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Since I did not get writing yesterday AND I slept in, today is a repost of a previously published post.

It was the first one to come to my mind, since I have noticed that it has been viewed a bit over the past couple of weeks.

Although this post was directed at one particular young lady, it is applicable to most females, as we all have days, and seasons when we are particularly hard on ourselves, and we miss out on the gift that we are created to be.

“Want to know a secret?
Promise not to tell?
We are standing by a wishing well.
Make a wish into the well,
that’s all you have to do
and if you hear it echoing.
Your wish will soon come true.”
Snow White

Since I started to read blogs, and write my own, I have gotten to know such a great and growing group of writers. Some are far away, and some are quite nearby.

One such blogger lives nearby. She is a delightful, honest, passionate writer. She shares her heart, not in a guarded way, but fully, truthfully. She is more than half my age, and she inspires me to be as transparent as she. I love to read of her experiences and her feelings about whatever is going on in her life.

I recently was reading a truthful post of hers, and it made me cry.

Her post was a post of her wishes, her deepest desires. Wishes that her physical body was different. Wishes that her spiritual walk was different. Wishes that her social life was different. Wishes that her future life’s direction was clear to her. Wishes, wishes, wishes.

This post made my eyes leak, because I understood each and every wish on her list (with just a few details changed). Some of her wishes were ones I shared with her, when I was her age. Many were wishes that I have had throughout my life, since puberty. Her wishes were ones that we females share with each other. They bind us together in our insecurities around life and living, around our rejection and acceptance of ourselves.

So, I want this to be a message to my blogger friend. I wish that for all females who read my words, may they echo in the wishing wells of your lives.

I wish for you …
that you could see how beautiful you are … inside and out. You have eyes that shine with a passion for life, and for your life-giver. You have friends who back you up, who wrap their arms around you, who walk through joys and struggles with you. I wish that you could see that your size is not as important as your presence. I wish that you could know that the numbers on the scale are not as important as you think … I wish you knew that YOU are more than a number! I wish that you could see that the habits you want to rid yourself of, also give you room for learning perseverance, struggle, strength and success … I wish you knew how how this hard work will give you ways to help others, in their own struggles, in the future. I wish you knew that God hears your heart when you sing, and it is a most beautiful sound to His ears. I wish there was a way to convince you that you do not need a boyfriend, a date for grad … but that wish you have is part of who you are, and, one day, he will arrive … he is just not ready for you yet. I wish you knew that in just a few weeks, those outstanding assignments will not matter.

You are loved, you are cherished, you are awesome … you couldn’t be better!

Oh, and did you know that your name has an ‘i’ in it? But it is a capital ‘I’.

My dear blogger friend, may my words echo, not just in a wishing well, but in your heart as well.


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Well ‘it’ arrived in the mail last week, heralding in summer in a manner similar to the arrival of mosquitoes.

The ‘it’ I speak of is the reminder that ‘it is time to be done.’ No, not the time to spay or neuter your beasty (and I am referring to the canine variety of beast, not the one you are married to).

It is time to have an annual mammogram.

So, appointment made, I thought I would re-visit my post about the first mammogram I was beckoned to appear (and I mean appear) at.

Give it a read,

have a couple of giggles,

then,

if it is ‘time to be done’

(or maybe it was time quite a while ago),

make an appointment …

it could save a life …

yours.

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Mammo-What? Part 1 Anticipation

I really do not mind having birthdays. I do not even mind the number of birthdays that I have had. Heck, I am not even that upset about my mid-life body (it wasn’t that great in my twenties, and I am more physically active now, so it’s actually on an upward trend … which is humerus, since most of my body parts are on a downward trend …).

What I am not excited about is the invasion of medical tests on my body just because it is over forty!

All of a sudden, my optometrist checks for things like cataracts, and the need for bifocals. My dentist is on the search for recessing gums. And, when I went for that annual ‘woman’ appointment (which I last had done … hum, five years ago), the delightful, cheery, youthful nurse (grrr!) says, “oh, you are forty-two … did you know that women over forty are recommended to have a mammogram every two years?’ Now, how would I know that, I’m only thirty-nine, with three years experience?

So today, like an inmate on death row, heading to the guillotine, I will go to my very first mammogram …

When I got the appointment, I told my hubby that I was going to blog about it, and he said, “you’re not?” And his shocked, astounded, unbelieving question cinched it 😉 (oh, the life of the woman who likes to shock her husband), so, here is the fruit of his amazement!

So, as I have been planning and preparing (mentally) for this appointment, I have been having flashbacks (not hot flashes … that is still to come … and when they do, I will probably blog about them) and nightmares.

The flashbacks have been to those mass emails about mammograms … that are ‘supposed’ to be funny. Come to think of it, they were funny … when I was too young to need to have one! Now their ‘humorous’ messages, make me feel sick to my stomach. Stories of having your ‘girls’ moved and molded like silly putty, between two cold, hard paddles of metal. Moving my ‘twin peeks’ into positions and for lengths of time that God Almighty NEVER intended them to be. I am feeling palpitations of Nascar speeds in my heart just thinking about it! What if, like my mom used to say about making funny faces behind people’s backs, that my bodacious tatas get so squeezed and twisted that they stay that way forever! What if my ‘hi beams’ become ‘low beams’?

Then there’s the nightmares … they are pretty much the same as the flashbacks, but at night, and more sweating is involved (and hubby is not involved in the sweating, other than him dialing 911, because he thinks I am having a heart attack, or seizure or that I’ve lost it … mentally … which, I have to say, I think maybe I am).

But, I am woman … and I will ‘suck it up’ because that is what we women do.

This, although unpleasant, is something that provides detection that women in years past would have, and did, die for.

So ladies (and sensitive male readers, who really do want to know what a woman thinks about the realities of her life), check back tomorrow, for the continuing saga of Mammo-What?

This must be done, and it could be worse …

I could be a man going to an appointment for a ‘digital’ check-up!

Mammo What Part 2 The Main Squeeze

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As it was past 10:30pm when I sat down to write, and my brain cells were simply comatose I have done what I do not often do … I re-posted a blog post from the past. This one came easily to mind as I had been in communication twice today with moms of kids with special needs. It is these moms who I most admire. Let me explain …

I am a mom, and I am a special education assistant … but it was becoming a mom was what gave me a better understanding of the people I would be called upon to assist … the students and their families.

In my job I am very aware that God has entrusted ‘my’ students:

first, to their parents …

and w a y down the line, to me.

I am also aware, because I am a mom, that I do not know what is best for them … God didn’t entrust the students to me first.

I am not always right … ask MY kids!

I work with ‘my’ students about six and one half hours a day, for a year, maybe two or three … their moms are with them for life.

To be a mom of a child with special needs means living with public scrutiny, public embarrassment and public shame.

To be a mom of a child with special needs means living with a large host of professionals who ‘are better educated’ about your child’s ‘needs’, than you.

To be a mom of a child with special needs means constantly having to hear what is ‘wrong’ with your child.

“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle.

I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.”

Mother Teresa

But …

To be a mom of a child with special needs also means …

being a mom to a son or daughter

who you have dreams for

(what good mother doesn’t?)

who you have fears for

(what good mother doesn’t?)

who you love, with that unconditional love that is called ‘Momma Love’

(what good mother doesn’t?)

PERIOD!

I remember well the day I realized how heavy the weight can be to be a mom of a child with special needs. The mom was bringing her daughter to school, and I asked how the new ‘special’ air mattress for her child was working. The mom’s reply was that she had just had her first full night’s sleep in YEARS. Now I do not mean one or two years … this ‘child’ was about sixteen years old …

Then there is the mom with a child who, as a toddler, would sit still on a blanket when out at the park. And the other moms of toddlers would tell her how ‘lucky’ she was that she didn’t have to run around after him … when, inside, she so wished that her son would need her to run after him.

Then there is the mom whose son is mostly non-verbal, and can be violent and aggressive. She spends most waking hours ensuring that she knows where he is, as he is a flight risk. When her son does express affection, adoration and love it is never to or for her, because her son only has eyes for other males.

Then there is the mom who spent many years doing homework with / for her son, so that he would not be embarrassed that his work was obviously ‘inferior’ to that of his classmates.

Then there is the mom who has taken on the task of raising the special needs child of another woman. And that child’s special needs are the direct result of the actions of the child’s birth mother.

Then there is the mom, whose child has been so discouraged by teachers, leaders and other adults that don’t ‘believe’ his diagnosis, preferring to think that this student is simply ‘lazy’. And this child, so beaten down by the bad attitudes of some teachers, leaders and adults in his life that he has chosen to be viewed as bad over being seen as stupid. And his mom has picked up the phone far too many times to hear the school principal’s voice to tell her of another antic causing harm to people or property.

And then the mom of the child with Down’s Syndrome (Trisomy 21) who NEVER goes out in public, with her child, without facing strangers staring at her child …

“Hey, keep staring at me and you just might cure my disability.

Then we can work on YOUR social skills.”

Anonymous

How many of us, as parents, as moms, have said, ‘I wish my son, my daughter could stay a baby forever’? To the mom of many special needs children, that wish of yours can be like a curse to them. As they might have a child who will never live independently, or have a job, or learn to drive, or learn to count, or be toilet trained.

I like to think that I have thick skin, but I know that mine is nothing compared to the mom of a child with special needs.

For anyone out there who is the mom of a child/children with special needs, may you know that …

I don’t know more than you, about your child

I don’t look at your child as a disability to our society

I don’t look down at you

I don’t know how you feel

… and there are many more, who feel the same way.

All that to say, I just wanted to give you some positive ‘air time’. And to tell you, that if I have worked with your son or daughter, I have respected, appreciated and prayed for you …and may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

“Perseverance is not a long race.

It is many short races one after another.”

W. Elliot

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Well, here I am, at month eleven of my weight loss blog … and it has been three months since I updated my own ‘progress.’

Sigh …d999b4880f53376b2d4549f2a2fac09a-1

Well, at Christmas time I was down twenty-four pounds, and feeling like I could take on the world! Then the New Year rang in, and the scale did not move … at all … despite good efforts! Sadly, when it did start moving, it was moving in the wrong direction. From the beginning of February until today, I have gained back eleven pounds 😦

Ugh!

But worse than gaining those hard fought-off pounds back, is the reality that my head (the most important part of the weight loss process) simply does not even give a rip! I have reached a new low … weight and health related apathy.

Obviously I cannot continue as I have been, so I did the most motivating thing I knew … I re-read the posts that got myself motivated in the first place.

It was in my post, The Fat Came Back, where I shared the event that made me face the hard reality that I had lost my way, lost my focus, and gained previously lost weight back.

The following were my original goals:

* get weighed every Friday, and only on Friday
(I tend to be addicted to the scales, when trying to lose weight, and I need to work on my obsessive compulsiveness)

* use”My Fitness Pal” app on my phone (or website My Fitness Pal)
(this is NOT an advertisement for the app. I have used it before, and it is an easy way for me to know, not just the calories, but also the nutritional values of the foods I eat. When I use it, I find I will look at the minuscule package of ‘healthy’ cookies for 100 calories, and a large fresh apple for the same, and when I see the nutritional values of each, I make better choices for the health of my body, and not just counting calories).

* walking
(still three bigger (one hour or more) walks each week, preferably on my favorite trail, but added to that, one twenty minute walk each day. The beast is starting to show signs of middle age spread … just don’t tell her I told you, and she could use this too)

* abdominal exercise
(I am still not sure what shape these exercises will eventually take, but my bowl full of jelly must be reigned in. I am starting with twenty-five crunches a morning … before coffee … I need to have incentive)

* accountability
(I am planning one letting it all hang out with you, the reader … heck, I’ve been letting it all hang out visually for all around me for

These are good goals, doable goals, and they are the ones I am returning to, not next month, not next week, but today.

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So, are you an innie or an outie? Such a private question for such a public forum! I mean really, could I get much more up close and personal? Next thing you know I will ask if you are a conservative or liberal!

This question came to me as I was out walking near my neighborhood (instead of my favorite trail) this evening. I was walking along, minding my own business, and thought to myself … I am going to change my Facebook status when I get home to “I just went to my most favorite church … a walk with my beast, and my Creator.” Then I thought to myself …”now that’s a good way to get excommunicated.”

But, reality is … it is my favorite church! There are NO DISTRACTIONS for my undiagnosed ADD to be preoccupied with. The air always smells delightful (except with my beasty has been stealing beef jerky again). The view is perfect … and changes slightly every day. The songs are always fresh and new, yet timeless … birds do have a way with tunes. And (gulp) … there are no people to distract me from the one I want to worship …

Which beings me to my original question … are you an innie or an outie? Well (confession time), I am an innie … but I’m not (just) talking about my belly button. I’m talking about my personality. I am an introvert, who lives her life as an extrovert (I feel so much better admitting that … how about we scrap the blog, and eat chocolate?).

Please understand, I do like people … honest! But being with people for many hours, drains my battery … drains my energy. I need a chance to be without people to recharge, and then I can be social again. But, out society is pretty intolerant of the introverts need for ‘alone time’. In schools we encourage ‘group work’ and ‘group projects’. In churches we encourage ‘fellowship’ and ‘small groups’ and family retreats. In universities we encourage double or multi-person dorm rooms. For the shy person, our society tries to ‘bring them out’, for the autistic child we restrict them from time alone.

For me, so much of my everyday experience is had as an extrovert. The success of my job, working as a Special Ed. Assistant (which I love), is dependent on my being very much with people, social and … extrovert. My hubby’s job, as a pastor, means that being with people, socializing and being … extrovert, is part of my ‘job’ in supporting him.

Once my professional and church socializing are over, I really struggle to have the social-energy to have close, intimate friendships. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the people I work with, and consider many to be friends. And there are many people at church who I love and care for deeply,and our relationships are not church focused, but heart focused. But, after spending many hours each week with people I ‘have’ to spend time with, to have the energy to develop friendships beyond the already socially demanding life we live, is a real struggle for me.

After a week of work, followed by a Sunday (and often part of Saturday) of church, my batteries are usually dead in the water. And I MUST get out … alone (and my sweet and thoughtful family, who know that if it is good for momma to get out, alone, it is even better for them that I do … smart family I must say).

But I am a bit of a weirdo in how I get alone time. I have two favorite ways to recharge (aka escape reality, or be alone). One is that I go to a movie. I know it makes no sense! I go to a crowded theater to be alone? But it works for me! I drive there, alone. I get my p-corn (with real butter) and eat it, alone. I sit in the midst of many people, alone. And, when the lights dim, I am alone … and transported far away from reality!

My second ‘escape’ from people is to go for a walk … alone (well, not totally alone, the beast always accompanies me … but 🙂 she never expects me to talk to her). In my seeking alone time, I never walk in areas that are unpopulated. I walk in places and at times when I know there will be others there (for safety and for sanity).

You see I am a conundrum! I really don’t know if I want to be with people, or away from people. So, am I an introvert, in extrovert clothing? Or vise versa?

Maybe, humanly speaking, I am an introvert, in the sense that I need to be alone (or more specifically, non verbal) to recharge and re-energize my soul. But, I do love people, and desire to be part of people’s lives, walking through life with others. And maybe, I am not alone in this. And maybe, forcing group-related interactions is not beneficial to all parts of a community (be it a school, church, club, workplace, etc.).

Maybe, some of us are better members of our community, of our society, if we are freed to be who we were created to be … thinkers, problem-solvers, philosophers, writers, artists … or conversely, politicians, salespeople, party-throwers, talk show hosts, preachers, teachers …

If we were all the same, our planet earth might still be flat, and so might our society be … just sayin’ 😉

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This is a repeat of the post on Easter Sunday …

He is risen indeed!

Last year I posted a video (More than Chocolate) that had been speaking to me, that Easter season. In that tradition, I am posting another this year.

I love the use of scripture to tell a story, to teach a lesson, to touch my heart.

May God,

through words He inspired,

and man brought together,

touch your heart this day of celebrating that

“God raised Him, on the third day.”

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I do not normally post on a Saturday, but today is an exception.

And since it is also the Easter weekend, I thought I would include a little chuckle (Easter style, to the right) or two, and a reminder that we do not have to eat forty days worth of chocolate in one weekend, if that is what was given up for Lent.0317bcb3d2221a038e2734a25410dfc9

It has been a month of counting days until Spring Break, followed by days of … well of not knowing what day it is!

Since I have been away for the past two weeks … away from home, from work, from schedules (from close-toed shoes 😉 ), from the scales … I have no idea what I weigh! I know there have been good days, and days that were not so great. But, whether I was successful at eating healthy, or not, I kept recording what I ate at 112aa172e046cbeb0c2c54930f697bc0myfitnesspal … and I feel that is really a good habit!

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So, it is now spring, and the days are getting more bright, and longer.

Our moods are boosted, and our bodies are empowered by natural Vitamin D that we are absorbing!

It is a great time for a walk, a run, a bike ride!

I will let you know how my weight loss is going next month … oh the suspense!

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More than any loss of pounds, I am excited about how much more physically active I have gotten on a more regular basis.

I walk at least three times a week, for twenty to forty minutes. Finally, after months of physical stagnation and lack of motivation I have gotten my butt in motion!

So, with all this new-found activity, one would think that I would have lost a significant amount of poundage … sigh …

Well the four pounds that I added in January are gone 😀 . It seriously took until yesterday to finally be able to see it on the scales and declare it. Like house guests who came unannounced, and undesired, I thought they would never leave!

So, now it is on to March, and my five pound loss a month goal.

I am realizing that I am going to have to get really focused, both in regards to what I put into my mouth, and what I do to get active.

images-1Next month I will focus more with regards to the area of food. For now I want to introduce a video. This video is only 15 minutes (truly we all can find 15 minutes each day … or at least 15 minutes three to four times a week). I discovered it on Pinterest,  but it comes from an episode of Dr. Oz.

Shaun T is a fitness expert … and he looks the part (sorry ladies, I tried to find a photo of him wearing a shirt, to no avail). He has two exercise programs, Insanity and Hip Hop Abs. I am not sure, but I believe that he is the male version of Jillian Michaels.

What I loved about this particular video is that it is just 15mins. … a small chunk to get started with.

So, though March may come in like a lamb, I am hoping it (and I) go out like a lion!

Shaun T’s Miracle 15min Workout

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So, confession time has arrived …

I have not started the year out very well!

As is often the case, I do very well over the Christmas season, and even as the new year gets started. Then January gets in full swing, the busyness resumes, back to work, rains pick up and the dark of winter seems … darker, now that the Christmas lights are packed away. The winter blues set in, imagesand carbs are the only thing giving satisfaction.

Over the month I’ve packed on 4 pounds 😦 … that’s a chihuahua!

So, back to the weight loss part of this DiaBLOG!

I am going to pretend this month did not happen and look towards the future!

In the six months of 2o12, I worked hard and lost 24lbs! Although that does not seem like a big amount (I have a friend who lost about 50 in the same amount of time), I am ahead of where I was. So, as I was thinking about that 24lb. weight loss, I found myself thinking, ‘what if I made my goal to lose 26lbs. by the end of the school year, making my total loss 50lbs. after one year of living, thinking, and eating differently?’ So, that is my plan! I want to lose 26lbs. from February to the end of June. That is a goal of losing 5lbs. each month …. very doable!

So, this past month was not so successful, and my goal of walking three times a weeks is still unmet. I did manage to get in a nice long walk each weekend, but during the week has not been successful. So, I will continue on with that goal for February.

This month I discovered a web sight that is kind of fun!

www.modelmydiet.com

If you click the link above, you will see a virtual me, the heaviest I have ever been and the lightest … sigh, how does that happen? If you play around with the details on the right of the page, then click on ‘update’ you will get to see you. It was encouraging for me to see the differences from where I am now to where I was seven months ago.

Best wishes with the month of February!

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images-2There was the program on television, a few years back, called “Fear Factor” in which people got closer to a goal or prize by completing a fear-inducing challenge. The money was big, something like $100,000, and the challenges were equally daunting.

The challenges tested strength (and stupidity … but that is just my opinion) physically, mentally, and it was all about testing the contestants level of fear.

Although I did not watch the program, I do remember catching one of those challenges. The challenge for the contestants was for one of the contestants to be pushed through the ‘Tarantula Tunnel” by their partner. Start watching the following video at about 1:50 (and stop when you just cannot watch anymore):

EWIE!

That has to be a fear factor for many of us!

Creepy crawlies are certainly fear-inducing, but not all fears are so tangible. I would guess that most of the fears that we humans have cannot be touched, but they do seem to fall upon us, and they can create a feeling of being paralyzed. Many of the fears we have are about our future, our loved ones, health, jobs, tests and the list goes on. Sometimes we are fearful, and we do not even know where our fear originates.

Fears can result in stagnation in life, missing out on experiences or learning, not maturing in the area of problem solving, and even health issues. Fears can hinder our growth and development in life, hold us back, and even prevent us from living the life that is available to us.

179862578837831550_MNgXK7Gj_bThe Bible speaks of fears frequently, and the message would seem to be consistent:

  • do not fear
  • be not afraid
  • be anxious about nothing

The reason for not needing to be afraid is also consistent:

47287864807334496_HgMZS9pB_b

Putting our hearts, our souls, our lives into the hands of God, is to trust our heavenly father with all of our life … fears included. To allow fear to determine how we live our lives is to withhold that trust in God’s wisdom, care and perfect plan for our lives.

Fears will come, after all we are fully human, living in fully human conditions and bodies, but God has given us the ability to speak to Him, in prayer. He has also given us the community of believers who are His hands and His feet, who can share our burden of fear and also lift them up to Him. In praying to God, we are given the ability to lay our burdens down at His feet. We are able to leave them there.

And, “He, who is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God our Savior, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.” Jude 1:24-25

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