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Good To Be Alive

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged blessings, Good to be Alive, Jason Gray, Life, Love, remind me, Thankful on September 5, 2012| Leave a Comment »

The first day of classes is now behind me 😀 and many other adults and students, and we all breath a sigh of relief that we made it through the day. A number of times colleagues would ask, “how is your first day going?” My response each time was, “I just want to get through it.”

Then, this evening I sat down to catch up on emails, notes, and other communications, with tunes cranked to put me into a delightful state of bliss. The first song must have been mistakenly put on repeat, and so it played over and over and over again.

Maybe, though, it was providence, fate or divine message from God that caused it to play again and again.

Now I am hoping that it will play again and again in my head, until I get the message of it’s words.

I really love it when a song speaks to me, makes me wonder, teaches me, or reminds me of something I have forgotten.

That is what the song, Good to be Alive, sung by Jason Gray, does for me, it reminds me of something I keep forgetting … remember, I was the chickie who “just want to get through it (the day)” … that it is good to be alive, and that we live best if we keep this in mind, in the exciting and the mundane of life.

If I look at my life I am so blessed. I have been made fully and completely alive by my Creator. I am healthy. I have a great hubby and amazing kids. I have a job AND I love it. I have friends, family, home, etc., etc., etc. I have so much to live for that should make every moment of every day be seen by myself as a gift. I should NEVER be viewing any part of my day as something to get through!

Check it out, maybe it will put a spring in your step too.

“Good To Be Alive”

Hold on
Is this really the life I’m living?
Cause I don’t feel like I deserve it
Every day that I wake, every breath that I take you’ve given
So right here, right now
While the sun is shining down

I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow
Love like I’m on borrowed time
It’s good to be alive, yeah

Hold on
If the life that we’ve been given
Is made beautiful in the living
And the joy that we get brings joy to the heart of the giver
Then right here, right now
This is the song I’m singing out

I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow
Love like I’m on borrowed time
It’s good to be alive
[x2]

I won’t take it for granted
I won’t waste another second
All I want is to give you
A life well lived, to say “thank you”

I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow
Love like I’m on borrowed time
It’s good to be, it’s good to be alive

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Anxious

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged anxious, Back to School, everlasting, expectations, Fear., from the inside out, Hillsongs, Job, job assignment, new, Work on September 4, 2012| 1 Comment »

Back to school arrived last week, for me.

The first week back, after summer vacation, is always a difficult week at work for me, for a few reasons.

One is that summer is over (it really does not matter what the weather is, or what the calendar says about the end of summer being a month later, summer ends when school begins, period).

Secondly I work in a school … with students, and before Labor Day weekend, there are no students at school. Work without students is … boring!

Another reason is that, in my line of work, every year can mean a completely new assignment, with completely different students, in completely different classes and grades, working with completely different teachers. Everything, and I mean everything that I was confident in just two months ago is gone, and is replaced by something new.

And, finally, people ask how I feel about being back, and well, considering the above mentioned reasons for the first week being difficult, that is an answer that I really do not want to give … because it makes me sound terribly negative, and feel terribly depressed.

Once I get to work, on this first day back, I am (along with my colleges) given our schedules, with the reminder that we should not write down anything, except in pencil (things can still change for the first couple of weeks of school). It is then that full panic mode begins.

For the past few years when I receive that initial schedule for the year, I really start to feel panicky because I feel as though I am so inadequate to do the job that has been handed to me. And then, from that moment until the first day of school, I get increasingly panicked.

I often consider resigning, saying no, running away. Anything that will allow me to put distance between my job assignment and me. At this point, I am convinced those little butterflies in my stomach have changed into buzzards, and they have come home to roost inside of my innards.

As I was driving to school the final day of the week I was drawn in by the lyrics of a song that was playing on the radio …

“A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace”

Oh man, how did God know that it was fear of my own failure that was making me anxious?

“Your will above all else,
my purpose remains
The art of losing myself
in bringing you praise”

Oh ya! This job, this life, it’s not about me, it is about me decreasing so that He would increase.

“My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out”

Oh, how I needed embrace right then. And He met me where I was was at, and the reminder that in giving Him control, justice and praise would fill me from the inside out.

“Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out.”

I get it. I remember now. I will praise You, from the inside out, and leave the anxious, fearful thoughts of my job assignment to You, because You are everlasting and faithful to me.

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Because I Can

Posted in life, The Hubby, The Kids, WONDER, tagged because I can, Freedom, last day, making bed, out for dinner, preparing, prepping, School, Summer, summer break, swim on September 3, 2012| Leave a Comment »

As the sun rises (later than back in June … another sign of the impending doom of tomorrow) on this last day before the start of the new school year, GO BACK TO BED! This is IT! The last chance to sleep in for a very long time. Start enjoying the last day, by sleeping in.

I am one of those people who preps and prepares for things rather early. For instance my school supplies were all purchased by the first week of August (I buy most things throughout the year, and stockpile them). Unfortunately, I also mentally prep and plan, and that results in me fretting and fearing for days before an event.

Not this year! Nope! After I have slept in (which sadly means some time after seven but before eight), I will have coffee, on the patio … because I can!

And that will be my motto for the day, because I can.

I man not make my bed, because I can.

I may not get dressed until noon, and it might be from my pj’s to my bathing suit. Maybe I will take a mid day dip, because I can!

I may not cook (okay, my family would say that is nothing new, for this summer, but hey, they say grazing is healthier, right?), but instead have “get it yourself meals” (I personally love this kind of meal).

I may crawl back in my bed in the afternoon and read a book, or write a blog post, or have a nap … because I can!

I may invite hubby to take me out to dinner, because I can.

I may take a walk, because I can.

I may make s’mores on the gas fire-pit, with the family, BEFORE the sun sets, because I can!

I may watch a comedy in the evening that brings me close to peeing my pants, because I can!

I may, I may, I may … because this is the last day of summer vacation, and I can!

Besides, tomorrow morning, when the kids and I drag out butts from our beds and get ready for school/work, my dear hubby will be dancing around the house singing with the guy in the commercial below, because it is his last day of vacation … and he can.

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A Loving Argument

Posted in GOD, WONDER, tagged Christians, guest blogger, hypocrisy, ladywriter.ca, Love, PastorKenny.com, Perfection, Rhonda Bulmer on September 2, 2012| 2 Comments »

As I read the blog posts of others I feel so … normal. I realize that my thoughts and feelings are shared by others. I realize that that I am not alone in my uniqueness (if that is not too much of a contradiction). I realize that there are others who see and feel and experience and think similarly.

I also learn from the honest revelations of others. The lessons that they have learned.

Recently I received a new post to read by the wife of a high school friend.

Rhonda Bulmer is a wife, a mom, a writer (published), a runner, and a child of God (I know there is more to her, but I do not know her that well). I LOVE her writings (unlike myself, this lady knows grammar, so her writings are actually readable). I think that she and I could definitely be kindred spirits, and so I could not wait to read what she had written.

As I read my heart and soul were touched. She expressed so well her struggle with the expectation of perfectionism. Especially when it comes to living within the Christian community.

The most common criticism of Christians is that they/we are hypocrites. That is true, and not. The fact is that we are humans, and it is in our humanity that we fail, that we fall that we sin and disappoint.

Rhonda says it so well, “sometimes love is an act of faith.”

A Loving Argument

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No Tears for this Ending

Posted in GOD, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged adieu, beginning, Daughter, endings, fragile as a dream, giving your life to Jesus, GOD, Graduation, leaving, Letting Go, life is fragile, path less traveled, something to live for, stories be whispered, Tears on August 31, 2012| 2 Comments »

Today I write to, and about our oldest daughter, who is embarking on an adventure away from us. It is not the first, nor will it be the last … but there are no tears.

I have often been teased (goodhearted) about not shedding a tear at her high school graduation. Really, although proud of the hard work she did, graduating was not an academic struggle for her. Oh, she worked her tail off, but graduating was never in doubt for her.

As she prepares, and boards the plane tomorrow for the East Coast (a reversal of her parents from their Easterly homes, to our present Western one), not a tear will be shed. Oh, she has worked hard all summer, some weeks working twelve hour days, but she is going on to a new adventure, one that will include extended family who she has never had the benefit of daily contact.

Over the years, though, there have been tears …

“Let my stories be whispered”

From when you were just a young child, I have been learning to lay you back into the hands of your Creator (A Most Desired Child). This lesson will continue to my dying day, and with many tears.

“I took the path less traveled on”

I remember a few years back, when you decided to go on a mission trip with your church youth group to Tijuana, Mexico. I was so excited for you to have that adventure, to help orphaned children and for you to see how God might use the gifts and talents He has given you.

But …

I was scared you would be murdered or raped or traumatized or kidnapped. So, I drove you to that train station in Seattle. I tried to absorb every last moment with you, fearing it might be our last. I hugged you, told you I loved you. Then I had to watch you walk … away … staying strong. Until I walked from the station, with tears streaming down my face … asking God to go with you.

And then when you told me, just a year ago, of your desire to go to India, to work with the children of Calcutta. I listened to your dreams, asked the right questions. But, when I was alone, the tears streamed down my face, as I asked God to give me the strength to let you live your life. And, one day, I will stand at the airport, holding you and telling you I love you, uttering best wishes, and watch you walk away to board your flight that will take you to the mission of Mother Teressa and the Sisters of Charity, and tears will stream down my face, as I ask God to go with you.

“this life is as fragile as a dream”

That night in April, of 2008, was a night that God tested me. As I stood at the back of a church, knowing only that you were in there, somewhere, after the floor of the church had collapsed (Starfield Concert). After the frantic search, the long drive home, the holding you in bed … I collapsed on my knees and thanked God for giving you to me for another day … and the tears were streaming down my face.

“Cause in this life you must find something to live for”

When you were only three, I remember your voice, as we both knelt at your bed, and you prayed to give your heart to Jesus. I remember feeling such privilege to be there to kneel on that holy ground with you … and the tears were streaming down my face.

And, He goes with you now. You ‘know’ all that that means … and He is something to live for. I need to shed no tears, because this is a new beginning, and He goes with you.

Go with God … or, as they might say in the East, adieu ma fille chérie.

“I’ve always heard, every ending is also a beginning, we just don’t know it at the time … I’d like to believe that’s true.”

This is what we raise our children for …

I think, my firstborn daughter, that you can read between the lines here … think of it as my melody for you these next months. (and there was the shedding of tears in the writing of this post … but they were, selfishly, for my loss in the ending of this phase).

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Cinderella for Sons?

Posted in FAMILY, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged CFL, Children, Cinderella, dance, Football, Growing Up, Son, Steven Curtis Chapman, youth on August 30, 2012| Leave a Comment »

A few years back singer, songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman invited us into his heart with his song Cinderella, inspired by his daughters. The song wooed all of us with daughters, into thoughts of our own little girls growing up so quickly, stepping from one stage of life to the next so very quickly, and reminding us all to take the time and opportunities when they are young to dance with our little girls.

But what about our boys, our sons? I know of one, almost thirteen year old son who would NOT have any interest in dancing around the room with his mother, to a song about Cinderella!

So, as I drove down the road, listening to the Cinderella song, I wondered what is the male equivalent of dancing with Cinderella, for my son? So, I looked at the lyrics to the song, and did some personalized editing 😉 …

He spins and he sways
To each play his coach says
Giving all to the football world
And I’m sitting here fretting
With the fear of him being hurt, on my shoulders

It’s been a long day
And there’s still laundry to do
He’s pulling at me
Saying “Mom, I need you

There’s a game at the field
And I’ve been practicing
And I need to know that you’re in the stands
Oh, please, Mom, please?”

So I will watch every minor football game
While he is still on the field
‘Cause I know something the coach doesn’t know
Oh, I will watch every football game
I don’t want to miss even one play
‘Cause all too soon the whistle will be blown
And he’ll be gone…

He says they’re all nice guys they just fake the frowns
He tells me his improved tackles mean more touchdowns
He says, “Mom, the game is just one week away
And I need you to make more pasta
Oh, please, Mom, please?”

He will be gone

Well, he came home today with a dream in his head
Just glowing and telling us the CFL is where he will head
He says, “Mom, the league is still years away
But I need to practice my hitting
Oh, please, Mom, please?”

So, that is my ode to Cinderella, for my son, because soon he’ll be gone …

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My List

Posted in FAMILY, life, The Hubby, The Kids, WONDER, tagged Accomplishment, Disappointments, FAMILY, goals, list, Memories, running out of time, School, Summer, Surprises, to do on August 28, 2012| 2 Comments »

Summer cannot be almost over! My list is not complete!

It has been such a great summer break, and I have been so thankful for each and every day of it. But some of the most important things I wanted from this summer just didn’t happen, and so I think I need to request another couple of weeks. Where do I go to make my request?

Next week it is back to school for our kids (I ‘got’ to return this week), and back to routine, routine, routine.

Here are my top ten unfinished goals of the summer …

10. Have an adventure with our kids
9. Lose 25 pounds by start of school
8. Move stone from side drive (where it has been since early June … sigh)
7. Finish reno. on stairs (a blog post is coming on this one)
6. Finish closet reno. (a blog post is coming on this one too)
5. Replace the roof on my garden shed
4. Walk daily
3. Finish writing and editing book
2. Teach my son to ride a bike (not his goal, but mine)
1. A two to three day trip to a really nice place, with my guy

Sigh …

It was so depressing to get ready for work yesterday, knowing that the above things did not get done. Most I can ignore, but some have been hanging over my head for years, and one or two are simply things that I humanly so wanted to do/accomplish.

But, here we are, getting ready for the end of summer break, and the beginning of a new school year. Purchasing new clothes, new shoes and school supplies that will, in no time at all, be marked on, torn, outgrown and faded … just like this summer.

Oh, but what memories!

10. A day at the PNE (Pacific National Exhibition) with the family
9. A couple of nights with hubby while he did a wedding
8. A pool party with about seventy people from church
7. Lunch with my oldest daughter
6. Shopping with my youngest daughter
5. Sushi dates with my son
4. Projects that got started … oh how they filled my creative side!
3. Cannon Beach … ahhhhhh
2. Watching the sky for shooting stars
1. Making s’mores on the gas firepit night after night, as we talked, giggled and spent time … together

And now, what is to come?

I have learned that it is best to not approach a new school year with any expectations. Instead I simply enter in, and work to be open to whatever it might bring. And, ten months from now, I will end the year with a top ten of surprises, and a new summer list!

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Old to New: The Weight Loss DiaBLOG – Week 8

Posted in Weight Loss DiaBLOG, women, WONDER, tagged accountability, Addiction, Change, diaBLOG, diet, idol, losing weight, myfitnesspal, Old to New, pounds, self confidence, self perception, Struggle, weight, Weight Loss on August 27, 2012| 4 Comments »

Eight weeks in, nine pounds lost. Some goals achieved, and some not so much.

As I look at the image to the right, I feel a bit disappointed. Although at four weeks I was seeing my body changing, I really stagnated at that point, as my weight made a climb up and then back down to where it was again.

But I am not giving up!

In the months to come I will return to the Weight Loss DiaBLOG, but not every week. I will update about every four weeks. Doing this will give me the accountability of a month at a time, and will, hopefully, provide greater changes to report.

I am also planning on sharing pictures of changes, and starting to take measurements, with the hopes that I will be encouraged by changes other than numbers on the scales of doom.

I truly love all of your input. The things that work for you can work for others, and the things that frustrate you also frustrate others. With each email, comment, or note I have gotten I have been encouraged that I am not in this alone, but I am part of a larger group of people who are trying to live differently, healthier.

This week, as I was interacting with another blogger about a topic vastly different from weight loss and exercise, I had a bit of an ‘ah-ha’ moment. We were discussing the things in our lives that we have put ahead of God, or in the place of God, and how we are learning about the rightful place of God above all else. For days now, since that conversation, I have pondered food as an idol in my life.

Food is a need for living. Food is pleasureful. Food requires time planning what to have, preparing it, serving it, eating it (suffering heartburn after eating it, followed by poor sleep). Food is very much a part of our every day. Do I spend too much time thinking about it? Do I finish one meal, and start thinking about, longing for the next? Do I live for it? Is it an idol in my heart, my life?

I may have had a eureka moment with this one. I think I need to keep questioning what height of priority I am giving to this beast, and start eating to meet my needs, and not my wants. This will be a work in progress!

For this first four weeks to come my goals are simply to get back on track with recording my foods eaten, and to get walking on a daily basis. Hold me accountable! If you think of me, send me a note and ask how I’m doing. If you see me, ask me if I walked yet today.

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Art

Posted in GOD, life, tagged art, blogs, create, Cristian Mihai, Matthew 5:13, Passion, salt on August 26, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I recently subscribed to a blog, and it intrigues me.

The way I ‘find’ blogs is that someone will ‘like’ or ‘comment’ or ‘subscribe’ to mine, and so I check it out. Often times I am amazed that a blogger would like one of my posts, either because our posts are so very divergent, or because they are so much more gifted a communicator (and they, unlike me, know how to handle grammar).

This blog simply intrigues me.

I love what the author has to say about our ‘art’ … be it fine art or the art that is our profession (and anything in between).

I was intrigued with the video at the end, and how, in my mind, it could fit with his post … had he added:

“You are the salt of the earth,
but if salt has lost its taste,
how shall its saltiness be restored?
It is no longer good for anything
except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.”
Matthew 5:13

Our art, our passions, our professions are enhanced by the enhancement of the salt that we are through Christ.

Cristianmihai

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Wise Girls

Posted in GOD, life, The Kids, women, WONDER, tagged Boys, communication, Girls, GOD, Little Women, Purpose, sex, Teens, wisdom on August 24, 2012| 4 Comments »

A conversation a long while back still haunts me.

My daughter had the look of one who wanted to spill information that she knew, so we did some errands where we would be driving (nothing like the wheels of a vehicle moving to get a teenager to talk) a significant amount.

It took no time for the story to enfold.

She told me about her friend. Her friend, at the time, was a girl of just fourteen. She had a boyfriend. According to what my daughter said (because she is a question ‘asker’ and she had asked her friend what the two of them talk about together), her friend and the boyfriend didn’t spend much time talking, because there was not much for them to talk about to each other. The two had discussed the details (I guess they found a topic that they wanted to talk about), of when and where they would have sex for the first time. And so, when mom was out, and the house empty, they did IT.

The story does not end there. The next day the daughter asked her mother for oral birth control (I am not sure if she fessed up to mom about her recent sexual explorations). Her mother grounded her for two weeks.

So, now we have a young girl, who is dating a guy who she has nothing to talk about with, who is having sex, who is wise enough to know that birth control is a good idea, whose mother chooses to not only say no to, but, rather than sit down and have an exploratory conversation, grounds her. Yikes! It is the perfect storm of situations!

How is it that, in this day and age, a mother could be so uncommunicative with her daughter? How is it that, in this day and age, a girl could think that having sex with someone who she has nothing to talk about with (other than sex) is a good idea? I keep hearing the voice of the Virginia Slims cigarette ads saying “you’ve come a long way baby” and thinking … really? I keep thinking of the book by Laura Schlessinger “10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives” and thinking … will it ever end?

There is a line that I frequently quote to my daughters, that comes from the classic Louisa May Alcott book, Little Women, “I will not have my daughters being silly about boys.” Although they are fully human young women, I greatly desire that they grow up knowing that their value is not in temporary pursuits (and especially when it comes to young men), but in who God has created them to be, and the purpose and intent He has for their lives, apart from romantic or sexual relationships. They are, indeed, sexual beings, but oh, they are so much more! I truly believe that they must seek God’s best for them, as individuals, before they begin down the path of life with another person, and their life’s direction.

It is with fear and trepidation that I co-parent these two precious ladies … fear and trepidation that brings me to my knees! And that is a good place to be.

While on my knees I pray for openness of communication, and for wisdom to help them grow to be wise.

“I want my daughters to be beautiful, accomplished, and good.
To be admired, loved, and respected.
To have a happy youth, to be well and wisely married,
and to lead useful, pleasant lives,
with as little care and sorrow to try them as God sees fit to send.”
Little Women

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