Love | itsawonderfilledlife

Posts Tagged ‘Love’

Do You Love Me, Conditionally?

Posted in WONDER, tagged conditional love, do you love me conditionally, jesus and peter, John 21, Love on February 3, 2014| 1 Comment »

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Ah, February … the month of l o v e .

But, love can have so many meanings!

There’s the “I love my best friend” sort of love.

The “I love making up with hubby after a fight” sort of love.

The “I would die for you” sort of love.

(and, of course, the “I love dark chocolate” sort of love).

They each come from a Greek word, defining different types, or ways of love …

agape or unconditional love

eros or passionate, physical love

philo or a caring, friendship love

… but it’s all really Greek to me 😉

I was thinking of these different ‘loves’ as I was reading the story of Jesus and Peter, when Jesus asks Peter, three times, “do you love me?” and then Peter responds affirmatively, each time. But then Jesus gives Peter a condition attached to Peter’s affirmation of love … “feed … take care of … feed.”

So, for months now, I have been considering this interaction and wondering, is Jesus saying that love is conditional?

Here is the story from John 21:15-19

Jesus Reinstates/Restores Peter

“When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!””

Next week, we will dive further into this. Until then, ponder with me conditional love.

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Pursued by Love

Posted in WONDER, tagged guest post, Love, love song, lysa terkeurst, pursued, third day, Valentine's Day on February 2, 2014| Leave a Comment »

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As I read the title, Sometimes I’m a Little too Human, I was hooked to keep reading. That is often the case when I read a blog post by Lysa TerKeurst.

This time she was talking about Valentine’s Day, and before you click off this page, let me tell you that this is not the typical Valentine’s Day post. That said, be assured that it is definitely about a love story.

I know it is early to start thinking about Valentine’s Day, but, rest assured, it is never too early to be wooed by true love.

“Which category are you in?

* You hope you’ll have something to look forward to on Valentine’s Day. Hint. Hint.

* Valentine’s Day feels more like Single Awareness Day.

* You’re totally excited and have bought all your friends stuff from the $1 aisle at Target.

* You couldn’t care less because you don’t like the color red or chocolate or roses. So there.

I’ll be honest, I’m always a little on the fence with this day. Yes, I wrote the post Valentine’s Tips To The Misters, to encourage the Misters on the fine art of doing Valentine’s Day right.

However.

It still all feels a little forced. A little too commercial.

Because at the end of the day, a woman wants to feel special. And call me crazy, but mass produced cupids just don’t cut it.

I want to be adored. Thought of. Not as an obligation, because the calendar holiday demands it. But rather, just because…

He loves me.

And it’s at this point where my Christian mind screams… Jesus does this. Let Jesus fill you. Only Jesus can adore you this way. Give your husband a break.

That’s what I call a Jesus juke.

A quick move that makes you feel slapped on the hand for being so human.

Yes, of course Jesus loves me this way. But what if I say that with my mouth, while still feeling a deep ache in my heart. A longing. To be pursued.

That’s where my friend Jud Wilhite’s new project steps in and helps me connect with Jesus in the exact way that my longing heart desires.

Here’s Jud….

Valentine’s Day can be frustrating for many of us. Perhaps you’re single and you don’t want to be, or you’re in an unhappy or disappointing relationship. Maybe you’re grieving a relationship you’ve lost.

This year, remember that God loves you the way a kind and patient husband loves his bride. He wants to pursue you, cherish you, and meet your deepest needs — and He’s the only one who can.

When God wanted to illustrate the passionate intensity of His relationship with us, He chose marriage as the metaphor.

Incredibly, it was the marriage of a prophet named Hosea and a prostitute named Gomer. God told Hosea to marry Gomer and to take her back even after she’s unfaithful. God uses their marriage to illustrate His love and care for His people, who have turned away from Him again and again.

My friend, Jud Wilhite, is offering a free 14-day Pursued challenge that’s perfect as Valentine’s Day approaches. He offers thoughts on the book of Hosea and what this story can teach us about God’s love. Visit www.pursuedbook.com/challenge and sign up for the challenge. You can also download a sample chapter of his new book Pursued

And, to reinforce the words of Lysa Terkurst, a little Love Song …

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Back to the Shack

Posted in WONDER, tagged all sons and daughters, back to the shack, book, Love, metaphor, Pursuit, wake up, william p young on January 31, 2014| 1 Comment »

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A few years back, like five or six, I read a book that was,

for me,

the calm after the storm …

or was it the calm before the storm?

A book written by an unknown author, who self-published a book that ended up going all the way to the New York Times Bestseller List (currently over twenty million copies sold).

Recently, through the daily reading of a teacher in whose class I work, I have been re-visiting the Shack, by William P. Young.

This novel, written as a story by Mr. Young, for his children, became both loved and reviled by the Christian community. Some felt it the best thing since the classic John Bunyan story of Pilgrim’s Progress. Others felt it was heresy.

I read it,

and received it,

as a fairy tale, drama, tragedy, love story

metaphor for the depth of love that God has for his children … His deeply beloved.

Last week, while the teacher was reading through a chapter, it happened.

I call it the Shack attack …

The words on the page pierced my heart, as though inked onto the page by my very heart.

“I guess part of me would like to believe that God would care enough about me to send a note.”

and my dry eyes were suddenly hydrated unexpectedly.

I think we all look hope for that kind of love, that kind of pursuit …

and my own experience of The Shack (and of The Word) is that He does.

Be prepared, there will be more posts of my return to The Shack.

Mr. Young stated to radio host talk show Drew Marshall that The Shack “is a metaphor for the places you get stuck, you get hurt, you get damaged…the thing where shame or hurt is centered.”

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Saint Nicholas

Posted in christmas, WONDER, tagged Believe, fictitious character, Giving, James 2:14-26, Love, Magical, pere noel, saint nicholas, saint nick, santa claus, sinterklaas, Wonder, works on December 13, 2013| 1 Comment »

It is the season of Saint Nick and he is everywhere. images-3

So, Santa is everywhere at this season of the year, and he is not new, and not North American. The story of Saint Nick goes back to the fourth century. In various times and his name has been Sinterklaas, Father Christmas, Père Noël and Saint Nicholas.

I admit that, as a Christian parent, it is not always an easy thing to try to empathize the birth of Christ, while at the same time all the world around me shouts of Santa Claus. It is a very difficult thing to try to teach of the greater value of the eternal gifts that Jesus brings while Santa Clause brings Barbie and Lego. Hubby and I have agonized over how to deal with Santa Claus in the life of our family.

When speaking with a teacher friend recently, she shared what she had been dealing with in her kindergarten classroom; two children who did not believe in Santa Claus, and whose mission it was to cast all those who did into a fiery pit. I have to say, her experience confirmed for me that the middle ground perspective on ‘the Claus’ that hubby and I chose to take was a wise one!

For us we chose to neither encourage nor discourage the belief in Santa Claus, just like we neither encouraged nor discouraged the belief in the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Narnia, Secret Garden, or Fairy Tales. Those magical things, places and people take us to delightful, wonder-filled fictitious escapes into our imaginations that help us to grow and develop with with ability to dream.

But, Saint Nicholas was not a fictitious character, he was a very real person.

Saint Nicholas was a Greek Christian bishop in modern day Turkey in the 4th century. He was known for giving extensively to the poor, to children. His most famous gift is believed to be to a family with three daughters. The family was terribly poor and had no financial way to provide dowries for their three daughters of marrying age. Such a situation could result in these three young ladies being forced into slavery, prostitution. The story goes that Nicholas reached his hand into a window of the house, leaving enough money for the three to have dowries to marry. The story further goes that the money fell into stockings that were hanging by the window to dry … yet another rational for the tradition of Christmas stockings.

Although Nicholas was never officially canonized (the process that the Roman Catholic Church utilizes to recognize it’s saints), the day of the Feast day of St. Nicholas (December 6) continues. Much more can be read about Saint Nicholas.

To believe in him is delightful childhood, to know of the God-loving man behind the beard is essential for the imagination to take root, and blossom into putting that faith into our own works of love for others.

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“What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works?
Can faith save him?
If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them,
“Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,”
but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit?
Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.”
Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.
You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble!
But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead?
Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar?
Do you see that faith was working together with his works,
and by works faith was made perfect?
And the Scripture was fulfilled which says,
“Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.”
And he was called the friend of God.
You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only.
Likewise, was not Rahab the harlot also justified by works
when she received the messengers and sent them out another way?
For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”
James 2:14-26

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Lost and Found

Posted in WONDER, tagged a plan, End of Life, FAMILY, first shall be last, guest post, incourage, joy, lose your life to find it, lost and found, Love on June 30, 2013| 2 Comments »

Normally, when I feature a guest post I spend more time introducing it than it’s content lasts.

Today is different.

I will only say that when I started reading I had not noticed who wrote it. All I knew was that I was captivated by this post … and thought that you might be too:

““I don’t have much time left, really.”

My father’s voice on the other end of the line reminds me of my grandfather’s.

It’s been nearly ten years since I heard that voice. I’m making beds. I can see Dad at his breakfast table.

“At best, maybe fifteen years. I’m on my last chapter.” He pauses and I let the empty space beckon answers.

Grandpa died at eighty. Dad will turn sixty-three this coming year.

“I need a plan. I don’t think I’ve had one.”

I pull the sheets up, smooth out the bed’s coverlet in coming light, then wait, listening to Dad think.

I’m hesitant to say anything. Best he find the way.

But I’m still, just standing here, knowing that we are moving out into hallowed ground. I wait. Then venture into the space with only a question.

“Well, how do you want that last chapter to read, Dad?”

“I want to end happy.”

I sit on the edge of the bed, sunlight warm on my back, and ask slowly, “And what do you think brings happiness?””

Are you captivated? Click here to finish reading.

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Love is …

Posted in WONDER, tagged 1 Corinthians 13, experienced, Love, love chapter, Love is, Marriage, self-seeking, the greatest of these, Wedding on June 25, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Sitting at a wedding recently, the ‘love chapter’ was read.

1 Corinthians 13 is a pretty common passage read at weddings, after all a wedding is all about love, and this passage certainly fits the bill.

There is a portion of the reading that always catches my ear, my thoughts …

“Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”
(v. 4-7)

Whenever I hear those words read at a wedding ceremony, my ‘experienced’ married brain of twenty-three plus years, thinks, ‘they have no idea what love is, no idea how difficult it will be to keep loving.’

Now I don’t mean to be so negative at such a special event. It’s just that … well, after twenty-three plus years in the marital trenches I understand that soon the firing will start and both of those individuals who ‘love’ each other will be experiencing what it is to be shell shocked.

Let’s unpack this!

“Love is patient,
Other than the fashionably late bride, has there really been much practice of patience before they say ‘I do’?

love is kind.
Being kind might be more difficult when he is sick, and she is PMS’ing (so I’ve heard).

It does not envy,
What happens when one is experiencing great success at their career, and the other is experiencing a time of stagnation?

it does not boast,
Sometimes this is heard in phrases like, “my mom makes much better turkey stuffing” or “my dad always filled the gas tank for my mom.”

it is not proud.
“my chair,” “my remote,” “my chocolate,” “my money,” “my body” … just put ‘my’ in front of it and you’ve got pride.

It does not dishonor others,
They have not had time to tell their private stories, of the other, to their girlfriends, their guy friends.

it is not self-seeking,
Lets face it, in the beginning, a relationship is truly born out of self-seeking. They meet the needs of each other, and it is in the meeting of needs that their attraction for the other grows. The difficulty is that we often ignore this part of the passage, as soon as it is said. When, in realty, it should be on our lips, and in our minds from sun up ’til bedtime at night. I really believe that if we can drop self-seeking in the early days, we might have a better chance of staying together. How many couples, years (or months) after the marriage say, “but, they don’t meet my needs anymore …”?

it is not easily angered,
On the wedding day, it is easier to not be easily angered … there has been no anniversary to forget, or in laws to insult.

it keeps no record of wrongs.
This is sooooo much easier in the beginning, when there has not yet been enough time to have wronged each other, when there is so little baggage to make you say things like, “but, you always do …”

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
At the beginning of a marriage both individuals are filled with hope for the future (otherwise why would they do it?), they are not anticipating the negative, the nasty.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”
These are the optimistic four! Can the couple keep protecting, trusting, hoping … can the couple persevere through all of the stuff of real, honest to goodness living together … ’til death do them part?

I’m not saying a newly married couple knows nothing of love, just that newly married love is often untested, untried. It is only as the years pass that love will really be defined and purified in how they love each other …

and the greatest of these (faith, hope and love) is …

love.

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Life Skills

Posted in WONDER, tagged fitness, Friendship, important, irritable, kindness, learn, Learning, life skills, lifeskills, living things, Love, one another, self respect on February 20, 2013| Leave a Comment »

images Recently I was asked if I could share with another person what I do when teaching Life Skills to students, and I immediately became self-conscious and intimidated at the thought of having to put what I teach into words.

To teach Life Skills is daunting. There no, one, curriculum to utilize, because each student in a Life Skills class has such very different needs to be learned, comes from a unique cognitive and developmental stage, and has specific behavioral ‘triggers’ to be either avoided or sought. The result is a ‘curriculum’ pulled together from many sources, with extremely specific (and yet, general) goals, and the only expectation (on my part) can be that an allusive ‘something’ will have been learned, that will be useful in the present and/or future life of the student.

So, what are the most important life skills to be learned?

I have come up with an acronym for the word, Life Skills:

L – Learn

be willing to learn new things, every day
(“Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance” Proverbs 1:5)

I – Initiate

be willing and able to start a friendship, a conversation
(“Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another” Hebrews 10:25)

F – Fitness

be willing to keep your body active
(“Present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship” Romans 12:1)

E – Each Other

be willing to care for each other
(“Bear one another’s burdens” Galatians 6:2)

S – Speak

be willing to speak the right things to the right people
(“speaking the truth in love” Ephesians 4:15)

K – Kindness

be willing to follow the Golden Rule … do for others what you would love for them to do for you
(“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” Ephesians 4:22)

I – Irritation

be willing to learn how to control yourself when irritated
(“love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth” 1 Corinthians 13:5-6)

L – Living things

be willing to have healthy respect for living things, from peers to dogs to spiders (but not mosquitoes 😉
(“And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the livestock according to their kinds, and everything that creeps on the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good” Genesis 1:25)

L – Love

be willing to love and be loved
(“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16)

S – Self Respect

be willing to offer respect to yourself … don’t call yourself names, or put yourself down
(“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well” Psalm 139:13)

It is all still pretty general (yet specific), and it may not what works for all, but I am really hoping it is working for the students I get to work with.

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Three Reasons to Stay Married

Posted in Marriage, WONDER, tagged 1 Peter 5:10, child of God, chris august, dreamy, Love, Marriage, mother heart, old and gray, restore, romantic side, stay together, three reasons to stay married, Valentine's Day on February 14, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Happy Valentines Day! images-2

The day of love, love, love …

Let’s face it, for many it not a day of love, but of regrets, loneliness, and broken marriages.

I’m gonna be really honest in saying that I have had those Valentine’s Days too (who hasn’t?), and hubby has probably had even more than me!

We have treated each other poorly. We have disrespected, mistrusted, lied, not forgiven, yelled at, ignored, punished and mistreated each other … over and over, and over again. So, why do we stay together? Good question!

I cannot speak for hubby (and really, he is safer if he just lets me speak for him), but I think that there are three reasons.

The first is from my romantic, dreamy side …

We have talked, ever since we were dating and just started talking about marriage, about our vision of both being old and gray (well, hubby, not me) and sitting in rocking chairs on a porch, hand in hand, watching the sunset together. I am not sure exactly why but that vision has stuck for me. When things are good in our relationship, or when things really suck royally, that vision comes to my mind … and reminds me of the end goal.

The second is from my mother heart …

I remember hearing an interview with Kathie Gifford years ago, when there was great publicity over a sexual indiscretion committed by her husband, and she quoted what her counselor had said to her, after a ‘poor me’ monologue, “he looked at me, and said, Kathie — and now this is two years after — “If you can’t forgive your husband, forgive your children’s father.”” Although I do not believe that that rational applies to all circumstances, it is a line that has haunted me, when things are going good in our relationship, or when things really suck royally, and a vision of our three kids comes to my mind … and reminds me of the goal of modeling commitment for our kids that will encourage them if they too marry.

The third is from the part of me that recognizes I am a child of God …

Marriage is hard work. I cannot imagine the marriage of two people without desiring at least once to call it quits. That said, twenty-three years in the wedded trenches have convinced me that seeing how God can restore us after a season of wanting to throw in the towel, makes our marriage even better. I would not ever choose to go through those rough times, but going through them, and coming out the other side is a most miraculous picture of what God can do with two extremely flawed, extremely selfish individuals. I am convinced that 1 Peter 5:10 is all about marriage:

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ,
after you have suffered a little while,
will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”

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20 Instructions for Life

Posted in Guest Post, life, WONDER, tagged 20 instructions for life, Dalai Lama, goals, H. Jackson Brown Jr., life's little instruction book, Love, New Year on December 30, 2012| 3 Comments »

I first saw the following list of “20 Instructions for Life” credited to the Dalai Lama, but have since discovered that he is not the creator of the list, but that it comes from H. Jackson Brown Jr. in his Life’s Little Instruction Book. images

Whoever this list originated with, it is a brilliant list of goals, of things to aspire to each day as we live our lives. It is a great list to ponder as we prepare to turn the calendar on the end of 2012, and into the beginning of the New Year.

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R’s:

– Respect for self,

– Respect for others and

– Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and

think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.

20. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

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Top 10 Goals for 2013 – Marriage

Posted in Marriage, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged 2013, decisions, don't let the sun go down on your anger, Dreams, Forgive, Future, goals, GOD, hopes, Hubby, husband, Love, Marriage, New Year, Past, plans, Remember, Resolutions, responsibility, Stress, top 10, Trust on December 27, 2012| 1 Comment »

So, I am now at day number two of my Top 10 Goals for 2013, and this time the focus is hubby.

He REALLY does not appreciate posts about him, that mention him, that use him as an example … so, in honor of his preference that I not write about him … heck, I’m just going to do it anyway!

P&C Cropped

He has to forgive me … comes with the whole “love, honor and … forgive” 😉

Here are my Top Ten Goals for my Marriage for 2013:

Do not go to bed angry – I mentioned this yesterday in regards to our kids and it doesn’t hurt to say it again, “do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26).
Get away – make time for at least one night each season to get away together, sans children, as a couple. It is so easy, with all of the demands of life, to forget that the family we created started with us, just us, and for this family to continue we need to invest in us.
Respect him – As I write it I just know that some poor, misinformed lady is going to interpret respecting your husband as some kind of response to an archaic male dominated patriarchal society or religion. That is NOT what this is about! He is a child of God, like me, and as such I need to respect him …
Make his life easier – I am sure that there is at least one thing I can do each week to make his life easier … from answering the phone (instead of letting him, because it is always for him), to doing his dinner clean up once in a while (not too often, as I do not want him to get too used to being relieved of ‘his’ chore).
Thank him – so often when we live with someone it is so easy to forget our manners. Please and thank you are words I know I need to use more often with my man.
Let him decide – … and be okay with his decision! My hubby knows that if I say “you choose” his whole future is at stake. I need to trust him to make a decision, and trust the outcome!
Surprise him – there is nothing like veering from the normal, everyday, meatloaf every Monday stagnant way of living to bore a couple to mediocrity! Start seeing excitement and refreshment in someone else. I WILL surprise him … and the details of that, well those are between the two of us 😉 .
Remember the past – I need to reflect on those days, so many years ago, when we only knew adoring love (aka, before we were married 😉 ) … not bills, crisscrossing schedules, and to do lists.
Forget the past – we have baggage, and that is a reality, but the past is the past, and needs to be left there. We cannot move forward if I keep looking back.
Plan for the future – “Where there is no dreaming for the future, the marriage relationship is dead” (that is the Carole Wheaton interpretation of Proverbs 29:18) … enough said.