticing the time on any of the clocks in her house. No, an alarm clock was definitely not the reason she was not here).

I stood and approached the Vulture lady, “I just realized my cell phone is in my car, I will go get it to see if mother has phoned me.”

“Alright then,” Vulture lady said sharply, “but I can only hold your appointment time for another fifteen minutes.”

I sighed, “very well then.”

Unfading – Part 1

Unfading – Part 3

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God Promises

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Cross My Heart, Disappointments, GOD, God Promises, John Waller, Liar, Liar Pants on Fire, lies, Promises, Yes on January 12, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye …

Liar, liar pants on fire …

Little ditties from how legal contracts were written in our childhoods, reminds us how very important promises were to us in childhood. I wonder if we made contracts now (as adults) as we did as children, would we fulfill our promises better than we do now?

There are so many promises for us to keep to so many : our spouses, out kids, our workplace, our banks, our loan companies, our parents, our friends, and even our resolutions (it’s the middle of January, so those promises may have been broken already). It would be unreasonable to think that we can keep all of our promises, all of the time. After all, life throws us curve balls, and good intentions get hindered by important happenings.

It can be disappointing and even hurtful when people break promises to us. When that product we order online fails to live up to what it promised. When that restaurant fails to live up to the coupon you have, because the ownership has changed. When your child fails to clean their room, as they had promised, before heading out to play. When your spouse promises to love and cherish you before your family and friends, and then trades you in for a new model.

In the broken world we live in, promises get broken.

The heartache, disillusionment, and disappointment that these broken promises cause can make our lives heavy, sad and lifeless. We are looking for, hoping for, heaven on earth. But there is only one heaven, and it is only in looking heavenward that we can know what it is to live with promises that are kept.

The other day I heard this song, and felt like it was God’s message to ME! Then I heard it the next day on the way TO work, on the way TO basketball, and then on the way TO home … tell me that message was not for me!

God keeps His promises, always. He is no fair weather friend. He is no deceiver. He is no liar. He keeps all of the promises that He makes … all the time … stick a needle in my eye.

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Just Listen

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged 1 Peter 3:15, christianity, If Necessary Use Words, Learning, Listen, Preach the Gospel at All Times, Questions, Sanit Francis of Assisi, Stop Talking, Tlaking on January 11, 2012| 2 Comments »

It was at basketball the other day that I was reminded of an important lesson.

Well, actually it was that same day, but in the morning. Hubby had said something and I suggested that he follow the advice of Saint Francis of Assisi (“Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words.“).

But, it was while at basketball that I remembered to practice what I was preaching to hubby.

As the game went on, I was joined by a friend of my daughter. A sweet girl, who I love having as an important relationship in the life of my daughter. I have tried numerous times to engage her in conversation when she is at our home, or in our vehicle, or at school, but have never felt successful.

This particular day, I tried a new tactic, I LISTENED.

The more I said less, the more she spoke. Now it was not that she was talking because there was an awkward silence between us, because we were engaged in the (riveting) game. She was talking because (gulp) I was not. Not only was I NOT talking, but I was also actively listening to her.

I talk … ALOT, but do I listen? Do I take time to hear what others are saying?

Then I looked across the court, at my own daughter, and wondered if I listen to her. I wonder how much I could learn if I stop talking, and start listening. I wonder how much more I could teach her if I shut up long enough to allow her to ask the questions, before I fill her ears with my responses.

1 Peter 3:15 says, “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” There is no way that we are prepared if we do not listen for the question.

It sounds like St. Francis and Peter might have been listening to the same voice. I hope that this reminds me to listen too, so that I might have opportunity to share the hope we have.

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Forgiven so that I can Forgive

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Colossians 3, Delirious, Forgive, Forgiven so that I Can Forgive, Forgiveness, Majesty, Redemption, Words, Worship on January 10, 2012| 2 Comments »

I love words!

There is nothing that makes my heart skip a beat like hearing or reading or singing words that seem to grab my ears and yell “we are for your ears, listen!” If I was listening (who doesn’t hear what is yelled?) I would then spend the next minutes, hours and even days pondering them. Turning them inside out, to see if I am really getting all that they say, because I know they are for me and I don’t want to miss one syllable of their message.

I love it even more when those same loudly proclaimed words take me away to a different place in my mind, to a different place in my soul. Sometimes those words will even force me to make time for them.

This happened one day last year (don’t you love it when only a couple of weeks ago can be referred to as ‘last year’?). As I was singing along in church one Sunday we sang a song, and one line, “forgiven so that I could forgive” yelled at me, and it (and the rest of the song) been yelling almost daily since.

It is a song performed (and written) by the group Delirious. The lyrics could mirror the words of David in his Psalms. They recognize the ranking of the one who has sacrificed as higher than any other (to refer to one as his/her majesty is the highest position possible) on the earth. The lyrics speak of thanks, of grace, of love. It is a song of recognizing the redemption made available, and of receiving it in the humility of one who is redeemed.

For us to understand that we are forgiven is, I believe, a concept not easily or quickly learned. Maybe it is because we struggle to forgive others, and in our own struggle to forgive we do not comprehend the forgiveness that is offered to us? Maybe we can forgive others, but we do not forget the original offense? Maybe we have the order of learning forgiveness wrong?

Perhaps it is in being forgiven that we learn how to forgive. Perhaps we cannot fully forgive another, until we have received (and that offer is always there for us) the forgiveness that is foundational to understanding how to forgive others. And maybe, it is a lesson that we keep learning all of our days.