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Recently I did have an experience that has made me bow my head in momma guilt-laden shame.

It started when one of our kids was being treated poorly by another. Not bullying, just not … nice. Mother Hen stepped in and the hairs stood up on the back of my neck whenever I heard that kid’s name. I was angry! Then one day, while praying that God would protect my child’s heart from this kid, I felt compelled to pray for

the other kid.

That stopped me dead in my praying tracks! That couldn’t have been a prodding from the heavens to lay the nasty kid at the feet of God!

Then Matthew 5:44 raced through my heart,

love your enemies
and pray for those who persecute you
.”

Now, I might be able to pray for those who persecute me,

but my kids?!

Yet, I heard it, loud and clear,

and so I started to pray for this kid.

I’ve been doing it for over two months now,

and guess what,

I’m starting to like this kid,

and

they are more … nice to my child.

As a matter of fact, I have started to get to know this kid better, and am praying for them more specifically …

as though I care about them!

And I do.

My child likes this person, and now, I do too.

So, has the kid actually changed?

Or have I changed in how I see this person?

 

 

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Learning to be thankful, to say thank-you, is a valuable life lesson.

What we frequently omit teaching is that thanks is something that words are, sometimes, inadequate to express.

This past fall our son was fortunate to be part of a provincial championship football team. The team, which hubby was able to assist in coaching, was undefeated in the season and in playoffs.

Once the championship was theirs, so were metals around their necks, plaques, and a pile of athletic wear, handed out at a banquet. The players also had the opportunity to purchase a honking big ring, to remember how their hard work, perseverance and tenacity payed off in being able to call themselves champions.

Our son’s eyes were as big as saucers, sparkling with thoughts of that winners ring placed on his finger, to show to all who looked, that

he was part of a winning team!

The cost of the rings was as significant as their size. My heart dropped when I saw the price, knowing that there was no way that we could budget such a ‘frivolous’ purchase. Hubby and I contemplated making it a Christmas/birthday gift … still over budget. Our son did not have that amount of money, either.

It was not going to happen.

Our son is our child who rarely asks for anything (other than ‘just a few more minutes’ on a video game), and so when he does ask, we know it is something he really desires.

He asked about the ring …

and with a lump in my throat, I looked up (because he has outgrown me) at his deep blue eyes, about to declare my disappointing response,

but he saw the answer before I spoke it, and said,

“It’s expensive, I know.”

And that was that.

This weekend, months after the team hoisted the trophy of champions up into the air, our son awoke, and we handed to him a heavy jewelery store box.

Again, his eyes were as a big as saucers.

“You bought me a ring?” He asked in disbelief.

And we said, “no.”

Hubby then told him the story of how an (unnamed) parent had purchased it for him. They had noticed that Ben did not order a ring, and they wondered if the reason was financial, and, if so, could they purchase a ring for our son.

His disbelief left him as speechless as it did us.

All weekend he has said, been saying,

“I just can’t believe that someone did this for me. I am speechless.”

And, as he attempts to put that lack of words into a thank-you note, he will learn that sometimes thanks seems inadequate for the gift that was given.

And it is not just our son who is speechless, but hubby and I as well.

 

 

 

 

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Wow! It is April already!

As I scour my FaceBook this past week I had ‘friends’ talking about sunburns, snowstorms, and spring flowers … depending on where they live.

And that is spring. So many different versions of spring, for so many different locales.

The one thing that spring seems to provide is hope. Hope of the summer to come, complete with longer days, warmer nights and changes in schedules. It also heralds the hope that Easter brings … the hope that Christ was born, and died for. And that’s what the second most viewed post, Week Four of Lent is all about … hope!

But the most viewed post of this week was about my daughter’s birthday, called How This Birthday Fits.

Also this week were :

Water Walkers
(what can be done when our eyes are focused on the source of miracles)

me.me.me.me.
(consequences follow our decisions)

Alone Together
(looking ahead at the empty nest)

Blessings to you this day,
Carole

 

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20140403-200052.jpgNo, she is NOT getting married! But, it is her birthday, this weekend.

Seventeen years ago I could not wait to be freed from the weight I carried. It slowed me down, interrupted my sleep, and sometimes made me nauseous.

Now, as she is about to turn seventeen, scheduled to do her road test in order to drive independently, I am looking ahead again …

with not a bit of eagerness for the time to fly.

As our second child gets giddy thinking about her birthday, I think of the fact that just over a year from now she will be completing high school.

I was ‘cleaning’ my phone recently and found the photo on the left. I had been sorting through clothes, and she decided to do a fashion show … starting with my wedding dress. My first thoughts, as she ‘bride walked’ down the halls, and into the rooms of the house, was …

man, I can’t believe I thought I needed to lose weight when I got married

this fits too well.

I remembered her trying my wedding dress on when she was six or seven, and absolutely every part of it was excessively too big. She had to hoist more in her arms to walk, than what was covering her body. Now, this dress fit her height as though it were cut for her. The sleeves touched her hand where they had touched mine. Sure there was still excessive fabric here and there, but, overall, her size is no longer premature for such attire.

Now, don’t think I am rushing her youth away! As one who married at twenty, I know the struggles that accompany marrying young. I am simply seeing her now,

as she is.

She is as much a young woman as a teenage girl.

She is able to have control of a motor vehicle (with mom in the passenger seat).

She has the weekly responsibility of a job.

She is able to (gulp) date.

She is contemplating post secondary education, and a career.

She is no longer my baby girl …

Ya right!

SHE will ALWAYS be MY baby girl!

No matter how well adult life fits her!

Happy Birthday Red! Enjoy your childhood song (though I know you soooo prefer it when I sing it to you 😉

 

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One of my favorite re-counted stories in the Bible (Matthew 14:22-34) is the one of the disciples out on the Sea of Galilee, when Jesus is seen walking ON TOP OF the water, and Peter, in yet another example of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), says, “hey Jesus, here I come!” …

and Jesus stretches out his hand towards Peter in an act of affirmation …

and Peter

walks on the water …

Imagine the adrenalin rush that Peter must have felt!

Imagine the sparkle in his eyes,

the smile on his face.

Imagine the stunned look on the faces of their boat-dwelling friends!

But, who was more ‘safe’?

The ones with wood and balsam holding them above the waves?

Or the one held above the waves by his gaze, his faith, towards the Messiah?

It is interesting to me that when Peter looked down, removing his gaze from the eyes of his Savior, he started to sink into the waves.

What a simple example of how we need to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, to maintain our balance … to keep our head above water.

I recently began listening to the following song, one that parallels this simple teaching.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.”
Hebrews 12:1-2a

 

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There I was, just hours away from turning (gulp) thirty-nine with six years experience (OK! I was turning 45!),

and I was not feeling the love.images-2

Hubby and I had just had one of those knock-down, drag-out fights that NO happily married couple would ever admit to having participated in … publicly.

My parents, in fair health, and only in their late sixties, and just seventy had declared that NOPE, they were done traveling, no need to prepare a room for them … I would need to go to them.

So I did what any other hormonal woman (do we women ever grow out of hormonal?) in my shoes would do …

I declared to the trees, and the squirrels, and the birds, and any other creature that was listening (oh, please tell me that no neighbors were listening), that I was unloved, and that there was simply no person on this planet who was willing to sacrifice for me.

Lets face it, what I was doing was holding my very own pity party, and it was not pretty!

Between self pity and sobs I kept hearing in my head :

“Lift your eyes up”

And so, I did, to the sun pouring through the trees in my private cathedral sanctuary.

Then, words came pouring in, like the light through the trees :

“I lift my eyes up … to the mountains”

Hum, no mountains in view, but towering cedars straight ahead.

“Where does my help come from?”

Now, that’s a question that resonated in my self pitying heart and soul!

“My help, it comes from the Lord

the Maker of heaven and earth”

Ah, so this is the benefit of having committed scripture to memory! Once learned it is there forever, ready at a tears notice to flood our minds with encouragement, with truth, with promises.

The pity party did not end immediately, but my need to uncover why that specific verse came to mind, when it did, diverted my attention away from my poor-me attitude.

And that is what this season of Lent is about …

taking our eyes off of our own desires, our own wants, our own sacrifices …

and lifting them to our help

our maker of heaven and earth.

The One who was born, was conceived to sacrifice for us … for all of us.

Our eyes need to keep focus on that which is, on who is

higher, bigger, greater

that ourselves.

My pity party was coming to a close.

My eyes, no longer blinded by tears of self pity, were seeing clearly who my help is … no doubt about it!

Lent is about the One who sacrificed His all, for us all.

 

 

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MY body

MY choices

MY time

MY life

my. my. my. my.

Is our life only about doing and achieving for ourselves?

So, living for our own desires … what does that give us, in the end?

It gives us the consequences … good and bad … of our selfish decisions.

Whether you believe in a

just by chance, explosive sort of beginning to life

or

an intelligent creator beginning to life

there is one reality …

we humans are, by nature, narcissistic.

Narcissus was a young man (so goes the Greek myth) who looked into a pond, and upon seeing his own reflection, fell in love with himself.

Like Narcissus, we have fallen in love with ourselves. We have mirrors, and selfies to encourage our self-love. But we also have a host of other self-admiring, self-gratifying, selfish ways to self-love.

Around our world, and throughout history, blood has been spilled because one person or group has expressed self-love to the point of hate towards others.

Our Earth groans with the misuse of it’s resources, because selfish convenience is of greater value than protecting our resources for generations to come.

Children are being abused by alcohol and drugs while still in the womb, disposed of as ‘blobs of tissue’, abandoned at birth, or left in the care of others because it’s their ‘right’ to a good life.

Homes have been divided when individuals have seen their needs above those of their families.

The elderly are being left alone because it takes too much of ‘our’ time away from us.

This narcissistic attitude is not new, and Narcissus was not the first of his kind … that honor would go to the pair from the garden.

When Adam and Eve broke God’s one rule in the garden, they had to live with grave consequences, that continue to this day :

  • to live knowing good and evil
  • they were banished from the Garden of Eden
  • the tree of life is guarded from humanity

We are free to choose, but we are not free from the consequences of our choices.

 

 


 

 

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It was difficult to not stare.

He and she,

sitting across from each other at the restaurant table.

She looking straight ahead, but eyes focused to his left and beyond him.

He looking straight ahead, but eyes focused to her left and beyond her.

It was as though they were complete strangers.

alone together

She and he

both looked to be in their sixties.

He looked rugged, like a cowboy, the Marlboro Man personified.

She was impeccably dressed, her hair and make-up perfectly arranged, as though she never had a bad hair day.

Their matching wedding rings told me that they were together,

though alone in that togetherness.

alone together

I have been noticing,

no studying,

couples who would appear to be in the next phase of life from where I am,

from where hubby and I are currently.

When I see a couple who look to be of the age of empty-nesters,

I have to work hard to not stare.

You see I am studying with purpose,

because in the blink of an eye I, we will be there,

and I need to have an idea of what is to come,

of what I need to prepare for,

of where to set our plum line for the future to come.

And, what I saw in that restaurant,

in the staring off glances of the Marlboro man and his impeccably dressed Mrs,

was a couple who was

alone together.

Sure they shared a table, and he paid the bill, but that is where their ‘together’ ended.

I’ve been thinking about them ever since, wondering what they looked like sitting at a restaurant table when

they had teenagers with them,

or chatty kids,

or tough to sit still preschoolers.

Did they have something to talk about when they were

celebrating a birthday,

an anniversary,

or after just finding out that they would be parents in a few months?

Did they look off into the distance when they were

first married,

or dating?

When did together start to be alone? When did alone accompany them together?

More importantly,

how do those of us, not yet there, prevent being

alone together

in our futures?

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20140329-151747.jpgI admit to being a creator, a builder, a dreamer.

What I am not so good at is persevering through the process, enduring all of the preparations, and keeping focused when the unexpected pops out of nowhere.

I am the sort of person who, when painting a wall, is so excited to get it painted, and to hang that new picture, I just want to roll the paint on the center of the wall, place the nail, and hang the picture … then do all of the edging.

Patience might be a virtue, but it is not one that I possess naturally!

The guest post today is about dreams, vision and the ‘in between’ time when we are simply having to spend our time prepping that wall, before we roll the paint on.

The post, called In Between Vision and Reality, is written by Stephanie Bryant, who is the co-founder (along with Holley Gerth) of (in)courage. In this post she touches on something that I think we all have experienced … how to live ‘in between’ the dream and the vision fulfilled.

“I remember having a dream so real I cried uncontrollably when I woke up. We had been trying to have a child for years and in the wee hours of the morning while I slept, God gave me a moment with my daughter. Wrapped in a soft pink blanket, I soaked in her full rosy cheeks, pink pouty lips and slick dark hair. I could feel the weight of her body in my arms and the rhythm of her breathing against my chest.

This might be nothing to you but I had never dreamed about our family. I couldn’t imagine what our children would look like. I hadn’t had names chosen since third grade recess.

I woke up to what I thought was a dream, trying my best to cling to the vision that I thought was reality. It was a reality . . . just not yet.

I had to be awake to realize the dream – a vision really – was a promise from God. He was giving me a glimpse of things to come.

Three years after the dream, I held my daughter. She was the reality of the hope in the God-given vision. And yes, she looked just like the sweet girl I held that night years ago but this time I was living wide awake in the dream.

Long before that I was a young marketing professional working in publishing. I had a burning passion for women like me to know God better, together. I prayed and worked and talked about it to anyone that would listen. Job changes, moves and new friends only fueled my passion for such a time as this. I knew God was calling me to create something for the hearts of women. Years later, after meeting Holley and working at DaySpring, we laid the foundation for this beach house that God wanted built for you. (in)courage was born.

Those are usually how the stories go. We read memoirs and blogs and watch a five-minute montage of an Olympian’s perseverance that won the gold for their small unheroic nation.

We see others living the dream. They made it. In the victory of others, we are encouraged just as we should be.

Hindsight is always sweeter. It’s easy to look back and see where God intervened, the arrows pointing the way. But the future doesn’t belong to those of us that are passionate about our dreams. The future belongs to God.

What about when we’re struggling with the In Between?  How do we live in the now?

We’ve already waited and worked and waited longer for the fruit to come and yet it doesn’t. No signs of even a bud, yet we know spring always blooms after winter. We sense a calling that is beyond our doing. We pray, knock, wait for the door to open. We knock again.   

We leave the door and knock on others. We question ourselves, our motive, our ability. We wander. We wonder about His grace, our understanding and His will.

Yes, without vision the people perish. But those carrying the vision sometimes feel like they will die if they don’t birth what’s growing inside of their souls. We can only carry the vision full term with extreme patience and perseverance.

In Between is where most give up. It gets really hard. There’s a lot of work to be done on our parts, too. Sacrifices are always made when you assumed there wouldn’t be any. In Between is not about waiting for the vision to happen but being a part of the process.

God can be silent after a time of great revelation and clarity. Even the resilient are weary and look small. Endurance feels like it began years ago and today is the last-ditch effort to just hold on to some resemblance of what we are called to do.

In Between is when the complaining and whining can get really loud. Almost wishing away the gift of being apart of something bigger than ourselves just for a few moments of relief to ‘normal’ life.

Vision is not of our own doing. We are mere vision carriers.

This vision is for a future time.
It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed.
Habakkuk 2:3 (NLT)

We don’t cast the vision. We can only live it, allowing God to unhinge the hooks and fling the nets wide.

Vision is of Spirit not flesh and blood. Each piece planted in our hearts is looking backward to the garden, encouraging us heavenward.

Vision is not about completing a task or an assignment, but with steady courage living in faith the God-led adventure, daily.

The In Between is eternity and it is now.

Take heart and look for arrows pointing to the pieces of vision fulfilled in your life. I watch my daughter sleep knowing just as God fulfilled the vision He planted for her to be born into the world, He will fulfill this new passionate vision for His Kingdom through my life.

Relish the In Between for that is life.

 

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It’s coming to an end …

Spring Break 2014 is just hours away from ending, and Monday morning we re-unite with our schools, our workplaces and the ‘regular’ schedule.

But, don’t let your heart grow weary … there are only about twelve weeks until Summer Break (not that I’m counting 😉 )!

It is now also about halfway through the season of Lent. We are halfway in our own giving up of something to share in His suffering. We are halfway to understanding the loving sacrifice made for all of humanity.

The most viewed post of this week was one of my weekly reflections on the subject of Lent. In  Week Three of Lent, we are reminded of a young men, pedestals, hunger and the difference that the Word can make.

Also this week were :

Gods Not Dead
(the movie, and the freedom to choose)

My Lighthouse
(a new song to tap your foot to)

Blessing of Boredom
(a little downtime and how it fed my momma soul)

Words of Love
(words that say love)

Blessings to you this day,
Carole

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