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Top 10 Goals for 2013 – Marriage

Posted in Marriage, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged 2013, decisions, don't let the sun go down on your anger, Dreams, Forgive, Future, goals, GOD, hopes, Hubby, husband, Love, Marriage, New Year, Past, plans, Remember, Resolutions, responsibility, Stress, top 10, Trust on December 27, 2012| 1 Comment »

So, I am now at day number two of my Top 10 Goals for 2013, and this time the focus is hubby.

He REALLY does not appreciate posts about him, that mention him, that use him as an example … so, in honor of his preference that I not write about him … heck, I’m just going to do it anyway!

P&C Cropped

He has to forgive me … comes with the whole “love, honor and … forgive” 😉

Here are my Top Ten Goals for my Marriage for 2013:

Do not go to bed angry – I mentioned this yesterday in regards to our kids and it doesn’t hurt to say it again, “do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26).
Get away – make time for at least one night each season to get away together, sans children, as a couple. It is so easy, with all of the demands of life, to forget that the family we created started with us, just us, and for this family to continue we need to invest in us.
Respect him – As I write it I just know that some poor, misinformed lady is going to interpret respecting your husband as some kind of response to an archaic male dominated patriarchal society or religion. That is NOT what this is about! He is a child of God, like me, and as such I need to respect him …
Make his life easier – I am sure that there is at least one thing I can do each week to make his life easier … from answering the phone (instead of letting him, because it is always for him), to doing his dinner clean up once in a while (not too often, as I do not want him to get too used to being relieved of ‘his’ chore).
Thank him – so often when we live with someone it is so easy to forget our manners. Please and thank you are words I know I need to use more often with my man.
Let him decide – … and be okay with his decision! My hubby knows that if I say “you choose” his whole future is at stake. I need to trust him to make a decision, and trust the outcome!
Surprise him – there is nothing like veering from the normal, everyday, meatloaf every Monday stagnant way of living to bore a couple to mediocrity! Start seeing excitement and refreshment in someone else. I WILL surprise him … and the details of that, well those are between the two of us 😉 .
Remember the past – I need to reflect on those days, so many years ago, when we only knew adoring love (aka, before we were married 😉 ) … not bills, crisscrossing schedules, and to do lists.
Forget the past – we have baggage, and that is a reality, but the past is the past, and needs to be left there. We cannot move forward if I keep looking back.
Plan for the future – “Where there is no dreaming for the future, the marriage relationship is dead” (that is the Carole Wheaton interpretation of Proverbs 29:18) … enough said.

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Top 10 Goals for 2013 – Children

Posted in The Kids, WONDER, tagged 2013, Blessing, Boxing Day, Children, Dreams, gifts, goals, GOD, hopes, Intentional, Love, maturing, New Year, new years resolutions, plans, Prayer, pride, Resolutions, responsibility, top 10 on December 26, 2012| Leave a Comment »

If you are reading this, then yes, you have survived the chaos that can be associated with Christmas Day.

For me, Boxing Day means two things; one is that I am ready to take down the tree, and clean up the house, and the other is that I start to think about next year.

Over the next few days, my posts will be related to my thinking about next year. Each day I will share Ten Goals that I have for myself, my children, my marriage and my relationship with God.

Today, I am starting with my ten goals for 2013, related to my three children.

Wheaton+Family-38-2-1602627366-O

God has blessed hubby and I with three healthy, productive, God-fearing/loving children. There was a time when we wondered if we would even have children with our own DNA. There was a time when we understood contentment with one, believing that our chances of carrying another to term would never be. There were dark and sorrow-filled times, times when we cried out to God, times when we grew to understood that today we only see a part (1 Corinthians 13:12) …

As parents we have taken those experiences, that pain, of the past and promised to not forget the gifts that these children are to us. Oh, we fail – daily we fail as parents, but our hearts desire is to not take them for granted, not forget our responsibility to be active in their lives, and to daily hand them back to their Creator.

My goals, as their mom, for 2013 are:

Be intentional in spending at least one time per month with each child – they are individuals, and I need to know them individual
Pray with each more often – so easy when they were young, but it is still such a beautiful thing to lay our burdens at His feet together
Be more involved in assisting them with school work (even unsolicited … mostly unsolicited) – I often am so desiring that I give them independence in their school responsibilities that I forget that they still need help, and I am able to help them!
Tell each child, every day, that I love them – I cannot just think it, for their benefit I need to give wings to my thoughts
Do not end the day, or go apart angry – this applies to so many relationships (every relationship). There is wisdom in “do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26)
Laugh with them – Oh how sad to spend a day living under the same roof and not sharing a laugh together … what sweet memories laughter provides!
Tell them why I love them – not just ‘I love you’ but ‘I love how you ….’, ‘I love that you ….’
Tell them that I am proud of them – I do believe that success breeds success, and if I let them know of the successes I see in their lives, I believe that it will magnify their ability to do even greater things
Praise their father, in their presence – although hubby and I do not parent exactly the same, we are one, united front when it comes to our kids, and our kids need to know that we love each other, and that we respect each other … and thinking it is not enough … I need to give words to my thoughts.
Give them wings – I cannot hold them too tightly, I need to hold them with enough flexibility that they can come and go. God’s example to us is to give us the choice to come to Him … there is no better parenting example! And there can be no greater gift than having my child choose to share their life with me.

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Time Away

Posted in life, Love, Marriage, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged Alone, couple, Fatigue, get away, intimacy, Love, Marriage, oneness, responsibilities, robotic, romantic, survival mode, Time Alone on November 12, 2012| 1 Comment »

Why does a couple need to get away, alone? In this day and age, it is not like parents have to share their bedrooms, their beds with their children (well, except maybe for some parents of toddlers and preschoolers). We have locks on our bedroom doors, homes of great comfort, and vehicles that can get us away for a few hours at any time … any time that we are both free!

Hubby and I stole a few hours to ourselves this past weekend. He had the entire weekend booked off. Our Chinese students were planning to spend the weekend with relatives in another city, our daughter had plans to have a sleep over with a friend, and hubby was hot on a trail to find a place for our son to go.

After drop offs, errands and appointments we finally fell into our seats at the Greek restaurant we agreed to meet at for a nice, quiet dinner … for two.

And that is pretty much the only detail of our time away together that I am planning to share!

So, why does a couple need to get away, alone?

After this recent brief time away, I can answer it clearly and concisely … intimacy.

In the day to day of life with kids, pets, jobs and so many other responsibilities, survival mode is the one we stay in most of the time. Our conversations are about schedules and driving and issues related to everything but our relationship with each other. Our physical intimacy boils down to a quick kiss on the cheek and need meeting. Our ability to love the other with adoration, respect and desire is hindered by bills, fatigue and interruptions.

Basically we forget why we got together in the first place, while we are in a relationship that can begin to look more robotic than romantic.

After a few hours alone together, our conversations become more deep, more personal, more intimate. We are free to venture into areas such as dreams and fears. We are free to be just one couple, not parents, employees, bill payers, laundry doers, kid drivers, football coaches … just ONE couple.

And in having the opportunity to be alone reminds us of the intimate oneness that was all part of the plan from the beginning, that the two would become one. Not one parent unit, not one property management, social committee, corporation, but one couple.

To miss out on this opportunity of intimate oneness would be a great loss.

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I Won’t Give Up

Posted in life, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged attention span, Committment, cry of my heart, failures, Future, God knows we're worth it, I wont give up, Jason Mraz, Love, Marriage, Memories, Perseverence, successes on October 30, 2012| 2 Comments »

A while back while in the hairstylist’s chair, this song enters my consciousness. And throughout my being I felt that inner … sigh. That sigh that says, “I heard every word, I felt every emotion, I just experienced the cry of my own heart through the words of a stranger.

I wrote recently about my flawed ability to persevere, and how I have a three year lifespan of interest in just about anything from my job, to hobbies, to even my relationship with my hubby, and it is in that, my relationship with my hubby, that the words of the song in the hairstylist’s chair, spoke to me.

It does not make me proud to admit that my hubby has heard from my lips, statements like:

“I’m done.”
“I cannot keep doing this.”
“I don’t see a future for us.”

And those are just the statements that I am willing to share in writing. Perseverance is not my strength! But, commitment is my strength, and I am thankful for that.

When we married, over twenty-three years ago, I know I expected this marriage thing to be easy, after all we loved each other, and that is all it takes, right? Well about six or seven years into our marriage, when neither of us were as quick or willing to apologize, kiss and make up, as when we were first married, easy was not how I would have described marriage.

There have been failures on the part of both of us. We have had seasons of frustration, boredom, annoyance, anger and apathy with and for each other. There have been times when each of us have failed the other in our initial vows to the other.

Now, twenty-three years later, I know that we had not even touched the tip of the iceberg of what love is when we were married. Now, I know that love is not a feeling, it is a state of being and doing, even when it is ugly, messy, uncomfortable and inconvenient. In the words of someone I heard back when we were first married, “marriage is about bad smells and bad noises,” and if I might add to it, bad attitudes and bad behaviors.

But, it is not all bad …

In our years of marriage, we have had seasons of great joy, great happiness, beautiful memories, mutual love and support of each other. My hubby is my best friend in this world, he knows me like no other, and there is no other who I want to share my darkest nights, or brightest days with. It is with him that I feel a sense of completion that is other-worldly. It is with him that I feel the most real me.

So, as I sat in that hairstylist chair, with the following song penetrating my mind and heart, the statement that came to mind so very clearly was:

“I won’t give up on us”

“God knows we’re worth it.”

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Embarrassed to be a Christian

Posted in GOD, WONDER, tagged ashamed, Christ, Christian, christianity, embarrassed, GOD, Jesus, John 4, known, Love, Samaritan woman, spoken word, woman at the well on September 17, 2012| 7 Comments »

I was saddened the other day to read the post of a fellow blogger, of her exposure to a Christian gentleman (I use the word gentleman VERY loosely).

This man, a customer at a restaurant, pleaded for ‘deals’ on numerous menu items. Then proceeded to ‘preach’ whenever he could get any of the restaurant employees attention. He he condemned many people groups for their beliefs and lifestyles. Then his daughter paid the bill (no mention of a tip either).

I was boiling! He makes me embarrassed to be called a Christian. To me, he defames the name of Christ!

This man lives in a bubble without the understanding that but by the grace of God … Instead, he lives in belief that he is where he is because of his ‘right’ behaviors. In his eagerness to tell others how not to live, he is forgetting that choosing the path of Christ is full of far more affirmations than denials.

This man makes representing my Savior to others so difficult, because he undermines my main hope-filled desire; that it is in following in the Creator-ordained steps of my Savior, people would see less of me and more of Him.

The Jesus I worship does not condemn the non-believer of anything except for unbelief.

This makes me think of the story from John (chapter 4), known as the woman at the well. Jesus comes to the well, and asks for a drink of water from not just a woman, but a Samaritan woman (a social faux pas, as he was a Jew), and not just a Samaritan woman but a woman who has had five husbands, and many more men in her life (enough said). Jesus does not condemn her bloodline nor her lifestyle, He simply offers her a quenching for her thirst that simple water could never do.

“This is way too much for just me
there are others,
brother, sister, lovers, haters,
the good and the bad
sinners and saints
who should hear what you told me
who should see what you showed me
who should taste what you gave me
who should feel how you forgave me
for to be known is to be loved
and to be loved is to be known
and they all need this too
we all do
need it for our own”

Because of the way Jesus loved her, she accepted the living water that He offered, and it is said that “many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony” (John 4:39). And who would not come to believe if they first were loved as Jesus loves? And it is He, the Christ, who makes me unashamed to be called Christian.

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An Education from Tanushree

Posted in life, Love, Marriage, WONDER, tagged deceit, fraud, India, Love, Marriage, NRI Marriages, prearranged marriages, Privypeeps, sinless, Tanushree, Women on September 9, 2012| Leave a Comment »

A few weeks back I read a blog by a fantastic blogger from India, named Tanushree.

Tanushree introduces me to her culture with each and every of her posts. She writes creatively and passionately, and simply for the joy of getting her thoughts out and onto the screen.

In the post that I have linked from here Tanushree weaves a tale that represents the real experiences of some women in India. A man from another country comes a calling. A marriage is arranged by his and her families, and then … well you need to read the entire story for the end to be revealed.

Sinless

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What’s Important to Jesus?

Posted in GOD, Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged Creation, creation-focused environmentalism, Deuteronomy 6:5, environmentalism, focus of Jesus, Garden of Eden, GOD, greatest commandment, Jewish Law, Leviticus 19:18, Love, love God, love one another, love others, Luke 10:25-29, Mark 12:29-31, Matthew 22:37-40, New Testament, second greatest commandment, The Golden Rule on September 6, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I’m gonna gripe, and that’s never pretty, so be prepared (I feel it is unfair to allow you to start reading this without being forewarned first).

I also need to explain that my gripe is directed to Christians, and no one else. So read if you like, or take a day off from reading my blog.

There is a trend among Christians these days. It is not a completely bad thing, but it is a TREND, and trends do not change lives or how we live, but for a short while. Now, please do not start your fired-up reply to my post until you get to the end (that is probably what I would do, but I beg you to hear me out fully before cursing at me 😉 ). And if you have been reading my blog for more than a week, you already know that I connect with God best through His creation.

This trend is towards creation-focused environmentalism. This trend is, I believe, a reaction from years of churches and Christians not focusing on what God called we humans to, in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 1:26). I also believe it is a reaction to our society’s strong focus on environmental awareness and concern for our planet’s ability to sustain itself … good things for certain … I repeat, good things for certain!

What I have problem with in regard to this trendy focus, is that the focus of Jesus, what He thought was most important, was a little different, and certainly not a trendy focus. The focus of Jesus, as He walked our God-created planet Earth, was made plainly, concisely and constantly.

In Matthew (22:37-40):

“Jesus said, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”

Mark (12:29-31):

“Jesus said, “the first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.”

Luke (10:25-28):

“Just then a religion scholar stood up with a question to test Jesus. “Teacher, what do I need to do to get eternal life?” He (Jesus) answered, “What’s written in God’s Law? How do you interpret it?” He said, “That you love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence—and that you love your neighbor as well as you do yourself.” “Good answer!” said Jesus. “Do it and you’ll live.””

The question is asked of Jesus, “which is the greatest commandment in the Law” (the Law meaning, the Torah, or the first five books of the Old Testament). Jesus response, as was often the case, referred back to the Law, (Deuteronomy 6:5), “love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got!” But He didn’t stop there, he then continued on and referred to the Law again, when he told them what the second greatest commandment was (Leviticus 19:18), “love your neighbor as yourself.” (in the Luke passage, Jesus throws the question back to the scholar as to what the Law says, and he would seem to pair the two commands together as well).

It is in these three New Testament references, back to the Jewish Law, which are the focus of how we are to live, from the perspective of Jesus. It is in living as these references teach, that we find out “everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them,” “there is no other commandment that ranks with these,” and “do it and you’ll live.”

As I ponder what was most important to Jesus I wonder, if we loved our God with our whole hearts, and if we loved others as ourselves, would we not then naturally, wholeheartedly, and as a permanent lifestyle (as opposed to a trendy thing to do) choose, through loving our Creator and loving our fellow man, take care of the world that He placed us in?

Don’t forget sustainability and environmental stewardship, just put it in it’s place, and get focused on what is our greatest calling, since “there is no other commandment that ranks with these.”

Griping is over for this week 😉

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Good To Be Alive

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged blessings, Good to be Alive, Jason Gray, Life, Love, remind me, Thankful on September 5, 2012| Leave a Comment »

The first day of classes is now behind me 😀 and many other adults and students, and we all breath a sigh of relief that we made it through the day. A number of times colleagues would ask, “how is your first day going?” My response each time was, “I just want to get through it.”

Then, this evening I sat down to catch up on emails, notes, and other communications, with tunes cranked to put me into a delightful state of bliss. The first song must have been mistakenly put on repeat, and so it played over and over and over again.

Maybe, though, it was providence, fate or divine message from God that caused it to play again and again.

Now I am hoping that it will play again and again in my head, until I get the message of it’s words.

I really love it when a song speaks to me, makes me wonder, teaches me, or reminds me of something I have forgotten.

That is what the song, Good to be Alive, sung by Jason Gray, does for me, it reminds me of something I keep forgetting … remember, I was the chickie who “just want to get through it (the day)” … that it is good to be alive, and that we live best if we keep this in mind, in the exciting and the mundane of life.

If I look at my life I am so blessed. I have been made fully and completely alive by my Creator. I am healthy. I have a great hubby and amazing kids. I have a job AND I love it. I have friends, family, home, etc., etc., etc. I have so much to live for that should make every moment of every day be seen by myself as a gift. I should NEVER be viewing any part of my day as something to get through!

Check it out, maybe it will put a spring in your step too.

“Good To Be Alive”

Hold on
Is this really the life I’m living?
Cause I don’t feel like I deserve it
Every day that I wake, every breath that I take you’ve given
So right here, right now
While the sun is shining down

I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow
Love like I’m on borrowed time
It’s good to be alive, yeah

Hold on
If the life that we’ve been given
Is made beautiful in the living
And the joy that we get brings joy to the heart of the giver
Then right here, right now
This is the song I’m singing out

I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow
Love like I’m on borrowed time
It’s good to be alive
[x2]

I won’t take it for granted
I won’t waste another second
All I want is to give you
A life well lived, to say “thank you”

I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow
Love like I’m on borrowed time
It’s good to be, it’s good to be alive

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A Loving Argument

Posted in GOD, WONDER, tagged Christians, guest blogger, hypocrisy, ladywriter.ca, Love, PastorKenny.com, Perfection, Rhonda Bulmer on September 2, 2012| 2 Comments »

As I read the blog posts of others I feel so … normal. I realize that my thoughts and feelings are shared by others. I realize that that I am not alone in my uniqueness (if that is not too much of a contradiction). I realize that there are others who see and feel and experience and think similarly.

I also learn from the honest revelations of others. The lessons that they have learned.

Recently I received a new post to read by the wife of a high school friend.

Rhonda Bulmer is a wife, a mom, a writer (published), a runner, and a child of God (I know there is more to her, but I do not know her that well). I LOVE her writings (unlike myself, this lady knows grammar, so her writings are actually readable). I think that she and I could definitely be kindred spirits, and so I could not wait to read what she had written.

As I read my heart and soul were touched. She expressed so well her struggle with the expectation of perfectionism. Especially when it comes to living within the Christian community.

The most common criticism of Christians is that they/we are hypocrites. That is true, and not. The fact is that we are humans, and it is in our humanity that we fail, that we fall that we sin and disappoint.

Rhonda says it so well, “sometimes love is an act of faith.”

A Loving Argument

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We are not Born to Fear

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged 1 John 4:18, Anxiety, communication, do not worry, dog whisperer, Fear., GOD, Love, Luke 12, Luke 12:22-28, needs, worry on August 15, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Recently I was watching the television show, The Dog Whisperer. The ‘whisperer’ himself made the statement, “human babies are innately curious, but babies are not naturally fearful.”

I am not sure if he is right, but there might just be some truth to what he said (or maybe he is planning on a career change to The Baby Whisperer).

A baby certainly can strike fear into the hearts of his/her parents! When a wee one is whaling wildly (oh how I love alliteration) in the middle of the night, mom and dad can be found running around like whirling dervishes. The needs of a baby, and learning how to communicate with each other early on is something that is a necessity for the survival of all involved! Otherwise the issue of fear becomes the only issue.

This is not unlike our Father-child relationship with God.

He is there and attentive to meet all of our needs, and He is faithful to always give us what we need.

Unfortunately, we often get impatient, and we start to cry like banshees when we feel a need must be met. We lose focus of the provider of our needs and how He is faithful to meet them. We get scared that we are going to starve, and we try to meet those needs ourselves.

1 John 4:18 says, “there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear …”

As a baby grows in communication with their parents, the crying does lessen (for some it can take a few years … not that I know anything of that … redhead child). The child learns, over time, what has been true since his or her conception … that their loving parents provide the security that the child needs to not experience fear.

We are like that loved child who grows up not concerning himself/herself with things like food, shelter, security because we have learned to relax and rest in the assurance of our heavenly father’s provision.

And, like that child who has learned of their parents love, we have no reason to experience fear.

“Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you”

Luke 12:22-28

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