Struggle | itsawonderfilledlife

Posts Tagged ‘Struggle’

Old to New: The Weight Loss DiaBLOG – Week 5

Posted in Weight Loss DiaBLOG, women, WONDER, tagged accountability, biking, Change, diaBLOG, diet, divided container, losing weight, myfitnesspal, Old to New, pounds, salads, Struggle, Swimming, Texas Caviar, weight, Weight Loss on August 6, 2012| 1 Comment »

Week number four was one of cravings, and week number five was one of temptations!

I have to say I was so very excited by my progress … and a little scared, because vacation was coming, and this vacation location provides breakfasts (with bacon) and dinners created by a creative and talented chef …

I a m s o w e a k . . .

After four weeks of trying to change my habits, it has now become work … hard work! That said, I have still not become faithful with exercise. Oh, I have hopped in the pool, and spent hours walking the aisles of thrift shops, but not so much the daily walks and abdominal exercises.

And that was my goal this past week.

We come to Cannon Beach every summer to attend Cannon Beach Christian Conference Center family camp.

From our room to the famous Haystack Rock (above picture), is about one mile. My goal for the week was to walk there and back at least once every morning (meaning that I could have my bacon, and eat it too).

After two days of two, two-hour walks, I thought I might never walk again. But, alas, the reward of getting my bacon made the gain worth the pain (I only wish they served bacon EVERY day!). I did the walk at least once every day (and twice on about half of the days that we were there) that we were there, and felt great satisfaction for it!

I was also very faithful to myfitnesspal app. Even though there were a few days that I went over my caloric goals (despite my walking), I was still feeling like it was a complete success heath wise. And really the holistic perspective is what it is all about.

I do not have a weight loss update, as I was away from my scales (but feeling no sense of separation anxiety for it) on Friday, so I’ll have until this coming Friday to erase the sins of ~~bacon-filled~~ days past.

Let me know how the summer is making living healthy easier or more difficult.

Week 6

Read Full Post »

Old to New: The Weight Loss DiaBLOG – Week 4

Week number four has been one of … cravings! It all started with hubby bringing home … ice cream (it’s a good thing it wasn’t cookies, or I might have given in).

I tried a recipe for cookies that had no added sugar, butter or eggs.

The ingredient list included:
oats (I love oats),
cocoa (who could say no to cocoa?),
bananas (yum!),
peanut butter (so much for no butter … and peanut butter is divine),
and vanilla.

I was so eager for these little 47 calorie treats!

Unfortunately they were not so tasty. I don’t even think that the Cookie Monster would have enjoyed them! Plus, three days after I made them they started to grow that familiar hairy material known as mold (and I discovered the ‘hair’ AFTER eating one … blech)!

I considered adding an egg and sugar, but figured that would defeat the purpose … back to the drawing board.

Even with the cravings, I still lost THREE more POUNDS!

I have to say I am so very excited by my progress … and a little scared, because vacation is coming, and this vacation location provides breakfasts (with bacon) and dinners created by a creative and talented chef …

I a m s o w e a k !

It is interesting to me that the people who have joined me in going from Old to New, have been so much more successful in their physical activities, and less so on the scales … maybe that is what is hindering me 😉 , I am afraid that if I exercise I will not lose anymore weight? Sounds like another excuse to me.

Oh, hubby did suggest a walk on my favorite trail the other day. It was sunny, it was warm, it was perfect. I am not sure who was grinning more, the beast or me. Unfortunately, the river is high, and the mosquitoes swarmed us as soon as we entered the wooded part of the trail. I thought they were going to literally carry us off. I had not experienced mosquitoes like that since I was a child and our family was on vacation on the Cabot Trail, Nova Scotia. So, our intended hour-long trek lasted only thirty minutes.

And that is my goal this next week.

Week 5

Read Full Post »

Old to New: The Weight Loss DiaBLOG – Week 3

“Another ONE bites the dusk
And another ONE gone, and another ONE gone
Another ONE bites the dust”
(Queen)

After three weeks I am now down six pound.

I have to say I so did not deserve to lose even that one pound this week. My little get-a-way with hubby/wedding celebration of a friend was not so good for the good eating habits I was getting into.

But I did discover a product that I love to have for lunch, that is super nutritious, and delicious. It is called “Texas Caviar” by a company called Pita Pal (who also makes amazing hummus). The following are the nutritional facts for one serving … that is a whopping 3/4 cup! Heck, there are so few calories and fat, go ahead and have a larger serving!

Calories	70	Sodium	330 mg
Total Fat	3 g	Potassium	0 mg
Saturated	0 g	Total Carbs	12 g
Polyunsaturated	0 g	Dietary Fiber	3 g
Monounsaturated	0 g	Sugars	2 g
Trans	0 g	Protein	3 g
Cholesterol	0 mg
Vitamin A	6%	Calcium	2%
Vitamin C	30%	Iron	6%

Ingredients listed on the container are: blackeye peas, bell pepper, jicama, corn, onion, parsley, red pepper, cilantro, orange juice, canola oil, spices, citric acid, sea salt, potassium sorbate and a lot of love!

Now, you might be asking, what is a jicama? Well, it’s picture is to the left, and I would say it looks like a combination between an onion, a potato and a turnip. It’s delightful ‘crunch’ when you bite into it will make you love what little flavor it has.

Back to our progress …

One of you is biking up a storm, but a little disappointed to not be showing much evidence on the scales of doom.
I did a little checking, and biking builds strength and muscle tone, it builds stamina, it improves cardi-vascular fitness, it boosts your metabolic rate, improves coordination (hum, I should take up biking, I am the most clumsy person in the world), it reduces stress, and it provides opportunity to breath fresh air! It does burn calories, so keep it up!

Another of you is a faithful user of http://www.myfitnesspal.com.
YOU are my hero!

Another of you has re-defined fast food.
She uses a divided container like the one on the right, to hold prepared salad fixings, so that when you need fast food, a salad is almost completely ready when you, or one of your kids, opens the refrigerator door! Love it!

Another of you is struggling with eating and all right, and swimming for exercise, but not seeing the evidence on those scales of doom.
Well, do not thing that you are getting nowhere my friend. You are getting healthier, and those benefits are not necessarily seen on the scales! According to Health Canada, your increasingly “healthy habits may help you reduce your risk of obesity, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, certain types of cancer and osteoporosis while providing many benefits such as:

Better overall health
Lower risk of disease
A healthy body weight (it will happen, your metabolism is just hanging on for dear life)
Feeling and looking better
More energy
Stronger muscles and bones”

It looks to me as though living healthier is like an iceberg, much of the benefits are unseen (underwater), we only see the small, slow, numerical effects (above the water). So, do not despair. Besides the fact that your kids can see you living healthier only increases that underwater part … as they have healthier living modeled to them!

Week 4

Read Full Post »

Old to New: The Weight Loss DiaBLOG – Week 2

Posted in Weight Loss DiaBLOG, women, WONDER, tagged 5-minute southwest layered salad, accountability, brain, Change, diaBLOG, diet, losing weight, Old to New, pounds, salads, Struggle, weight, Weight Loss on July 16, 2012| 5 Comments »

I think the greatest asset that I have right now is summer. The weather, and the sense of relaxation simply work in my favor when it comes to eating. I am not nibbling, and have been trying some great meal-sized salad recipes (I’m including one at the end).

So, as week number two closed to an end I hopped on the torture device in my bathroom, and saw that I had lost two more pounds!

How exciting, right? I have to admit I was expecting more. Two pounds just did not seem like much outcome for all the work I had put into it. Visions of the chips hubby brought home, that I only had three of, and of the beautiful cinnamon buns I did not try last weekend, and the chocolate I did not purchase at the store, but SO wanted were floating like sugarplums in my head.

All that sacrifice, and I ONLY lost two pounds!

Then I went back to thinking of my losses as pounds of butter, and added the two to last weeks three and voila, I was feeling so much better about my loss. Down is better than up!

Week number one has now come and gone, and so have three pounds of unnecessary blubber (equal to three pounds of butter)!

I did find that this week I was not so preoccupied with thoughts of food. I was keeping busy with other things, and reveling in the warm summer sun.

So girls, how are you doing? What has been working? What have you been struggling with?

I thought I would share one of those yummy salad recipes that I mentioned. It is so filling, really delicious, quick and my twelve year old son loves it (especially for a small dinner before football practice).

5-Minute Southwest Layered Salad
(from http://www.kraftcanada.com)

Get out a salad bowl and measure into it:

8 C torn romaine lettuce (the recipe says 6C, but I add more)

1-19 fl oz/ 540 ml can of black beans, drained, rinsed

1-12 fl oz/341 mL can corn, drained
OR
1-1/2 C frozen corn, de-frosted in a bowl of warm water, drained

1/2 C salsa (I prefer Mango salsa)

1/2 C Kraft Tex Mex Shredded Cheese

1/2 C cheddar cheese

1/4 C Kraft Rancher’s Choice Dressing (could use lite/low fat)

The recipe also has 1C of broken tortilla chips … add if you like, but I find adding chips to my salad kind of diminishes the purpose of having the salad (plus you would be adding about 140 cal., 18g. carbs., and 7g. fat).

This recipe easy serves four people (that’s including a hungry hubby, and a growing adolescent male). The following is the nutritional ‘stuff’:

309 calories

43g. carbs.

11g. fat

15g. protein

13g. fiber

Not a bad meal, when you are feeling a rumbly in your tumbly, but feel the pressure of the ‘scales of doom’ on your back.

Have a great, active and healthy week!

Week 3

Read Full Post »

Old to New: The Weight Loss DiaBLOG – Week 1

Posted in Weight Loss DiaBLOG, women, WONDER, tagged accountability, brain, Change, diaBLOG, diet, Exercise, My Fitness Pal, Old to New, Struggle, thinking, walking, weight, Weight Loss on July 9, 2012| 3 Comments »

Week number one has now come and gone, and so have three pounds of unnecessary blubber (equal to three pounds of butter)!

It is really near miraculous that I lost anything, as I did not do so well with my goals, but maybe that speaks more to how poorly my eating habits were before this week.

My first two days went very well, as I was busily preparing for our delightful guests, who came to visit. It rained miserably, during their visit, and I failed to be motivated to go outside to walk … sigh! We ate far too well and too often, but exercised our abdominal muscles significantly with joyous laughter.

As anyone who has tried to change any bad habit, the first few days are killer! Not because it is so difficult, but because the habit that you are trying to eliminate, or get a handle on, is all that you seem to be able to think of! I awake and think of food, I eat and think of my next meal. I go to bed, and think about what I want to eat tomorrow!

Habit changing is like an immediate and overwhelming case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder descending upon your brain!

And really, that is the key component of habit changing, the brain. If we can change how we think about food (or cigarettes, or shopping, or whatever our vise may be), we can be victorious over it, rather than it being in control over us.

This week was not a stellar one, for my goals, but, I do believe that I started this process of changing my eating habits in the part of my body that needs to change first and the most, my brain. Although I am dealing with OCD like traits, I am thinking about what I am eating, and that means that I am making conscious choices, and not just letting food ‘happen’.

The goals I had set for myself were:

* get weighed every Friday, and only on Friday
I did it! But oh, how tempting that torture tool (scales) is when I feel like I lost an ounce or two.

* use the “My Fitness Pal” app on my phone (or website My Fitness Pal)
I did use it, but only four of the first seven days … at least two of the days I didn’t use it, it was due to guilt … sigh

* walking
I did not go for one walk … nothing short or long … although I did walk for hours around thrift stores (my friend, who was visiting, loves thrift stores, so we hit just about everyone we could find)

* abdominal exercise
I actually forgot about this goal … but there is always this coming week to get this one rolling!

* accountability
Here I am, letting it all hang out for you to read … you are my accountability partner!

And speaking of accountability partners, let me tell you I was shocked with how many people (women) who have expressed interest in walking this uphill road with me. May our walk be more down than up!

Week 2

Read Full Post »

Old to New: The Weight Loss DiaBLOG

Posted in women, WONDER, tagged accountability, diaBLOG, diet, Exercise, My Fitness Pal, Old to New, Struggle, walking, weight, Weight Loss on July 2, 2012| 10 Comments »

Here we are, Day 1 of the Weight Loss DiaBLOG.

… anyone have some dark chocolate?

Today is not really Day 1, Friday was, but I need to experience it before I write about it, so, here we are at Day 1 +3.

Friday dawned, and I experienced the most dreadful act on Fear Factor, The Diet Episode, I dragged my sorry butt to the scales. What a horrible way to start a day! Rather sadomasochistic if you ask me!

I debated telling you my start weight, but, I know some of you, and the humiliation of having you look at me and guess is bad enough. Once I have lost a few pounds and become more comfortable in my stretched, but shrinking, skin, I will tell you where I started. Suffice it to say, all that had been lost, last year, has been found. And that is a heck of alot of sticks of butter 😦 .

So, here is my plan, so far:

* get weighed every Friday, and only on Friday
(I tend to be addicted to the scales, when trying to lose weight, and I need to work on my obsessive compulsiveness)

* use”My Fitness Pal” app on my phone (or website My Fitness Pal)
(this is NOT an advertisement for the app. I have used it before, and it is an easy way for me to know, not just the calories, but also the nutritional values of the foods I eat. When I use it, I find I will look at the minuscule package of ‘healthy’ cookies for 100 calories, and a large fresh apple for the same, and when I see the nutritional values of each, I make better choices for the health of my body, and not just counting calories).

* walking
(still three bigger (one hour or more) walks each week, preferably on my favorite trail, but added to that, one twenty minute walk each day. The beast is starting to show signs of middle age spread … just don’t tell her I told you, and she could use this too)

* abdominal exercise
(I am still not sure what shape these exercises will eventually take, but my bowl full of jelly must be reigned in. I am starting with twenty-five crunches a morning … before coffee … I need to have incentive)

* accountability
(I am planning one letting it all hang out with you, the reader … heck, I’ve been letting it all hang out visually for all around me for years.)

I am hoping you will interact with me. Tell me about your struggle, your successes, your frustrations. Tell me what works for you, what gets you through the times when the torture device is not moving, or moving in an upwardly direction (I know I will get all sorts of lotions, potions, pills and treatments spam now).

I really want to walk this uphill road with others … I’m gonna need someone to push me to the top!

So, here we go.

Read Full Post »

A Silk Purse from a Sow’s Ear

Posted in life, women, WONDER, tagged accoutability, affirmation, Beauty, Change, fat, Insecure, plan, silk purse from sows ear, skinny jeans, Struggle, support, transparent, weight, Weight Loss, Women on June 29, 2012| 2 Comments »

Earlier this week, when feeling like a pig, I wrote a post that got an unexpected amount of response, and discussion among friends (the Fat came Back).

As I read the comments, and discussed the subject of women (I cannot pretend to understand the mind of a man, on any subject, so, please do not feel terrible excluded guys) and weight, I realized it is such a common issue for most women.

I expect that it comes primarily from the reality that women are extremely conscious of our outward appearance. We are also extremely aware of the affects of the outward appearance of women on men (watch a sporting event on television, and you will wonder if you ever want your sons to be exposed to the advertising that is shown). On top of that, we women are extremely aware of how other women see, and judge us, based on our outward appearance.

If the importance of outward beauty were not in our DNA, we would definitely get the message from when we are just little girls, as our affirmation comes mainly from words such as pretty, cute, or beautiful.

We are so very insecure about how we look!

I think that we are particularly humbled and humiliated with our outward appearance when it is not due to what nature dealt us, but is instead due to overeating, and under-exercising. In a sense (and I speak only for myself here), when the scales are moving in an upwardly direction, I feel that I am wearing my sin, for all to see. For me, it is not a private failure, but a public one.

As I said in the post earlier this week, “the fat came back, not because of stress, but because I lifted my hand to my mouth. It is time for a change!”

So, rather than drown my sorrows in a big bowl of chocolate ice cream, with chocolate sauce and almonds (like I have obviously been doing for far too long), I am ready to make some changes to go from where I am (the old) to where I want to be (the new).

Earlier this week, when speaking with a friend about writing, I was telling her that writing a daily (Monday to Friday) blog, has been what I needed to get into the habit of writing regularly. As I said the words, “it makes me accountable to be consistent” I realized I might have found the way to become consistent in re-losing the fat that I have found.

Although the transparency that this requires makes me shudder in my shoes, I have decided to blog about my “Old to New” walk, every Monday.

I am not sure what form this will take, or how quickly this might bore both you and me, but my skinny jeans (that I have NEVER owned) are calling my name.

More importantly, I have three kids who I want to not just see grow up, but experience a full and active life with.

So, if you can relate to the struggle and frustration that I have shared, I challenge you to join me. I will be getting weighed today (Friday … oh yes, not just starting on a Friday, but, it is a long weekend, the first weekend of the summer, and I have dear friends coming to stay next week … why wait? This mountain of gelatinous material will not be moved all at once), and I will share my plan on Monday, along with successes, and … the rest. Maybe you would like to interact with me (and maybe others)? We can share how we are doing?

Lets turn this old sow into a sleek silk purse!

Read Full Post »

Going Home

Posted in FAMILY, GOD, life, WONDER, tagged adieu, care, Children, good-bye, Homestay, Mother, name, Struggle on June 28, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Today our ‘kids,’ who are not, will go home to their parents, who are, for the summer.

It has been just over ten months since the brother and sister pair moved into our home, our family, our hearts. Even after all that time, I struggle to ‘name’ our relationship.

Hubby and I house them, feed them, drive them here and there. We assist them with homework, with filling out forms, and with understanding life. We sign permission forms and make appointments. We assign chores to them, and speak to them in our firm parent voices. We applaud their successes, we hug them and hear their tales of woe. We attend their school events and sports games. We host their friends, and take them shopping.

But, we are not their parents.

We are a homestay family.

I really struggle to know what our relationship should be called. I really struggle to know how to be a parenting, non-parent.

As a woman who is a mom, I believe they need a daily mom to care for them. I do not just mean to care for their basic physical needs, like food, and shelter. I mean to care for their hearts, their souls and their minds. I believe they need a middle aged woman to say good morning to them, to drive them to school, to scold them when they take too long to get ready in the morning, to ask how their English test was, to watch them play basketball, and drive them to the mall (and shake in my boots as they enter the mall without an adult with them). I believe they need someone to sit on the sofa and watch a movie with, and one to applaud their piano playing, and their math award, and their homemade sushi, and someone to tell them to clean their room. I believe they need a pat on the back, that unimpressed mother ‘look’, and someone to pray with when life just sucks.

Today, as my two children, who are not, head across the world to their mother, who is, I will bid them adieu. In french, a dieu, meaning ‘to God’, commonly translated, I command you to God.

It is in that word, adieu, that I get an understanding of parenting that goes far beyond just my role as a homestay mom. In that one word, I am reminded that whoever God places in our care, whether they be our biological, adopted or ‘borrowed’ children, we are required, and our children benefit most from our giving them back to God.

And, whatever I am to them, and they to me, today my mother heart will bid them a dieu.

Read Full Post »

April Showers …

Posted in canada, GOD, life, WONDER, tagged april showers, depressing, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, may flowers, omni present, rain, Romans 8:38-39, Struggle, The Rainy Day, west coast on May 1, 2012| 2 Comments »

The Rainy Day

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It is spring, and everyone knows that April showers bring May flowers.

Living on the West Coast of Canada, flowers start here in January, and continue until October. Rain also starts in January, and ends … on December 31.

I have strong feelings concerning rain. My feelings towards rain are not innate, I have not always felt this way about rain. My feelings towards rain were not nurtured into me, as I did not grow up hearing negative messages about rain. My feelings concerning rain are situational. I have lived on the ~~Wet~~ West Coast of Canada for almost sixteen years now , and I have developed a strong, well-educated, deeply felt conviction about rain … I HATE it!

Oh, I love the lushness of the flora that I get to see year round. I just do not love it ALL THE TIME. It (rain) has horrible effects on me. I get sleepy, grumpy, dopey, bashful and I feel I need to see the doc (only sneezy and happy are missing from my seven dwarfs of rain … well, when the rain stops, I do get happy … but, I digress).

Rain and I just do not go well together.

But, when the sun comes out, and the puddles dry up, and the flowers open, and I don my open shoes, I forget about the rain that had been dominating my every thought previously. Once the rains are out of sight they are out of my thoughts.

Rain is like struggle to me.

When I struggle, the struggle, and how to alleviate it are paramount in my thoughts. The struggle gets me down. It makes me sleepy, grumpy, dopey, bashful and … I feel the need to talk to my healer, my spiritual ‘doc’. When I struggle, I spend far more time on my knees, asking God for guidance, for wisdom, for healing.

But, when the struggle is over, and the the tears dry up, and my spirit lightens, and my soul takes delight in life again, I forget about the struggle that had been dominating my every thought previously. Once the struggle is out of sight, I forget the healer who accompanied me through the pain.

The healer does not leave me when I am struggling, nor does he leave me when I am through the struggle, and not as reliant on him. He is with me always … like the rains on the west coast. The shadows may at first glance be depressing, but on closer examination, they are evidence of the presence of his light. The cold rain at first glance, may be cold and damp, but on closer examination, they are evidence of the refreshment, the new life that he provides.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39

” … behind the clouds the sun is still shining.”

Read Full Post »

The Hurt and the Healer

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged 2 Corinthians 12, Disappointment, Mercy Me, Pain, Strength in Weakness, Struggle, The Hurt and the Healer on March 19, 2012| Leave a Comment »

As I spoke with a dear friend, my heart was so full of so many contrasting thoughts. She has been going through a really tough time lately. Actually she has been going through a tough time, probably for years. Recently though, her husband left.

We have all been through times when we beat our chests, and moan from a place so deep within us that the moaning is inaudible, except at extreme volumes, in our own ears. We might not have had a husband move out, but we have had our heart so broken that we were not sure how to keep going, how to keep it beating, how to keep breathing … how to stay … alive.

Maybe we were unsure of how to do all of that because we really just wished that our heart WOULD stop beating, that our lungs WOULD stop breathing, that we would no longer be alive. Maybe, our heart was so broken into pieces that we could not imagine going on another day.

I am sure that my friend had felt all of those feelings. I am sure that she has had days when she awoke in the depths of despair, and had no idea of how she would life her head. But, the other day, as I was speaking to her, I was in awe of the woman in front of me. She was hopeful, she was confident, she was ALIVE!

My friend talked of the various ways that God is working in and through this horrible situation she is going through. She talked about how her needs are being met. She talked about how this horrible, awful, hurtful situation has allowed her to know the love of God, and her need for Him only. She talked to me with the most peaceful, beautiful smile on her face, and bright wonder in her eyes.

She brought 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 to life for me:

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
That is why, for Christ’s sake,
I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

She did not say her pain was gone, nor did she tell me that the pain was all worth it. What she did communicate to me, with her hope and with her words and with her outlook on life is that, DESPITE the hurt and pain, she is resting in the strength of someone who can shoulder it for her. And her reliance on that source of strength is empowering her to live life more alive than maybe ever in her life before.