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Technology and Parenting

Posted in FAMILY, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged cell phones, communication, dial up, facebook, google, My Blackberry is not working, One Ronnie, Parenting, technology, texting, Urban Dictionary, Wii, Youtube on September 24, 2012| Leave a Comment »

It is said that parenting has been made more difficult with the rapid advancements in technology and the effects of social media on our children. Certainly that can be the case.

For those of us who are parents of teens, it is nearly impossible to keep up with what is new, what is hip, what our kids are in to.

There is nothing more eye opening for me, as a parent, of how much more quickly the world is changing now, compared to when I was a kid, than explaining to my three kids (ages thirteen, fifteen and twenty):

‘dial up’ … that was the norm only about ten years ago.
life without laptops and cell phones … hubby had his first of each about the year our fifteen year old was born (according to Reuters, May 2012, nearly one quarter of American homes have ditched landlines for cell phones)
life without i Pods or MP3 players … none of which existed until after our fifteen year old was born (over 300 million i Pods sold)
Google was an infant when our thirteen year old was born … it was launched just a month before his birth (it receives almost 1 billion views each month)
life without YouTube … it did not appear until 2005 (it’s most watched video, “Charlie Bit My Finger” received almost 500 million views alone)

Facebook has only been around since 2006 … my children were seven, nine and fourteen when it became available to all with an email address (now about 955 million users)

The world certainly has changed, and it is not stopping. We have a choice, as parents, we can either bury our graying heads in the sand and pretend that it doesn’t affect us OR we can do our best to understand the world which our children are immersed in.

For me, it was an easy choice, because if I turn my back on the language of my children today, how will we communicate tomorrow? My children have grown up with talk of gigabytes, tweeting and social media. It is, in all practicality, their first language. And if I have hope of continuing in communication, I feel it is easier for me to climb the learning curve, and learn enough that I can walk them through this technological road.

I have not only three children, but also two ‘friends’ on Facebook (one is not yet thirteen, and, since it is the Facebook policy that you need to be thirteen to have an account, he is still waiting). It is here that I can be familiar with who their friends are, how they are conversing, and the ups and downs of their circles. This is not information that I am ‘sneaking’ as my kids know that I am interested in their lives, and in the lives of their friends (many of whom are also my ‘friends’). They do tell me not to ‘like’ every picture they post, because that’s “just creepy,” so I am learning how to navigate this new world from them too!

I am not saying I always agree with all that is new, or the intrusions that technology creates in our lives. I most certainly see foundational flaws to social media as a main use of communication in our world. I see the need for a Miss. Manners in the form of a Wii character, to watch over and instruct the users of the world wide web. I have struggled through terminology that is new (most of which are acronyms) and foreign to my ears. I sometimes wonder if in the future the acronyms we now use in texting will become the words of Webster’s Dictionary. Or that Webster’s will be replaced by Urban Dictionary. I have also found sites visited by my kids that, in the words of my grandmother, make my eyeballs curl.

But, each setback is also an opportunity to teach and to learn, and for me and my kids, we are doing it together, bumps and bruises alike.

For those of us of a more archaic age, the video below might put a smile on your faces, like it did my kids and I:

In our house, it has happened that all five of us are home, even in the same room, having a conversation by texting. It may sound rather ridiculous, but hubby and I figure it is good for a laugh, and helps us maintain uniqueness as a family. We have even been talking about having a dinner where we all communicate via text through the entire meal. We are all about memory making, and hey, the family that texts together, stays together 😉 !

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Imagining the Future

Posted in FAMILY, life, The Beast, The Hubby, The Kids, WONDER, tagged blessed, Busy, Dreams, empty house, Home Alone, imagining, Kids, Lonely, the future on September 14, 2012| 3 Comments »

Hubby and I have been married for almost an eternity and we share three children … ages almost twenty, fifteen and a half and almost thirteen (funny … almost and halves are never added to the ages of parents … I, for instance, am thirty-nine … with ~~three~~ four years experience).

Just a few weeks ago we said farewell to our eldest for a semester at an East Coast University. Our youngest daughter entered grade ten, and our youngest is in his last year of Middle School.

For the past couple of summers I have had moments when I can see into the future.

Our home would frequently be vacated by our kids. Dinners in the summer are often just three of us, or, if we are lucky, two. Those times when it is just us two, we feel are treats, and we enjoy the peace and quiet that our kid’s busy social lives allow.

But, peace and quiet, as delightful as it is once in a while, reminds me that it is coming in a more regular fashion, and very soon. These moments of alone time for hubby and I remind me that soon it will be hubby and I more often than not. That the laundry will not take all Saturday. That dinner out will not be Subway. That grocery shopping will be a short stop rather than an evening affair. That my vehicle will not be a minivan, and it will not go through fuel like that of a taxi.

Recently, when the house was empty, except for hubby and I, I just sat and imagined all that extra time to do as I pleased. Hubby was tapping away at his laptop, watching something on television. The beast was having her after-dinner nap. And, I was still and imagined.

I did not like what I was imagining, because it seemed so very … quiet.

As I sat, imagining, I realized that this phase of life is the one I dreamed of most, back when it was just hubby and I, dreaming together of what our future would be. I have never been a ‘baby person,’ although I loved our kids as babies. I always dreamed of having a house full of adolescents and teens, filling our house, and my days, with noise, and laughter and the challenges of growing up. I imagined just what I have, right now.

How blessed I am to have this dream fulfilled. And how blessed I am that God whispered in my ear, to be still, so that I didn’t wish this most desired phase of life to be over without fully immersing my heart into it.

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The View

Posted in life, Nature/Creation, The Kids, WONDER, tagged aesthetics, Beauty, blinded, educational assistant, Faith, Football, Hope, obstructed, the view on September 11, 2012| 1 Comment »

As we drove down the road that we do not often drive, I spotted a new home still being constructed. Situated on top of hill, it had a perfect view of the reflected setting sun upon Washington’s Mount Baker. “Oh, what a perfect view I said to my husband,” and barely before I finished my declaration, from the back of the van, my son said, “that house has a perfect view.”

Hubby and I looked at each other, laughed, then shared my similar comment with the occupant of the rear of the vehicle. Then my son and I decided that if the two of us were to build a home, our first priority would be the view.

As I ponder that moment in time, I see similar characteristics in my son and I. We long for beauty, we are aesthetically needy individuals. We desire to have an appealing view in our life, and to be looking toward something that pleases our eyes.

I also see in this similarity, how this characteristic we share, is contrary to my son’s position in football. You see my son plays defense, and when you play defense your job is to hit, to tackle, to do anything possible to ensure that the opposing team is prevented from completing their intended play, and advancing towards the goal posts. When you play defense you have your back to the view that is the goal of your opponents. You are, in essence, trying to alter the view of the game, by changing the direction that the ball is going.

I also see that this characteristic we share is contrary to my position at work. I work as an Educational Assistant in a high school. I work with students who have diagnosable struggles to accomplish their school work. When you work in this field your job is to unlock doors you do not see to rooms of gifts and abilities that may or may not exist. I constantly work with my eyes blindfolded to how far this student will go, I cannot fathom the view that is the potential.

Despite how blinded to where we are going, what my son and I share is a focus on a view that we both know exists, despite our inability to see it while we are doing our jobs, focusing on our tasks, living our day. We are able to do this because we know the view is out there, and we know that it is beautiful beyond our imaginations. So, we soldier on with the anticipation of what is to come.

This is the Christian experience of daily living. God has given us a view of not just eternity, but of a life lived with Him. It is beautiful beyond our imaginations. And, despite the fact that our view is obstructed by the realities of living in a sin-filled world, despite the fact that it sometimes seems as though we are blinded to the future. Despite the fact that it sometimes seems as though our view is behind us, our faith in the existence of what is to come, and of the beauty that awaits, motivates us to soldier on, in anticipation of the view to come.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1

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Survived

Posted in life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged christmas, goals, laundry, lunches, new school year, routines, School, summer break, survival, survived the first week, Thanksgiving on September 7, 2012| 8 Comments »

So, that 6am sky is darker, and the air is chillier when I let the Beast out for her morning ablutions. The bags under my eyes are baggier and my coffee need greater. The laundry basket is fuller and the refrigerator is emptier. The energy is s o m u c h l o w e r and the to do list is so much longer.

The fall routines of back to school have begun, from earlier wake ups, to lunch making, to mounds of laundry (what exactly does everyone wear in the summer that causes the amount of laundry to double once school starts?), and now we are all eagerly awaiting the best part of the first week of school … the weekend!

When students and school staff walk out of the school doors this afternoon, when moms and dads bring their minivans full of childhood or adolescent bodies home, when parents park their vehicles on Friday evening, a sigh of relief will echo across the land.

This afternoon marks the end of making lunches (and driving them to school midday when they call to tell you they forgot it at home), the end of early mornings, the end of papers to sign, and an opportunity to relax and take a breath from the marathon that is the first week of school.

Truly, if we still have the energy and ability to read this post, lift our delivery pizza to our mouths, and flip the TV channels we can say that we have survived. I’m not talking thriving, just surviving!

The newness of pencils and papers, shiny running shoes, and finding out who the teachers are for the year have all come and gone, and next week it’s all just the regular routine. And, I have to admit, I like it. I fall into this routine so quickly, so easily, so naturally. It has been the routine of my life, minus my baby birthing and rearing season of life.

After all, a school year allows you to make countdowns …

only eighteen school days until Thanksgiving weekend
only fifteen weeks until Christmas break
only nine and a half months until summer break …

What can I say, goals are one of the keys to survival!

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Because I Can

Posted in life, The Hubby, The Kids, WONDER, tagged because I can, Freedom, last day, making bed, out for dinner, preparing, prepping, School, Summer, summer break, swim on September 3, 2012| Leave a Comment »

As the sun rises (later than back in June … another sign of the impending doom of tomorrow) on this last day before the start of the new school year, GO BACK TO BED! This is IT! The last chance to sleep in for a very long time. Start enjoying the last day, by sleeping in.

I am one of those people who preps and prepares for things rather early. For instance my school supplies were all purchased by the first week of August (I buy most things throughout the year, and stockpile them). Unfortunately, I also mentally prep and plan, and that results in me fretting and fearing for days before an event.

Not this year! Nope! After I have slept in (which sadly means some time after seven but before eight), I will have coffee, on the patio … because I can!

And that will be my motto for the day, because I can.

I man not make my bed, because I can.

I may not get dressed until noon, and it might be from my pj’s to my bathing suit. Maybe I will take a mid day dip, because I can!

I may not cook (okay, my family would say that is nothing new, for this summer, but hey, they say grazing is healthier, right?), but instead have “get it yourself meals” (I personally love this kind of meal).

I may crawl back in my bed in the afternoon and read a book, or write a blog post, or have a nap … because I can!

I may invite hubby to take me out to dinner, because I can.

I may take a walk, because I can.

I may make s’mores on the gas fire-pit, with the family, BEFORE the sun sets, because I can!

I may watch a comedy in the evening that brings me close to peeing my pants, because I can!

I may, I may, I may … because this is the last day of summer vacation, and I can!

Besides, tomorrow morning, when the kids and I drag out butts from our beds and get ready for school/work, my dear hubby will be dancing around the house singing with the guy in the commercial below, because it is his last day of vacation … and he can.

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No Tears for this Ending

Posted in GOD, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged adieu, beginning, Daughter, endings, fragile as a dream, giving your life to Jesus, GOD, Graduation, leaving, Letting Go, life is fragile, path less traveled, something to live for, stories be whispered, Tears on August 31, 2012| 2 Comments »

Today I write to, and about our oldest daughter, who is embarking on an adventure away from us. It is not the first, nor will it be the last … but there are no tears.

I have often been teased (goodhearted) about not shedding a tear at her high school graduation. Really, although proud of the hard work she did, graduating was not an academic struggle for her. Oh, she worked her tail off, but graduating was never in doubt for her.

As she prepares, and boards the plane tomorrow for the East Coast (a reversal of her parents from their Easterly homes, to our present Western one), not a tear will be shed. Oh, she has worked hard all summer, some weeks working twelve hour days, but she is going on to a new adventure, one that will include extended family who she has never had the benefit of daily contact.

Over the years, though, there have been tears …

“Let my stories be whispered”

From when you were just a young child, I have been learning to lay you back into the hands of your Creator (A Most Desired Child). This lesson will continue to my dying day, and with many tears.

“I took the path less traveled on”

I remember a few years back, when you decided to go on a mission trip with your church youth group to Tijuana, Mexico. I was so excited for you to have that adventure, to help orphaned children and for you to see how God might use the gifts and talents He has given you.

But …

I was scared you would be murdered or raped or traumatized or kidnapped. So, I drove you to that train station in Seattle. I tried to absorb every last moment with you, fearing it might be our last. I hugged you, told you I loved you. Then I had to watch you walk … away … staying strong. Until I walked from the station, with tears streaming down my face … asking God to go with you.

And then when you told me, just a year ago, of your desire to go to India, to work with the children of Calcutta. I listened to your dreams, asked the right questions. But, when I was alone, the tears streamed down my face, as I asked God to give me the strength to let you live your life. And, one day, I will stand at the airport, holding you and telling you I love you, uttering best wishes, and watch you walk away to board your flight that will take you to the mission of Mother Teressa and the Sisters of Charity, and tears will stream down my face, as I ask God to go with you.

“this life is as fragile as a dream”

That night in April, of 2008, was a night that God tested me. As I stood at the back of a church, knowing only that you were in there, somewhere, after the floor of the church had collapsed (Starfield Concert). After the frantic search, the long drive home, the holding you in bed … I collapsed on my knees and thanked God for giving you to me for another day … and the tears were streaming down my face.

“Cause in this life you must find something to live for”

When you were only three, I remember your voice, as we both knelt at your bed, and you prayed to give your heart to Jesus. I remember feeling such privilege to be there to kneel on that holy ground with you … and the tears were streaming down my face.

And, He goes with you now. You ‘know’ all that that means … and He is something to live for. I need to shed no tears, because this is a new beginning, and He goes with you.

Go with God … or, as they might say in the East, adieu ma fille chérie.

“I’ve always heard, every ending is also a beginning, we just don’t know it at the time … I’d like to believe that’s true.”

This is what we raise our children for …

I think, my firstborn daughter, that you can read between the lines here … think of it as my melody for you these next months. (and there was the shedding of tears in the writing of this post … but they were, selfishly, for my loss in the ending of this phase).

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Cinderella for Sons?

Posted in FAMILY, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged CFL, Children, Cinderella, dance, Football, Growing Up, Son, Steven Curtis Chapman, youth on August 30, 2012| Leave a Comment »

A few years back singer, songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman invited us into his heart with his song Cinderella, inspired by his daughters. The song wooed all of us with daughters, into thoughts of our own little girls growing up so quickly, stepping from one stage of life to the next so very quickly, and reminding us all to take the time and opportunities when they are young to dance with our little girls.

But what about our boys, our sons? I know of one, almost thirteen year old son who would NOT have any interest in dancing around the room with his mother, to a song about Cinderella!

So, as I drove down the road, listening to the Cinderella song, I wondered what is the male equivalent of dancing with Cinderella, for my son? So, I looked at the lyrics to the song, and did some personalized editing 😉 …

He spins and he sways
To each play his coach says
Giving all to the football world
And I’m sitting here fretting
With the fear of him being hurt, on my shoulders

It’s been a long day
And there’s still laundry to do
He’s pulling at me
Saying “Mom, I need you

There’s a game at the field
And I’ve been practicing
And I need to know that you’re in the stands
Oh, please, Mom, please?”

So I will watch every minor football game
While he is still on the field
‘Cause I know something the coach doesn’t know
Oh, I will watch every football game
I don’t want to miss even one play
‘Cause all too soon the whistle will be blown
And he’ll be gone…

He says they’re all nice guys they just fake the frowns
He tells me his improved tackles mean more touchdowns
He says, “Mom, the game is just one week away
And I need you to make more pasta
Oh, please, Mom, please?”

He will be gone

Well, he came home today with a dream in his head
Just glowing and telling us the CFL is where he will head
He says, “Mom, the league is still years away
But I need to practice my hitting
Oh, please, Mom, please?”

So, that is my ode to Cinderella, for my son, because soon he’ll be gone …

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My List

Posted in FAMILY, life, The Hubby, The Kids, WONDER, tagged Accomplishment, Disappointments, FAMILY, goals, list, Memories, running out of time, School, Summer, Surprises, to do on August 28, 2012| 2 Comments »

Summer cannot be almost over! My list is not complete!

It has been such a great summer break, and I have been so thankful for each and every day of it. But some of the most important things I wanted from this summer just didn’t happen, and so I think I need to request another couple of weeks. Where do I go to make my request?

Next week it is back to school for our kids (I ‘got’ to return this week), and back to routine, routine, routine.

Here are my top ten unfinished goals of the summer …

10. Have an adventure with our kids
9. Lose 25 pounds by start of school
8. Move stone from side drive (where it has been since early June … sigh)
7. Finish reno. on stairs (a blog post is coming on this one)
6. Finish closet reno. (a blog post is coming on this one too)
5. Replace the roof on my garden shed
4. Walk daily
3. Finish writing and editing book
2. Teach my son to ride a bike (not his goal, but mine)
1. A two to three day trip to a really nice place, with my guy

Sigh …

It was so depressing to get ready for work yesterday, knowing that the above things did not get done. Most I can ignore, but some have been hanging over my head for years, and one or two are simply things that I humanly so wanted to do/accomplish.

But, here we are, getting ready for the end of summer break, and the beginning of a new school year. Purchasing new clothes, new shoes and school supplies that will, in no time at all, be marked on, torn, outgrown and faded … just like this summer.

Oh, but what memories!

10. A day at the PNE (Pacific National Exhibition) with the family
9. A couple of nights with hubby while he did a wedding
8. A pool party with about seventy people from church
7. Lunch with my oldest daughter
6. Shopping with my youngest daughter
5. Sushi dates with my son
4. Projects that got started … oh how they filled my creative side!
3. Cannon Beach … ahhhhhh
2. Watching the sky for shooting stars
1. Making s’mores on the gas firepit night after night, as we talked, giggled and spent time … together

And now, what is to come?

I have learned that it is best to not approach a new school year with any expectations. Instead I simply enter in, and work to be open to whatever it might bring. And, ten months from now, I will end the year with a top ten of surprises, and a new summer list!

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Wise Girls

Posted in GOD, life, The Kids, women, WONDER, tagged Boys, communication, Girls, GOD, Little Women, Purpose, sex, Teens, wisdom on August 24, 2012| 4 Comments »

A conversation a long while back still haunts me.

My daughter had the look of one who wanted to spill information that she knew, so we did some errands where we would be driving (nothing like the wheels of a vehicle moving to get a teenager to talk) a significant amount.

It took no time for the story to enfold.

She told me about her friend. Her friend, at the time, was a girl of just fourteen. She had a boyfriend. According to what my daughter said (because she is a question ‘asker’ and she had asked her friend what the two of them talk about together), her friend and the boyfriend didn’t spend much time talking, because there was not much for them to talk about to each other. The two had discussed the details (I guess they found a topic that they wanted to talk about), of when and where they would have sex for the first time. And so, when mom was out, and the house empty, they did IT.

The story does not end there. The next day the daughter asked her mother for oral birth control (I am not sure if she fessed up to mom about her recent sexual explorations). Her mother grounded her for two weeks.

So, now we have a young girl, who is dating a guy who she has nothing to talk about with, who is having sex, who is wise enough to know that birth control is a good idea, whose mother chooses to not only say no to, but, rather than sit down and have an exploratory conversation, grounds her. Yikes! It is the perfect storm of situations!

How is it that, in this day and age, a mother could be so uncommunicative with her daughter? How is it that, in this day and age, a girl could think that having sex with someone who she has nothing to talk about with (other than sex) is a good idea? I keep hearing the voice of the Virginia Slims cigarette ads saying “you’ve come a long way baby” and thinking … really? I keep thinking of the book by Laura Schlessinger “10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives” and thinking … will it ever end?

There is a line that I frequently quote to my daughters, that comes from the classic Louisa May Alcott book, Little Women, “I will not have my daughters being silly about boys.” Although they are fully human young women, I greatly desire that they grow up knowing that their value is not in temporary pursuits (and especially when it comes to young men), but in who God has created them to be, and the purpose and intent He has for their lives, apart from romantic or sexual relationships. They are, indeed, sexual beings, but oh, they are so much more! I truly believe that they must seek God’s best for them, as individuals, before they begin down the path of life with another person, and their life’s direction.

It is with fear and trepidation that I co-parent these two precious ladies … fear and trepidation that brings me to my knees! And that is a good place to be.

While on my knees I pray for openness of communication, and for wisdom to help them grow to be wise.

“I want my daughters to be beautiful, accomplished, and good.
To be admired, loved, and respected.
To have a happy youth, to be well and wisely married,
and to lead useful, pleasant lives,
with as little care and sorrow to try them as God sees fit to send.”
Little Women

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A Girl Can Dream, Right?

Posted in life, The Beast, The Hubby, The Kids, WONDER, tagged Alone, as you wish, desire, dream, Gift, Home Alone, Princess Bride, Risky Business, solitary, Tom Cruise on August 23, 2012| 2 Comments »

I have this desire that rarely gets fulfilled, but I dream of often. I awaken, later than normal (meaning pretty much any time after seven in the morning), only to the sound of my Beasty scratching under her ears. There is no hubby snoring away beside me, no teenagers needing a drive anywhere, or help to open the pool. I stretch, and sit on the side of my bed to find a note with my name on my bed table. As I reach to enfold it, the following is written:

We have gone out for the day, the whole day.
We will not call, or text or contact you.
Enjoy this gift of a day to enjoy the quiet of our home,
as you wish,
hubby and the kids

And with the reading of the final line, a realization hits me,

I am home alone …

Hallelujah!

(oh, and did you catch the reference to the Princess Bride? “as you wish” … a little romantic reference always makes me happier).

What happens next is a bit of the Tom Cruise dance from the movie Risky Business, and Kevin from Home Alone eating way too much ice cream.

After the initial euphoria is spent on dancing in my underwear (T. M. I … too much information!) and eating ice cream for breakfast I would spread myself across the sofa and smile my biggest Cheshire Cat smile … and smile a contented sigh.

Hey, it is not that I do not love my family, or that I would wish them away. They are four of the best pieces of my life! It is just that once in a while, the thought of being home alone is simply so very delectable to me. The thought of having every waking hour, all to myself, with no expectations of anyone else, just about makes me want to burst with excitement.

And what would I do with all of those hours alone to myself? Well, after the dancing and eating of ice cream … I would probably write a blog post or two (because I love it) … make my bed (because it is my habit) … clean the bathroom (because it needs to be done) … make cookies (because hubby and the kids would love to come home to them) … finish a project or two (because there is always a project or two that is undone in our home) … and weed the garden (because there is just never any desire to do it when others are home).

Hum, other than the dancing and ice cream eating, it really looks like a pretty normal day … but, I desire it so much!

Hey, a girl can dream, right?!

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