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Posts Tagged ‘Life’

It Has Been

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Back to work, blessings, celebration, christmas, Christmas Break, counting sleeps, FAMILY, Gift, it has been, John 4:14, Life, one more day, time, time off on January 7, 2013| Leave a Comment »

As I arise on this final day of a two week long break, I open my eyes to all that has been accomplished, as well as all that has not been completed. images-1

Two weeks away from work, away from school, commitments, pressures and deadlines will end tomorrow (Monday) morning when the alarm rudely rings at 5:55am.

It has been a time of celebrating, both Christmas and New Years. It has been a time of cocooning within our own four walls, with times spent with friends, and times spent with only our Fab 5. It has been at time of intense cleaning, purging and sharing of our stuff with others. It has been a good time.

As the two weeks of celebration and relaxation come to a close, as the New Year is barely underway, thankfulness fills every part of my being. It has truly been a blessed break.

Time is a gift that is so sweet, so very, very sweet. It is something we all have, although often is short supply. It is something that we love to give, something that we give grudgingly. It is something we either have too much of, or not enough, and never the right amount at the exact time we need or want it most.

When our children are young and demanding we desire more time for ourselves, more time away from our children. When we grow old we desire most to spend our time with our children, we dream of the days when the demands tired us, we regret that the busy years are gone.

When we are young we count sleeps (okay, some of us do not outgrow this stage … but, I digress) to the times and events that we look so forward to, when we are elderly we awaken and count the blessing of awakening for “one more day.”

I regret the end of this time of break, yet I have lived long enough to know that I am blessed to have been given the gift of this time. I was also blessed to have been away of the gift that is was before the break began, resulting in a return to work with less regrets and more sweet memories to take into this work week, and new year.

Christmas break 2012, and Christmas itself, has been the sweetest Christmas in my memory. I will leave this house, and separate from hubby and the kids with delightful memories to sit back and ponder with great thanksgiving.

It has been …

… yet there is so much to be, if I can appreciate every day in this intentional, thankful heart of blessing of the gift that this time is for me, for we.

“Your life
is like the morning fog–
it’s here a little while, int
then it’s gone.”
John 4:14

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Boxes on a Shelf

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged boxes, cleaning, Dust, foundations, give away, keep, learn from the past, Life, messy, Past, repeat the past, run from the past, therapy, throw away on November 28, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Cleaning is so therapeutic … and messy!

Over the past months I have been cleaning and purging all through the house. I have gone through a storage closet, through the garage, through all the children videos and DVDs, through a hall closet, a bedroom closet. Each time I begin cleaning sneezing soon begins to happen. The amounts of dust is directly related to the amount of time since I last cleaned that area.

When I clean I am thorough! I take everything off the shelves and out of the spaces, and I go through every container, every item, every box. I often separate items into one of three piles:

keep
give away
throw away

Usually I am shocked at what I find. I find treasures that I forgot about, ones that bring such sweet memories back. I find other things I had forgotten about that I am not so thrilled to see again, or surprised that I had kept them in the first place. There are things that still fit perfectly, and other things that I cannot imagine how I ever squeezed into.

And so, I organize, I get rid of and I dust.

When it is all done I am usually a dusty mess! It takes a significant amount of time and effort to really clean a space. I feel such relief, such pride that my efforts have paid off in such a visually rewarding way, when I stand back and admire my work.

I am sure we all have similar boxes on shelves … and I am sure that not all of them are physical boxes.

As we grow and change we take fragments of our life, and pack them into boxes, which we then set upon shelves, to do nothing more but gather dust. Sometimes the things in those boxes are so painful, and bring back such heart wrenching memories that we allow the dust to settle on them for years so as to avoid having to face them again. Sometimes the things in those boxes topple into our lives unannounced and unexpected, jolted from the safety of their cardboard homes up on that out of reach shelf, and they surprise us with how much we do remember, but had pushed away so long ago.

When those most dusty of all the boxes in our lives get forced open and their contents strewn throughout our present life, we realize that it is impossible to pack them away forever. We realize that the things we want to stay in the past are actually attached to us as we walk through each day. They are the silent, invisible yet powerful forces that guide us in our decision-making. They guide us in whether we:

repeat the past
run from the past or
learn from the past

We think that we have put the boxes so high, and closed the door shut tight on the realities of the foundations of our lives, but they were never packed away, we have just been living like the ostrich who hides his head in the sand to escape the realities of his life. And like that ostrich, our heads will one day need to come up for air, and face the realities of our lives that we have been hiding from.

Each of us will, one day, need or be forced to take the dustiest boxes down from the shelf, and dare to look inside, resolving that no matter how much time and effort it takes, we will clean up the contents. We will need to decide:

what to keep
what to give away
what to throw away

Cleaning is so therapeutic …. and messy.

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Fog

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged blackness, brigntness, Darkness, fog, Life, Light, mist, mysterious, sun on November 20, 2012| Leave a Comment »

The recent time change has brought fog into most of my mornings. Oh, it has been there for weeks before, but I was always oblivious to it, as it was hidden in the early morning darkness.

Now, as the clock moves from 6:30-7:00, as light is pushing away the darkness of night, fog draws a creative, and eerie, view from my window. The trees seem more defined, and yet less so, depending on how far into the fog they stand. The fog obstructs my view, and yet brings to attention that which is nearest to me. It makes me want to fill my coffee mug yet again, and turn my seat to the window and just stare … stare into the fading, stare into the emerging forms in front of me. It is wet to walk in, dampening everything it touches, without … the feeling of being touched. Yet it is warm to the eyes, it completes, it blankets all around it with it’s arms of total inclusion.

Fog both scares me and puts me at ease at the same time. It is mysterious and confusing and beautiful and inviting all at the same time. It is my morning conundrum.

As I emerge from my home, as the clock is nearer to eight than to seven, fog’s background is no longer darkness, but light. The sun seems to be pushing so hard to push through, to burn through the tiny droplets of precipitation. And as I life my eyes, drawn upward by the magnetic force of the light, I see that the light of the morning sun is winning in places, pushing the fog away, like pushing away a warm morning blanket, to show me the blue waiting to flood the skies, and the brilliance of it’s shine.

Later yet, as I drive in the glorious sun, the blue of the sky creating smiles just from it’s presence, I am moving towards a hill where I will enter a lower elevation, and, once again, the fog is present. It lies in the valley like a cottony blanket, or bridge, but this bridge will allow no vehicle to cross … the only way is through the fog. And my heart beats with excitement and anticipation, as I lower into it’s mysterious abyss.

“You do not know what tomorrow will bring.
What is your life?
For you are a mist
that appears for a little time
and then vanishes.”
James 4:14

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Sick

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Ill, incapacitated, Life, plans, Proverbs 16:9, Sick, strength, virus, weak on October 15, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I had a “to do” list to accomplish, as we all do, so as stay on top of all that is demanded of us.

As the evening wore on fatigue was setting in quickly and with a dramatic vengeance. I knew that I would not be accomplishing much that I had planned for the evening.

By 8:30 I was crawling into bed with the hope that the early bedtime would help me ward off whatever it was that was causing the intense fatigue that I was feeling. It always amazes me how sleep can restore energy and health like nothing else. But my plan was not going to go as I hoped.

Despite the intense fatigue that took me to my bed early, sleep did not seem to want to find me. but shivering did, followed by a headache, followed by body aches. It was a night of little sleep, and much contemplation of how to get feeling better by morning, so as to not have to miss out on a day of work (especially since I had not finished my “sub.” plans yet), and all that was on my “to do” list.

By the morning I was aware that going to work was just not going to happen, due to how fatiguing it was just to walk to the kitchen. Even so, I thought that maybe I could get a head start on the mounds of laundry, if I was to be home all day.

The plans of my day, including work, my “to do” list and laundry, were not going to happen, as I could barely do more than walk from one room to the next, followed by a nap. The day was a wash. My plans were thrown out the window. Although I was home alone for much of the day, I was without the energy to do anything more than change channels on the television.

This day of being sick and having low energy reminded me of a verse in the Proverbs of the Old Testament (Proverbs 16:9):

“We plan the way we want to live,
but only God makes us able to live it.”

I had made my plans for my day at work, for my evening, and for the weekend to come. In an instant the plans I had made were changed. And I was reminded that “only God makes me able to live it.”

He is the wind beneath the sails of our life, and it is by Him, and due to Him that we are able to live our lives. He directs the pursuits that we make, it is He who gives fuel to our every move.

Even though I know that it is God who makes us able to live, I forget it. I rely on my own steam, forgetting that it is He who is the fire that produces that steam.

Being sick and unable to do anything on my own strength for a couple of days was a good reminder of where my strength really comes from. It was a reminder that I needed to have.

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Day Dreaming

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged 1 Chronicles 4, dream, dreamed, dreaming, Dreams, fatigued, Jabez, Life, movie, Prayer of Jabez, Tired on October 3, 2012| Leave a Comment »

It was a Friday night, after a long, but good week. I felt drained of energy to the point of not being able to put two words together. When I reach this point, I have learned that the best thing for me is to go to a theater, eat popcorn, and watch a movie to escape for a couple of hours. So, I did.

As I was driving to the theater, a word came to mind that had been coming to my mind all week …

Dream.

I pondered the word, yet again …

dream.

Why was this word popping into my consciousness? What was that one word asking of, and requiring from me?

Dream

Was I simply too tired for a movie, and should be home dreaming in my pj’s between the sheets (that was a no brainer)? Should I be dreaming? What was the dream? How big was it? And what would it cost me?

I have to say that, by nature, I am a dreamer. My earliest memories of childhood were of playing with dolls and dreaming of the day that I would have my own, real babies. I can remember being a student in a classroom, after classroom, grade after grade, who would be staring out the window, daydreaming (one of my earliest memories of my UN-diagnosed ADD). My strongest memories of almost all of our homes is standing at the kitchen sink, staring outside, dreaming.

I am a dreamer.

Well, I settled into my movie theater seat, nibbling on the buttery popcorn (temporarily ignoring myfitnesspal), and that word continued to haunt me …

dream.

Sadly the movie started fifteen minutes late, and I was saddled with that word longer than I’d hoped I would.

Why aren’t you dreaming?

The word was getting personal. Thankfully the movie started, and I was able to escape reality for a couple of hours … or so I thought.

The movie was about fulfilling a dream, dreams really, of a number of people. It was primarily about the fulfilling of dreams that had been gathering dust in the lives of the characters. It was about the life, the real, conscious-living type of life, that chasing after those dreams gives.

I left the theater consumed with thoughts of dreaming. More haunting! And more resistance from my being, because I knew that my dream was too big to ever come true.

I needed music, so to the radio in my van I went for more diversion.

There was a speaker just coming on, a speaker who I loved to hear. He always made me think, made me laugh … a great combination!

As his program started, a word, a name came to mind … Jabez, and then it was gone, and I settled into my drive home, ready to be awakened from dreaming, and into reality by the teaching of the program just to begin.

“Lord I pray that you will expand the tent pegs of my life, intensify the use of my life.”

Oh no! I knew of those words! Words that have been used in discussing the prayer of Jabez (see more from yesterday’s post) from 1 Chronicles 4:10:

“Jabez cried out to the God of Israel,
“Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory!
Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm
so that I will be free from pain.”
And God granted his request.”

More dreaming …

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Flipped

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Anxiety, choose, fine, flipped, friend, Life, Philippians 6:6-7, Stress, thinking, worry on September 27, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Have you ever felt like ‘anxious’ is the most sincere response you could give to the common question, “how are you today?” I would bet my last dollar (which is the bank’s dollar anyway) that your response to that question was not an honest “anxious” but instead the typical response, “fine” with a sugar-coated smile to complete your fakery. I know this because I have done it too, and I think we all have. It is so very difficult to be honest about the things that we worry and fret about.

Anxiety, worry, fear … those are all common feelings to us all. They can rip at our very being, taking over our every thought, controlling our every moment, and even putting our physical health at risk.

Just last night I read the following:

“Do not be calm about anything,
but in everything,
continuing to grasp at control and busyness,
with an entitled attitude,
keep your worry to yourself.
And the stress and anxiety
that overwhelms and suffocates
will eat away at your
heart, mind and very existence.”

Now I do not know if this is original by my friend Jenn, or if she was quoting someone else, but, it really made me stop, and wonder, is that me? Is that how I, really and truly, live my life? Is that who I am in my most furthest place from “fine”, my truest me?

I asked myself, those questions and quickly replied to myself (yes, I do sometimes converse with myself … there is no mind reading in those conversations), “no, not me” … echos of “fine” ringing in my ears.

Then I thought of the day before;

I was not calm, but I had so much to get done
grasping at control and busyness, but I had to because things needed to get done
with an entitled attitude, but they needed to get done right, and that (of course) meant that I needed to do them!
I kept my worry to myself, but, well, what good does it do to burden someone else with my problems?
my heart, mind and existence were … occupied, full and frazzled … but, but …

What my friend had written was the opposite, or flipped version of one of the most encouraging, strengthening, empowering and freeing messages of God to us in our broken, stress-filled, anxiety-ridden world and lives.

“Do not be anxious about anything,
but in every situation,
by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God,
which transcends all understanding,
will guard your
hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7

Why would we choose to allow:

“the stress and anxiety that overwhelms and suffocates to eat away at our hearts, minds and very existence”

over

“the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus?”

Thank-you Jenn, for flipping my thinking!

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Forgiveness … To Do The Impossible

Posted in Guest Post, life, WONDER, tagged Forgive, Forgiveness, Larry Lomax, Life, Matthew West, Praise 106.5, radio, song, story behind the song, tragic death on September 23, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Forgiveness …

That would be one of the weak links in the chain of who I am. I can speak so quickly, so easily, about forgiveness. One might hear me speak of how imperative it is to forgive, or how not forgiving will only hurt ourselves. But, it is a wholly different thing for me to actually do the forgiving.

Driving to work one day the song, “Forgiveness”, by Matthew West came on the radio, and I was so aware of the line, “help me now to do the impossible, forgiveness …”

And then, when the song had finished, the radio announcer spoke of the story behind the song, and I just had to check it out!

Today’s guest blog is that very story. The link is to Praise 106.5, a radio station in our area. The blog entry is written by Larry Lomax, and includes both the story in written form, as well as an audio interview between he and musician Matthew West.

I could never say that I could do what Rene, the woman at the center of the story, has done following the tragic death of her daughter. I pray it is never a situation that is placed in my hands. I also have to say that what Rene has chosen to do brings light to a very dark night.

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Music To Write An Obituary To

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged authentic, funerals, I Want to Live Like That, Life, Live Like That, obituary, Sidewalk Prophets on September 18, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Driving down the road recently I heard a song on the radio that put my mind to contemplating obituary writing (now that sounds like a bit of a downer, doesn’t it?).

It is a song by the group Sidewalk Prophets, called “Live Like That,” and it just makes me consider how I live my life, in such a profound way, every time I hear it.

The song begins with the simple question that we have all asked at some point in our lives:

“Sometimes I think
What will people say of me
When I’m only just a memory
When I’m home where my soul belongs”

I see that question in the eyes of the elderly especially, but also in the eyes of those who are my age, when I attend a funeral. We celebrate a life, and wonder if we are living in such a way as to give reason for celebration when we pass. Common contemplation for we mere mortals.

Then it moves into the question that really makes me ponder how I am spending the gift of the time I have to walk this sod:

“Was I love
When no one else would show up
Was I Jesus to the least of those
Was my worship more than just a song”

Ah, authentic living! That is what I desire with all my heart, but I am so very … human. I fail at this so easily. I forget to be the hands and feet of my God. I sometimes worship out of ritual. My authenticity can sometimes be so very … plastic … but that is not what I desire most.

In the second verse, I am challenged not in what I do, but in who I am in my heart:

“Am I proof
That You are who you say You are
That grace can really change a heart
Do I live like Your love is true

People pass
And even if they don’t know my name
Is there evidence that I’ve been changed
When they see me, do they see You”

Ah, the questions that are at the heart of living a life as a reflection of the one who lives within us. It is here that I want so very much to be successful, not for my own success, but to accurately represent the one who I claim with my lips has changed my life, who gives delight to my days, who gave more than any other. This verse is one that I want to rattle through my brain as I live each day. I need it to rattle in my head, so as to remind me to live with purpose and intent each day.

The chorus and the ending of the song pull it all together …

“I want to show the world the love You gave for me
I’m longing for the world to know the glory of the King

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You

If love is who I am
Then this is where I’ll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that”

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Morning and Mourning

Posted in GOD, life, Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged awakening, Beauty, breath, Creator, inhale, Life, Morning, Mourning, Sadness, signs of life on September 10, 2012| Leave a Comment »

In the early morning quiet I am the only one under our roof who is awake.

I sit with the laptop warming my knees and hear the various songs of the dawns chorus by the early birds that says good morning to me. This is my favorite time of day.

The sky lightens with every minutes passing, the shadows appear and become more distinct, then fade as the light takes over the places of shadows.

My beast greats me each morning at the door of my bedroom with one joyous, hope-filled open eye staring up, communicating, “can I pee now?” When I open the door for her, I am greeted with the gift of fresh, crisp, clean air. My lungs inhale it’s newness with no conscious thought from me.

As I take in that first breath of morning air I sense that now I am awake, now I am alive from the inside out.

I smell the dampness in the air that the morning dew creates, I smell the creation that is green and purple, and blue and red and yellow… the flowers of my garden. I see the creation that is green and purple and blue and red and yellow … the flowers of His garden.

It is here, each and every morning that I step out onto the deck that I am confronted with His garden, His creation, His abilities, His greatness. It is here, each and every morning that all that He has created reminds me that He also created me. That He is bigger than me. That He can make beauty from dirt from nothing. It is here that I am reminded that, if I hand my problems, my struggles, my heartaches and my to do list over to Him, He will make beauty from my dirt, from nothing. He reminds me that if I take the whole of my life, even my body, and there in the alter of His garden, lay it all out for Him to do as He wills, as an act of sacrifice, He will take it, He will redeem the life I have, and make it something better than I ever could … something new.

Then I inhale a new scent, and I look down to see my beast, content that her ‘job’ is done, ready to move on to the intake of food. And I am reminded that signs of life are not always sweet. Sometimes signs of life are truly crappy. Sometimes signs of life are downright shitty.

Death can be one of those sour signs of life. Or illness, or pain, or stress, or struggle, or disappointment, or bills, or divorce, or a failed test, or broken trust. We feel the weight that those signs of life, through no conscious choice of our own to feel them. As we take in those sour signs of life we sense that we are awake, that we are alive from the inside out. Sometimes these more sour events and seasons in our lives make us feel alive … and wish it were not so.

They are indeed signs of life. And they remind us that life is not just the life we have here, now, today, but that there is a life beyond all time and space. A life where every breath is like that first morning uncontrolled inhaling of fresh created air. A life where we will not just have the created to woo us awake, and to marvel at with all of our sense, but also the Creator who will turn our mourning into dancing.

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Good To Be Alive

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged blessings, Good to be Alive, Jason Gray, Life, Love, remind me, Thankful on September 5, 2012| Leave a Comment »

The first day of classes is now behind me 😀 and many other adults and students, and we all breath a sigh of relief that we made it through the day. A number of times colleagues would ask, “how is your first day going?” My response each time was, “I just want to get through it.”

Then, this evening I sat down to catch up on emails, notes, and other communications, with tunes cranked to put me into a delightful state of bliss. The first song must have been mistakenly put on repeat, and so it played over and over and over again.

Maybe, though, it was providence, fate or divine message from God that caused it to play again and again.

Now I am hoping that it will play again and again in my head, until I get the message of it’s words.

I really love it when a song speaks to me, makes me wonder, teaches me, or reminds me of something I have forgotten.

That is what the song, Good to be Alive, sung by Jason Gray, does for me, it reminds me of something I keep forgetting … remember, I was the chickie who “just want to get through it (the day)” … that it is good to be alive, and that we live best if we keep this in mind, in the exciting and the mundane of life.

If I look at my life I am so blessed. I have been made fully and completely alive by my Creator. I am healthy. I have a great hubby and amazing kids. I have a job AND I love it. I have friends, family, home, etc., etc., etc. I have so much to live for that should make every moment of every day be seen by myself as a gift. I should NEVER be viewing any part of my day as something to get through!

Check it out, maybe it will put a spring in your step too.

“Good To Be Alive”

Hold on
Is this really the life I’m living?
Cause I don’t feel like I deserve it
Every day that I wake, every breath that I take you’ve given
So right here, right now
While the sun is shining down

I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow
Love like I’m on borrowed time
It’s good to be alive, yeah

Hold on
If the life that we’ve been given
Is made beautiful in the living
And the joy that we get brings joy to the heart of the giver
Then right here, right now
This is the song I’m singing out

I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow
Love like I’m on borrowed time
It’s good to be alive
[x2]

I won’t take it for granted
I won’t waste another second
All I want is to give you
A life well lived, to say “thank you”

I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow
Love like I’m on borrowed time
It’s good to be, it’s good to be alive

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