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Posts Tagged ‘pity party’

I’d had it!20130725-082213.jpg

At the end of a busy, responsibility-laden week, all I wanted was to come home and go to bed, delighted in the fact that the following day was Saturday … no alarm clocks to set!

… but first, to let the beast out to relieve herself so that we could all sleep in peace.

Ah, good intentions …

Our beast is a bit of a … Houdini … she lives to get free. When she is free from the chains that we good, civilized humans have placed on her, she has the most joyful, wonder-filled look on her face, that radiates to the tip of her tail.

At eleven at night, though, her escaping from my hands before the chain got locked onto her collar was anything but joyful or wonder-filled for me.

Typically, when escape has been achieved, she runs herself ragged, and returns after a couple of hours on the lam. It seemed pointless to go hunt the fugitive down, as it was dark, foggy, and there was little concern that she might drive our sleeping neighbors crazy. It also seemed pointless to go to bed, knowing that she would be scratching at the door in a couple of hours.

Well, she did scratch on the prison door … about five in the morning, and less than an hour after I had fallen asleep! As soon as I stumbled, like the middle-aged warden I am, to the door, and she saw me … off she went for round number two!

If you had been in my kitchen you would have heard.

“I hate you!” coming from my pursed lips.

Her ‘game’ was repeated about a half hour later.

I was not impressed!

Finally, I decided to go search for her, in the fog of the dawn. Every time I got close, she sprinted off.

Around nine in the morning, I awoke our daughter, as she has ‘dog whisperer’ tendencies (and because I was just about in tears … not with sorrow, but anger).

I opted for a warm shower, while the dog whisperer did her thing (thanks, in part to the lab next door that she used as bait).

It was there, with the warmth of the water coursing that I had my pity party …

the rough week
the plans that were not going as planned
the struggles in the everyday of life

It was there, in the midst of my pity party, that I blubbered,

“God, you know I can stay positive if I get enough sleep, why did you allow me to lose what I needed most?”

No answer …

Dog found.

Just an hour and a half, after my pity party, I sat in a small church sanctuary, with family and mostly teen friends, of a good friend of my daughter. We were there to witness two young women make their public statement of faith, in following God, through the act of baptism.

To that point, it was the highlight of my twenty-nine hour day!

As the first girl read her testimony (her life story), I got my answer to that blubbery question.

She said, “I need to rely on Jesus more than anything … more than … (pause, as if she didn’t know what to say next) … sleep …”

… more than sleep …

It sort of changed my day, my week, my outlook, my anger. It sort of reminded me of that hymn that says :

“I love thee because
Thou first loved me
And purchased my pardon
On Calvary’s tree”

Maybe the dog should start listening to hymns!

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images-1I HATE waiting!

Convinced that at some point in my life I must have prayed for patience, and God is now cursing blessing me with regular experiences that will test my patience, I now avoid praying for patience, like the plague!

Within our family there are members who are natural tools in God’s hands to do this in my life. ‘Someone’ regularly makes me wait to leave for school/work in the mornings. ‘Someone’ else makes me wait to return borrowed money. ‘Someone’ else makes me wait to return text messages. And ‘someone’ else makes me wait … for everything!

UGH!

Just recently I thought I would explode if I had to wait much longer for something deeply desired, something I felt I deserved, and yet all indicators were that my only guarantee was that I would need to continue waiting, and that there was a good chance that what I was waiting for might not ever be mine in this life.

Anger and bitterness started to really pervade my thoughts.

“But, I deserve this”

“But, I have followed the rules”

“But, but, but …”

As I was having my pity party I kept hearing in my heart, “what is your purpose in life, Carole? To please Me, or to be pleased by others?”

UGH!

How do I respond with “well to be pleased, of course” to one who sacrificed His Son … for me?

And so I was brought back to my purpose, to not just please, but to live for Christ. To love Him, and to love His creatures … even the ones who make me wait!

So, while I wait, through the seasons that might never end in this life,

“I will serve You
I will worship
I will not fade
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
… though it’s not easy …”

“Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.”
Psalm 27:14

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