Change | itsawonderfilledlife

Posts Tagged ‘Change’

Old to New: The Weight Loss DiaBLOG – Week 1

Posted in Weight Loss DiaBLOG, women, WONDER, tagged accountability, brain, Change, diaBLOG, diet, Exercise, My Fitness Pal, Old to New, Struggle, thinking, walking, weight, Weight Loss on July 9, 2012| 3 Comments »

Week number one has now come and gone, and so have three pounds of unnecessary blubber (equal to three pounds of butter)!

It is really near miraculous that I lost anything, as I did not do so well with my goals, but maybe that speaks more to how poorly my eating habits were before this week.

My first two days went very well, as I was busily preparing for our delightful guests, who came to visit. It rained miserably, during their visit, and I failed to be motivated to go outside to walk … sigh! We ate far too well and too often, but exercised our abdominal muscles significantly with joyous laughter.

As anyone who has tried to change any bad habit, the first few days are killer! Not because it is so difficult, but because the habit that you are trying to eliminate, or get a handle on, is all that you seem to be able to think of! I awake and think of food, I eat and think of my next meal. I go to bed, and think about what I want to eat tomorrow!

Habit changing is like an immediate and overwhelming case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder descending upon your brain!

And really, that is the key component of habit changing, the brain. If we can change how we think about food (or cigarettes, or shopping, or whatever our vise may be), we can be victorious over it, rather than it being in control over us.

This week was not a stellar one, for my goals, but, I do believe that I started this process of changing my eating habits in the part of my body that needs to change first and the most, my brain. Although I am dealing with OCD like traits, I am thinking about what I am eating, and that means that I am making conscious choices, and not just letting food ‘happen’.

The goals I had set for myself were:

* get weighed every Friday, and only on Friday
I did it! But oh, how tempting that torture tool (scales) is when I feel like I lost an ounce or two.

* use the “My Fitness Pal” app on my phone (or website My Fitness Pal)
I did use it, but only four of the first seven days … at least two of the days I didn’t use it, it was due to guilt … sigh

* walking
I did not go for one walk … nothing short or long … although I did walk for hours around thrift stores (my friend, who was visiting, loves thrift stores, so we hit just about everyone we could find)

* abdominal exercise
I actually forgot about this goal … but there is always this coming week to get this one rolling!

* accountability
Here I am, letting it all hang out for you to read … you are my accountability partner!

And speaking of accountability partners, let me tell you I was shocked with how many people (women) who have expressed interest in walking this uphill road with me. May our walk be more down than up!

Week 2

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A Silk Purse from a Sow’s Ear

Posted in life, women, WONDER, tagged accoutability, affirmation, Beauty, Change, fat, Insecure, plan, silk purse from sows ear, skinny jeans, Struggle, support, transparent, weight, Weight Loss, Women on June 29, 2012| 2 Comments »

Earlier this week, when feeling like a pig, I wrote a post that got an unexpected amount of response, and discussion among friends (the Fat came Back).

As I read the comments, and discussed the subject of women (I cannot pretend to understand the mind of a man, on any subject, so, please do not feel terrible excluded guys) and weight, I realized it is such a common issue for most women.

I expect that it comes primarily from the reality that women are extremely conscious of our outward appearance. We are also extremely aware of the affects of the outward appearance of women on men (watch a sporting event on television, and you will wonder if you ever want your sons to be exposed to the advertising that is shown). On top of that, we women are extremely aware of how other women see, and judge us, based on our outward appearance.

If the importance of outward beauty were not in our DNA, we would definitely get the message from when we are just little girls, as our affirmation comes mainly from words such as pretty, cute, or beautiful.

We are so very insecure about how we look!

I think that we are particularly humbled and humiliated with our outward appearance when it is not due to what nature dealt us, but is instead due to overeating, and under-exercising. In a sense (and I speak only for myself here), when the scales are moving in an upwardly direction, I feel that I am wearing my sin, for all to see. For me, it is not a private failure, but a public one.

As I said in the post earlier this week, “the fat came back, not because of stress, but because I lifted my hand to my mouth. It is time for a change!”

So, rather than drown my sorrows in a big bowl of chocolate ice cream, with chocolate sauce and almonds (like I have obviously been doing for far too long), I am ready to make some changes to go from where I am (the old) to where I want to be (the new).

Earlier this week, when speaking with a friend about writing, I was telling her that writing a daily (Monday to Friday) blog, has been what I needed to get into the habit of writing regularly. As I said the words, “it makes me accountable to be consistent” I realized I might have found the way to become consistent in re-losing the fat that I have found.

Although the transparency that this requires makes me shudder in my shoes, I have decided to blog about my “Old to New” walk, every Monday.

I am not sure what form this will take, or how quickly this might bore both you and me, but my skinny jeans (that I have NEVER owned) are calling my name.

More importantly, I have three kids who I want to not just see grow up, but experience a full and active life with.

So, if you can relate to the struggle and frustration that I have shared, I challenge you to join me. I will be getting weighed today (Friday … oh yes, not just starting on a Friday, but, it is a long weekend, the first weekend of the summer, and I have dear friends coming to stay next week … why wait? This mountain of gelatinous material will not be moved all at once), and I will share my plan on Monday, along with successes, and … the rest. Maybe you would like to interact with me (and maybe others)? We can share how we are doing?

Lets turn this old sow into a sleek silk purse!

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Leaving Home

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Change, child to adult, FAMILY, Graduation, Growing Up, Home, leaving, School, school home, security on June 19, 2012| Leave a Comment »

It is end of the year at school, with exams, report cards, prom and graduation the main talks around the water fountain.

The students who are graduating out of the school system are a totally different group than when they entered.

In the beginning they were possibly still struggling with toileting, could barely print their names, might have been dealing with separation anxiety, and possibly still even needed a car seat .

Now, thirteen years later, they can fix an engine, write a manuscript, run for miles and recite Shakespeare. They can drive a car, survive alone at home, and are just months away from being able to elect our politicians.

Truly, if anyone has, they have experienced the reality of metamorphosis. Who they were in the beginning of their schooling is barely a shadow of who they are today.

Those who are graduating this year are fully immersed into all of the farewells, from all that they have known for the past thirteen years. They are having celebrations, receiving gifts and making plans for the rest of their lives. They may not know what their immediate or long term future will look like, but they all share one common bond … they are leaving home.

Now they might not be leaving their parent’s home, but they are leaving their school, and whether they spent just a year or all thirteen years there, they are leaving home.

School is not just a place of education, it is also a microcosm, or small picture, of society and more specifically, of family. Within the walls of every school are:

* the ‘perfect’ cousins, who do it all the right way … always!
* the uncle or aunt who is always carrying mints.
* the grandfather with a flatulence problem.
* the grandmother who cannot match her clothing colors.
* the weird uncle.

The list goes on and on.

The school family, like the ones we share Christmas with, is not perfect. It is often unpredictable, nosy, odd and embarrassing. It can make you feel as though it is ruling and ruining your life. It can seem like the only chance at freedom and a good and healthy future is to leave.

And then the day comes, and you hold that diploma, and it is time to leave … forever.

And whether you loved your school home, or were convinced that you never should have been there, all that you knew is done, over and gone … and it is never, ever going to be the same again.

The school family was not just the negative, the strange, the obscure. It was also the place where you had, not just moments of failure, but also moments of success. It was where that one teacher would say, “how are you?” and you knew that he or she really wanted to know. It was where you got your first taste of a gift or ability that you could be passionate about … in the lab, the computer room, the drama class, the gym, the English class, or in chatting it up with the custodian. It was where you first dealt with your fear of public speaking, test taking, sports, an engine, or computers (okay, that is just the staff).

When a graduate leaves their school home, there is adjustment coming. The expected is no more, the unexpected is all that is before you. The safe places to hide, and the spotlight to shine on you are changed. A temporary homelessness descends, and adjustment is necessary.

It was the school home. It is the place where students have gone from child to adult.

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Regrets, I Have a Few

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Bullying, Change, Errors, Isaiah 43:18-19, Mistakes, Regrets, Renewed on February 28, 2012| 4 Comments »

Normally I do not think of my errors as regrets, but as mistakes that have taught me, and have caused me to grow. Lately, though, a regret from the past has been … haunting me. I awake, and think of it. I lay my head down at night, and think of it.

The regret I refer to is one that, if I were to speak of it when face to face with another, my eyes would tear up, my throat would swell, and my sorrow be felt throughout my body. My regret is for an error I made, when I did not speak up for someone who was being taken advantage of, someone who was being harassed, someone who was being bullied. I … regret my lack of action.

This regret is not one from my distant past. It is not one from my childhood or teen years. It is not from when my kids were little. It is a full blown adult regret. I could have stood up for another, I should have stood up for another, and I didn’t.

I expect that there is purpose in my remembering it lately. Maybe, the lesson for me is that I need to ensure that I never repeat my inaction. I need to ensure that I do not keep silent when I see or hear others being bullied. I need to be on the lookout for times when I might be able to speak up, for those who are being treated poorly.

When I think of my learning this lesson, I think of Isaiah 43:18-19 (to the right). Although I could never forget the regret I actively feel for my past mistake, I believe that God is doing something new in my heart, and in my life through the practice of not remaining silent. And with each action I take, I feel new, I feel renewed … as though by turning away from my past lack of action, I am being refreshed like a dried up river being watered in a dry wasteland.

Doing what is right … it can be hard to make the first step, but, once you do it, you (and, for me, the person you are speaking up for) will be energized by your right action.

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Running on Empty

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Bethel Church, Brian Johnson, Change, Empty, Lack of Energy, One Thing Remains, Running on Empty, Running out on February 20, 2012| 4 Comments »

Ugh! No milk. There are five teenagers in our house, it is breakfast time on a school day and we are out of milk. Not only that, but there is no bread either! Then, I get into the van and see the gas gauge on empty!

Some days it seems as though we are constantly running out of the things we need most to survive. We awaken with too little energy. We have tasks to complete in too little time. We have bills with too little money to pay them. “Is there anything that does not run out?” We cry!

Dealing with life, means realizing that there will be times when we are running on empty. When we are students, it is our money that runs empty. When we are newlyweds, it is our adjustment to change that leaves us on empty. When we have little ones in our houses, it is our sleep need that is on empty. When our kids are older, it is our lack hours in a day that leave us on empty. When we get older, it is our physical limitations that leave us on empty.

This is life!

If we do not recognize that empty, in some form, is part of every stage of life, we are going to be miserable.

So, how do we survive a life of ’empty’? We plug in to the resource that is never on empty. For me, this song reassures me that there is one thing that remains …

(love the name of the church too 😉 )

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Christmas Break Day 5

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Because you believe it, Change, Christmas Break, lies, Transformation, Truth on December 30, 2011| Leave a Comment »

It is Christmas Break and I am taking this week as a break from blogging (my family is doubtful that I can do it).

So, if you are looking for something to read from me this week, I would suggest one of my favorite blog posts:

Because you Believe It

See you in the New Year!

Carole

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Control Freak

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Being Right, Change, Control Freak, Controlling, FAMILY, GOD, Life, Relationships over Being Right, Transformation on September 15, 2011| 2 Comments »

Hi, my name is Carole, and I am a control freak. For those who know me, you did not need for me to admit it in such a formal, public way to know how true my statement is.

Yes, I like to do things ‘my way’. Yes I like to be the final word. Yes I have been known to pick out my hubby’s clothes (he ignores my choices of course … did I mention I am, perhaps, not the only control freak in my house?). Yes, I have been known to take the toilet paper roll off and put it back on (the right way), and I have repositioned dishes in the dishwasher, and I have re-folded towels that hubby folded (the wrong way), and so on, and so on, and so on.

And those are only the examples that were right on the top of my head (and I would admit to publicly). Imagine how much more I could tell if I actually took time to think about it?!

Being a control freak is easy, being aware of it is humbling, trying to live and think differently … not so easy.

I wonder, did it come from nature or nurture? I am an ‘oldest’ child, and being in control is a trademark of the oldest child. But, maybe it is also part of my innate personality, and will be impossible to completely exterminate.

However I developed these control freak habits, there are ones that I want to make sure are not controlling me, and making me into someone that even I would despise (kind of sounds like I want to control the control freak within me … where will it stop? I really do need professional help! Now I am controlling the controlling part of me? But, I digress).

One of the trademarks of a control freak is not just having things go their way, but being the one who is ‘right’ in conversations. This is NOT a good characteristic for someone who wants to have friends! For someone with a strong controlling nature, biting ones tongue may be the only cure (if, of course, you can attain the forethought to bite at the right time … ha!ha!ha! ‘at the right time’ … get it? A control freak thinks they are always right … but, I digress … again).

But maybe, rather than causing life-long lacerations on your tongue, there is another way. How about repeating over, and over, and over again in your head … ‘what is more important, being right, or my relationship with the person I am talking with?’ Wow! That hits in the gut, now doesn’t it? But it works! When I remember that question, I find that my conversations are far more kind, far more fair. I find I hear more, speak less, and think of the persons heart and soul over my need to be … right.

Imagine, a control freak beginning to see that someone else is more important that their need to be right … what a concept! This could change a person, this could change a family, a workplace, a community … the world … But, the most important change is that of the heart, of a cold, cruel control freak.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath,

but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Proverb 15:1

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Missing the Past-Excited for the Future

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Change, Future, Rememberig the Past, School, Students, Wonder, Work on September 14, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Working as a support staff, in a high school, everything about what is my job can change from one year to the next.

Last year I worked fifty percent, this year I work one hundred percent. Last year I worked with three students, in grades ten, eleven, and twelve. This year I work with five in grade nine, and one in grade eleven. Last year I worked off campus part of my time, this year I work only on campus. Last year worked with my three students, primarily out of class. This year I am in class almost all the time, and assisting all students who need it. Last year two of the students I worked with graduated, this year there will be no graduates among the students I work with.

It was like starting a new job when school began last week (and I am sleeping solidly because of it)!

Since the start of school, I have to say I have been missing last year, and all that was familiar about it. I miss the quick, cheeky tongues of the the older students, I miss interacting with business people to set up work experience opportunities, I miss the interactions with the parents (moms) of the students, I miss the challenge of out-witting the older students who lived to be late to class, or look at life through a half-full cup … I simply miss the individual students … period.

It would be so easy to say … last year was so much better than this one. As is always the case, what we know is more appealing, more comfortable than what we do not know, and what is unfamiliar to us. It would be so easy to start looking at the school year through a half-full cup …

But, a new broom sweeps clean! And my undiagnosed ADD thrives with change, novelty and challenge.

I have been getting to know the personalities and habits of the new students that I work with. I have been able to see how unjaded high school freshmen are to their senior counterparts. I have been getting to know classroom teachers, whose classes I have not been in before (or for a long time). I have been challenged in having to think out of the box in classroom settings, according to what assists the students needs best.

In all of this there is an excitement to this new year! There is a blank slate effect that I get to be there with the students as they begin their high school career.

The other day, one of the students said, “Mrs. Wheaton, will you work with us until we graduate?” And, on the inside, I smiled, because the thought of that excited me immensely. The thought of providing consistency to students who often thrive in consistency gave me something to hope for … for them, but for me too. But, the nature of this job is that change is inevitable, and there are no guarantees of what next year, let alone three years from now, will look like. But, for now, I know that it’s going to be a great year!

And my focus is to begin with the end in mind, so I will work with them as though I will see them through to graduation. And, together, we can learn so much.

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Football!

Posted in FAMILY, WONDER, tagged Boys, Change, Father and Son, Football, Future, Hero, Hope, Life, Model of Manhood on September 5, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Today I will go to see my son play football for the first time!

Way back in April, hubby was telling me how much our boy wanted to play football this year. I had my doubts … doubts that our son was the one who wanted to play football. You see hubby loves football! He played in high school. When we met, and were first married, he coached high school football for about seven years. And, he loved it, and he was good!

But, our son … although he physically looks like a clone of hubby, and his mannerisms endorse that cloning possibility, his interests tend to be different from his dads. And, I was really not feeling confident that it was our son who was understanding of the level of commitment and physical exertion that would be required to play on a football team.

I was pretty sure that dad was hoping to live vicariously through son.

But, I was so wrong!

Although he is not yet twelve, and one of the youngest players on his team. He has been practicing three hours a week, since later June. And now that the game season has begun, practice hours are at four and a half, plus games. And he cannot wait to get to a single practice! And he watches the clock, so that he can be ready to go. And he comes home, totally exhausted, saying it was great (even when he gets knocked onto his behind regularly). And he loves his coach. And he loves playing with the guys.

And … he loves that it is just he and his dad :), because his dad, is also one of the coaches on the team.

His dad, more than genetic material, and disciplinarian, and caregiver … is his greatest hero. It is his dad whose opinion matters most to him, It is his dad whose every word, every step he watches, and tries to emulate. Even though their personalities are so different, he knows that it is in his dads heart and life, that he can see his own future.

In the past couple of years, as adolescence has been rearing it’s head, I have been silently mourning the loss of MY little boy. But, this summer, as I see the bond of father and son developing more strongly, more tightly, I am mourning less and celebrating more.

I can love my son tenderly and I can be the first to receive hugs from him (and wonderful bear hugs they are), but I cannot give to him the one thing he needs most … a model of what it is to be a man, and a model of what it is to be a man after God’s heart. It is in the model of who my hubby is, and wants to be, that our son can see hope for his own future, as he grows into manhood.

I am so thankful for the dad my son (and daughters) has. I know he will have the courage and wisdom to coach our son from the experiences (positive and negative) that he has had so far. And, he will also have the wisdom to tackle him into a bear hug, through the years to come.

And I will willingly sit in the bleaches, cheering them on, as he and our son grow and learn together.

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I Hope You Dance

Posted in The Kids, WONDER, tagged Birthday, Change, Dancing, Girls, Sleep, Wonder on April 5, 2011| Leave a Comment »

It’s a weird thing, getting ready to celebrate my daughter’s 14th birthday, but not getting to celebrate it with her … except on Skype … a poor substitute!

You were a long awaited answer to prayer, after agonizing losses, and, finally acceptance that you might never come to be. Man, we should have known that you would not be any easier after birth, than the waiting before.

You came to us (via the stork, of course, what 14 year old wants to accept that there could be any other way … gross? AND what mother, who gave birth, wants to be reminded of the birthing process?) on an beautiful spring, warm and sunny day, with magnolia trees in full bloom just outside the hospital walls … how idyllic … today it is raining, and pouring!

Your birth was quick and natural (aka … hum, sin is natural … enough said), and you slept through the first night … and that was the only night you slept through for two years!

Your hair was the color of a shiny copper penny, and it covered, not just your head, but your back, and even on the sides of your face (we called you our monkey … and now, when you have friends over, we realize that monkeys attract each other).

We took you home to your sister who so desperately wanted you (to have someone to boss around).

And now you are 14, and so much more aware of the world. As a child you amazed me, at how you could find a playmate in anyone; no difference was a barrier. You played with anyone, no matter their age, where they were from, or gender.

You still can find a playmate in anyone, but you now see that there are differences … growing up can mean you lose beautiful innocence.

There is something I desperately do not want you to lose, and I see it fading …

Don’t stop dancing. There is freedom in dancing, there is dreaming in dancing, there is uniqueness and creativity in dancing, there is worship in dancing. All of that, just from dancing … alone … by you, for you, for your Creator.

My most beautiful memory of you is that hot summer day, when, on the cusp of … changes, you played dress-up, felt the cool of the shaded grass between your toes, and you danced all over the back garden. And I stopped and watched, and drank in that moment of innocence, and freedom … and thanked God, ~~that you finally sleep through the night~~ that He prompted me to pick up the camera to keep this memory of you for all time.

I HOPE YOU DANCE

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you’ll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

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